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About Lostwithoutmum

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    Advanced Member

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  • Angel Date
    17 February 2013
  1. New to Forum. Lost My Mom.

    I am very sorry for your loss. I can relate to your pain and yearning. I, too, feel a massive gap that no-one can ever fill, not even the man I love... I have tried, and failed, to understand how one minute you have such a precious person around; the next minute, she's gone...I keep going through endless questions, and it has been a little over 5 months.. I used to say goodbye to mum everyday before leaving to work. When I return she would have prepared dinner, now the place is cold and empty despite having family around, I feel extremely lonely.. I have thrown my energy in work but found this to temporarily numb the pain...but never erase it... I know nothing will make this easy, functioning is an achievement, just focus on each minute as it comes.. I hope you find comfort and peace x
  2. Three Months After the Loss of My Mother

    I feel your pain, your post has touched me so deeply and got me tearful, cause the images of my own last days with mum, just came flooding back...For me, it's been 5 months, and the pain is just the way you describe it... I know this feeling of helplessness, watching mum slip right in front of my eyes without being able to do anything, which makes me mistrust life I also know this feeling of thorough sadness looking at mum's face, and praying for a smile, a word - small blessings that I took for granted before..... And then the loneliness despite being surrounded by others, and the sleeplessness even when I am very tired, and the confusion and loss trying to process it all.. I have no clue how/if people come to terms with it; I get hit by waves of intense pain, like ebb and flow...but I know one thing, life will never be the same again. Glad that at least you have an understanding girlfriend.. Take care of yourself
  3. Guilt

    So sorry for your loss... I know it is not easy to shake this feeling of guilt, I am still struggling with what if's 4 months and a half after losing mum, who means the world to me.. I do feel however that our parents know how much we love them, even when we don't have the chance to express it as perfectly as they deserve . x
  4. Death of mother and husband moved out

    Hi Vetter, sorry for the loss of your mum...and for your husband's reaction. It's supposed to be through thick and thin, but I know our profound losses can affect our lives and relationships.. As this site's taught me, there are no time limits for grief so you should not have to feel rushed through it..you have suffered a traumatic experience..and you need to look after yourself.. I hope things start to look up for you soon
  5. Loss of both parents and my sister.

    Very sorry about your losses...You must be feeling really lonely, but I hope that your little man is keeping you as strong as you can.. Don't bottle up how you feel, you are not alone, there are many people here who understand...I also suggest talking to someone who understands, Samaritans are great people.. Look after yourself
  6. Sorry about your losses. It feels so unfair to know about your grandma's passing via the net! Is it possible that your family were trying to protect you by hiding this from you? Although from what you say this does not seem to be the case.. I've lost mum recently, and I had been away from home for some 9 years for study/advancing my career purposes but I was lucky enough to have returned home and spent the last couple of years with mum...seeing mum pass in front of my eyes just when I thought I was finally reunited with her - is the hardest thing ever, still feels surreal..there were still many things I longed to do with her, many hugs I wanted to give her, many moans, many laughs.... You are not alone - but your grandma will be so proud of you so don't let anything or anyone spoil that for you
  7. Sibling Grief and Resentment

    Your sister is dealing with the loss of your father, separation from her husband, and is clearly unable to handle things the way you or your mother do. She is probably just grieving differently from you? I would give her the time she needs and just keep on encouraging her to seek counselling..
  8. what NOT to say to someone grieving

    Sorry I know this is a for those who lost a child but I had someone saying 'Oh I can't imagine losing MY mum, I am far too weak'....Well guess what? I never imagined losing MY mum either! But it did happen...And I am NOT strong, thank you, I just have no choice! But people who never experienced the loss of a very close person, don't really know what to say sometimes..
  9. New here - Could use some advice

    Hi Amanda, really sorry for your loss... Don't really know how it works, grief...but it has hit back strongly and very frequently since mum has passed (heart failure too), only 4 months ago....today I felt as if I lost her just yesterday...back to square one with anger, extreme yearning and sadness, frustration, whys, .....I suppose we have to go through it again and again simply because there's no closure, we don't get it, we don't believe it and we don't like the 'now' without people who meant the world to us.. Just meant to say you are not alone x
  10. Loss of both parents

    Smllfry, sorry for your losses, people wrongly assume (hope) that it gets easier in time, and they fear re-opening your wound - I know it doesn't get easier, if anything, it all gets very confusing and the pain hits back strongly... Try to do something that would help you on these occasions, just something to get the energy out.. To be honest, I sometimes prefer being on my own... some people don't get it...but I know what you mean.... Do you not have any siblings who are affected by this loss similarly? It takes a really really close person to understand the pain..
  11. Insomnia

    Hi MissuDad, I am sorry you are having trouble falling asleep. I have had nights when I just stayed up all night staring and nothing and trying to find answers to unanswerable questions, playing in my mind the days leading up to mum's passing again and again, and trying to harness terribly overwhleming emotions... I just want to say I know how how you feel but I really have no answers.. I hope others will be able to help you better here but my only strategy has been exhausting myself in the day...not sure if this helps with the grief but it helps with sleeping a bit quicker.. Returning to work feels scary first - I just wanted to be in a corner away from the world but then after that, I found that work has helped me take out some energy.... Hope you can manage to sleep a bit better
  12. Sudden loss of little Brother

    Georgia, my heart goes out to you. I had to hold back my tears reading your post as I relived my own reaction to my mum's loss...I too hugely mistrust life and find it so unpredictable after what happened .. I've tried to read on after life, but every time I just end up unable to start or finish a book. I finally decided to follow my own instinct about mum being safe. I hope they are, our loved ones x You see I don't believe (with all due respect to others' beliefs etc) that anyone can be closer to the person I love and have lost more than I can... Having said that, do whatever it takes you to feel better the way you need to.... Losing someone precious is the most emotionally draining experience ever, and it is shocking and hard to believe.. Your story is so tragic, the loss of such an innocent beautiful young man.. No words that can make this better, your grief is intense, it's understandable: you have just lost the most amazing brother and so unnecessarily.. I hope you have some close friend who you can rely on during these hard times... My thoughts are with you x
  13. Crying for Mama

    Sorry for your loss. I don't think that time will ever ease the pain..I thought to myself again and again that I would be ready to face the yearning and everything if I can see mum just one more time, after 10 years, after 20...just see her again, give her a massive hug and tell her how much we have missed her... The passage of time just makes me realise it's all so real, and this is no comfort. I read this somewhere here: 'I can't do it but I am doing it anyway..' And this sums it up for me. I miss mum so much but I have to live without her, not my choice.... All I can do is keep mum's memory alive, live on the beautiful past and the precious memories that no-one can take from me, and pray mum is fine x And you have your daughters and husband who also need you.....your mum will always be part of you and your family, you and your daughters are a continuation of her love.. x
  14. Sudden loss of father

    Sorry for your loss, just beyond my grasp too! How can a precious parent be here one day sharing our slightest worries and making our dreams feel worthwhile, and then leave the next day, just like that, and we can do nothing to reverse that... All I know is that we can keep our loved ones' legacies of love and achievements alive x Hope you get through this x
  15. Friends

    MissuDad, It's your loss, it's your grief and you lay the rules... You should not bottle up your grief ..because that won't help you, it will just build up some inevitable storm of emotions. You have been through a lot, actually through 'the worst scenario' already and you do need to get your head around it.. I don't mean for you to sink in sadness but it's only natural to feel the way you do..it's emotionally draining to lose a special person like your dad.... 8 weeks is far from enough ...enough grieving time is the time you need to get through it, full stop. It's been almost 4 months since I have lost mum and it hurts like yesterday... In my case, it was me actually who needed a break from friends at first because I felt that since mum has passed, my life has had a different dimension that they were unable to see, recognise, understand, or tune in to as this would put them face to face with mortality. I would not have been able to understand how profound and confusing this experience is before what happened to us in Feb... The blog is a great idea for venting, and we are here. Take care of yourself