Jesse David & Taylor Mom

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About Jesse David & Taylor Mom

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    Jesse David's & Taylor's Mom

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  • Angel Date
    Jesse David 8/2/84-10/10/12; Taylor James 6/25/87-8/87

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  1. Still reading here, Ricky's Mom, what a lovely pic of your mom! Tommy's mom, quite honest I swear now more than ever. Especially right after Jesse's passing and the trial. period I think that the intense pain brought it was not at anyone, just swearing, especially when I was alone I would have swear fits -- that I had to be here, and my son was not. Every thing seemed so hard -- so insurmountable. This world seemed like a totally foreign rock, and what the hell was I doing here? I felt and still do, feel displaced in this world. I have not accepted Jesse's passing, neither do I plan to as long as I am alive. I guess some would ask: Why? The answer I would give, is because I can... ...I got a kick in the ass from the universe...he did too. Again, for me, I don't think that there is any merit in total acceptance of what has come to pass...but if someone else takes a different is all ok...this is just for me. I recently just viewed "We Bought a Zoo" with Matt Damon. I did not realize it was based on true story of a man losing his wife. I thought it was unusual that the movie's main character actually described grief as it really is, without the usual super annoying platitudes. The real man, Benjamin Mee is from France, and there is a book he wrote. I might try reading it.
  2. Gretchen that is really quite bizarre on his part. And just not nice. Sending gentle thoughts. Thanks Dee for the poem. I still read here, I am sorry there are so many newcomers. May you find rest and comfort in the days ahead...
  3. Ugly Shoes Poem I am wearing a pair of shoes.They are ugly shoes.Uncomfortable shoes.I hate my shoes.Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.Yet, I continue to wear them.I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy.I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.They never talk about my shoes.To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.There are many pairs in this world.Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they thinkabout how much they hurt.No woman deserves to wear these shoes.They have made me who I am.I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child
  4. I am sorry to see all the new faces here, but this place was a lifesaver for me. My son Jesse was killed by an inattentive driver in 2012. She was unrepentant and ran away from the trial for a period of time. It was only after I mounted my own manhunt that she was dug up and kept in jail until trial. After she killed my son, she had a battery charge against her for attacking someone and was a meth user. There were many liars that made up tales to cover their own asses which we managed to overcome for that conviction. So, I understand the rage and fury of it all. We went through a 2+ year trial. She was convicted but her sentencing was not enough. She still has not attempted to pay anything. I would say things have gotten less "raw" but there is always the missing. I wish you all gentleness in this journey.
  5. Hoosier guy -- my sister in law and myself are in the same boat. Right after my son passed my grandson was born 4 months later. On May 15, the bad mom dropped him off (abandoned) him on my doorstep. I raised him from there but now the mom has decided after 3.5 years of being absent that she wants to be the primary and we are fighting her tooth-and-nail. I have confidence in you! You can do it! Georgina, peace to you as you continue the search for justice for James. I would have to check on the video. Also BECKY!!! great sign from Jared.
  6. Cassandra, I came across your post today. Here is a link from the Mayo Clinic (very well known health clinic) on cardiomyopathy. Prayers for healing and management of your condition are sent. Hugs.
  7. All, just a note to say I am doing okay. I am sorry for all the new parents here, I send you all gentle thoughts at this difficult time. I am including a link to the Helping Parents Heal Newsletter for Bereaved Parents. This April they are having their first conference in Scottsdale Arizona. Thanks Dee and Sherry for all your dedication to this site. **************************************************************************************** Excerpt from an article in the Helping Parents Heal Newsletter Written by Beth D'Angelo - Helping Parents Heal - Hawaii Affiliate Leader Death did not take away being his mother nor did it separate our love. We carry our children with us in our voices, our thoughts, in the work we do with our hands and in the heart consciousness of being vulnerable, real and authentic in the presence of another. I have changed my way of understanding what I now know; I have no regrets or resentments in the life I continue to share with Sean. Life happened. My heart broke. I lost my smile and found it again. I enter the rooms of loss and cry hard. I walk out of those rooms and bring love and hope to others until it is my time to return to those crying rooms. I go there because I can. I walk out — because I can. It wasn't always like this, but I have cultivated a life that makes it possible to live inside my story with grace and meaning. I share my time with another mother who has lost their beloved child because every time I am in their presence, I see myself. I see where I was and where I am today and if I can hold a torch for another to light their way, I am passing on the gift of hope that was given to me on one cold February night, when my light dimmed.
  8. Thanks to all those who mentioned Benton's was a Ninja Turtle theme this year... Susan, thanks for sharing the pic... Dee, what does the fund do for the Syrian Children?
  9. I thought the story might be an encouragement to all that are here...these are sacred moments...I am always encouraged by that lovely photo of Erica's light... Also, Becky you out there? doing okay? Bob, Jesse would have loved to be cooking that sausage up on the wood stove...we have done that some ourselves... Colleen, good to see your post here, it is hard to come to terms with how our loved one passed...I agree... Cheryl, thanks for posting the pic of your lovely grand daughter....congratulations of her early graduation! Tommy's Mum, it can be healing to find something to pour your heart into, one bereaved mum I talked with organized a homeless shelter for vets as her son died in the Iraqi conflict. She took in many soldiers who needed healing and still does this kind of work. Kate, thinking of you and Ross too, I suppose you up there still have plenty of mom who only lives about 4 hours south of me keeps letting me know how they don't have any snow where she is, can't figure that out...She lives pretty close to where Colleen is... Sandy, good to see your post... Wade, hope to hear more from you...its okay to say you are not okay...there is no way anyone has to make this journey...there is no outcome that needs to be arrived at...I send gentle thoughts your way.... Susan, also thanks for the pics of the sunsets, very lovely... Finally, thanks again to Dee and Sherry for staying on here... Today was my Grandson Benton's 4th birthday...he is a rainbow child as he was born shortly after Jesse passed...we were so happy to have him today.
  10. Wade, good to see your Brooks face here tonight... I am sorry if I missed any angelversarys or other special events...may you all know your angels are close. I have a sharing to post here that just occurred on Jan 27. It is about my older sister Julie, who was also killed by being ran over...I am reposting what I wrote about this event: Love never dies. ************************************************* I had a older sister that passed in 2003. We all believe she knew her time was near as afterwards, we found cards that she had gotten for us that would be for the entire rest of the year, like birthday, easter, most were were filled out. (she was ran over as a pedestrian)... Now shortly before she passed, she had wanted to take my younger sister out to a steak dinner for a birthday. My younger sister's fiance was to be included. However, my older sister passed before that dinner occurred, she passed in May. Now, this last Friday -- Jan 27, my younger sister went out with her fiance to a steak house. Now, this particular restaurant is across from the cemetery where my older sister is buried. There was a long line to wait, it was to be about 45 minutes. However, a waitress noticed that my younger sister and her fiance waiting, and asked how many were in their party and my sister said only the 2 of them. The waitress, said she didn't know why, but she felt drawn to them. (my sister didn't know what to make of this, for a random stranger to say that)... The waitress sat my sister and fiance down at the table for 2 and was their server throughout the evening. My sister's fiance commented that maybe my older sister had a hand in this...well after they had been seated, certain songs kept coming on the overhead which would have been my sister's kind of music, (like early retro music from the 70s) It was unnerving for my younger sister. And the waitress kept repeating to my younger sister throughout that evening how drawn she was to them---synchronicity?? Now at the end of the dinner, my younger sister was exhausted thinking about my older sister and all the songs on the overhead which kept playing which were my older sister's genre... Finally, before my sister left the steak restaurant, the waitress told her again that she felt a connection with her, and if she ever needed anything, to look her up. The waitress said her name was JULIE. My deceased sister's name is JULIE.
  11. It has been a long 4 + years since my beloved son has transitioned to his new home. I have found that still after all this time, not much makes sense to me in my life. I would say the raw terrible pain has faded...however, I still have not returned. A faded version of me exists and I have improved my skills at carefully hiding behind a mask -- very well crafted to hide the heart pain from the outside world. I now travel The Road Not Taken.
  12. Tommy's mum, thanks for sharing your poetry on this thread. Sending you gentle thoughts and healing wishes.
  13. Beautiful Girl Lauraliz, we wonder why such lovely ones get taken. You might be familiar with the song by the Band Perry, If I die Young...just don't understand. You are more than welcome to join us on the thread Loss of an Adult Child. There is a very interactive group there...we post as we can. If you just want to "hang out" there, and read along, or need to vent it is all okay. Hugs.