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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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noahsmommi

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    35
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About noahsmommi

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 07/26/1987

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Loss Type
    Loss of my Momma
  • Angel Date
    Feb 20th 2013
  1. My beautiful queen passed in Feb yr...With christmas coming around, i want to get my siblings something special in memory of my mom...Any ideas what would make a nice sentimental gift??
  2. So I was heart set on being the one to handle my beautiful momma's clothes when she passed. I had a plan. I was going to donate them to a local thrift store where the half of the proceeds go to help children with cancer. I thought it would be a beautiful tribute to her battle with cancer. Now here we are almost 4 months later and I cant seem to part with them. So many memories I see in so many different pieces. It shocked me how I could remember "she wore this at my graduation" or "she wore that when she would clean the house in summer days". I found this great idea to make a quilt out of different article of clothing. I also found this awesome website where you send a few articles of clothing and she will make a teddy bear out of it. I am looking for other ideas that I can use her clothes to make and keep them with me instead of in a bin in our basement. Thank you all for reading <3
  3. Feel like I lost myself...

    Suzybird, That is exactly me. The emotions are insane. I never used to be an emotional person at all. I mean im the youngest of my siblings. Im 25 and I have a 32 and 40 yr old brother and sister. And I was the one who took my mom in and was her caregiver. I can honestly say ive always been the strongest one. But since her death ive been a mess. It got ok for a while but now its getting harder and harder everyday and im more emotional than ever. I don't feel like that strong, independent person I once was. I don't know who I am anymore.
  4. Its been three months since my dear momma passed. It's still so new and trying to get used to life before she got sick is proving to be so difficult. Especially for me, who was her primary caregiver. I find myself so lost. Im 25 and have been independent for sometime now. I moved out on my own when I was 19. I am married and have a 4 yr old. My dream was always to have a family of my own. My childhood wasn't easy and I wanted to create a good home for my family. And I can say I have all Ive ever dreamed of. A wonderful husband and a beautiful son who are the center of my world. I was in Bliss. Until my momma started to get more and more sick. Eventually she moved in with us and I care for her until the end. Now that's shes gone, I feel so lost. I feel like I lost my identity. I lost the joy I once had in my family. Im not happy with my life at all. I feel like a 15 yr old. Lost in this big bad world. And don't know where to turn.
  5. First month

    Miss U Dad, I remember the first month all too well...My momma passed away 3 months ago yesterday. I think the first month, especially the anniversary of it, was the most difficult for me. It was when my shock and numbness was starting to fade and the reality of it was starting to be pretty clear. Shes not coming back. I still overwhelmed most of the time and find myself looking at certain things like yourself and remembering doing things with her. Her coffee cup in the morning and the empty chair where she would sit while we talked every morning. Its a haunting feeling...Your in my thoughts. Stay strong.
  6. I took an ad out in our local paper to wish her a happy mothers day and are releasing balloons with my 5 yr old so he can have something to do for her. Me, im getting the tattoo in memory of her. It still feels like its not enough. I aways made such a big deal on mothers day. Its going to be such a hard day.
  7. Seems to be a popular trend..."I am getting I love you a TON -Mom"... In her handwriting
  8. Grieving period

    Hi alxpete...Im so sorry to hear of your moms passing. It sounds to me like you might still be in a state of shock. I thought the same thing when my mom passed. I seemed so calm and at peace with everything at first. I mean I cried and I missed her but for the most part it seemed I had accepted it the best I could and thought of the happy times too. I was like that for the first few weeks actually. Then once the adrenaline wore off I started to feel it a bit more. then more and more. Grief is like a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days are good, then others are bad. Support is def important and im glad to hear you have a supportive dad. I think given the fact that its been a only a few days its normal for your emotions to still be shocked and numb and NO that doesn't make you a bad person. Give yourself time. Cry when you have to and smile when you can. Your in my thoughts.
  9. Empty House

    I have my husband. I don't talk to my siblings much. Just felt like I lost not only my momma but my connection to my childhood...
  10. OMG u know its so funny u said that...I am going this week to get a line from a letter she wrote me in her handwriting done...Thanks for the suggestion
  11. Its going on 11 weeks since I last spoke to my mom...I miss her so much it hurts...Mothers day is right around the corner and as much as I kept saying I will just ignore it, im a mess already...Mom was cremated, so no grave to be with her or no special spot to bring flowers or anything. I want to do something special but don't know what. I heard some great ideas about memorial gardens made in memory of moms but we don't have a yard Any other ideas?
  12. Today I went back to my moms house, my childhood home for the last time. I have never in my 25 yrs of living seen that house so empty and cold. The rooms actually looks so small. I couldn't believe how my mother made this lil place home for 25 yrs. It was eerie going from room to room. Saying goodbye to my childhood. My home. My mom. I had been doing pretty good upto this point.. Today im a mess. I feel like the grieving has intensified times 100. So lost. I feel like today I said goodbye to my childhood, felt lost in my present and am blinded on a future without my mom.
  13. Feels like I just started over...

    I know the feeling. I feel useless and I think I only held up about her being so sick and dying because I didnt have a second to sit and cry and deal with it. I was constantly busy with her. Now I have sso much time on my hands. It just feels like one looooonnngggg neverending day for me. When u normally have a bad day, u go to sleep and tom is another day. For me, its not like that anymore. I sleep when i sleep but it all feels continued...I miss her soo much
  14. Feels like I just started over...

    Its so hard to accept that shes gone. For me, I knew she was going. It wasnt unexpected. I had "prepared" myself. And for the most part i THOUGHT I had exepted it. But lately it seems like everyday is a struggle. They say to think of the happier times but it makes it worst. To know those are memories and will never happen again. As I drive by a store we shopped at or resturant we had lunch at, I can imagine us in there talking and laughing and its unbearable.When I have a hard day with my 4 yr old (and im sure any mom can relate) I realize I cant call her and ask her advice on what to do I break down. I am so lost without her. I took care of her the past few months and it not only feels like I lost my mom and best friend. It feels like I lost my child. If that makes any sense. I did everything for her. And it gave me a purpose in life. Now im just lost.
  15. My mom has been passed for 6 weeks now. And its been the most difficult time in my life. But I thought I was dealing with it. Or trying to the best way I could. Still did everything I had to. Went about my normal day, with a cry or 2 in between. Went back to work. I was proud of myself at how "well" i seemed to be doing. But now it seems like i literally have started all over. I am a complete and total mess. All I do is cry. All day! No matter what I do or where i go i am bawling. It seems that I just lost her today. I know they say grief is a roller coaster ride. But I wasnt expecting this. I am worst now then I was when she first went. I accepted it as best I could then. I knew she was sick and knew she was dying. Now, I CANT accept it. Im miserable without her
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