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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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About gardeniadw

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    june 17 2013


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  1. abortion and miscarriage grief

    I lost a first trimester pregnancy and had to have a D&C. The pregnancy was a huge surprise, I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. Even told fertility efforts may not work so I never tried getting pregnant. Those few weeks were full of sickness and tiredness but I was so incredibly hopeful and happy and blessed. I'm still blessed because of a lot of things, and now I know, if I want, I can probably get pregnant again. I can be a mom even if I can't carry a child. But I'm sorry the loss of that pregnancy is just really overwhelming sometimes. The due date is near and i suspect after that, I will have some of the waves of loss start to subside. Recently a friend had an abortion and I feel needs my support but I don't have the "strength." I'm confused about my emotions on her choice and not sure if I feel her situation is a loss or not. I don't want to get a lot of posts about philosophies on abortion, please. Let's leave that for political arenas. I just want to get others' thoughts on dealing with these topics, especially the grieving side of something that others really don't talk about. Miscarriages and abortions aren't really meant for polite conversation and even in my tight-knit family we aren't talking about it. When I brought up the friend's situation, it went really badly so I don't want to talk about it anymore with my loved ones. It's just hard I guess. I don't get how other women deal with these situations, I don't have a lot of close people to me and definitely no one who has gone through this situation. I'm resentful of pregnant women and my friend. Within reason, of course. I feel that resentment come up, dismiss it, and say that they are lucky and send my loving thoughts instead of resentful negative ones. Before the pregnancy, within a few months, my grandparents had died. I'm adding that because I also felt a triumphant feeling when the pregnancy came - it made my family so happy and allowed my mom and sister to focus on something really positive. Then it was quickly gone. Has anyone dealt with this before? Losing a pregnancy while grieving other losses? Facing other people's choices about their pregnancies in the midst of dealing with your loss?