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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

sincerelysherry

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Everything posted by sincerelysherry

  1. Lost my mom

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mom. My heart breaks for you and what you are, and about, to go through. It is probably the most difficult thing you will ever go through. Almost three years ago my Mom shot herself and I found her. She left notes and the clothes laid out she wanted to be buried in. So, I still see those images everyday. We had no idea she was contemplating this. I cried uncontrollably everyday for a solid year. The amount of guilt one feels is unbearable. Your life has changed forever and your outlook on life has changed and never be the same. Please realize that it wasn't your fault she chose this tragic outcome. Your nerves have been shattered into a million pieces and it will take a very long time to begin to heal. Get counseling, talk about it until you are exhausted talking about it. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Pray, cry, get out of the house, exercise, join a gym or volunteer. Talk to others that have lost a loved one to suicide. The pain never completely goes away but it is true as time goes by the pain will lessen and you will be able to cope and create a new norm. May God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sincerely, Sherry.
  2. Mayra, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are experiencing from this nightmare. Unless someone has experienced this they do not have a clue what you are going through. One does feel tremendous guilt but realize he had issues way before he met you. Millions of people have arguments or disagreements but do not resort to ending their life. He had coping issues which was something within himself and had nothing to do with you. He would have more than likely done the same thing with whoever he was with when times got hard. Please do not blame yourself. Pray, cry, get counseling, keep busy, exercise, talk about it until you are exhausted talking about it, be kind to yourself, give yourself lots of time to begin to heal and to find a new norm. Your life will never be the same, your outlook on life will be different and you will have trouble for a while focusing. But it is true that in time the pain you feel will begin to lessen. May God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. My thoughts and prayers are with you and write anytime. Sincerely, Sherry.
  3. lost and broken

    Dear Kmarie, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Our trials in life are so difficult and my heart hurts for you. You are experiencing a true nightmare. You were created and for a purpose in life long before you met your husband. I know you miss him terribly and you have a million questions and hundreds of emotions you are dealing with but I promise it will become more bearable as time goes on. Your journey is not complete. Your precious children need you and they will be a great comfort to you. Continue your counseling, cry, pray, talk about it until you are exhausted talking about it. Get some help with the children so you can get some rest and sleep. Your emotions have been shattered into a million pieces, like a glass vase, a will never quite good back the same. You will have to create a new norm and new routines. As a Mother of 4 children, you must be a strong woman so I have faith in you. You can do it. Sadly, it is through pain that we grow. Beautiful swords are made out of fire and foraging, lovely diamonds created through pressure, cutting and polishing. You Kmarie are a diamond in the rough and I know you being polished into a compassionate survivor. You are a bright star and example for your children that while life is hard and unkind sometimes, it goes on and we have to make the best of it I hope you can read some of my comments on other's posts. May God wrap his arms around you and your family and give you comfort, peace and strength. I will be praying for you. Sincerely, Sherry.
  4. How to go on?

    No I don't think you ever stop but it will get tolerable and you will create a new norm, a new routine. Yes there are so many arrangements to be made. You are not erasing him just closing out this chapter in his unending story. I'm sure they never even realized what we will be left with. Once again, my heart is hurting for you. Hold on and be strong. You have your journeys to complete. I have faith in you. God bless you and your family. Sherry.
  5. How to go on?

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. Your lives have been turned upside down and will never be the same. I lost my Mother to suicide and I know there are no words to comfort you. I can only imagine losing a child, I am so sorry. My Mom shot herself and my daughter and I found her. She was the dearest, sweetest person you would ever meet. Never in a million years did I think that she would have done that. I never saw any signs. You cannot eat, you are sick at your stomach, you cannot focus, you cannot sleep, you feel tremendous guilt, you have a million questions and you cannot stop crying.You will go through so many emotions like a roller coaster. I cried so hard everyday for a solid year. It has been 3 1/2 years since Mom passed and I still think of her everyday and what we saw. The things that helped me was crying, praying, talking to a counselor or friends until you are tired of talking about it, and please know that it wasn't anything you did to cause this. I have a theory that the problem lies in their coping mechanism. Whether depression, drug or alcohol related, medication related, whatever, I think super sensitive people may have issues coping and after a while, they get very tired and weary of their struggles and inner thoughts. They don't think things will get better and usually things will get better but they go through their inner downward spiral again and again until they can't cope. Unless one has experienced surviving the loss of a loved one most people do not understand the intensity of this nightmare. You will never be the same. You look at life differently, your priorities are different and you have less tolerance for drama and bull crap. Life becomes so precious. I know you do not realize it now but time does help. He has completed his short mission here on earth and gone on to his next journey. He is still watching over you and waiting until you see each other again. You must continue your journeys as hard as that may be. Look how strong you have had to be. Look at the compassion you now have for those that are also experiencing this pain. Unfortunately it is through pain that we grow and build character. If you are angry at God, don't be, maybe he answered your son's prayers instead of yours. Your son is now safe and secure in loving arms. I don't think they realize how it would affect us, but I don't think he would want you to be sad. He would want you to laugh again, smile again and dream again. It is still such fresh, raw pain for you and it will take a long, long time before you start to heal. Be kind to yourself, go to your happy place whether in your mind or a vacation. Give yourself as much time as you need to begin to heal. I am so, so sorry you have had to experience this. I never imagined I would have to deal with this issue or pain. Hold on to each other and know it wasn't your fault. May God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. My prayers will be with you. Sincerely, Sherry.
  6. Destiny

    SerenaMae, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. Bless your hearts. It sounds like you both had a horrible life and my heart goes out to you. First of of all, please do not feel guilty. It was not your choice it was hers. She was tired. Tired of battling life and her demons. She could no longer cope and it isn't your burden to bare. Being left behind from a loved one's suicide is a nightmare. Unless one has experienced it themselves one cannot fathom the deep range of emotions one goes through. It has changed your life forever and will never be the same. It will take a long, long time to begin to heal. Cry, pray, keep busy, exercise, reach out to others in pain, get counseling, talk about it, talk about it and talk about. It will be hard to carry on as normal for a long time. You will have to find a new norm in life. Be kind to yourself and it's okay to escape to your happy place often. She is now with our Heavenly Father safe and secure. She can rest now. She will be with you and watching over you. I am so sorry for the pain you will have to go through but you can do it. We are survivors and stronger than you ever imaged. You will be more compassionate and hold life more dear and precious than before. May God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. Please feel free to write anytime. Sincerely, Sherry.
  7. I am so sorry for your loss. Us, those left behind, do feel tremendous guilt. So many unanswered questions and a feeling of abandonment. Please realize that it was not your fault. Millions of people have problems and issues but do not chose to end their lives. I feel that they lack a coping ability. Also as you well know alcohol is a depressant which makes things worse. We have gone through a nightmare that those that have never experienced this tragedy will never understand. Our lives have been changed forever and life will never be the same. Concentrate on your daughter and being good to yourself. May God bless you and your daughter, give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry.
  8. Just checking in to see how you are doing? Praying for comfort and strength for you.
  9. Mother committed suicide

    I am wishing you a speedy recovery. I know you do miss your Mom and you are right we never stop missing them. This afternoon I was wishing so much I could see my Mom and give her a big hug. It is still such a fresh wound for you. You have been through so much. Even though they left us behind, for reasons we are not sure why, I am confident that they are watching over us, they will help us and they will show themselves to us in nature, sounds, scents, intuition and many, many ways. I continue to pray that God gives you comfort and strength. You are a survivor and remember to still be kind to yourself. Hugs, Sherry.
  10. Mother committed suicide

    TaraLynn, praying you are continuing to heal. Wishing you peace and blessings this Easter.
  11. Tam, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother. 4 years ago, my Mother also shot herself during the holidays, in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and my daughter and I found her. An image ingrained in my brain forever. Never in a million years did I think my Mother would do that. So, I understand the journey you have been through. As you know, our lives will never be the same. We have had to find a new norm and we will probably never truly trust another human being. You have been through a lot. Even though your relationship with your Mom was strained, you still loved her and any of her things left behind materially was and is precious to you. When that person robbed your home, it was like they were taking away a piece of what little you have left of your Mom. It also has shaken your faith in people once again because someone has betrayed you and hurt you. Plus, it is one more hurt in life and you feel like you just can't take anymore pain. You will always be sensitive but you have been through the hardest part and proven you are a survivor. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my Mom or what happened. But you become somewhat more at peace. Continue to pray and talk about it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sincerely, Sherry.
  12. Mother committed suicide

    I am thankful that out of this horrible experience I can reach out and hopefully help you and others in pain. It helps me in the process as well because I know we are not alone and others do care. I hope your counseling went well. Continue to go and talk about your feelings as much as you can. When I went back to work, I too cried off and on all day. I couldn't focus on work and my mind wandered for a long time. My boss and co-workers were awesome to me and very supportive. Everything set me off crying, music, memories, places, movies, TV shows, and yes you become very sensitive and worry about your family and you hurt for their pain as well. Remember to take time and be very kind and loving to yourself because your emotions and nerves have been shattered into a thousand pieces and are still extremely raw. It's like trying to glue back a glass vase that has broken into a thousand pieces. Hold on tight Taralynn, I have faith in you and God is creating a strong, wise, beautiful spirit within you. A diamond is formed into a thing of beauty by pressure, cutting and shaping. You are that diamond. One day you will feel your sparkle again, have faith. Sherry.
  13. Mother committed suicide

    TaraLynn, bless your heart. You sound just exactly like me going through this. All your raw emotions are normal. I too was so mad at God. Before Mom's death, I prayed every night that God would watch over her and keep her safe and I felt like he didn't. But then maybe he answered her prayers instead of mine. Or perhaps, the devil and his power, worked on her mind. We will never know. I too was mad at myself. Was it something I said or didn't say? Something I did or didn't do? Didn't I tell her enough I loved her? Why did she want to leave me? She was my best friend. Didn't she know I needed her too? I don't think they had a clue what it would do to us. But one thing I know for sure is that I am alot stronger than my Mother was. I have suffered from depression too and been through so many heartaches in life but depression and self talk is one of Satan's tools to play with us, so always armour yourself with prayer and love for self and your well being. Her journey in this world is complete and now she has gone on to the next phase in her life. Our journey is not complete yet. Your Dad needs you, your family needs you so be strong. You can do it, I know you can. I have realized that even though I get so tired and weary at times and feel like I can't go on, I pray, I sleep, I go to the happy place in my mind or get outside and enjoy nature and the sun comes up once again and I journey on. I have amazed myself how strong I have been and I know without a doubt I can survive anything now. By you getting up to love and care for your family is an inspiration to them and to us that understand what you are going through. Love yourself more than anyone or anything right now. You have too to keep your sanity. Be kind to yourself. I am so sorry you have been placed on this situation. I never in a million years thought I would experience this type of tragedy but there it is. Everything in life changes, nothing remains the same. We have to deal with what's thrown at us and carry on. You are a survivor, a bright shining star to your family, friends and our Heavenly Father. My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you and I know you will become stronger each day. Remember that God knew you before you were even in your Mother's womb. He made you to love and to carry out a special purpose in life. Be strong, I know you can. Hugs, Sherry.
  14. Mother committed suicide

    Oh TaraLynn, I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mother and this awful tragedy you have been placed in. Your story sounds so much like mine with the suicide of my Mother. Not only rhe story but finding my Mother after she had shot herself. An image in my brain that never goes away. So many questions that will never be answered, so much guilt, so much anger, so many tears, feelings of abandonment. I violently cried everyday for a solid year until I was exhausted. You can't focus and you wake up thinking it was a nightmare but it starts all over. After 4 years, I have finally found a new norm and don't cry as often, but it certainly changes your life forever. Realize it wasn't your fault. It was a weakness within her own self or perhaps she was in so much pain physically and emotionally that God decided to answer her prayers and take her home to keep her safe and healthy once again. There is no way they could have possibly known what damage it would do to those left behind. It does turn our world's upside down and changes our views in life. Be good and kind to youself. Get out of the house, join a group, get counseling, exercise, join a gym, volunteer at a nursing home and talk to those that are holding on but have no one. Talk about it as much as you can. Pray, pray and pray. It is still so raw and new for you. It is going to take a long, long time to begin to heal. Then even longer to find your new norm. Look how strong you have had to be. You will be an encouraging inspiration for those going through tough times. It is through pain that we learn our greatest lessons in life and find our greatest courage. Know that you are not alone Sweetheart. There are those of us who understand. May God wrap his arms around you and your family and give you comfort, peace and strength. Write anytime. Sincerely, Sherry.
  15. My Boyfriend

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. Being the one left behind from a loved one's suicide is a nightmare. The loss from an accident or illness they didn't choose to leave you. A suicide they choose to leave us and we feel abandoned and tremendous guilt. Why didn't I see the signs? Was it something I said or didn't say? First of all, you have a perfect right to work on you and your life. Sounds like you were being responsible. We should get to know ourselves before we bring a boyfriend or husband into our lives. Second, you are not responsible for his actions. Millions of people break up or argue each day and they don't choose suicide. There was a weakness or inability within himself to cope with issues, hardships or sadness. Whether he was born with depression, had alcohol, drug related or medication issues, it was still his decision. Your life has been turned upside down and changed forever. Please don't let his actions prevent you from living your life to the fullest, find your own self and one day find love again. His family is just hurting now and will for years, but one day they will realize it was not your choice but his. It will take a long, long time to begin to heal. Be good and kind to youself. Surround yourself with supportive friends and talk, cry and pray until you are exhausted and are done talking about it. Join a group, volunteer, get out of the house and keep busy. You now have great empathy for those that share your same pain and tragedy. May God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry.
  16. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. There are no words that will help your pain or help you get through this nightmare. This is still so recent it is going to take a long, long time to begin to heal. You will go through so many emotions. You will feel tremendous guilt. Why didn't I see the signs, was it something that I said or didn't say, didn't I let them know that I loved them enough, why did they abandon me? So many unanswered questions. Know that it wasn't your fault. The person that chooses this solution has a coping problem within themselves. Whether they were born with depression, have a alcohol, drug or medicine related issue, they still have a problem with coping. Your life has been turned upside down with this nightmare and your life will never be the same. Unless one experiences this type of death they won't understand. If a person dies from an accident or illness they didn't chose to leave you but a suicide they chose to leave you. Your whole perspective in life changes. It will be hard for you to focus and your mind wanders. I cried violently everyday for a solid year and often for 3 years. After the 4th year I still see the image fused in my brain finding my Mom from a self inflicted gun shot death, but I don't cry as often. Be good to yourself. Talk about it over and over to anyone that will listen. You have to get it out. See a counselor, work, volunteer, join a group that would understand. Get out of the house and most of all cry, pray, pray and pray until you are exhausted. Like I said your life has changed and you will have to find a new norm. Just think how strong you have had to be so far. We are stronger than we think we are. You will now be more compassionate to others that experience this tragedy. You will cherish life differently or become angry and bitter. Chose to cherish it. Continue to honor your son by living life to the fullest because he did not have the strength to. He was in such deep pain that God took him home to heal him and keep him safe and sound. Corey complete is journey here on earth and has now gone on to the next phase of his life. He will always be with you, beside you, watching over you. You will be together again one day. But now, you must be strong and continue your journey and learn from this hardship. May God wrap his arms around you, give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry.
  17. Looking for some advise

    I am so sorry for your loss. I feel it is too soon. My Mom did the same thing with my Dad's things. Be sure and take what you want home. I wish I still had some of those things. God bless and comfort you.
  18. My grieving husband

    Dear Brittney, I am so sorry for your loss. Going through the death of a loved one due to a suicide is an absolute nightmare. It has only been 10 weeks so it is still so fresh. My Mother committed suicide 4 years ago and my daughter and I found her. She had shot herself and it is an image ingrained in our brains forever. I cried uncontrollably everyday for a solid year. It took about three years before I stopped crying as often. Your life changes forever and will never be the same. You feel tremendous guilt, your wonder why didn't I see the signs, was it something I said, did or didn't do. There are a million questions that can never be answered. When a loved one dies from illness or accident, they did not chose to leave you, but a suicide, they chose to leave you. So in a way you feel abandoned. Why didn't they love me enough to stay with us? To be there for us and our lives? You feel like you didn't really know the person you thought you knew. My Mom was always telling me to be positive, have faith, trust God, so I never in a million years thought she would do that. So it makes you sometime question what you were taught. Your husband will never be the same. His views on life have changed, his priorities have changed. You realize life is so short and you are not as tolerant for the petty things one has to deal with especially at work. Give your husband time. His nerves have been shattered into a million pieces and it is going to take a long time to begin to heal. He needs to rest, be good to himself, sleep, exercise, get out of the house, counseling, join a group, volunteer, help others going through the same thing, pray, pray and pray. Talk about his experience and feelings to anyone and everyone until he is tried of talking about it. Get it out of his system. He will have great difficulty focusing on anything for a good while and his mind will wander to his happy place often. Help him to realize it wasn't his fault. Like I said, we feel tremendous guilt. Everyone goes through problems in life. There are those that can cope, and those that can't cope. Those that can't make that choice. Whether they have, depression, a chemical imbalance, medication related or drug or alcohol related, the inability to cope is something within themselves and no one else's fault. His Father's journey in life was completed or perhaps he was in so much pain within that God took him home to be safe and at peace. Your husband will find he is so much stronger than he ever imagined. Just pray for him, have patience with him and reassure him that you will not abandon him as well. May God wrap his loving arms around you, your husband and your family and give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry.
  19. Dear Confused Father, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. As Modkonnie said, it is not your fault and has nothing to do with you. There was an inability within her to cope with life. Being left behind from a suicide is a nightmare. A death from an accident or illness is one where they did not choose to leave loved ones behind but a suicide, they chose to leave us. We feel tons of guilt and feel like what did I do or didn't do or say? We have a million questions that will never be answered. It sounds to me you have been a loving and responsible Father and are doing your best. I am not sure a 5 year old truly understands the gravity of suicide but I would let her take her time to open up with her questions. Even though she was probably sad and disappointed in her Mom's behavior, she will always love her Mom. Keep a picture of her and tell her the happy times you all have had as a family. She is going to feel, why did Mommy leave me? Did I do something wrong, didn't she love me enough, etc... She may always feel inadequate but just reassure her what a wonderful child she is and that adults have problems and don't always make the right decisions but that Mommy loved her very much, she just had problems. That's why it is important to talk to our family about our problems. She can always come talk to you about anything. Consistency is so important. Just let her know you love her and you will always be there for her and give her stability. She will ask questions when she is ready. May God bless you and your daughter. May he wrap his arms around you both and give you comfort and strength. Sincerely, Sherry
  20. I'm scared I'll kill myself. Help.

    Dear Carmen, I am so sorry that you are feeling depressed. I can understand because I have always suffered from it. Please realize that there is help out there. Talk to a counselor at school, or a minister at church. There are support groups out there or call the suicide hotline and they will help you. Life has it's ups and downs, it's good and bad. It's not the problems we encounter, it's how we handle them. God created you, unique in your own way for a special, specific purpose in life. We don't always know why but there is a reason. Your journey has just begun. Troubles don't last long. Everyday is a new day. Think about your children and grandchildren and great grandchildren in your future. Had I caved to my depression, I would have never known my beautiful children and grandchildren. My Mother committed suicide 4 years ago and it turned our lives upside down. We felt guilty, abandonment, the deepest unimaginable pain and despair. I don't think she had any idea what it would do to our family. We will never be the same. Regardless of how old one gets or how sad you are or how much pain we feel, we will always be needed by someone and they would be lost without us. Like I said life is hard but that's how we learn the lessons God wants us to learn is mostly through painful experiences. Diamonds are created through pressure, cutting and shaping, beautiful swords are created by hot fire, hammering and shaping. Such as our characters and wisdom. When you get sad and down, get out of the house, join a group, volunteer at an animal shelter or a nursing home, those that need you, exercise, call someone, get a pet, pray, pray and pray some more. Darkness is sometime scary, but the sun will always come out tomorrow. You can make your life anyway you want. It's your choice, your decisions. Please hold on. You are special, so treat yourself that way. No one can love you more than you can love yourself. Others may abandon you but you can always depend on yourself. God loves you and I love you. May he wrap his loving arms around you and give you comfort, peace, strength and courage. Happiness is just around the corner. Sincerely, Sherry
  21. Help please.

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your Father in Law and for the impact it has made on your family. My Mother committed suicide 4 years ago and we were so close and my best friend. It has taken this long to get to a new norm. It does change your entire world. One feels guilty for not being able to help them, feeling like it might have been something we said or did. You also feel abandoned and maybe we weren't good enough for them to have given up and just left us. A death from an accident or illness, the person didn't choose to leave you, but a suicide, they chose to leave you. You feel betrayed in a way. Why didn't they love me enough to stay? You also question everything you were taught by them. Have faith, remain positive, God will get you through the tough times, then they go and do that. Your views of life changes. You realize life is short and fragile. You have no tolerance for petty, bull crap in life because you know what's important in life. It takes a very, very long time to heal, if we ever do. We have a million questions that will never be answered. She feels guilty but it's not her fault. It was a weakness within the person that chose that action. Your wife is probably shielding her heart and emotions. Since she loved and trusted her Father with all her heart and left her with this nightmare, she may have doubts about you or anyone and she doesn't want to experience that pain again if you should die or abandon her. Your wife will never be the same. You will need to show great patience and you will need to find a new norm with her. But don't push her. Sounds like she is still grieving and trying to find an outlet or diversion for her pain. She should keep busy though. She needs to get out of the house. Staying home and dwelling is the worst thing for her. Give her more time and she will appreciate your patience. My heart goes out to you both. Your world had been turned upside down and will never be the same. Pray alot, let her talk about it until she is tired of talking about it. It may take several years. May God wrap his arms around you both and give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry
  22. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. While it was my Mom that committed suicide, I cannot imagine the loss of a child. So I can only share my experience of finding my Mom after she had shot herself. I cried everyday until I could barely breathe for a solid year. And it has taken a good 4 years to create a new norm. Being a survivor of this tragedy you will feel tremendous guilt, you will have a million unanswered questions, and it will change your views on life and you will never be the same. Know this, you are not responsible for his decision. Everyone has difficulties in life and one has a choice how to respond. Those that take their lives just want to end the pain inside. Whether they were born with depression, have an addiction, or whatever the reason, they have an inability to cope and it isn't your fault. They couldn't have imagined what it would do to those left behind which is a nightmare. He did not have the strength to carry on but you do. Your son would want you to move on and live life to the fullest. God created you for a purpose and you have not yet reached your destiny. Your son reached his and I know you are left with this broken heart. But look how strong you have been. Look how compassionate you are now. Look how many lives you can touch with your experience. Your son is now safe and at peace and gone on to the next phase of his life. You one day will complete yours here and go on to your next phase and you will be reunited again. Time here on earth seems endless at times, but really, it is the blink of an eye. Please go on and complete your journey, your purpose. He would want that. It's okay to take your time grieving, talk about it to anyone that will listen, join a support group, volunteer, carry on an interest he may have had, get a hobby, join a gym. Get out of the house. Don't forget you and your interests before children. You will never forget him so carry on to celebrate his life. You are already an inspiration to those around you for your strength and courage. My heart breaks for you. Pray alot and talk alot about it. It will help. May God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry
  23. Drowning in grief

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your trauma is still so new that it will take a long, long time to begin to repair. Unless a person goes through what we have experienced they will never know the other issues we have gone through besides grief. It is an utter nightmare. We experience guilt, have a hundred questions that will never be answered, are unable to stop crying and the inability to focus. Know that you are not responsible for their decision. They have a flaw within themselves that leads to that choice. I cried violently everyday for a solid year, and it has been a little over 3 years and I still cry, and see that image in my mind everyday. But it is getting better. Cry, pray, talk about it, seek counseling, get out of the house, stay busy, reach out to others with same issues. It takes time, lots of time. Be good to yourself and don't hesitate to seek help. Please feel free to write anytime if you need us. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sincerely, Sherry. .
  24. PTSD related suicide.

    I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. No one knows how painful surviving a loved ones suicide is until they experience it themselves. It is an absolute nightmare. You are never the same and never will be. You are right, the guilt we feel is tremendous. But please know that it was not your fault. It is a fault within themselves. Please know that it will take a very long time to begin to heal. Be kind and patient with yourself. Your nerves and emotions have been shattered into a million pieces. It's okay to be good to yourself. Cry alot, pray alot, talk alot about it and get it off your chest, keep busy, and think positive. Know that he completed his mission here on earth and has now gone home so that God can love him and keep him safe now. Your mission is not yet complete. Think how strong you have been, think how compassionate you are to others in pain now. Your loved one would want you to go on with life and enjoy it to the fullest and celebrate their lives by helping others. I pray that God will bless you, give you comfort, peace and strength. Know that you are not alone. Please feel free to contact me anytime. Sherry.
  25. Dear Alison, I am so very sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. My heart hurts for you. It is definitely a situation I never dreamed I would be in or any of us imagined. I hope you have had the opportunity to read some of my replies to other survivors. It certainly is a feeling that no one could possibly imagine unless they have experienced it. Death through illness or accident is always tragic and the loved ones mourn and grieve, but it is a death that they did not chose and they did not chose to leave their loved ones behind. Suicide leaves the loved ones behind with so many unanswered questions and a tremendous amount of guilt. Why did they chose to leave me? What did I do wrong? Did I say something wrong? Did I not tell them I loved them enough? Was I not there enough for them? What were they thinking? Even when they do leave notes, there are still so many unanswered questions. My daughter and I found my Mother in her home after she had shot herself. It was a nightmare and an image that never goes away. Even though she left notes to everyone and even the clothes she wanted to be buried in, it was something I never imaged my Mom would do. I cried until I couldn't breath everyday for a solid year. I would totally be exhausted after crying. It has been three years now, but I still think of it everyday and still cry often. My daughter had a breakdown (they shared the same birthday) and she is just now starting to smile and laugh again. Everyone grieves and heals at different rates, so don't feel it is unusual for you to still be grieving. You probably always will. We have been traumatized and we will never be the same. We will never look at life the same or people the same. We never know what people are thinking or if we will see them again the next day. I found the things that helped me tremendously was prayer, crying, working, keeping busy, getting out of the house, exercise, reaching out and helping others, whether helping with animals or older people or people experiencing the same issue, and of course, talking about it. I probably drove my co-workers and friends crazy talking about it. But they were wonderful and let me talk and cry. Even though most people never experience this type of tragedy, I found I was not alone. Like this website, we are not alone. Realize that this was not your fault. Those that chose this ending, have trouble coping. Whether they were born with a chemical imbalance, depression, drug or alcohol induced, medicine reactions, whatever the issue, they could not cope and take the pain anymore. There are millions of people that can deal with depression, stress, problems and they never take their lives. But, our loved ones had such a deep pain that they were tired of dealing with it. I prayed every night that God would watch over and protect my Mom and at first I was angry because i felt God did not answer my prayers and watch over her. But, I finally realized that if she was dealing with a pain we did not see or realize, then maybe God answered her prayers to be pain free instead of mine. Maybe by taking her home with him to be pain free was a prayer answered. I know she is pain free and safe with him. As I said, we will never be the same. I had trouble for a long time on focusing. My mind wandered and I honestly just wanted to withdraw into my own brain and not deal with anything. That's okay. Your nerves have been shattered into a million pieces and it takes time to heal. We will never be able to put the pieces back together and we have to find a new norm, new dreams, new beginnings. We will mourn for the past and the way things were but that is the thing about life. It is constantly changing and we have to adapt to those changes even when we don't want to. I saw a program once on people that have lived to be over 100 years old and the interviewer was asking what was their secret. It wasn't what they ate, or if they exercised or not. The common link was the ability to survive loss, to pick themselves up and go on and to keep active. So, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and get on with our lives and our journey. Our loved ones had completed their journey's and mission in life, so we must too complete ours. Also, I don't think our loved ones had a clue what this would do to us. They just wanted to end the pain. So, be good to yourself. It's okay to go to your happy place often, It's okay to take time to heal. Go on honoring their memory by living life to the fullest. He would want you to be good to yourself, to enjoy life, to fall in love again, to have a family and to grow to be an old lady with good memories as well. I know you miss him and you will always grieve for him. But it's okay to go on. Know that while they are not here physically, they have gone on to their next journey in their lives and they will still be watching over us. We will see them again one day. Look how strong you have been. You are stronger than you ever thought you could be. Diamonds become beautiful by being cut and polished, beautiful metal works endure fire and hammering. So you too develop a strong, beautiful character by pain and heartache. I have found the lessons we remember is always through pain. Wisdom is healed pain. Alison, I pray that you will find peace. It may take a long time, but you will. This is one chapter in the story of your life. You have already started your journey with much more compassion than most people will ever achieve. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. Please know that you are not alone. Feel free to contact me anytime. God bless you sweetheart. Sincerely, Sherry
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