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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

HeyJude

Members
  • Content count

    390
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About HeyJude

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 01/01/1957

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Alabama
  • Interests
    Computers, cooking, supporting dog rescue, - seriously, right about now I have no interests at all. All I do is sit and cry.
  • Loss Type
    Death of my husband of 32 yrs
  • Angel Date
    January 4, 2013

Converted

  • Occupation
    Human Resources / Payroll
  • Last Name
    Harrell
  • First Name
    Judy
  • Zip
    35089

Recent Profile Visitors

3,947 profile views
  1. Widower at 26

    When I hear about you kids losing your spouses it just kills me. That is so damn unfair I thought it was unfair for us! My husband was only 57. That to me is way to young to die. But to die at 27??? What kind of cruel joke is the universe playing?? But it happens. It happens to even younger people. Life, and death, just happen. All we can do is roll with it, kwim? Three weeks is nothing in the scheme of things. At three weeks I was still very numb. I want to say "you ain't felt nothing yet!' but please don't think I'm making light of your situation at all. At three weeks nothing should make any sense. Your mind races, trying to figure out why, how, why me? why her? The real pain, the real feelings haven't even arrived yet!! As much as I hate to say it, it is going to get way worse before it even starts to get better. It never really does get better. I think we just finally learn to adjust, after all, we don't have much choice. Year 2 is worse than the first year. Go figure?? But it is. I don't know how busy this forum is anymore. When I first came it was pretty busy. There were a whole bunch of us who kinda struggled our way through the days and nights together. Find friends here if you can. They will become life long friends. This experience, losing your wife/husband is one of the hardest things we will ever have to deal with in our lives. Losing a child has to be worse and next is losing a spouse. People who have lost siblings, parents, grandparents...it doesn't even come close to this. I think the worst part of losing your spouse is that you also lose a big part of yourself. You lose all your hopes and dreams and plans and expected milestones. Many have said it is like having the rug pulled out from under your feet. I had to really get inside myself, to find myself again after being half of a couple for over 34 years. Kinda like picking up where I left off when I met my husband. Who was that young girl? Heck, I didn't know anymore!! Here I am, going on 59 and having to reconnect with my 22 year old self...lol!! Well, I'm just rambling now. I guess the best advise I can give you right now is keep visiting this forum. Make friends with others here. It really is a huge help. I don't know what I would have done were it not for some very dear friends I met right here in this forum. And be prepared for the worst roller coaster ride of your life. Are you still working?? It helped me immensely to just totally throw myself into my job. Having too much time on your hands is not a good thing mentally. And talk about your feelings as much as you need to. Get it out, don't hold it in. I'll be checking on you...believe it or not, you will be okay. Oh...and some things you just kinda have to let slide. There will be those who say "you should be over this by now". I'd look right at them and say f you!! They have no clue!! Your going to find that people say the stupidest things ever. It is asinine. Just take it minute by minute. Your not alone, there are a lot of us walking the same path as you. Take care sweetie...
  2. Widower at 26

    I remember all too well being in exactly the same spot your in. I'm coming up on the 3 year anniversary of my husbands death. We were married for 32 1/2 yrs. I also found my saving grace in this forum. I haven't visited for quite a while now but something made me come here this morning. Someone said in one of the replies that it is only going to get worse. That is true. It is going to get way worse before it ever starts to feel any type of resemblance to normal. In fact, there will be no normal as you knew it. There will be a new normal. And it is going to be a rough road to get there. I can't promise that you even will. But considering how I felt in those first days I sure didn't think my life would ever be even remotely what it was before. What helped me was diving head first into any thing I could get my hands on regarding life after death. I joined Audible and listened to audiobooks on the subject. I feel, without a doubt, that death is not the end. I had to have proof and I found my proof amongst the many books I listened to on the subject. Studying Life After Death opened my like up to a whole new experience, Spirituality. I'm not a religious person, I am very spiritual though. I love what I've learned and a huge peace enveloped me and brought me through those early days. I sought out a Physic Medium who I know without a doubt connected with my beloved and gave me a peace I had never known before. Things will be better. But your going to have to work at it. The first year is rough enough, the second, even worse!! Find something to immerse yourself in. Be prepared for many ups and downs. Take whatever amount of time it takes. There is no "he should be over this by now". No one knows the pain and grief your feeling except for those of us who have travelled the same road. I am now in a new relationship with a very nice man. We have fun, I laugh from the heart again and life is good. And believe me, I was one of those really rough cases who wished she was dead all the time!! You do need to keep your mind busy. Too much time with nothing to do isn't good. I hated being alone with myself!! Take care my dear... Judy
  3. I'm Struggling please help !!

    Four month is not nearly enough time to get through this journey. Have patience with yourself and allow yourself to live in the grief. It does get better....for some of us. I lost my husband 2 1/2 yrs ago. We were married 33 year. Next weekend would be our 35th wedding anniversary. You need to find a good source of support. This forum is excellent. And then just go, one day at a time. Its hard, really hard. Let yourself feel and experience the pain, the loneliness, the heartbreak. I know it sounds stupid and very cliche but it does get easier. My deepest sympathies to all of you struggling. Judy
  4. Almost 2 months since my husband died

    To both you ladies, my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your beloved husbands. I lost my husband 2 /12 years ago. I can't believe its been that long. What have I learned along this journey of grief? I learned that no one can even come close to understanding what we are feeling unless they have experienced the same loss. Unfortunately grief is a very personal journey that we all take individually. There are no right or wrong ways to work through it. Both of you, your grief is new, it is still very very raw and hurts to deeply. I've been very lucky actually, I have been able to get through this and I currently have a new boyfriend in my life. I was married for 33 years. That isn't something you can just sweep under the rug. I too went through all the guilt feelings of I should have been nicer to him, blah blah blah. That is all part of the grieving process. It took me about two years to break through to the surface and now I feel normal and happy again. You just have to work through this the best that you can. Some never make it out. Not saying that is the case with you. You can only do the best that you can do. Just please, think about what your husbands would have wanted for you. And they really are still with you. There is another side, you will see them again. Judy
  5. It's been 2 years and 2 months today for me. It didn't make me a stronger person nor did it make me not afraid of the future. What it did do for me is make me get back in touch with who I was before I was married. That young, single woman who had bright plans for her future, wasn't afraid of anything and was incrediably strong. Its almost like I took the before marriage me and worked all the lessons learned in with her and that is who I am today. You'll never stop missing them, in fact I had a minor melt down yesterday. But I'm forging ahead now, making new relationships and planning my future. I know it doesn't seem like it but it will get easier, I promise you.
  6. I'm Struggling please help !!

    I know exactly what your saying. The future holds no promise. At least it didn't. And I did find myself living in the past, a lot!! One day...I can't say when, but it is going to feel like you broke through the surface of the pond you are drowning in. That is the only way I can describe it. Lately, I have been so incredibly happy. I mean real, genuine happiness. I don't know where it came from but I'm glad it is here and I am starting to move forward.
  7. I lost my wife today

    I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. You are just starting out on the worst journey of your life. Don't mean to be Debbie Downer but the next two years is going to be hell for you. I really think that the most important thing for you to do right now is really try to take inventory of all the things that she did and what she taught you in regards to those things. You are going to have to fill her shoes now so to speak. Whenever I have to tackle what was my "Husbands job" I can literally hear him in my mind, instructing me and telling me that I know how to do this.
  8. I'm Struggling please help !!

    Know the feeling all too well Ritchie. This was my 3rd Valentine's Day alone. It is no fun at all is it? Nothing is fun anymore really. I hate being a widow.
  9. Feeling trapped in this life

    Ladies - I know all the feelings you both described all too well. I lost my husband of 32.5 yrs. He was the only man I ever loved. He was my best friend, my soulmate. It was love at first sight. We met one night and were together ever since. My husband is part of me now. We truly became one. I can feel his presence in me and I can hear his advise all the time. It is up to me now to keep him alive through me. What would make your husbands any more proud then to know that everything they taught you, every thing that he shared with you was not in vain? I know my husband will be there when it is my time. I told him to wait at the gate for me, he said he would. So knowing that he is living in me and that I will see him again makes getting up every day just a little bit easier.
  10. John - you are hurting! You belong here. There are so many of us here who have said that we want to die, that living is just too damn hard after a loss like this. So don't be sorry about anything. We totally understand where your coming from. Keep reaching out to help others not make the mistake that you did. Even if you don't see a person actually change, I'm sure that your article has made a lot of people stop and take notice of what they are doing and the consequences.
  11. Your wife was beautiful John and your son is a real looker too! Kids can be so cruel to each other, I'm sorry that your son had to experience that. It is very normal to have your wife on your mind 24/7 and not be able to eat or sleep. That is grief my friend. I lost my husband two years ago and he is still on my mind 24/7. You do have to get rid of the guilt you are feeling though. Everyone's life is preplanned before they are ever born. This is the path that her soul decided to take for some reason. Our souls are eternal beings who choose to become a human in order to learn things. Let me just say that you will be reunited with your wife again. I believe that with all my heart. The hard part is just waiting but you have to. I know without a doubt that there is more to life than this. There is an afterlife. I'm totally convinced.
  12. No need to be sorry John. My heart is just aching for you right now and I'm really going to have to do some thinking here to know what I might possibly be able to say to help you. Do you like to read? Or do you have any way to listen to audio books? You have to hang on honey, just take things minute by minute right now. I know your feeling horrible guilt on top of grief. There are several members here who have lost someone to drugs, maybe they will chime in. I'm glad to hear your sober right now. I am a recovered addict as well and you have to know that anytime we did drugs, especially to excess like I did, you are flirting with death. I had gotten very heavily into fentanyl after my husband died and almost killed my self a couple of times. So don't take the responsibility on yourself, it isn't your fault, it is just the nature of the beast and a reaction any one of us can have to drugs at any given time. Listen - email me if you'd like. I don't think you need metal hospitals right now. You need to be healed on a spiritual level and I'm not talking about being a Jesus freak either. h3yjude1957@gmail.com
  13. Organ and tissue donation

    I've been through the opposite of this. My husband was a transplant recipient. He had a heart & kidney transplant. I can totally understand how you feel though. My husband wouldn't have lived past 2003 if it were not for the gift of life he received. It is such a bittersweet thing to deal with. I was so sad for the family who lost their young man to a terrible accident. But I was also so grateful to this young man and his family. Organ donation is a really good thing. I am glad that I never had any communication with the family though because I wouldn't know how to tell them that Jerry died 10 years later.
  14. I lost my husband and the will to live

    Tish - of course you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel!! You aren't even one year into this crap. You have a ways to go baby...in ways it is going to get worse before it gets better. I'm reading a book right now that was written by a young lady in a Facebook forum that I'm in. It is a closed support group just for women, if your interested PM me. Anyway, this morning I read this: "I feel like we are two people merged into one. Like our paths joined when he died and I get to continue on the new path (ours). Everything he was in now on me. It's like a brain hug because I get to have all this, all of him, to cherish." This paragraph hit me so profoundly that I did something I haven't done in quite a while. I wailed like a brand new widow. I cried so damn hard. But then the reality of the words she wrote sunk in. I was married for over 32 years. For the longest time I was really getting this feeling that my husband's soul was in me. IT IS!!!!!! We truly had become one and now it is my responsibility to live for the both of us. To let the best parts of his and my beings shine for all the world to see. I didn't have any biological children either. I have a stepson who I've claimed as mine. Had him since he was three. They two of them were a packaged deal. And now that little 3 yr old is 38 and thousands of miles away from me. So I'm all alone. I get mad at my hubby for leaving me too but Tish.,..they didn't choose this. I know that without a doubt, if my husband were given the option of coming back or staying "over there" he would come back to me. I believe that with all my heart. But unfortunately, once our soul leaves our physical body then things of a physical nature just don't entice us anymore. You really do need to read up on what happens after we die. Don't blame your husband, it wasn't his fault. It is just the way life is. And to think that we actually choose to come down here!!! Chin up lady...if I can do this so can you!!!
  15. I lost my husband and the will to live

    Tish - you are in the exact same place that I'm in. Sucks don't it? I have no answers other than just try to ride it out.
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