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ufiT

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  1. Dealing with the depression

    Hi Nancy. I am so sorry for your loss. My brother died May 29, 2014 suddenly of an asthma attack and wasn't found for 3 days. I feel so messed up and depressed about it and I really don't know how to cope either. I don't think anything I can say will make you feel better. Meditation is good, but I don't feel like I can do it a the moment. Being around nature is good too. I guess making a deal with yourself that you will do at least one thing a day and then congratulating yourself for mustering up doing that one thing. Even if it is just a walk around the block. If you don't do the one thing you set out to do though, don't be hard on yourself. Just know I am here sending you lots of love. I don't know that anyone has the miracle answer for us.....
  2. Hi.... My only brother suddenly passed away on May 29, 2014 of an asthma attack. I am so grief stricken. I have never felt such unbearable sadness. My brother wasn't found for 3 days. I was living overseas for 13 years and suddenly came back to my hometown 14 months before my brother passed away. He suffered from severe depression and some other issues and I always felt like I was his mother instead of younger sister because I was always the only one that would look after him and be there for him when he was having his episodes. He would also get paranoid and turn against me sometimes. It was really hard, but I love my brother a lot and would always go to help him when he needed it. I went to live with my brother when I moved back to my hometown, but I hadn't seen him for many years and it was really hard for me to see his mental state. I started looking after him again and he got paranoid and thought I was talking about him to everyone (which I wasn't and I am still very hurt about) and he kicked me out a couple of months before he died. Our father was always abusive to us in many ways, but to me he was physically abusive, so my brother hid the fact that I was back in our hometown from the father. The father thought something was wrong and called the police to break into my brother's house and the police found him dead in the bathroom. The father then saw all of my stuff in the front room and realised I had been living there. I found out my brother had died via facebook 5 days after he had died. I couldn't stand the thought of speaking to the father again, so my friedns were mediators. After some of them had spoken to the father, they found out he had a skip bin at my brother's house and was having people go there and throw all of his stuff out. I was furious about that and then had a big battle on my hands. My brother was not a rich man moneywise, but he should not be treated like rubbish to disguard of. I fought for the reposnsibility of going through my brother's things and saving them. The bullying and threatening text messages from the father came non top to my phone at all hours for many days. It made everything so much more painful and I hadn't had to deal with the father for 14 years and it was an extra mental stress I didn't need. My friends took turns helping coming to my brother's house with me and going through his stuff and packing it. That was one of the hardest things Ihave ever had to do and it really took a toll on me. I was so disgusted and hurt to see how much of my brother's stuff had already been thrown out by the orders of the father by people that were not close to my brother and I was also angry there were other people going into my brother's home. I even saw that someone had been through all of my drawers and opened my mail and stolen some of my things. (They are just things, but I felt violated). I just wanted to talk to my brother, for him to tell me he was happy with everything I was doing and to apologise for getting paranoid and kicking me out. I also wanted him there to protect me from the father and to play silly songs to cheer me up like he used to, but that was not possible. I also was not in anyway ready to go to the house where I saw my brother so depressed and where he died alone and wasn't found for 3 days, but I had to do it to protect my brother and his stuff. I feel like the father was trying to anihilate my brother from existance because he didn't think he was worthless and a failure (as the father would always tell us). It was horrible. I am glad I got to salvage most of his stuff with the help of amazing friends! My mother lives overseas too in different countries to what I always have and I had to beg and beg her to come to our hometown after I found out my brother had died. I needed her there and she wasn't going to come. She finally agreed to come, but only for 4 days and I am very hurt by that and very hurt that she didn't ask how I was coping or help me protect my brother and his memory from the father and if I hadn't gotten up the strength to do it. All of his stuff would have ended up in the bin.... A couple of my friends that helped me were saying that if the same thing happened to them, their family would be there helping. I feel so alone in this family. I have come to stay with my mum because i ended up homeless and just can't cope with every day life emotionally at the moment. I really feel like she doesn't care about what I am going through and she is not caring about my brother. She hadn't seen him for 19 years and she just keeps telling me that he had a happy life, but he didn't at all and she doesn't listen or understand how heart wrenching it was for me to see the state my brother was in for years with his depression. I find it really sad that he wasn't found for 3 days too. I am also still hurt by things that my brother said to me when he was having his anger/paranoid attacks. I miss my brother so much and I am sobbing myself to sleep almost every night and my mum doesn't even notice when we are in the same room. When she does notice, she just tells me that it was his time to go and I should be glad he's not in emotional pain anymore and not sick anymore and that I have to let him go. I just want to be abe to talk to my brother and when I say that to my mum she tells me that I still can, but it's not the same..... She is just not understanding or listening to how I am feeling. I knew my brother my whole life, we were very close like twins and we always protected each other from the other family members and I had to look after him for most of his life when I was in the same country. I kind of felt like my brother's sister and mum. My mum just keeps saying I am the strong one in the family and she could have never gone through my brother's stuff and battled with the father to protect my brother's memory and do all of the stuff I did when he died, and she expects me to be doing ok now and feeling strong now. I don't feel strong at all now. I feel like everything is too hard and I just want my mum to act like a mum and be there for me and ask me how I am coping each day. She seems to have accepted my brother's death, but I definitely haven't. I feel such a deep, dark pit of sadness has overcome my whole being and I am totally drowning in it. I feel like a piece of the Earth has disappeared and a part of me died with my brother. Some days, like today, I just can't see the point of me being alive or any reason for my life to go on. I don't feel like I can take this intense sadness... Some people tell me it will get more manageable, some are getting impatient and one even asked me when I am going to get on with my life and stop grieving, which I think is totally crap and unsupportive. It's been less than 4 months and I don't think I will ever "stop grieving". I just think it will change how it makes me feel later. I wish I knew what to do to make it feel more bearable now....... I feel totally lost and never felt such a dark, sad feeling. People tell me I have to be strong for my mother, I have to be strong for my brother because he wouldn't want to see me so upset. That just makes me feel guilty for feeling how I am feeling and I don't feel like I have any strength left in me........ I don't know where to turn to find the answers.......
  3. Hi.... My only brother suddenly passed away on May 29, 2014 of an asthma attack. I am so grief stricken. I have never felt such unbearable sadness. My brother wasn't found for 3 days. I was living overseas for 13 years and suddenly came back to my hometown 14 months before my brother passed away. He suffered from severe depression and some other issues and I always felt like I was his mother instead of younger sister because I was always the only one that would look after him and be there for him when he was having his episodes. He would also get paranoid and turn against me sometimes. It was really hard, but I love my brother a lot and would always go to help him when he needed it. I went to live with my brother when I moved back to my hometown, but I hadn't seen him for many years and it was really hard for me to see his mental state. I started looking after him again and he got paranoid and thought I was talking about him to everyone (which I wasn't and I am still very hurt about) and he kicked me out a couple of months before he died. Our father was always abusive to us in many ways, but to me he was physically abusive, so my brother hid the fact that I was back in our hometown from the father. The father thought something was wrong and called the police to break into my brother's house and the police found him dead in the bathroom. The father then saw all of my stuff in the front room and realised I had been living there. I found out my brother had died via facebook 5 days after he had died. I couldn't stand the thought of speaking to the father again, so my friedns were mediators. After some of them had spoken to the father, they found out he had a skip bin at my brother's house and was having people go there and throw all of his stuff out. I was furious about that and then had a big battle on my hands. My brother was not a rich man moneywise, but he should not be treated like rubbish to disguard of. I fought for the reposnsibility of going through my brother's things and saving them. The bullying and threatening text messages from the father came non top to my phone at all hours for many days. It made everything so much more painful and I hadn't had to deal with the father for 14 years and it was an extra mental stress I didn't need. My friends took turns helping coming to my brother's house with me and going through his stuff and packing it. That was one of the hardest things Ihave ever had to do and it really took a toll on me. I was so disgusted and hurt to see how much of my brother's stuff had already been thrown out by the orders of the father by people that were not close to my brother and I was also angry there were other people going into my brother's home. I even saw that someone had been through all of my drawers and opened my mail and stolen some of my things. (They are just things, but I felt violated). I just wanted to talk to my brother, for him to tell me he was happy with everything I was doing and to apologise for getting paranoid and kicking me out. I also wanted him there to protect me from the father and to play silly songs to cheer me up like he used to, but that was not possible. I also was not in anyway ready to go to the house where I saw my brother so depressed and where he died alone and wasn't found for 3 days, but I had to do it to protect my brother and his stuff. I feel like the father was trying to anihilate my brother from existance because he didn't think he was worthless and a failure (as the father would always tell us). It was horrible. I am glad I got to salvage most of his stuff with the help of amazing friends! My mother lives overseas too in different countries to what I always have and I had to beg and beg her to come to our hometown after I found out my brother had died. I needed her there and she wasn't going to come. She finally agreed to come, but only for 4 days and I am very hurt by that and very hurt that she didn't ask how I was coping or help me protect my brother and his memory from the father and if I hadn't gotten up the strength to do it. All of his stuff would have ended up in the bin.... A couple of my friends that helped me were saying that if the same thing happened to them, their family would be there helping. I feel so alone in this family. I have come to stay with my mum because i ended up homeless and just can't cope with every day life emotionally at the moment. I really feel like she doesn't care about what I am going through and she is not caring about my brother. She hadn't seen him for 19 years and she just keeps telling me that he had a happy life, but he didn't at all and she doesn't listen or understand how heart wrenching it was for me to see the state my brother was in for years with his depression. I find it really sad that he wasn't found for 3 days too. I am also still hurt by things that my brother said to me when he was having his anger/paranoid attacks. I miss my brother so much and I am sobbing myself to sleep almost every night and my mum doesn't even notice when we are in the same room. When she does notice, she just tells me that it was his time to go and I should be glad he's not in emotional pain anymore and not sick anymore and that I have to let him go. I just want to be abe to talk to my brother and when I say that to my mum she tells me that I still can, but it's not the same..... She is just not understanding or listening to how I am feeling. I knew my brother my whole life, we were very close like twins and we always protected each other from the other family members and I had to look after him for most of his life when I was in the same country. I kind of felt like my brother's sister and mum. My mum just keeps saying I am the strong one in the family and she could have never gone through my brother's stuff and battled with the father to protect my brother's memory and do all of the stuff I did when he died, and she expects me to be doing ok now and feeling strong now. I don't feel strong at all now. I feel like everything is too hard and I just want my mum to act like a mum and be there for me and ask me how I am coping each day. She seems to have accepted my brother's death, but I definitely haven't. I feel such a deep, dark pit of sadness has overcome my whole being and I am totally drowning in it. I feel like a piece of the Earth has disappeared and a part of me died with my brother. Some days, like today, I just can't see the point of me being alive or any reason for my life to go on. I don't feel like I can take this intense sadness... Some people tell me it will get more manageable, some are getting impatient and one even asked me when I am going to get on with my life and stop grieving, which I think is totally crap and unsupportive. It's been less than 4 months and I don't think I will ever "stop grieving". I just think it will change how it makes me feel later. I wish I knew what to do to make it feel more bearable now....... I feel totally lost and never felt such a dark, sad feeling. People tell me I have to be strong for my mother, I have to be strong for my brother because he wouldn't want to see me so upset. That just makes me feel guilty for feeling how I am feeling and I don't feel like I have any strength left in me........ I don't know where to turn to find the answers.......
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