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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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  1. I Believe in God...

    LOL - when people talk about their experiences with some christians, and christians talk about the negative experiences they get when they try and bring up their faith, I always think of the term 'bible bashing' (not sure if it is just a term in my country or world wide?) - it refers to super fervant christians trying to convert every man, woman, dog (fish, cattle, handbag etc within a 50mile radious. The other term I often hear is about how non christians hate " having it rammed down their throat" which always reminds me of this really funny christian guy who I saw on video at a friends - who did a big 'ham it up' thing about ramming bibles down peoples throat (complete with lubricant and big exaggerated actions of truing to force some massively oversize bible down the throat of some poor screaming victim) Anyway while I dont want to be judgemental, and I could be totally and utterly wrong on what i am about to say here, I cant help but feel that sometimes, the enemy (satan) who is known as the master of deceit and trickery - is also attacking people in a way many christians dont even see. That he (the devil) who likes to whisper into all our ears (christian or non) and will whisper as though he is our own thought so he wont say " you should go steal that" but instead would say (so you think it is your own thought) "why shouldn't I take it, I have done so much for the person who owns it and they didn't appreciate any of it - so really its not even stealing, they owe me and it will do them good to learn not to take people for granted" Or whatever the situation may be - so when he decieves he isnt saying 'oh go on, go do that bad thing' instead hes saying 'well if they hadnt done this or that, or spoke to me that way then I wouldnt be doing this, its their fault and I have put up with enough" if you see what i mean (hes that little voice that kicks in when someone insults you or annoys you, and speaking as if he is you, starts riling you up Anyway - that to me is really deceitful and as a christian I still get caught out by it all the time, thats satans way - not jump out in a red suit with a tacky plastic halloween fork and go hello im the bad guy, the devil, but instead sneak into our thoughts like he is us, or even worse - like he is god And I cant help but wonder sometimes when I hear a well intention ed christian jump up on a soapbox in a shopping mall or whatever, and address a bunch of complete strangers who likely have no interest in hearing about Jesus and god - why god would want that person to start their speech not with the free gift of life, why they never seem to mention gods sense of humor or his generosity (an elder at my church researched the water into wine incident and converted the amount of wine, plus quality into current day figures and came up with something like 9 million $ worth of wine Jesus made from water at that wedding) - yet so many peoples first or only experience of Christianity is some self righteous pompous person announcing to them a long list of sins that will need to be stopped immediately repented (the word repent has been turned into something different from what god intended it to be - if you ask me - its been turned into this horrible, dreary life and fun-sucking term to describe the immediate halt of anything even remotely enjoyable. Anyway - who is served if people come away from an encounter with an 'evangelist' thinking god is this grumpy grim, short tempered (and easily inclined to ' smite' ) miserable old fart with no imagination and an overwhelming desire to call an end to anyone anywhere having fun. However god is love, god is laughter, god is fun look at some of the bizzaire creatures on this world, think about god designing them and then ask yourself how he could possibly have come up with stuff like this, this, this or this I know some people will read this and think I am implying that god is giving a free pass to all and sundry (ie get saved then do what you like and still go to heaven), i think those people are missing the point, which is that anyone who has been truly saved will experience god the reality and that will change them - much like even the most hardened criminal probably has an honour code and wouldnt trash someone who had been very good to them, out of respect appreciation and love - so anyone who is saved will change not because they have to but because they want to. However I cant help but wonder how many people may miss the chance altogether because their impression of god is a negative (and incorrect) one of a boring, fun-killing old tyrant who will be impossible to please, and even if you do manage to please him - the only reward will be an eternity being bored senseless sitting on a cloud listening to choral music you hate.... If there is anyone reading this who is pretty sure thats exactly what god, Christians, bibles, church and so on are about please msg me - Id like to share my experience with you (as someone who thought exactly that) And if you are a christian who feels called to evangelism, I dont want to be judgemental, but I do hope you will remember what it was like for you before you were saved, and remember that when you talk about the bad stuff like hell, you are doing so from a place where you know who and what god is and that he is wonderful, but the people you are talking to may not have that experience, and they see god as something very narrow, and limited. And ask yourself how what you are saying about god will make that person feel, given they dont have the benefit of the holy spirit to guide them. Also if you are thinking that i am preaching a free ride - ask yourself - is god a helpless little 'thing'? No. So therefore, if a person is saved - isnt it entirely possible and likely that any changes that person may need to make, God will manage and manage perfectly - even if you neglect to mention these sins to the person you are evangelising altogether? And think about how you felt when you first were saved and that first time you really felt gods presence, that moment of OMG - this isnt just something I am trying to convince myself of - OMG there is actually someone.... out there someone who is NOT me, or my imagination or wishful thinking - but a real, powerful, and totally different personality(from anything I could imagine up). Then ask yourself - whether any person who might accept god, is going to experience that personal 'person' of god for themselves - and willfully deny him or decieve him? To me if I look at it that way, what a person is or is not into isnt relevant. All thats relevant and important is to ensure they have the chance to understand who they are, and who god REALLY is, then decide if they want to meet him. If they do, then god will take care of the rest. Oh, and in termsof god taking care of the rest - if you are a non christian thinking what that means is once you get saved - 5 minutes later god is going to be grumping and muttering at you making you do stuff you really dont want to, or maybe even dont see the point of, like a mean school teacher or bully boss, I can say, as someone who is honestly the most self righteous, defensive, and reactive to criticism, person I know, that god has this really unique way of dealing with sin which is NOTHING like anything you have experienced with any person ever in your life. Its totally different, it doesnt even feel like a telling off or restriction, you NEVER ever feel like god is ordering you to do something - you always feel totally 100% free to choose what you want to do, and you know that even if you choose something wrong, you are still saved - its a gift not something you can earn, or something you can lose once you have been given it. And when god does teach you something - the closest thing i can use to describe it (and its not really close at all - i just cant find any better words in the english language) is that god never ever tells me off, but sometimes he opens my eyes - like imagine you are sitting staring out your window at the street below - then out of the blue unexpectedly, the view out that window suddenly has another 2 or 3 dimensions to it. Suddenly you can see peoples throughts and feelings like they are physical objects, suddenly you can percieve the real hurt and pain caused by some simple action, or the real joy and change to someone elses life. Suddenly this view out your window which was kinda 2-3 dimensional - like an old VCR tape that is getting worn, turns into this vibrant full colored rich landacape (your old vcr with jumps and stalls just became the hobbit in full 48fps with 3d - but even better)). Well that description is my very poor comparison (poor as in doesn't even come close to describing the reality and richness of the experience) of disclipline/learning/correction as you will have known it in the world (even if you have been 'disciplined or criticized by someone who is a master in human emotion and psychiatry and thus does it brilliantly and painlessly) in comparison to how it is when god decides to correct you. He doesnt 'corect' you. He doesnt tell you what to do at all (in my experience), he just opens your eyes and reveals the truth of things to you in a very rich and indescribably full way. And a situation that may have confused, angered, or frustrated you, or one where you just couldnt figure out the right way to deal with it - suddenly its like your eyes are opened, and you see 100% of what it is, and realise before you didnt even see 10%. And you understand it, and you understand it not just in your mind (though if you think about it you may find that insight just keeps flowing) but also in your sub consciousness, and I guess, your gut. And once you can see exactly what is happening in a situation - what is happening to and for all parties and why - then the right solutin is glaringly obvious - and you straight away know what you need to do. And you feel nothing but thanks to god - because he never told you off or told you what to do, he just opened your eyes and let you see EVERYTHING - and so those changes christians make often feel like a gift. I cant think how else to describe it and I am sure that not a word of what i have written is even close to describing how it realy is to experience. But the thing is - well for me anyway - I never experienced this before deciding to become a christian. Nothing even remotely like it. I felt and truly believed even at the moment I decided to take a chance on god - that it would honestly - be something I would have to convince myself mentally was real, or something I would convince myself was real using logic - ie researching historical events and then logically coming to the most reasonable conclusion. The actual reality of it i never in a million years expected to happen I think I saw it like a diet or new fashion trend (I like to change my diet, clothing look etc all the time, so tend to embrace stuff like that if it seems like it will fit what i want at the time) - anyway all of those things Id approach the same way ie I need to lose weight - google weight loss - check out new terms and diets id not heard of, when one appealed, reseach it as much as possible. When coming across negative reviews of it, unless that was all i found, Id convince3 myself they were biased or a small percentage it didnt work for or a small percentage whos body type didnt react, or whatever. Id also lap up all the forum posts and any other info that was positive, getting excited as i imagined my results being as good as the people who had lost 10 kgs in 5 days or whatever until by the time i brought the diet plan or found a bootleg copy of it somewhere - I was well convinced it was the right thing and I felt i had scientific, reasonable evidence it would work. And often times it would work, or at least partially met expectations. I expected christianity to be like that - even though i never admitted that to myself even (after all that would be admitting no faith then of course nothing would happen - due to having no faith) in the back of my head even when I committed to jesus, there was a voice that i considered the voice of the actual, real reality, saying that it was just a crutch for people to avoid the reality of death, and that it was a nice idea but wasnt real. So I was really honestly surprised when things happened that i knew were not my trying to talk myself into it, because of the way they happened and the logic - i i had invented them or simply been trying to draw conclusions about random events to suit my own need to believe in a god - the conclusions and in particular, the reasoning and logic behind gods actions would never have been what it was - the way things happened was simply not at all ever like how id have fanaticism up my idea of god. I remember one of my first thoughts when i realized god really was real was not 'god is real' but " OMG there is someone - a person who is not me - OUT there doing stuff" anyway to cut a long story err...long (this is never going to be a post anyone would call short!) I am trying to say that god is god, hes his own person and he has his own plan, and he will make that plan happen, regardless of what we do. Those people who are focusing on the sin that needs to be repented - ask yourself - isnt god big enough to sort this stuff out regardless of what you do? isnt god going to be in that persons life in a very personal way the moment they commit to him - and isnt he going to sort things out then? Do you need to focus on the sin? What if you just show people the really cool, stuff about god, that you have experienced, and that you know they can have too? And secondly - at the end of the day, Jesus paid the price on the cross for all of us because we cant ever ' earn' salvation. Please be aware and careful that you dont inadvertently give a non christian the idea that salvation is earned, or is only available to people who meet a certain criteria. That reasoning is of the world and of satan, not of god who overcame that on the cross. And ask yourself whether a true believer could or ever would willingly deny god and actively continue with sin without any desire to leave that sin behind? I dont feel any saved christian could. They might still sin for a long or short time, but they will not be feeling happy about it and will probably be praying for gods guidance and help with it
  2. Any Muslims here grieving?

    salam alaikum mummy247 I am sorry for your loss, I cant imagine how you must be feeling at the moment - my parents are (thank god) both still alive - but old and with health issues and the knowledge that I may lose one of them any time, combined with the fact that they are not - as we christians put it - saved - distresses me greatly. I really cant imagine how I will cope with the loss of either. I pray for them both often but still worry. Unfortunately, for you, I am not a Muslim either, I am a christian.but have known some very intelligent, wise and caring Muslim people (ironically one of the things which finally helped me become a christian was a comment a wonderful and very insightful Muslim lady made about god). I believe the god I worship is the same god that muslim people worship and seek to know better. I personally feel strongly that the Muslim people are very dear to god and very much on his mind and heart. By that I mean not just that I logically think this, but that any time I think of Muslim people or pray for them, I very quickly experience the presence of the holy spirit and the overpowering sense of love that comes with gods spirit. So to me, it really feels like god has a very special plan and place for muslim people. I was wondering what your questions were? I am going to take a guess that they are about whether your mother went after she died, and maybe there are some unanswered questions about where she stood with god at the time she passed. I could be totally wrong - thats just what I am pretty sure I would be desperate to find out in your situation. So while I obviously cant comment from a muslim perspective, I would say that if you have any concerns about where she stood with god at the time she died, or maybe you felt there were things she needed to resolve with god that she (as far as you know) did not, have you considered the fact that your mother may have made her peace with god in ways you are not aware of? By that I mean that I believe that it is probably true that some people may, when dying, lose consciousness, but be unconscious for some time before they completely die and leave their physical body. Who is to say what may happen in that time, and what encounters a person may have with god in their spiritual body which their family and friends simply have no awareness of. So regardless of what your fears are with regard to your mother and where she will spend eternity, at the end of the day, you will never be able to say 100% for sure, until your own time comes. And thus, you can also never completely lose hope that anything that she needed to resolve with god, was not resolved - because there is always the possibility that it was resolved in that time between losing consciousness and actually physically dying. Another thing I have found very helpful when I have very important questions for god, is to ask him straight out then just flick through my bible (for you, the Qur'an obviously) until it falls open at a page that feels right, then look at the left or right page of the two open - again whichever feels ' right' and see what the passage says. Have you tried that, if not, if you can do that without breaking any laws of islam (not an expert as i said but i cant think of any that it would break) please do try. At the end of the day it sounds as though you have questions about god, so why not ask the only one who can give you the true answer? If you try this and on your first attempt the passage you end up at does not seem very meaningful and relevant within a few lines, read a little more, and if still nothing is really strongly feeling like god is speaking to you through the verse - , then try again. For me, from day one as a christian, doing that in most cases left me staring in joy and amazement at a verse that was so totally specific to my question that I just knew it was because god was answering me. That happened over and over. And while I will be honest and say that as a Christian I do feel that the Islamic faith is missing the biggest and most important point, I also feel that the loving god we both worship, will hear your prayers and will show you a passage which answers your prayers and needs if you ask him and keep asking him till it happens. If you decide to try this and you find any answers or peace with it, I would urge you to also ask god to show you outright what the difference is between islam and christianity, and to make it clear to you which is the truth. Hopefully there is a way you can honestly ask god to reveal this to you which will not be offensive to your muslim faith. I am sure if you do this, that god will answer you (might not be straight away but he will answer) and when he does your answer will be given in a way that leaves no doubt for you of the truth. <--- but dont worry about that at the moment - just ask god in a way which is consistent with your faith, to help you with the answers you need about your mother. I pray god will show you the answer to your questions, and that with that you will also find some measure of comfort and peace and that you wont take offence from my post - if I have offended you, it was definitely not intended god bless It would also be great to hear back from you (not just me but i am sure others who posted or will post) if you find the answers you are seeking
  3. I am so scared.

    Ive just posted a reply to another person who was asking the same thing (but for herself) as you - about the fear of dying.. If you want to read it that thread is here. So I wont repeat myself again here (Id end up with repetitive strain injury if I did for starters - typing it all out again . As Hermann has posted above, Jesus can and does heal people from all sorts and I personally know people who have had healings that cant be explained (ie xray of broken bone, then prayed for then another xray a week after the first and break is gone and like it was never there) - a bed bound person getting up and walking after bot doing so for a long long time... and many more The other thing which I feel for me personally would be even more important than healing - which I believe god can and does do - is that the very instant I became a christian my fear of death was gone, just like that. Its never returned. Even if I myself am having a bad day and the devil is trying to put doubt in my mind, I still just dont have that fear - its like it was some physical thing that someone stole away so now even if i wanted it back I couldnt have it- its so completely gone. Meeting the god who made her through Jesus Christ is the most fundamentally 'real' life changing thing that your daughter can (and should) have. And I believe that he will take away her fear of death. You say you are religious and believe in an afterlife - I am not sure what that means for you, but would say personally I was very convinced that god existed in many forms and that not just through christianity - but through many other religons a person who was geniunely seeking would find god. However when I was as a non christian thiking I would 'go through the motions'of converting to my then boyfriends religon as it would save a lot of stress (and I thought hey not looking like ill ever become a christian or something anyway so why not just do this to make his (then boyfriend) s family happy. And out of the blue and very unexpectedly and weirdly for me, this voice said in my head the passage from the bible where jesus says "I am the way the truth and the life - no one comes to the father but through me"and the same voice then asked me "can you ever really deny me?" I should mention now that I am from a non religious family with parents who are basically athiests, so I had never been raised as a christian and there was certainly never ever ever any pressure on me or teaching in my upbringing that 'Jesus was the only way ' so this "can you ever really deny me?" could be considered a really random question to anyone who knew me - as I wasnt some kid brought up religious who was having to mentally defy her family and her upbringing, in fact when I had considered religons, Jesus had been a point of contention for me (is he god or is he separate - how can there be one god and 2 people, if god runs everything why did jesus need to come to earth and die, etc etc So I believed in god more than the idea of jesus - and here is this very soft warm - and undeniably loving voice saying "can you ever really deny me?". Id have expected in a situation like that to say 'err i already have' However - as soon as that question was asked of me, my conscious brain didn't have a chance to answer before what I felt was a deeper inner part of me just instantly said what I instantly knew to be my truth. Which was no. It was like the moment i heard his voice - every thought i had had about god not being real or jesus not being god as the son - they all just crumbled and I knew, I just knew straight away my immediate response was 'no I could never ever ever deny you' It was a very loving and overwhelming experience - and I felt this presence this love so strongly I had tears running down my face (I was on public transport at the time and I am not the type who cries in front of anyone - let alone in public) but I couldn't help it - the feeling of this love was just so overwhelming, so immense, so personal, so undeniable. It was actually another few years before i became a christian and was saved - and when I did - I straight away experienced that same powerful and complete and personal and magnificent love that god has for me. and I have experienced it many times since. anyway the thing for me is that time when god said "I am the way the truth and the life" - it was just so out of the blue and unexpected - those words and that whole idea were simply not on my brain at all (even though i was thinking about my boyfriend and conversion to his religion - i felt i didn't believe in Jesus and it simply wasn't a factor in my thoughts that day - any more than if you are planning a holiday and someone said green carpet - that you would have been thinking about green carpet before they said it. what i mean is it simply wasnt something id dream up - if i was going to convince myself something happened it wouldn't have been that cos it just didn't occur to me. It was so not part of my thinking that when god said that to me straight away it was like 'who is that'cos i knew it was not me suddenly thought that I believe that what happened that day was that god blessed me - even though i wasn't a christian and didn't even believe in him, it was so important to him, that I know the truth, that he just kinda (in a wonderful, loving and miraculous way) barged into my head and spoke out loud when he got there (to clarify, lol - i have not been suspected or diagnosed with any sort of schizophrenia or delusions - and do not hear voices on a regular basis (gods spoken like that to me a couple of times after i was saved but he is usually more subtle.) - I am considered for the most part (lol) sane, have a job, am allowed to drive a car, dont see, hear or talk to things that no one else can see. so a voice in my head was NOT a usual event for me! So I guess what I am trying to say, is that when i didnt believe in jesus and felt that if god was real then he could be worshiped via more than one 'religon' god himself went out of his way to make it very clear that jesus is the one way to god. And the immediate experience of gods presense - in a way id never experienced before - in my life the very moment I committed as a christian - and the long list of çoincidences in my life since - have made it abundantly clear that Jesus is absolutely and totally - the key. So - I cant help but wonder if your daughter as you say is so full of fear - if that fear is not limited to the physical suffering she will face - but if you know that she is afraid of what comes after that - then I really hope she will think about accepting jesus as her saviour (if she isnt able to or sure maybe she can just ask god to give her a sign about this - i am sure he will if she keeps asking him to) I know that god can take that fear away instantly and completely so that it wont come back - you literally cant get it back if you try - hes always with her and all she needs do is ask jesus to come into her life and forgive her sins, - to acknowledge that he died on the cross for her sins, and ask him to be her god. as soon as she reaches out to god - he will respond and she will have peace, and the certainty that she is going to live for ever I also and love to ski and I believe there are mountains (and of course, ski areas) in heaven - so i hope that Ill see her there one perfect powder day
  4. I'm scared.

    Hi there I thought Id post my experience even though I dont have a terminal illness (and I cant imagine how it must feel for you ). As a child I was terrified of dying. Not the childish worry of being killed - ie not scared of the pain of physical death - obviously that didnt appeal either! Nor was i afraid id be hit by a bus, or get sick or anything like that What really deeply terrified me to the core was the knowledge that one day I would cease to exist. This terror started to come to me every night in bed around the time I suppose I was old enough to comprehend that one day I would die, and understand that nothing i, or anyone else on earth could do would prevent that. I dont know why I felt this way as a child, but every night when I got into bed and was alone in my bedroom I would find myself in this terrible, terrifying dark and lonely (when I say lonely that word seems really trite, and - not at all 'enough'to describe the awful alone-ness I felt). I couldn't stop thinking about how I would die one day, and my belief (then) that everything would stop and I wouldn't think, feel, see... anything ever ever again. Id try and comprehend the enormity of never being alive again, and it horrified me. It got to the point where in the evening I would start feeling this really terrible dark horrible sick feeling knowing when I went to bed id be left with my thoughts on this and the fact that no one and nothing could make this one go away or fix it for me (cos no one could make me live forever) As I grew older and became an adult, I learnt to stop focusing on that and stopped having those terrible dark times at night. But the dark, kind of 'horror'i felt knowing that one day I would die - that was always somewhere in the back of my thoughts. When going through a rough breakup - I would after crying over the guy - end up dwelling on death again, and it seems to me, that my entire life every hour and minute of every day it was always there in the background. I dont mean i focused on it or even thought about it, but it was this thing that was always there - meaning even in the happiest times - I would somewhere hidden away in my mind - know that one day everything would be gone (as in my life when I eventually die) I became a christian a couple of years ago, and I can honestly tell you - that though Id heard as we probably all have - christians talking about how once they were reborn they didnt fear death any more - I didnt understand how real that was. I thought if that happened to them, then it would happen in the only way I could have understood it then - which is - 'if they had decided to convince themselves there was a god - then they would be telling themselves that they were not ever going to die' To me I figured that it would be like anything else in life - things you decide are good, bad, real, fake - you do based on the evidence - and even in the most compelling situation - there is always the understanding somewhere in the back of your mind that it might be wrong... I figured even if a christian was totally into it and sure they had eternal life - that little thought 'what if you are wrong'would still be in the back of their mind and so their fear of death would still be there even if it was less. I really cant explain it in any other way except to say the moment I became a christian - even though I was not at all sure 'anything would happen' - immediately my fear of death - that dark place that I wonder if we all have to some extent if we are not saved - simply due to our mortality - that fear was gone. Not logically me telling myself it was gone cos i had become a christian. It was gone fully and completely in a way I couldnt ever have convinced myself to feel. It was not like I 'realised'i didnt need to fear death - or even thought about that. It was more like that fear was a big brick on my shoulders and someone just took the brick away out of the blue. I couldn't explain why that terrible dark feeling about death was gone, it just was. That was the first of many many things that made me realise.... OMG (excuse the pun) there really is 'someone'(as in a personality, a character - a person with their own little plans and projects) out there.... I am absolutely sure that if you decide to ask Jesus to be your saviour, and mean it - that he will take away your fear straight away like he did mine. Maybe not your fear of the physical pain of death - but the fear that you will no longer exist - or the fear of where you might be going. You will not need to talk yourself into believing that - you will just suddenly not be afraid any more - like a part of you that is deeper inside you than your conscious thinking - 'knows' beyond all doubt that you are going to heaven to live for ever - knows that so surely that it wont allow your conscious mind to be afraid any more. If you are thinking that you dont know if you believe in god, or in jesus, for me to be brutally honest i wasnt even sure i believed in him when i made my statement of faith as a christian), you could think of it this way... if hypothetically he WAS real, and he WAS the way to heaven and to eternal life, and he loved you and died for you, if you discovered that was true, would you then accept his free gift of eternal life - or say no thanks I dont want to live forever. Obviously - if you knew for sure, any sensible person would accept jesus. People done because they feel they are not sure, or there isnt enough proof (there is but rather than getting into a long theological debate...) Anyway if you know that if he was real, youd happily do the whole christian thing, and if you hope he is real and wish you could know for sure, you could try what i did which was basically just say to him (out loud or in your head), that you are going to give him the opportunity to show you if he is real, then say I accept that Jesus died on the cross for me, Jesus please come into my life as my god, forgive my sins and save me. When i made that statement I meant it - but at the same time I didnt feel at all sure I believed in it - and i really didnt think anything would change or happen - unless I made it happen (like if you go on a diet and go im going to be a healthy eater - you still have to force yourself to eat salad not burgers lol) Thats kinda how I assumed it would be to 'be a christian'- just some thing i would try and convince myself of the merit of. However when I made my statement to god I also knew that I was saying 'if you are real, then I DO commit to you' And it seems, for god that was enough as immediately there he was. Its really hard to try and explain that to anyone who has not done it themselves - I know I heard people tell me about it plenty of times and I still never ever came close to understanding what happens. So as I write this I worry that you will not be able to understand what it is actually like. But hopefully you will consider this thing - if you make that statement - and mean it if god is real... well either he is real and you just got yourself eternal life and the amazing realization that god really is real, or if god is not real and i am simply deluded - well you haven't signed any contract that is binding here on earth, so you haven't lost anything. So try it - worst case scenario nothing happens and you are no worse off, best case scenario you are saved and you will no longer have that terrible fear of death. so you have nothing to lose The same goes for anyone else reading this... I hope and pray that god reveals himself to you so you can be freed from the fear that you must be feeling now. He is always with you, every hour of every day, and he wants nothing more than to hold you and take away your fear and uplift you through this - but he WILL NOT disrespect your right to make your own decision, and I think thats why most people dont experience who god really is until they become saved. Because for him to become really 'present'before you do that would be interfering in your life and your decisions. Please if you happen to read this (I see your post was mid last year) I hope you will think about it, and maybe even ask god - if he is out there - to give you a sign, or bring someone into your life who knows him. Honestly - all of the fear of death that you have right now - he can and he will take that away straight away, he is just waiting for you to give him the ok to do so...... For others out there who are saved or maybe (please god) read this and decide to become saved - please post your experiences and describe how he takes away the darkness - so that others can see that they don't have to suffer that fear I know this is a big long, and probably really bible-bashing, religious looking rant (oh no another one of those Christians trying to convert anything that isnt nailed down :-). And Id not normally post something which to me feels so 'pushy'. But the fact is that I am saying this to someone who has a limited amount of time to make a decision which is literally life or death - so i dont have time to gradually get to the point.. But what I am telling you is the truth as I experienced it. And to me its like if you see a person who needs saving - maybe drowning, or about to commit suicide, or whatever - you dont stop to see if they might be offended- you take action and jump into the river and swim to them, or grab a hold of them so they dont fall off that bridge. I know god is real -not through what my preacher said at church, or what I read in any book or was told by anyone - but by my own experience of him doing things, telling me things - arranging things, places and people in all sorts of ways. I know he isnt as judgemental and distant as I always thought, I am sure he has a sense of humour, I believe he is far far more creative, and funny and inventive and interesting than I can imagine - and very very different (in a good way) to what i ever imagined he would be like. I also dont think heaven is some boring spot on a cloud, but is like earth but better, bigger, more beautiful and amazing. I am pretty confident I will be able to ski there, and I am hopefull I will be able to fly (without a plane) - hopefully god will also let me at least one time, have bolts of fire come out of my fingers - just cos that would be fun. I believe that in heaven you will still be who you are now - but better - you will be the person you always felt you had the potential to be, you will feel the joy you always felt the potential to feel, you will enjoy the things you did here - and maybe some new things, life will be fun, exciting, interesting and challenging.the food will be divine (and not at all fattening) the wine unbelievable (and no hangover), the sky,ocean, mountains, forests, cities all more vibrant and real and beautiful than here on earth. If you are a skier or boarder the weather will always be perfect and the powder epic - plus your boarding/skiing skills will be amazing, surfers will find the perfect wave, over and over -and always be in the right place to catch it, singers will be inspired, and backed by the most stupendously fantastic orchestra, artists will paint with colors that literally leap off the canvas and shake their hand, golfers will find themselves teeing off on the course of their dreams, with a hole in one achievable, dancers will take flight to their music. runners will move with the wind, animal lovers will walk into a field and have all the creatures of the world come to them, musicians will find their instruments create the most unbelievable sound - sound that comes out not just as something you hear but something you eat and drink and swim in. Engineers, gadget geeks, scientific types will be constantly presented with the most intoxicatingly fascinating things, events, equipment and challenges, botanists will be confronted with mind blowing plant life - where not even one single blade of grass is marred in any way (no brown bits etc), swimmers and divers will be able to breathe under water, and find themselves able to communicate with, and swim with dolphins, and whales in crystal clear water that goes on forever, petrol heads will be able to build their dream vehicle, except a billion times better - and it will probably fly and swim and tunnel through rock then shrink down so you can park it anywhere.... and so on and so on.....think of the most wonderful exciting fantastic things you could imagine then multiply that by a million and know you still aren't close to how utterly cool it will be.