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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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tnwulf0513

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  • Content count

    40
  • Joined

  • Last visited

5 Followers

About tnwulf0513

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 04/13/1950

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Chattanooga TN
  • Interests
    Reading, computer gaming
  • Loss Type
    Wife
  • Angel Date
    8/28/2013

Converted

  • Occupation
    semi retired, WalMart
  • Last Name
    Ford
  • First Name
    Dave
  • Zip
    37411
  1. Widow's brain

    Just so you know.. it affects us guys to. I know exactly what you are talking about. I have also found that my concentration/attention span is in the toilet as well.
  2. Haven't been on here for awhile

    I volunteer one day a week at the local animal shelter walking and playing with the dogs for a couple of hours. Which is fun and rewarding for me. But the volunteer work I love the most is with the local Good Will who have the only facility in the country that trains service dogs for people who are disabled. This is their face book page https://www.facebook.com/Goodwilldogs check it out. it is awesome what these people do. The dogs are donated to disabled people in the area. It takes about 2 years to fully train each dog at a cost of about $25,000 each. (and the help of numerous volunteer handlers/trainers/puppy raisers) Right now I am only getting one day a week while I learn the commands but I hope to be able to get to the point that I can spend 3 or 4 days a week there. (maybe a job (as in paid) if their funding ever reaches that point) My therapist at the VA recommended this program to me and I am so grateful that I lucked into it. It is what started me looking forward to getting up and being anxious for the week to pass so I could get to the next training class. lol After all this rambling my point is to find something you really like to do then check google to see if there is any volunteer opportunities ...
  3. Haven't been on here for awhile

    I also haven't been here for a while (at least to post) and your comments kinda hit home. It is so different for everyone.... for me the volunteer work has helped a lot, put my focus away from my pain to help alleviate someone else's. Also as a matter of fact I do give my pets a hug when the sledgehammer hits my chest. Er.. more like they give me a hug. They know when I am having a bad moment and immediately come over and get in my lap to let me know that things are ok. The little dog is no issue but when a 50lb lab puppy joins in it can be interesting and generally amusing. But it helps, at least for me. Don't misunderstand, I miss Shari and think about her every day. I still have days when the lethargy and depression are so bad I can hardly get out of bed. But those days are getting farther and farther apart. Yes, time does heal, but you have to be proactive and find something of value to you to do to make your life worthwhile again. (my opinion) I think about everyone here and wish there was something I could do or say that would help. Especially for those having the hardest time.
  4. Am I healing or crazy????

    Yes a new "friend" would be nice.
  5. alone: a state of mind?

    Tuesday will be 5 months, It still seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. The feeling of being alone is still soul crushing at times. I now have to face one of my worst fears, which is living the rest of my life alone. Maybe it will make me stronger, maybe it will destroy me. Right now I feel it could go either way. I am trying desperately to find reasons to go on with volunteer work at our local animal shelter and most recently volunteering to help train service dogs for the local Goodwill. But not having her here to share the experiences with in some ways makes the loneliness worse.
  6. I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you! I lost my Shari to very similar circumstances. I was not at home and like you when I got there she was being given cpr and never regained consciousness. I also tell her every day that I love her, and pray every day for god to take care of her. This is a good place, a lot of caring, understanding people. Read through some of the other posts here, it may help you understand that in spite of how you feel, you are not alone! Don't be afraid to cry, consider grief counseling.. This process of grief is different for everyone. The things you are feeling ARE normal, take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if you have to. Do your best to take care of your self!
  7. Lost my husband on Monday...

    I am so sorry for your loss. My wife passed from septic shock following a bout with pneumonia. She was only 56. This is a good site for support and suggestions. as the ladies suggested having someone nearby is a very good idea. We have all been where you are so please don't hesitate to ask for help if you need to.
  8. Poignant Memories

    No, not even close to alone. Shari liked a variety of music and artists. I can't even listen to the radio on the way to and from work because I am afraid one of her "favorite" songs will come on. The tv is the same way. I have trouble finding things to watch because she had so many programs she liked as well as a multitude of programs we watched together.
  9. best wishes for Christmas

    Thank you, and may you find peace in the coming year
  10. Denial

    I hope for you that it will, the loneliness is the hardest thing for me, it is absolutely soul crushing at times even now. I hope you have some family and/or understanding friends who can help with that. I was never one to make friends easily and that is coming back to haunt me now. My family is hundreds of miles away. I can call and/or chat with them pretty much any time of the day or night. But its not the same as having someone nearby who can come over and give you a hug if you need it. Shari was very "touchy" in that she loved to hold hands at every opportunity, insisted on being kissed several times any given day, couldn't fall asleep unless her arm was around me or mine around her. Now that she is gone the lack of physical contact seems to amplify the loneliness.
  11. Denial

    It depends on the person involved. I WAS there, I signed the DNR after the 4th cardiac arrest after the doctor explained to me that over a period of 6 hours almost 2 of them she was getting CPR and chances for survival were almost non existent. In fact I truly believe she was gone after the 2nd arrest, the doctors were just keeping her body functioning. Yet I am having trouble accepting she is gone. That I will never hear her voice again, never hold her hand again, never feel her arms around me again. For me this is a HUGE hurdle that I know I have to get over and will eventually, but not yet.
  12. Despair

    I am so so sorry for your loss.. I can't really give any advice as to how to stop the pain because I am only a little farther down the road than you are and it is still somewhat of a problem for me. I went shopping today (which was something we always did together) and walked around the store in a daze on the edge of tears. Forgot about half the stuff I was going to get. But, no, you are not going crazy, it gets a little more manageable as the days go by. I agree with everyone here, try to find someone to talk to. It will help.
  13. Holidays - the firsts

    Yes I understand the prison/sanctuary.. Almost everything we had was destroyed by the fire and it hurts that I don't even have any of our "stuff" .. Just a place to hide. She never even got to sit on her new recliner, sleep in her new bed, watch her new TV.. The holidays are going to be rough, and, her birthday is Jan 10th .. Way too many first's way too close together. I am going to spend christmas with my stepdaughter and her son. Shari loved going to her house for the holiday and being with her always makes me feel that Shari is nearby.
  14. Do you feel guilty for some of your thoughts?

    Hi backyarder. I am so sorry for your loss. In some ways I envy you because you have the "things" our home was destroyed by fire about 2 weeks before Shari passed. Virtually everything was destroyed. I only have 10 or 12 pictures to remind me of 13 years of marriage. A couple of her teddy bears and a little of her clothing. However, I had a safe in the living room (which was in a very hot part of the fire) and some of the contents survived. Fires are strange animals...our wedding certificate, car title, both birth certificates and some things that she had saved survived in the safe. To answer your original question,, yes .. in fact I have not turned off her phone yet, nor removed her name from the title of the car. The loneliness is my biggest problem as well but it is getting a little better. I know it will take time.. may you find peace and welcome.. these forums and the chat have helped quite a bit over the last 3 months
  15. Program on CNN tonight, Dec. 1

    Silvergirl .. there is a documentary on netflix (I am sure it is available elsewhere) called "Afterlife". Same subject matter .. very interesting and in some ways comforting. You should see if you can access it some way.
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