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About rox411

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    shelton ct
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    november 28


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  1. Feeling so alone...

    Jodi, I too put on weight after mom passed, but as you know it was in the midst of many losses in my family. I took a hypnosis class last year that dealt with emotional eating. This is her website. http://www.myhealinghypnosis.com/ I went to her class for 2 reasons, she was giving it locally at the middle school in town, and she was the food and nutrition teacher when I was in high school, so I know she knows what she is talking about. Even though she is in Connecticut, maybe there is a local person that you can find to help. You and I have talked about how much easier it is to be alone, but I find that I am ok in a structured environment like a class. You are so lucky to have such a good friend. Keep in touch-roxanne
  2. Only Child Double Loss

    I am an only child too. Mom passed 11-28 and dad is very sick with cancer. 58 is sooo young! I am so sorry for your losses. I have had several losses around the loss of my mom. I find that I am leaving the tv on all night. I live alone, except for my dog, and just find it comforting to have the tv on whenever I wake up. I can't sit in the quiet at home. I can't relate to your anger, but I may get there. Luckily my aunts have been a great comfort to dad and I .
  3. Death of Cat- can't think straight

    Erin, I had to put down 3 dogs, and have had cats as well. It is always painful to have to make that decision. He was loved while he was with you, and that is really what mattered. It sounds like his quality of life would probably not have been good. There are so many other cats that need your love and care, and I beleive that Henry would want you to take care of another. Not to replace him, but to enhance another cat's life. I wish you the best.-roxanne
  4. to say this has been a tough year is an understatement. in june my dad, 82 at the time, was diagnosed with his second primary cancer-metastatic bladder. mom had chronic kidney, chronic heart disease, copd-you name it. so the summer was spent taking dad to radiation, hospital, etc. mom was doing ok, with some brief episodes of kidney/heart/breathing problems. on august 16th-his 83rd birthday, dad completed radiation. on the 17th, dad got the news that he needed chemo- the same day that mom's cousin was buried. i am a teacher, and a week later, the day before school opened, mom was in the er, for kidney failure, and released a few days later. on october 1-my aunt died (dad's sister in law). mom went back into the hospital several days later-regular room, icu, regular room. on oct. 26th she was sent home to rehab and hospice if needed, due to stage 5 kidney disease and chf-given less than 6 months to live and was on oxygen, needed a walker, and was retaining fluids. While mom was in the hospital, her brother died and the funeral was set for 9 days later- Nov 2. on monday, the 28th, hurricane sandy hit. i lost power for nine days (i have a well) but luckily my parents did not lose it. i had a week off of school, since there was no power and severe damage to the town i work in. this also meant that the nurses and therapists did not get to see mom in a timely manner, because of trees being down, and communication almost impossible. mom did not attend the funeral, because she had serious diarrhea, but i did. during that week, we saw the cardiologist, who said mom looked great, and to call the dr. that gave her the hospice orders. on the monday before thanksgiving, mom had a serious bout of diarrhea and vomiting-probably due to kidney or lactose intolerance. on thanksgiving she ate a chicken wing, some rice and corn saw my son and spoke to my daughter on the phone. that sunday, my cousin's 22 year old son died in a motor vehicle accident. the next day, i got a call at lunch time, from the visiting nurse that mom should go to the hospital, as she was retaining too much fluid, so i drove her there-exactly one month from the time we left. she saw the same dr. who suggested comfort measures, as there was no more that could be done. i asked mom if she wanted to stay at the hospital, dad, was also in the emergency room, at the same time, that day, due to problems with a catheter. i made calls and texts to my aunts-i am an only child, but have several cousins and aunts and uncles. i stayed with mom until about 10 that night. on tuesday i spoke to hospice and told my aunts that if they wanted to see mom, they should come sooner, rather than later. and stayed with mom until about 11 that night. my family from california came on wednesday at about 7 am. i ran errands, and planned to bring mom's dog to see her later that morning. at about 11:50 i got a call to rush to the hospital and picked up dad and the dog. mom was gone when i arrived. her sisters were all there, my daughter was flying in from the west coast, and my son was in the next state. i sent my dad home with my aunts, and stayed with mom alone-about an hour later, my honorary aunt and her daughter walked in and said her mom died an hour before mine did. mom's family had three funerals/wakes to attend in one week. fast forward to christmas week, and my dad was bleeding profusely and ended up in the hospital with his brother in a hospice room down the hall. on 12-29 dad was released and we went to his brother's room on the way out of the hospital, and as we walked in the room, he passed. since august, i have lost 2 cousins, 1 aunt, 2 uncles and my mom- and taking care of my dad. i took off work from the nov. 26th-dec. 12th. and went away with a guy friend for two days the weekend after the funeral. Oh and I forgot to mention that we live 10 miles from Newtown, where the shooting occurred. My daughter got in a car accident with my dad's car on that same day-she is ok but the 92 oldsmobile wagon is a loss. last friday was the first time i cried walking in to work. it just hits at certain times and there is usually no one to turn to for comfort. i miss being able to call mom and tell her the latest-and wish i had a brother or sister to share memories-it is hard being an only child and taking care of everything. i am wondering if there are any other people without siblings that can offer advice... -rox ps-wow this is reallly long
  5. I just lost my mom, but I am probably around your mom's age and divorced in April 2011. I think my son has some of the same issues as you, now that I have another man in my life. The difference is that none of my family or friends have met him. My time with him is private. I vowed that once I started seeing someone, I would not involve them in my family life, unless it got serious enough to involve marriage or living together. At this time it has been over a year that we have been together, but no one still knows him. I think that since you are in the home, it is unavoidable that you know what is going on, and you must feel that it is a betrayal to either your dad or your family. I can understand how that must feel, and how you rationally understand that it is not. My son said it to me this way, he knew me as mom-part of the family and part of a couple, he doesn't know the new me-(as in my first name) and it is going to take some getting used to. Is moving out an option? I know it is different because I am divorced, not widowed, but in my son's case, he grieves in a similar way as you, but instead of the loss of a dad, he is grieving the loss of the family unit that he thought he had. I think you are having difficulty dealing with your mom as an adult and not your mom. Understandable. Another point- perhaps you can tell your mom that you are glad that she has companionship, but to please respect your feelings and not talk about him her plans unless you bring it up. In my case, my daughter wants to hear everything about my friend and our relationship, and gets a kick out of the fact that she hasn't met him, but my son's feelings are different, the subject doesn't come up unless he brings it up. Somewhat the same as with your siblings, everyone reacts differently. I hope this perspective is helpful.
  6. So sorry. As a special ed. teacher, I know that most public schools have social workers, school counselors and psychologists that provide counseling, as a regular ed. intervention. Parochial schools often have religious counselors. Hope it helps.