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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

merephantom

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Everything posted by merephantom

  1. About 2 years ago my dad had a mild stroke (he has had one before) along with some other issues, gland problem and found some small tumors - they can be removed easily but have grown back). Anyway his confusion and such were getting worse, he seemed to be hallucinating a lot and got really bad last summer, but still remembered a lot and told his old stories. But now we know its dementia and now all he really does is watch dvds of westerns (he never seemed to be into them before). I just visited my parents this past weekend and now its just hitting me. In a way he has died, he isn't the same anymore and never will be. My dad wasn't perfect, he had a horrible temper, was stubborn, but always provided for me and cooked for me. Even when I was older living at home with Social Anxiety. I've always felt like my parents have been the only family I have. I'm not close to my other relatives, except for maybe my youngest sister and after that maybe my middle sister. But they are all I have really. As a loner (that has rarely had any friend as an adult because of shyness and severe social anxiety) this is hurting me, in some ways I think I was scared to move out of my parents house because I knew I would be alone no matter where I went. I've started to build a small meager life in the city I'm in, but its not as strong as I would like it and could fall apart at any moment. What I've feared so long is coming closer and closer to becoming true, losing my parents. They are getting older and so am I. My mom had a stroke last year that made it hard for her to use her right arm and she struggles to speak, she is doing good, but it has affected her. Last night I started crying and really am having a problem stopping now. I'll never have the dad I once did again and I'll be all alone, almost 40, no kids, no friends as an adult except a few brief months every few years, never married, never had a relationship, not close to family, quiet, no social skills, socially inept.
  2. my dad will never be the same

    I was in counseling off and on for 10yrs, I dont plan on that again. I've done support groups and people with bipolar and depression only talk about meds (which I did for 2yrs and do not believe in), plus their stories are nothing like mine. They have lived normal lives, the life of someone with social anxiety is totally different than your regular depressed/bipolar person. Church never helped. I've dont a lot of things to work on my SA and while I've gotten better, I'm still suffering from the fact I don't know what I'm doing. Anyway I just wanted to rant, no one on here will understand extreme social anxiety, its something only people with social anxiety understand. I'm just pissed that I'm losing my dad.
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