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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Kenk

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Marietta ga
  • Loss Type
    Girlfriend of 2 years

Contact Methods

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  • First Name
  1. Nobody in this country has been taught to grieve properly, or how to act or support around someone that is grieving. If you look at some places, a person wearing black for months or years on end is looked at with a certain respect. And someone screaming in the streets for a loss is not seen as "crazy". Try that here and you get "what's wrong with you?" It's just not something we do all that well as a culture.
  2. I've also been told that I "obsess". But from what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you are obsessing at all. It's a loss that is going to leave a hole in your heart, I think it's a tough concept for people to grasp that haven't experienced it. You can't just fold up and pack away a huge part of your life like that, anymore than they could an emotional memory of their own, even a happy one. If anything, it sounds to me like maybe they don't know how to react when you're feeling down, and frustration leads them to say you're obsessing?
  3. That's different to me though, so many of you have kids so you do have something to look forward to and live for. I went from having the life I wanted to literally having nothing remaining of it. Nothing. It's like waking up from a dream, nobody around me knew her very well, I just want to go back
  4. Seriously, how do you all do this and are able to keep taking steps forward? I don't know if I can't, or I just don't want to, either way I'm stuck and I'm sinking. I finally had the woman and the love I was supposed to have. There was a connection and a love where I know no matter what happened, shed still love me. An amazing family in sight, just all sorts of wonderful blessings that nobody could have honestly expected from something as random and arbitrary as life. Yet somehow I was lucky enough to meet her. Sure it was at her worst, but I believed in her and she started to blossom into who she was capable of being. How am I suppose to just move on from the one thing that's ever felt right in my life? I spent so much time and energy believing in her, but now I'm supposed to stop, and go start another life. I just can't do it. I can't become someone else when the best me, was with her. I told her I would go through hell to be with her, how can I possibly say that and then use "we'll I had a lot of years left so I had to move on" as an excuse?
  5. I lost my girlfriend the night before Easter. It actually took exactly 3 weeks for me even to have a dream with her in it. I've had a couple since then, but nothing I'd really take as a "sign". I guess my question is how come I haven't felt anything? I read all these wonderful stories you all share, but I wonder if I did something wrong. Is she too busy watching over her kids? Did she not know I still loved her even though we were going through a tough time? I tried to use a stupid tough love approach and I rarely told her I loved her the last month she was here. It was a sudden unexpected death. I was the last to see her that night and I left without saying goodbye. She went on her roof and apparently jumped, it was ruled a suicide but anyone that knows her doesn't believe she would do that. Not that way, not with the kids around. Could she be blaming me? What if her last moments were of me leaving... Could that be why I haven't felt anything from her? Hardly a second goes by without her on my mind, I just don't understand why I can't have one of these experiences.
  6. So again I've heard nothing from the family. I'm beginning to think they are just looking to keep me on standby for their court case. They told me Tuesday that they'd rather spend all their money than let the ex have any. Is that not the same thing they were mad at the ex for doing to my girlfriend? I know they claim the kids are the top priority, but statements like that sure don't fit the description. They also said they won't fight the suicide ruling if the ex "wins" the kids. That way he won't get anything from it. Hooray for love. I understand so much better now why my girlfriend was the way she was. Both sides are downright evil and manipulative. I wish I would have done more to get her out of there,
  7. Dreams where hubby mad at me

    I had a dream similar to yours Imisstao, but fortunately it hasn't been recurring. I called her phone to hear if she had a voice recording ( I knew her phone was disconnected already and she never ever had a recording). But her evil sister picked up and asked what I was doing calling that number. I explained and she said ok, to call back again. So I did, but there WAS a recording this time. My girlfriend was frustrated and upset, trying to explain something, I'm not sure what. But she was already gone in this dream so it's not like I got to talk to her. In fact, I've had 3 dreams about her now, maybe 4, and there's only been 1 where she wasn't upset, or acting drunk/strange. I think you're right on about it being our minds playing tricks with whatever emotions we have been having lately. It'd be nice to have power to control and direct dreams the way we want to though.
  8. Totally and utterly alone

    I can relate to all that. I bounce around from trying to figure out why or how it happened, to how I can be with her again, to what I could have done differently. I'm 31, she was 32. The thought of finding love that I didn't think was possible like that, to go away and to have to live another 40-50 years without it sickens me. I know I'm only 40 days or so into this, but it feels constricting and I'm not sure I can be a "normal" person according to society again. The advice I would give is find some sort of belief you can live with, and stay out of "logic loops" or you'll end up getting lost like me.
  9. So the guy called today, much friendlier this time. It was a big deal over nothing. Also had my counseling, she's still overmatched I think. I noticed a missed call from My girlfriends mom when I got outside. She was already drunk of course, and her husband was downtown because the sister was driving my girlfriends minivan and it broke down ( I love karma). I'm not sure why she called. She said thanks for the help with emails and went off on the ex. I took the chance to ask why they ruled it suicide and she said it was because she jumped. This was somewhat surprising because the police report says they found her close to the house, but I guess it is 4-5 feet away from the side... Still, when you're losing your balance who knows what you do on the last step. I'm not sure how to feel about that. She says they weren't going to fight it for a while if the ex got custody, because he can't get paid from a suicide. But why would he have life insurance on his ex wife anyway? Or maybe it's social security. It's all confusing to me. I still can't see her planning to kill herself. She was very accident prone, even fell out of trees she climbed the wrong way. Ken
  10. loss of a wife (from a daughter's view)

    I feel that way, but as people point out I'm still new in the process. But I feel like if there is even the smallest chance that I can be with her again to pick up where we left off, I need to cover my bases to keep the best chance i can. Moving on to someone else feels like it'd hurt those chances. I don't have kids or anything though, nor were we married.
  11. Finally recovered some email today. 2 things of note. 1 was a correspondence from a guy that bought her $300 worth of lottery tickets and probably alcohol in exchange for hopefully nothing. The other was some emails from a "friend" in Virginia. This friend had also been screwed over by the ex according to my girlfriend. I decided to email him, hopefully find out the nature of their relationship and if he knows anything. So far he just seems to think he was another in a long line of people to let her down, because he had a choice to make. My guess is she brought up the idea of him moving her up there. She wouldn't have actually done this. I'm positive of that, but it does make me wonder if she had doubts about us, any thoughts?
  12. Anyway, I went over her house yesterday. The parents gave me her jacket and a box of stuff to go through. There is one drawing missing though. It was of me, her, her kids and a baby she was holding. At the bottom it said you are part of my family ken. I took a picture last Wednesday. It's not that I'd mind them keeping it, I'd just like it framed so it won't deteriorate. They also had me watch a Father's Day video she made years ago. And we tried to log in on her computer, no luck yet. Then we started to put a timeline together. The big question is what happened on Friday. I was off work that day, but I had a tough time getting a hold of her. Her kids had friends over all day and at some point in the early evening she left them. Her parents got home and nobody knew where she went. She came back and said she just went down the road. Either means to the gas station or over to her old bosses house. He's a jerk. He called the weekend before asking her to come over and drink, telling her he has fantasies about her. She said she never did anything with him, but who knows what happened that day. I think it's fairly likely she got alcohol from him. The case for the kids is not going well. The law is sort of weird in that you can be a deadbeat dad who never helps, but it favors you anyway. Go figure.
  13. The sister was there, but I never really had to talk to her and everyone else made an effort to include me. The brothers in-laws (they were there too). Are incredibly nice people, they've been the most sympathetic people out of that bunch, in person. And I only meet them 2-3 times when she was alive. But they all gave me their approval tonight. Said I helped her in ways they couldn't, that I was always there for her. And that they wished she met me before the ex. The sister left early of course, coincidence? On another down note, the note I gave her to put in my girlfriends jacket was not in there. I think it's likely that my letter in the day of the funeral never made it either I was the last one to leave tonight. I think they enjoyed having me over. We tried to figure out what happened some more, I think they are leaning more towards my theory. And I'm happy to say they do plan on fighting the suicide judgement once the custody over the kids has been decided. I can't say I feel any better though. I miss her. I mentioned to the parents that its difficult losing the love of your life, they gave the old you'll find someone and be happy eventually speech. Even after I brought up my afterlife scenarios. Their daughter was unique, they know that. Is it such a stretch that I won't ever be as happy as I was with her? I just wish people would understand.
  14. Well the police report is a whole lot of nothing. It's just the incident report of the first officer there. I thought it was a little strange that the brother would arrive and be there before the police. But maybe it was treated as a medical call first, even though she had been long deceased. It did say the case was still active though. Maybe the corrections I gave to the timeline will help. With today being her birthday, I decided to make her a book (she preferred made gifts) about what I love about her. I even went to Office Depot and made it all pretty. I'm a horrible artist but I think she would have liked it. I also decided to have lunch at her site. Sort of like meeting her for lunch like we enjoyed to do so much. It is so difficult to "talk" to her now. I wish I knew why. But I read my book, I got a birthday card too. I put the lyrics to the beatles song "I will" at the end. I couldn't sing it to her, too difficult. As I was about to read the birthday card, her brother and his wife showed up. The brother is the most rational, sane one in the family. We all had a good talk. The custody case started today. I told him I hoped to not be dragged into it as I wouldn't be good to either side. I told him my worries and concerns, we traded stories. And they seemed to appreciate my book. They wanted to show the father so I accepted. I did forget to read the birthday card though. But, he seemed certain she loved me. He said that whenever they talked she would say she wanted to marry me or get a house together. And he said I was a father to the kids more in the 2 years than he ever saw the ex being. It was a nice thought. Though the stories he had of how happy she was with me were a little dated, so it doesn't provide complete comfort. They were all from roughly a year ago. On the way home my girlfriends father called. He invited me to a little gathering at their house to celebrate her life. A pizza party since she would have liked that. The brother, his wife, and her parents will be there. I'm not sure about the sister. I know it sounds bad, but I will have a much better time, and be more relaxed if she isn't around. It'd be more like swimming in a pool with sharks if she was there.
  15. Tomorrow, May 1 is her birthday, wish me luck. I'll also finally be getting my hands on a police report.