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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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Freegirl

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  • Content count

    20
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About Freegirl

  • Rank
    Member
  • Birthday 03/23/1989

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    USA
  • Interests
    Fishing, hunting, hiking, dancing, shootin' pool, playing cards with friends, long walks on the beach.
  • Loss Type
    Loss of a Child

Converted

  • Occupation
    Babysitter
  • Interests
    Free Spirit
  • Last Name
    Ridge
  • First Name
    Angela
  • Zip
    74426
  • About Me
    I have an old soul, I am in the process of setting my spirit free. It has been a long vigorous process, but day by day I can feel my soul dancing, lauging, and once again able to dream.. Where to begin...I guess I should start with my childhood. I was raised until the age of 9 by my mother Donna. My time there was both happy and sad. Around the age of 5 she began to date this man named Danny. Danny was a big man, 6'5", easy 250, solid muscle and a mean drunk. My mother is a small person like myself. She is 5'5" about 120 lbs. As the months past Danny started to beat my mother. At first it was on the weekends, then it gradually moved to daily beatings. Her face would be blue. purple and green. Just as it would begin to heal he would beat her again. She filed several restraining orders on him, but never stuck to them. She would always let him back in the house and into our lives. A couple months after I turned 9 I made a phone call, a pivital point in my life. I called my Aunt and Uncle and asked if I could stay a few weeks during the coming summer. The accepted. I packed my suite case with all my belongs, which wasn't much, and moved out into the country. This issue was never brought to light about me moving back to mom's. I enrolled in a different school for my fourth grade year and time began to pass. I saw my mom at church and family gatherings, but that was it. I refused to step foot back into that house. Danny was still there and I wanted nothing to do with him. From there I started high school. I was a scholastic student, school came easy for me. I had several friends, all in different clicks and walks of life. One in particular, Ben, was my closet guy friend. We really understood eachother. My senior year him and Jerod and I spent a lot of time together. My Aunt taught school there and knew him. She didn't like him, so therefore I wasn't allowed to spend any time with him outside of school. About a week before I graduated I drove out to Ben's house to hang with him and Jerod. I was only there for a few minutes. I was on a curfew...and not supposed to be there. I hauled ass back to town. On my way I totalled my car. I hit a gravel road going apporx. 85mph. Ben and Jerod were the first ones there. Shortly after my Uncle showed up flamming pissed. Ben offered to help and my Uncle told him "You've done enough already" That night I wasn't allowed to come home, I was forced to sleep at grandma's. It was a rough night. The very next week Ben was killed in a car wreck. He had a blow out on the hyw. I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing. I immediately began to weep. I had just lost the only person that truely understood me. That weekend to follow was awful. I went to church Sunday morning and could do nothing but cry...All the time I had known Ben I had never asked him if he believed in God. I thought that I would never see him again...That was the terrible reality that I was facing. I went to his funeral which was held at the high school. The Auditorium was packed. It was there that I was informed of Ben's desire to be a preacher. I never knew...That night I had a dream, he was there. He was sitting on a cloud above me. Jerod and I were in a boat on the lake. Ben didn't say anything, but light was shinning all around him. That was when I knew that he was okay. That summer was hard. I formed some new friendships and life went on. I enrolled in college at a two year school close by. I moved into the dorms. Things went well for a while. I was having a great time with my roomates, two of which I went to school with before. I met a boy and we really hit it off. I became pregnant that October. The first word out of his mouth was abortion. He said I will pay for it and give you five grand cash! I said hell no, and made plans to leave town. I moved to the city and met with an adoption agency. I was not ready to be a mother, a single mother especially. His family had money too and they would have taken her from me if I had tried to keep her. So the best option was adoption. I still feel solid about my decision. I had my daughter in July and got married in December to my high school sweet heart. That was a terrible decision...He was a lazy slob and lost his job. I was working two jobs just to pay rent and put food on the table. After eleven months I had had enough. I calld my Uncle and told him that I wanted to leave. I had been calling a few weeks before this telling them how unhappy I was. He said for me to pack my things and he would be there that Saturday with a trailer. The Saturday happend to fall on my ex-husbands birthday. Ha! I moved back home for a while then got back on my feet...well sorta...I met another guy and moved out. His name was Kenneth. He was a good man, but was an alcoholic. He was not a violent drunk, but still. We dated for two years. It was this time stretch that I lost touch with my daughter and her family. They found out who I was choosing to hang around and they cut ties. I was drinking and doing several drugs. Thank God I never became addicted to anything. There were some good times too during this stretch of two years. Kenneth and I back packed the entire state of California. That was a ton of fun...at age 20. There are several things that I have left out, it is just so much to type...I am going to skip forward a few years to the present. About 3 weeks ago I found out that my biological Father passed away in 2008. He died in prision. I never knew him, he was a thief and was locked up my entire life. I am not sure how I feel about any of that. I am sure one day I will grieve his death, but right now I am confused and numb. I am at a good point in my life now. I have benn steadily working as a full time baby sitter. I live with my grandma. I still talk to my mom. I have a wonderful boyfriend that has a similar past...with his daughter and failed marriage. I am feeling optimistic about the future :) I hope you made to this point in my bio. It is a lot to process and quite depressing. Thanks for reading!!! -Freegirl
  1. Satan's Spawn

    Well a lot has changed since I posted this. My aunt has come around. She said she loves me and she told me she was sorry! I am happy!!! Answered prayer Namaste Freegirl
  2. Birthday Camping

    Spring Break 2014
  3. My mother and I

    From the album Birthday Camping

  4. My good friend didn't talk to me on my Birthday yesterday...makes me kinda sad :(

    1. Freegirl

      Freegirl

      Well, not to be offensive....it wasn't you :) I'm sorry to hear about the girl issues. Any better today?

  5. Thank you so much! I know that he cared about me. I miss him terribly... Freegirl
  6. Where is everyone at today???

  7. Satan's Spawn

    This weekend I was supposed to receive the torch of a family recipe. My aunt learned a German dish, called "Rolling." It is a noodle and potato dish. I have been asking to learn it. She is the only one of 4 kids that knows how to make it. I have been trying for several years to schedule a time to learn. She refuses to make time. I'm almost to the point where I just tell her I do not want to learn how to make it. Let everything that reminds me of her die with her. I have a younger brother, but he has no desire to cook or to learn how. I wash my hands of this. I am done. Freegirl
  8. I met my father one time, I was 3yrs old, he was in prison. I have some memory of that day. I remember his laugh and his short black curly hair. The only pictures I have of him are mug shots. I found out thru my psychic that he would die before I would meet him, this was in 2010. This past February I did an online search and found out that he had died in 2008 in prison. Now that I've seen pictures of his tombstone and his mug shot next to it, it feels heavy an surreal. I was in denial before, but now the evidence is too thick. I have deep dormant feelings for him. This man helped create me. I love him, even though I did not know him. A wave of emotions came over me yesterday. I felt like my body was full of lead. I crawled into a ball on the couch, snuggled in my boyfriends arms, and I weeped. I yearned for my dead father. This was the first time I have cried for him. It is a deep pain that I feel inside my soul. He is buried in the prison cemetery. It is close by, but I can only visit by appointment only. Someday soon I will put flowers on his grave. Freegirl
  9. Stabbed in thee back.

    I am dating a wonderful man. He is everything I ever wished for as a little girl. My price charming. Three and a half years ago he toured in Afghanistan for a six month period. He doesn't talk about it, most vets don't. This was in 2010. Earlier in 2007 he married a girl several years younger than him. They had a child together. Brooke was 18 months when her daddy went to fight for our freedom. He came back in August 2010. Brooke turned 2 the first week of August, but he was still over seas. He got back on his birthday. His wife unloaded some terrible news onto him. She said I've cheated on you and I'm leaving. I'm taking Brooke with me. Also I'm pregnant.... He had been home for three days and was slammed with this. It nearly broke him. He moved back home and began to look for a different job. He found one in Oklahoma. This is where I meet him. He frequents a local Karaoke bar that I visit a lot. At the time he had a girlfriend so we kept our distance from each other. This was the summer of 2012. That Christmas I vanished. I moved north and west. I ended up on the streets in LA. I came home summer of 2013. I was a recluse for severally months. I reconnected with my friends in a nearby town. This man was still around. As soon as he heard that I was back in town he repeatedly asked about me. I was skeptical at first. I finally met him Christmas 2013. At this point he had experienced a terrible past six months. The girl he was seeing had cheated on him repeatedly. So we were both single, ready to mingle. It has gone well for a while, but now things are getting messy. He hasn't seen his daughter Brooke in a little over 3 years. He pays child support and sends birthday and Christmas presents. But that's it. I keep trying to encourage him to call her, but he won't. He shuts down and clams up. My heart breaks for him. I want to help. I don't know what to do. How can I help him move forward? I feel that it is important for him to have a relationship with his daughter. It's not fair to her that he just disappeared. I can't imagine how she feels. Or how he feels. I am so sad and clueless. Someone please help me. P.s. I have my own wounds as well. Those have been issues for both of us as well. But they are not as much of a concern to me as him and Brooke having a relationship. Thanks Freegirl
  10. I am changed forever, life after death

    My heart aches, but my body is still striving, my heart still beats, my lungs still fill up with air. I am learning to love life, to appreciate the little things.
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    From the album I am changed forever, life after death

    Giant purple orb...not sure who you are, but thank you for watching over me
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