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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

BluebellGirl

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  1. Thank you so much for your message Sherry. I can't begin to imagine the pain you are going through. Thank you for taking the time to offer insight as it is something I so want to understand but I know I will never come close to. I can't put myself in his shoes, and wouldn't try to, I can only be there when he needs me and be the space he needs when he needs time alone. His ex partner left a note when she committed suicide asking him to forgive her and placing the burden of what happened on his shoulders. From what I have heard from family and friends she could never bear the thought of anyone else having him. My fear is due to his guilt she will always be a barrier to stop him ever getting close. We have the most loving relationship and he is the most amazing man I have ever met. I hope one day he will see how much happiness he has brought to peoples life's and not blame himself forever for the sadness he could not fix in one persons. He started work with a therapist last week after almost a year of trying to deal with what happened on his own and I know he feels positive about the way that this can help him. I won't ask him about it, I just make sure he knows I'm there if he ever needs to talk. Its the hardest thing seeing someone you love go through the worst pain and know that you are the one person that the subject would be the most difficult to talk about it to. Support from family, friends and people like yourself make each day easier. It's so sad to see the extent of sadness across this site, but so incredibly inspiring to see such a strong community of people working to support one another. Thank you for your reply, and I'm so sorry for your pain. xxxx
  2. Thank you so much for your kind words, I wish I could agree but I feel I have totally failed him at times. I know only few of the facts and its so incredibly confusing for me to try and deal with, over the months I have come to bring in what happened into arguments and in doing so attach all he is dealing with to me and our relationship rather than leaving him to deal with in his own time. The not knowing/understanding all that came before has pushed me to make my own conclusions and in sheer frustration at his denial I have pushed to get more out of him. We reached breaking point last week where he ended everything and said he needed to handle this alone. Only then did i realise how much he was truly going through, and how much I made his grief about me. We've completely opened up to each other since then and I have realised it is not my place. His family his friends and professionals are there to help and listen and advise. My role is to love and support him and be his rock. I wish I had realised this sooner, I wish I had not been so naive to take his denial as genuine feelings. If anyone is reading this in a similar situation, know that no matter how much the pain shows on the surface, its there and never ever undermine that. His happiness means more to me than anything and I cant begin to understand all that he is going through, for the times I have made it harder for him I will never forgive myself, but I will and have learn't. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it means more than you know.
  3. My partner is currently going through a grieving process and undertaking professional help following the suicide of his ex partner. The event happened at the very start of our relationship almost a year ago and he has been in denial and pushed it to one side for some time in order to not have to deal with it. We have been together for a year now and we have both admittedly been in denial as to what happened. He said it wasn't hurting him, or causing him guilt and I was happy to to believe this, but we both knew it wasn't true. Today he will start his first class with a professional to talk through what he is going through. Is anybody going through the same thing? Its the hardest thing to see someone hurt so much and know that I need to give him space and understand its not something he can talk to me about. (Talking about it has caused huge difficulties and at times pushed him to feel that we would need to separate in order for him to deal with it.) More than anything I want him to be happy and deal with all the pain he is feeling, and I want to be there for him when and if he needs me. I can't bear the thought that he could decide that he feels we can no longer be together if he is going to deal with this, I don't want him to push away the people that he loves and who love him unconditionally.
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