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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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canvasbreeze90

Members
  • Content count

    2
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  • Last visited

About canvasbreeze90

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Michigan
  • Interests
    Finding a purpose in life, living it and challenging it. The arts, I am a creative at heart. Interested in 2D Design as a mode to communicate meaningful messages that encourages people to talk, to share their emotions, their stories, etc. I really love artist' books — handmade. Music? I love all sorts, even country :) Food? I love food too, I really love to make family recipes and sharing those...mmmm! Being healthy, holistically. Crystal healing and spirituality. Connecting to people :)
  • Loss Type
    Mom and Dad, Brother, Grandma

Converted

  • Occupation
    Student (MFA candidate, 2D Design), Freelance Designer, Writer
  • Last Name
    Walker
  • First Name
    Danelle
  • Country
    U.S.
  1. Frustrated with too much loss

    Thanks Laurie for your reply, I truly appreciate your kind words of encouragement and resources. I am checking out counselors and support groups in my area. It's kind of hard, I'm away at grad school for the moment...my schedule is so busy! But with this recent loss (my grandma)...I definitely realize that I need some major help. I hope all is well with you and your daughter. Sending love and warmth
  2. Trying to upload my profile pic from ipad, but photos are too large. Gahghbn!

  3. I don't know where to start but I do know that I need to get a lot off my chest. I need help. I am currently in grad school at the moment. Just last week I had to return to my hometown to say my goodbyes to my grandma who passed a week before that. Her and I became absolutely close during my years at college. The reason why? I had lost my mom (her daughter) during my senior year of high-school to lung cancer. My dad died during my senior year at my undergrad, and my brother one month after graduation. I am utterly at lost here, being that these were the only people who I was really close to. I have older siblings, two sisters. But, I have never been able to get along with them as they are excessively jealous, dangerous, and angry all the time. My mom and my grandma trusted my sisters to do the right thing, to help them in their time of need...but they didn't want to. My oldest sister physically fought my mom and disrespected her all the time, made my mom pay her to take her to her chemo sessions or to the hospital. This sister did the same thing to my grandma as well. My other sister was granted power of attorney over my grandma, but she had never been concerned with my grandma's health until then. In fact, she always talked about how she couldn't wait for my gma to die so that she could move on with her life. Now mind you, both sisters don't have any income...jobs or that matter, but they we're very successful in the past. I am the only one that has graduated from college and gone to graduate school. My sisters have been angry at me for this reason, because they feel that they had given their lives away to raise their kids and to help my mom and grandma out. They also grew very resentful of having to care for my disabled brother who passed. However, I just remember growing up....that my mom did all of the the work by herself...My siblings are much older than me by the way, by twenty...thirty years. I could understand their anger in that regards, but I have been feeling quite alone in this journey through grief and loss. My sister who was granted POA blocked me from seeing my grandma while she was in the hospital, she didn't include me in making any of the funeral arrangements and so forth. A bunch of crazy, petty mess. I decided to attend my grandma's viewing instead of the funeral, because I wanted my time to say goodbye to her to be special. I wrote her a very long letter about my favorite memories together, my frustrations with not getting a chance to see her, and all of these things. I left behind two rings and a handmade bracelet that she liked of mine. I don't know....I'm just feeling angry and disappointed in this situation, feeling that it's not fair that I won't get the chance to talk with my parents, my brother, or my gma anymore. I feel hopeless, empty, and just emotionless? I am angry at my family for abusing my mom and my grandma (physically, mentally, and verbally) I am angry for having to watch this vicious cycle unfold for my entire life. I am angry that I could not do anything to help solve the situation, or to find the courage to speak up when things weren't right. I will write more, but this is enough.
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