Jesse David & Taylor Mom

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  1. Brennonsmomma, I read your story tonight. Yes, I absolutely know that we continue mom saw my son after he died a few weeks afterward. Also, the day my son passed, a friend who had her son pass about 2 years prior called me. She told me how her son appeared to the paternal grandfather the same day he was killed. Her son appeared so clear that the grandfather did not even realize at first the grandson was not in physical form. I would recommend to you the group, Helping Parents Heal here: They have done quite a bit of afterlife research and are open to the experiences after death. Here is the link to their most recent newsletter These types of matters can be a double edged sword. It has been with me. Sending gentle thoughts and prayers.
  2. Tina, it is still very new for you...What I have told others is advice given to me by my therapist...I made a "safe spot" in my home...I selected an over stuffed chair in the corner...bought a very soft throw, gathered my books, special teas, and other items there. When I felt too overwhelmed, I just retreated there. I also took Lorazapam which helped my nerves...especially when anxiety peaked in the mornings. (ie. I would throw up from the grief). Perhaps with your son, it is a hard, sensitive time. I don't think at 2 months you can have any expectations on yourself. My daughter wanted to be physically close with us - my husband and myself. There was time when I needed to seclude yes. But being together will help with some stabilization. If I felt the need to have a cry and scream fit (which was plenty) I found a spot to do that...fortunately, I live in the country so it was easier. Hugs.
  3. Prayers also are sent for you Georgina, I remember those meetings, they were extremely hard. Hugs.
  4. Dee, I sent out prayer requests on some prayer sites...sending healing thoughts for your hubby!
  5. Thinking of you all. I have read some posts about going to other people's milestone events for their children. I will admit, I did not go to 3 of my very longtime friend's events that they had. (All were marriages). I just couldn't and I sent a well chosen card with a gift. It was only late last year I was finally able to attend such a function, but this friends daughter was much younger than my own children, so it was easier. Hopefully, your friends will understand, mine were okay with it. I send gentle thoughts to those newer treading this path. I have read some of the posts from those who have walked longer, there will always be those low points...and it is then, I have found the need to be with my fellow bereaved parents. I can tell you that my mom, (and dad) still have their mourning periods for my sister. To, the member (Lorri) who lost her second child, I send prayers of love. I remember the Indigo member who lost a second child (was Trudi), I felt shaken by that for days. I am posting this piece of writing by Dr. Gordon Livingston who worked as a psychiatrist. He is also a parent twice bereaved. In one thirteen-month period, he lost his eldest son to suicide, his youngest to leukemia: I am a parent twice bereaved. In one thirteen-month period I lost my oldest son to suicide and my youngest son to leukemia. Grief has taught me many things about the fragility of life and the finality of death. To lose that which means the most to us is a lesson in helplessness and humility and survival. After being stripped of any illusions of control I might have harbored, I had to decide what questions were still worth asking. I quickly realized that the most obvious ones -- Why my sons? Why me? -- were as pointless as they were inevitable. Any appeal to fairness was absurd. I was led by my fellow sufferers, those I loved and those who had also endured irredeemable losses, to find reasons to go on. Like all who mourn I learned an abiding hatred for the word "closure," with its comforting implications that grief is a time-limited process from which we will all recover. The idea that I could reach a point when I would no longer miss my children was obscene to me and I dismissed it. I had to accept the reality that I would never be the same person, that some part of my heart, perhaps the best part, had been cut out and buried with my sons. What was left? Now there was a question worth contemplating. -- Gordon Livingston, MD, in Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now My mom this May by my sister's site. My sister was ran over by a drunken driver in 2003 and left.
  6. I was going to post a long reply but I accidentally clicked my browser window shut! (and lost the whole reply). Sigh. Anyways, thanks to all who wrote to me...I think of everyone here and send gentle prayers.
  7. Mothers Day was awful. My husband and I got in a big fight, everything was just bad. I sent him out with the flowers I had bought, I just couldn't do it. It is my second child grave site! I am so mad at the universe!
  8. Mary Ellen, it may be that your job is too high stress...I hope having this summer off will give you the time you need. Becky, I am sorry you saw the vehicle that killed your Jared for sale. I know how that would have stabbed me in the heart to see that. Hugs. (And it is hard not to think of the vengeance aspect.) Susan, I was so startled to see your John David's monkey. I had one just like it when I was little....I am sure there is a lot of love passed on in that toy! Kate, how are things with you and Ross? Sending prayers.
  9. I have come to understand how one shoulders their grief...yet there is a common path where we met and share the love we have for our children and say their name.
  10. Dianne, when I got sick in February -- and two days before I landed in the hospital I saw a distinct red cross formed by clouds/lighting in the sky---I knew something was going to be happening. I pay attention to these types of events now. Allen, I am sorry for the loss of your son. It does not seem right at all to have this sorrow...may you take care.
  11. Thanks for posting. Hugs.
  12. Darcy, I am sorry for the loss of your beautiful little daughter, Kayla. Wendy, sending you gentle hugs. I am so sorry for all the extra you have endured beyond the initial grief.
  13. Tommy's mom - thank you for the sharing how one never dies alone. You must have seen a lot during your time as a nurse...I am not sure if you are still working in that field or not. I think patients open up when they realize someone will listen. I know since my daughter and I practice openness regarding these experiences, we hear experiences first hand. It has helped some. You may like to view Diane Corcoran, she was a combat nurse in the Vietnam era - I think Army branch. She was a Colonel at the end of her career and has done some great NDE research. Lou Ann, thank you for the telling of the sacred visit from your precious daughter. While you will always have that missing, there is a comfort in seeing your precious loved one. Susan, I was missing your Grama Essie stories and her wise tidbits. A friend once said that Flowers are food for the soul. I think so. Sherry, are you doing a garden this year? Tina, it is still so early for you. My counselor early on had recommended me making a "safe spot" in my home. For me, I chose a overstuffed chair in the corner of my living room. I got a soft throw and put some things like special teas and meaningful books there. I would retreat there when I felt overwhelmed. It was some good advice to make it through the early days.
  14. Thanks Kate for sharing your Near Death experience and the end of life experience of your MIL. Also, Dianne, for your angel story. In the string of transitions that hit our family in May of 2013 there were so many that came back for their loved ones. Dee, I look to the sky myself for signs, how bittersweet for Erica to light the sky with PINK on the day of her dad's homecoming. Susan, thank you for sharing the screenshots. They are so you.
  15. Thanks Dee, Sherry for your words, and Tommy's mom as well. My daughter has an "adopted" grandmother in our area who she is very close to. Recently, this woman found herself at death's door. A surgery that went way wrong. My daughter was able to talk with her tonight as this woman had what is known as a "near death" experience. We are just writing down this woman's words and she is still processing it as well. She said that there were two points close to death that she arrived at, the first she was met by two loving guides, she does not know who they were. The second time she almost bled out, she could see an angel in her room, praying, so could the nurse. I plan on talking more with her to find out any other tidbits. As some may know, Jesse and I shared some very Other side experiences before he passed. Also, for awhile, there was a string of deaths in my family that were preceded from visits from loved ones that were transitioned on. So, I know, no matter what, that love carries on.
  16. When I first came on to this site almost 5 years ago I was met with open hearts and warm kindred spirits. At that time, oldies were Dee, Sherry, Mike's Mom,, Trudi Colleen and a bit newer, Kate , Becky, and Gretchen were here. Through their kind actions and listening hearts it made what was most unbearable a lighter load. We celebrated our children's lives together and helped each along the past 5 years. This meant that we who also stayed on, wrote to many broken hearts, as one will notice the number of posts under our names. I treasure those who have walked with me this coming up on the 5 year mark. You all made a difference in my life. Immensely. That too is why I stay on. We had had those come on afterwards we tried to lend a hand to as well. Shannon, Wade, Georgina, Steve's Mom MaryAnn, Michaels Mom, and so many others. Their children, all precious. It is to honor our children and their lives which is why this thread has stayed strong for so many years. Dee's daughter, Erica, and Sherry son, Davey transitioned the same year as my older sister, Julie (killed and left for dead, 3 cars ran her over, only one was found -- the rest fled the scene.).. Julie was in May and Erica in July with Davey in June. Susan, has posted so much to new parents with an open kind spirit. I felt I had to say that. She also made some items to send out to my daughter, who was in a dark deep depression at the time from losing her brother -- which I still have Susan's treasured gifts in my home. Another was sent to my mom, also who lost 2 of her children. Here is a pic similar to some Susan posted in our earlier days.
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  18. Thank you Wade, Dee and Becky for sharing the poems. Wade, what a treasure to have such a poem/song written by Brooks, it has a certain calling to it. I think of the picture that you posted of the deer beside Brook's site. I too have a hard time with looking at some of Jesse's stuff. It is hard to -- and hard to accept he is "gone ahead". Tinay, I am sorry for the loss of your daughter, Kiona. I looked at your posts and saw her pic, what a beautiful girl. Sandy, good to see your post. And Colleen too. Gretchen, may you find the book list meaningful. Tommy's Mom, thanks for the screen shots. "That desperation of wanting to feel his hug and hear his laugh, to see his face and be with him" so true. I am behind reading here as I was at my mom's all week and had to work the last few days. So sending out gentle thoughts to all who have visited this site. Prayers for restful sleep.
  19. The first time I came to this site I really had a nervous breakdown from losing my son. I actually laid in the same spot for several months too paralyzed to move. This is my second son loss. Especially early on, I would just wait by my computer to watch the posts roll in. For me, almost 3 years went by before the 24 hour mind insanity lifted. I do still have certain days/hours were I can go back to that state. The rebound is perhaps a bit quicker. For me, part of processing of what happened to me and Jesse carried a great spiritual element. As many of the earlier members on this site know, I had many signs and premonitions before my son transitioned. Things that were outside of my world paradigm then but since my research into Afterlife science, I have found many others (parents) have had those supernatural experiences. Here are a few of my top books: Waiting on Heaven: A Mother and Daughter's Remarkable Shared Death Experience Victoria Acree Sugar Cookies and a Nightmare Carol Kearns Soul Shift: Finding Where the Dead Go Mark Ireland All of the above books, I have personally corresponded with the authors. They have all confirmed to me that what they wrote about their children's transitions -- the supernatural events that can precede and continue on after one's transition are true. The last book I should mention is by Shirley Enebrad whom I also corresponded with. Here is a video that Shirley posted.
  20. Dee, I looked down at my cell phone tonight and there your name was, I must have bumped it around and the number came up. So thinking about you! Kate, I remember how hard it was with Ross's cancer. My friend is working with a lot of natural healing methods for her, as the chemo didn't go so well. But she seems to be doing good. I am hoping to make it to my mom's this week. Also, as many here will know, I have had many spiritual experiences that have heightened since my son's passing. This last Saturday was an example of one. I happened to stop at a thrift store and was browsing the cookbook aisle. There was a woman who was also looking. She opened a conversation with me. Told me about her family, grandfather and grandmother and her sons -- in the military ( a big military family). Oddly, she also asked me about Indian Cooking. (like the country of India). This past Thursday I had just happened to visit for the first time a very large grocery store which has many ethic cooking items, including Indian. I was able to direct her to that store as she didn't know where to purchase these items. From there, she started sharing about a young man who had graduated with her Navy Seal son. How she had cooked a large hotdish for her son's Navy Seal graduation party which included this friend. About 3 weeks ago, she saw her son's friend picture on TV as he was killed while on a mission -- Military Duty. I think she was in grief for him. I also believe in divine appointment and always know when these types of meetings occur as they have a certain essence in character. My sister and mom also share these types of sensitivities. Many can share stories of their own personal experiences that cross the veil, that life continues on. I am putting out a candle for this young man from the Navy Seals, I don't know his name, but I want to honor him here.
  21. Dianne and Georgina, are you okay? Haven't seen a post for awhile. Becky, prayers for the niece's friends.
  22. Becky, sending you a Heavenly Birthday Wish for your dear Jared.
  23. Lou Ann, I read your Saturday's post. I totally identify with that. I am shortly behind you, it will be five years this October. We still call Jesse's phone as we kept it on. He says, This is Jesse's cell phone, please leave me a message." And we do, all the time. Kate, thank you for the kind Easter card you sent me, it was very special. I don't know if my email went though to you, so I am posting this here. Susan, thanks for the screen shots. They are very helpful, and you are such a resource. Raine, My son too died in a motorcycle accident. I hate motor sports now. I am posting a picture that I found early on that emphasized my feelings...there are two doves in the son often sends me signs using them...the two symbolize my two sons transitioned to heaven. Also another early pic I treasure.
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