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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

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Everything posted by Jesse David & Taylor Mom

  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Kate, I can't remember if I responded to your email or not...but wanted to thank you for the kind note. As we have been sitting here through our 3rd Ice storm, I can't help but think of you way further north! I am sort of forgetful lately so apologize if I did not get back.
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thanks Luanne for your post back. EKR is one of my favorite people, she helped me immensely in my grief journey with her writings and sharings. Also, Lesley for the well-wishes for my mom. Thanks, Dee for the good wishes. It has been very hectic here for me...so I have been skimming the posts. I thought of you too when I was dealing with some of the really stupid things he was doing...know you have endured a lot too growing up...what was already a sad Christmas just spun around worse with my mom's health crisis. Thanks for being there. To All Newcomers, I am sorry that you have been thrust into a very unwanted journey...it is very difficult and the tears that come are many. However, I have found that the people who post in this site are very welcoming and also understand what is really like to endure child loss...I had no one in my immediate circle or community to share with...who wanted to understand child loss as it really is... Many people who I initially let in I had to put back out again...as they had their own definitions of what I needed to do, and very much dishonored me as I sought for justice for my son. Drawing the line with others at time meant loneliness but was necessary. If someone has not had child loss they have no clue to the enormous struggle one faces day after day. I recently attended a meditation session...as a new person moved into our community. She is a nurse with a lot of background in meditation and Tai Chi. We did a meditation on Wed that was about settling ones mind down -- one point of the meditation was to imagine sending love to yourself. I found that perhaps the hardest part of it...(it was a love and compassion meditation)... I have not mastered this at all...but thought that perhaps it was a good thing that may be another tool in the tool box of suffering. I think of some of the lines as to what will be one day...if not now, in the next.
  3. I Lost my loving son to divorce and unable to forget him

    Hello Fatherofson, I am sorry to hear of the separation of you from your son. I will share a bit from my own son's life and how we are fighting to keep his young son. First the court system and laws are very much written against legal rights of dads. The courts today will overlook the mental and other issues of the mom -- but the father -- the legal system is quick to lock him out. I would recommend you find a father's group in your state that deals with maintaining the legal rights of dads and they also serve as a support group. I would also recommend hiring a very aggressive lawyer with a proven track record to get some of your father's rights back. THis is exactly what we did for my youngest son whose latest girlfriend wanted to take his son away from him -- after we (myself, my husband and him) -- raised him from a baby. The "mother" abandoned him as an infant at my door then thought she could waltz back in and take him back-- 3 years later. So I hired the biggest baddest lawyer I could. I am on a limited budget. But I took a loan out for this...and I have worked an extra job to help pay it down. In the end, it is worth it. We are still in trial at this point...and the case has not been decided... Also, regarding abuse...I am searching to phrase this correctly, but as a survivor of childhood abuse...I would say that it can be a state of mind of staying in "victimhood"...not that I wasn't a victim...or my siblings....we were. And my father is still very emotionally/verbally abusive. But I have chosen not to be that small person, and I refuse to let his stupidity define me. I set very firm boundaries with him, and would not hesitate to involve law enforcement in necessary -- which he picks up on and monitors his behavior to some degree now. This is how I have chosen to be....I will be no one's verbal or mental punching bag and if that is invaded, I will absolutely met the challenge and win. Perhaps in your case, some martial arts training may be of help, (such as Tai Chi or Qi Gong) as it not only trains the body but the mind. (You want to find an instructor who understands both...not just some kind of karate-chopping dude) Here is one such organization https://www.nqa.org/what-is-qigong- and a blog post https://www.energyarts.com/blog/bruce-frantzis/tai-chi-martial-arts Here is an example of a father's rights group http://www.wisconsinfathers.org/ http://www.wisconsinfathers.org/ Hang tough! It is a hard road to walk...
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Elisabeth Kubler Ross
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello All, it has been awhile since I have posted. My mom is still recovering for her heart failure and stent procedure...she is doing better than the doctors anticipated. It did throw me for a huge loop, and it seemed like the grief with Jesse just loomed so large....like the finality of it all was staring me in the face. Also, my dad, who was not the nicest person while I was growing up, was really acting up. Just made a horrible situation that much worse. I am now able to step back a bit and get my bearings but it brought up a lot of childhood trauma that I had packed away. Very deep. I am adding a link to Carol Kearn's web site. She is a grief counselor who was mentored by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross directly. She was also first on site during the Connecticut school shootings in 2012. Her daughter Krissy died of drowning in the 1970s so this was partly her grief journey and also has some experiences in it from her clients later on. I was fortunate to touch base with her via email in 2012 and I was sent an Elisabeth Kubler-Ross butterfly from Carol. I didn't know at the time what it was/represented, but as I read about Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, I understood the significance of it. http://www.carolkearns.com/kristens-legacy/overview.html Wishing everyone a peaceful evening.
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    In Answer to Colleen, I am posting a blog written from someone who is at 19 years. This posting is mostly for those longer in the journey. https://bereavedparentsblog.wordpress.com/2018/01/09/once-a-mom-always-a-mom/ Tommy's mom, yes it was shocking at the treatment we recieved, especially my daughter. Gretchen, your artwork was beautiful. Sandy, thanks for the compliment on Jesse's pic Niques mom, I am sorry for the loss of your dear daughter...this is a loving place. Kate, thanks for the encouragement. My mom is just resting from the procedure...is doing ok.
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thanks for all the replies....it is a tough journey. This crisis with my mom makes me realize how far different my world is now. I am pretty wiped out tonight so am going to bed early.
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    I also have found relaxing nature videos to be helpful such as the one I am posting below
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hearthurt, I wanted to respond to your post, "You are right...people are plain nasty....until IT happens to them! I am so pissed off about this jerk spreading rumors about me, I feel like leaving home. It is bad enough to be grieving like this, but to be laid bare for veiled attacks when my wife and I are dealing with this loss makes this much, much worse." My advice is to be very very careful who you let into your inner circle of loss. Usually unless the person has had child loss they haven't a clue what they are talking about. Myself and my family have suffered a lot of attacks from those who were in our church at the time...we left 2 churches because the people could not stop judging and pointing fingers and accusing. At first there was sympathy, afterwards followed was a flogging. It would be an understatement to say I am entirely pissed off at those who try to gain spiritual brownie points at my family's worse time ever... And those people are such incredible big liars, especially to themselves...we actually had one family exile my daughter because we did not practice the "forgiveness plan" they mapped out for us! (I think they forget to read the psalms and some of what King David said at his low points). I would say to find those who practice true spirituality...oddly enough, we have switched over to a local parish in Marshfield WI leaving protestant churches behind. Also, going to the prayer room at Holy Hill was helpful and lighting candles there. I would encourage you to look at the mystics of the church (Padre Pio) and others such as Rhoda Wise (stigmatic). I have found there is an inner mystical path that seems to be the core and not everyone that is an attender understands that, or even knows that it exists. I am sharing a pic for you and those who like to finger point at the bereaved.... ******************************* Thank you to both Dee and to Kate who emailed me this morning! ...it has been a difficult few weeks. My mom suffered from almost having a heart attack so I have been with her since Dec 29. She had stints placed and still may need other heart surgery. It was touch-and-go for awhile. I had a somewhat precognitive dream beforehand, as well as other certain knowings that manifested that something was going to drop. So far she is recovering good from the stints but time will tell if that relieves the pressure on heart valves. What I have learned is to watch the salt intake!!!! No more than 2000 mg a day. I have been doing a variety of simple recipes for her to get her back to the basics. ***************************************** To those new here, I am sorry for your loss. It is a great group of people that meet here and have helped me immensely. Hello to all my fellow posters. I thank you all for being there.
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello to all. I have thought about everyone here on the forum knowing how difficult the start of a new year can be. To all New members here, I’m sorry for your loss, it is a very difficult journey. However this group of people has helped me in more ways than could be known. Kate thank you for sharing the story of your mom and dad. Susan I hope your health Tests doing well . Dee thanks for asking about me. I wanted to share about a woman ...I viewed her videos today. Her name is Maria dancing heart. One in particular stood out to me on how to avoid burnout. Some suggestions she said was to have some meditation space ...walks in nature and also to use essential oil such as frankincense. She said that particular oil is good for depression. It is very easy to not take care of oneself when one is carrying a very heavy load. This morning I sat looking out a window and noticed the full moon. I listen to my divine mercy chaplet and just had some quiet time. It was much needed after such a busy month in December. I will probably post again later As I am so far behind in reading. Sending gentle thoughts to all.
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Kate, you will like the song, as I thought of Jeff to when I viewed it. Dee, I am sorry for your friend...does she have assistance in her family? Lesley, thanks for your posting above...there are many who I miss their input here.....this place has been a lifeline for me and the kindness of everyone here. Susan, I love the picture of your John David, one of favorites! Dianne, good to see your post! My time has been somewhat limited as both my jobs are taking up more time than I expected....I will be glad once December is over!
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thinking of everyone as we are missing our beloved ones. I am including a link below to a beautiful song. Something Jesse would have liked. Homeless man plays beautiful song with powerful message https://youtu.be/FhgZ4hBGJkY?t=28s (could not get the video to embed...so follow the link)
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thinking of you Kate on Jeff's angel date. May you and Ross find gentleness in the day.
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Susan, sending healing thoughts to you for your upcoming medical tests. Sending lots of hugs. Ayanna's mom, congratulations on the new book of poems from your daughter! It is a beautiful legacy. Tina, I think being in the first three years, most of my time was spent in a fog. For me, I believe it was about the 4 year along I could focus on really anything. Have to run...sending love to all.
  16. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thanks Leah, Dee, Georgina and Kate for the well-wishes on Benton. It is a tremendous relief. Kate, if you can, post the Christmas tree pic. Susan, are you okay? Miss your posts. Dianne, sending gentle thoughts. Leah, I know how hard it is. Are any of the grandchildren over at 16 years old? They may be able to opt for emancipation. here is a link http://www.crckids.org/child-support/child-emancipation/
  17. Loss of an Adult Child

    For you Georgina,
  18. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina, I am sorry for the way your niece treated you. A grief counselor said, that too only keep those people in your life that will truly be in your corner. The body is already under trauma, and these types of attacks you need to protect yourself against. Prayers for a new job. I too left my job after I lost my son. Prayers. Thanks Kate for your response and for Dee too. I am taking vitamins still, and do the practice of grounding as recommended by my mom. (where you stand out on bare ground with your bare feet, only on warm days now! ) Dr. Bernie Siegel had some good recommendations for self - care in his video. Susan, you okay out there? Georgina, I am sorry not many remembered James Birthday. My daughter and I always thought how handsome he is and how much he looks like your hubby.
  19. Loss of an Adult Child

    ALL, we have just received the news that we basically won the case to keep our grandson, Benton. He is now 4 years old, coming up on 5 in February. Thanks to all who supported me here!
  20. Loss of an Adult Child

    I have just worked all week at my retail job and through Black Friday. I am still doing 2 jobs and caring for my grandson every other week. Holidays are hard and still we struggle through. My mom has suffered a double child loss like myself, one infant , my sister was killed by being ran over in 2002 at age 42. The driver ran away and was later caught. Lately she has been listening to recording by Dr. Bernie Siegel. He is an interesting doctor having cared for many child patients during the course of his career. I noticed his theme in approaching his patients is one of tender concern -- and a willingness to listen. I will post the video she is viewing now for those who might be interested. I would add that be gentle with yourself during this time. Allow some down time and self care. The mind-body connection is not be underestimated. I find myself in the latter camp of one day looking forward to seeing my children...as I have known for a long time that life continues after this life. Sending gentle thoughts.
  21. Loss of an Adult Child

    Lesley, Sending gentle thoughts for your friends, and the death of Tommy's friend. Take care of yourself too, as these kind of events can send one into a spiral. Sherry, I think the yellow roses were fitting...thank you for mentioning Taylor...I am sure they grow up in heaven and they will meet us to help guide us as we too make our transition. Dee, your son might try taking Curamin and also Bromalein, (spelling might be off) I took both for my back, and it aids in the healing process. Back surgery takes a long time to heal from.
  22. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dee, it looks like it is going to be a process yet through the legal system. She has to visit the mom's, check on Benton's school, etc. The woman doing this seems like she is too overloaded which doesn't help. I am hoping maybe 3 more months. But the court system moves at a snail's pace. How is your son's back by the way? Also your hubby? I remember they both had some surgery awhile ago now.
  23. Loss of an Adult Child

    I saw this in one of my Facebook groups. It is an Near Death Conference in Texas that is going to have Dr. Jeffrey Long as a speaker. He is a lead researcher on near death experiences and consciousness surviving after this life. Also, John Burke who just authored a new book on NDEs is supposed to speak as well. Here is a link, it is to the Facebook page on this https://www.facebook.com/events/135600520495495
  24. Loss of an Adult Child

    Mary Ann, thinking of you today and sending you gentle thoughts for Steve. I am going to share a portion of a dream I had with my son within the last couple weeks. In it, he held a small diary-like book. As I looked closer at the inside cover this is what is said, "I love you now, I loved you then, and I will love you forever." Peace.
  25. Loss of an Adult Child

    Sherry, sending gentle thoughts your way on this angel day of your baby girl, Lisa.
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