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About sincerelysherry

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    My Mother To Suicide
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  1. SerenaMae, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. Bless your hearts. It sounds like you both had a horrible life and my heart goes out to you. First of of all, please do not feel guilty. It was not your choice it was hers. She was tired. Tired of battling life and her demons. She could no longer cope and it isn't your burden to bare. Being left behind from a loved one's suicide is a nightmare. Unless one has experienced it themselves one cannot fathom the deep range of emotions one goes through. It has changed your life forever and will never be the same. It will take a long, long time to begin to heal. Cry, pray, keep busy, exercise, reach out to others in pain, get counseling, talk about it, talk about it and talk about. It will be hard to carry on as normal for a long time. You will have to find a new norm in life. Be kind to yourself and it's okay to escape to your happy place often. She is now with our Heavenly Father safe and secure. She can rest now. She will be with you and watching over you. I am so sorry for the pain you will have to go through but you can do it. We are survivors and stronger than you ever imaged. You will be more compassionate and hold life more dear and precious than before. May God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. Please feel free to write anytime. Sincerely, Sherry.
  2. I am so sorry for your loss. Us, those left behind, do feel tremendous guilt. So many unanswered questions and a feeling of abandonment. Please realize that it was not your fault. Millions of people have problems and issues but do not chose to end their lives. I feel that they lack a coping ability. Also as you well know alcohol is a depressant which makes things worse. We have gone through a nightmare that those that have never experienced this tragedy will never understand. Our lives have been changed forever and life will never be the same. Concentrate on your daughter and being good to yourself. May God bless you and your daughter, give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry.
  3. Just checking in to see how you are doing? Praying for comfort and strength for you.
  4. I am wishing you a speedy recovery. I know you do miss your Mom and you are right we never stop missing them. This afternoon I was wishing so much I could see my Mom and give her a big hug. It is still such a fresh wound for you. You have been through so much. Even though they left us behind, for reasons we are not sure why, I am confident that they are watching over us, they will help us and they will show themselves to us in nature, sounds, scents, intuition and many, many ways. I continue to pray that God gives you comfort and strength. You are a survivor and remember to still be kind to yourself. Hugs, Sherry.
  5. TaraLynn, praying you are continuing to heal. Wishing you peace and blessings this Easter.
  6. Tam, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother. 4 years ago, my Mother also shot herself during the holidays, in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and my daughter and I found her. An image ingrained in my brain forever. Never in a million years did I think my Mother would do that. So, I understand the journey you have been through. As you know, our lives will never be the same. We have had to find a new norm and we will probably never truly trust another human being. You have been through a lot. Even though your relationship with your Mom was strained, you still loved her and any of her things left behind materially was and is precious to you. When that person robbed your home, it was like they were taking away a piece of what little you have left of your Mom. It also has shaken your faith in people once again because someone has betrayed you and hurt you. Plus, it is one more hurt in life and you feel like you just can't take anymore pain. You will always be sensitive but you have been through the hardest part and proven you are a survivor. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my Mom or what happened. But you become somewhat more at peace. Continue to pray and talk about it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sincerely, Sherry.
  7. I am thankful that out of this horrible experience I can reach out and hopefully help you and others in pain. It helps me in the process as well because I know we are not alone and others do care. I hope your counseling went well. Continue to go and talk about your feelings as much as you can. When I went back to work, I too cried off and on all day. I couldn't focus on work and my mind wandered for a long time. My boss and co-workers were awesome to me and very supportive. Everything set me off crying, music, memories, places, movies, TV shows, and yes you become very sensitive and worry about your family and you hurt for their pain as well. Remember to take time and be very kind and loving to yourself because your emotions and nerves have been shattered into a thousand pieces and are still extremely raw. It's like trying to glue back a glass vase that has broken into a thousand pieces. Hold on tight Taralynn, I have faith in you and God is creating a strong, wise, beautiful spirit within you. A diamond is formed into a thing of beauty by pressure, cutting and shaping. You are that diamond. One day you will feel your sparkle again, have faith. Sherry.
  8. TaraLynn, bless your heart. You sound just exactly like me going through this. All your raw emotions are normal. I too was so mad at God. Before Mom's death, I prayed every night that God would watch over her and keep her safe and I felt like he didn't. But then maybe he answered her prayers instead of mine. Or perhaps, the devil and his power, worked on her mind. We will never know. I too was mad at myself. Was it something I said or didn't say? Something I did or didn't do? Didn't I tell her enough I loved her? Why did she want to leave me? She was my best friend. Didn't she know I needed her too? I don't think they had a clue what it would do to us. But one thing I know for sure is that I am alot stronger than my Mother was. I have suffered from depression too and been through so many heartaches in life but depression and self talk is one of Satan's tools to play with us, so always armour yourself with prayer and love for self and your well being. Her journey in this world is complete and now she has gone on to the next phase in her life. Our journey is not complete yet. Your Dad needs you, your family needs you so be strong. You can do it, I know you can. I have realized that even though I get so tired and weary at times and feel like I can't go on, I pray, I sleep, I go to the happy place in my mind or get outside and enjoy nature and the sun comes up once again and I journey on. I have amazed myself how strong I have been and I know without a doubt I can survive anything now. By you getting up to love and care for your family is an inspiration to them and to us that understand what you are going through. Love yourself more than anyone or anything right now. You have too to keep your sanity. Be kind to yourself. I am so sorry you have been placed on this situation. I never in a million years thought I would experience this type of tragedy but there it is. Everything in life changes, nothing remains the same. We have to deal with what's thrown at us and carry on. You are a survivor, a bright shining star to your family, friends and our Heavenly Father. My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you and I know you will become stronger each day. Remember that God knew you before you were even in your Mother's womb. He made you to love and to carry out a special purpose in life. Be strong, I know you can. Hugs, Sherry.
  9. Oh TaraLynn, I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mother and this awful tragedy you have been placed in. Your story sounds so much like mine with the suicide of my Mother. Not only rhe story but finding my Mother after she had shot herself. An image in my brain that never goes away. So many questions that will never be answered, so much guilt, so much anger, so many tears, feelings of abandonment. I violently cried everyday for a solid year until I was exhausted. You can't focus and you wake up thinking it was a nightmare but it starts all over. After 4 years, I have finally found a new norm and don't cry as often, but it certainly changes your life forever. Realize it wasn't your fault. It was a weakness within her own self or perhaps she was in so much pain physically and emotionally that God decided to answer her prayers and take her home to keep her safe and healthy once again. There is no way they could have possibly known what damage it would do to those left behind. It does turn our world's upside down and changes our views in life. Be good and kind to youself. Get out of the house, join a group, get counseling, exercise, join a gym, volunteer at a nursing home and talk to those that are holding on but have no one. Talk about it as much as you can. Pray, pray and pray. It is still so raw and new for you. It is going to take a long, long time to begin to heal. Then even longer to find your new norm. Look how strong you have had to be. You will be an encouraging inspiration for those going through tough times. It is through pain that we learn our greatest lessons in life and find our greatest courage. Know that you are not alone Sweetheart. There are those of us who understand. May God wrap his arms around you and your family and give you comfort, peace and strength. Write anytime. Sincerely, Sherry.
  10. I am so very sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. Being the one left behind from a loved one's suicide is a nightmare. The loss from an accident or illness they didn't choose to leave you. A suicide they choose to leave us and we feel abandoned and tremendous guilt. Why didn't I see the signs? Was it something I said or didn't say? First of all, you have a perfect right to work on you and your life. Sounds like you were being responsible. We should get to know ourselves before we bring a boyfriend or husband into our lives. Second, you are not responsible for his actions. Millions of people break up or argue each day and they don't choose suicide. There was a weakness or inability within himself to cope with issues, hardships or sadness. Whether he was born with depression, had alcohol, drug related or medication issues, it was still his decision. Your life has been turned upside down and changed forever. Please don't let his actions prevent you from living your life to the fullest, find your own self and one day find love again. His family is just hurting now and will for years, but one day they will realize it was not your choice but his. It will take a long, long time to begin to heal. Be good and kind to youself. Surround yourself with supportive friends and talk, cry and pray until you are exhausted and are done talking about it. Join a group, volunteer, get out of the house and keep busy. You now have great empathy for those that share your same pain and tragedy. May God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry.
  11. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. There are no words that will help your pain or help you get through this nightmare. This is still so recent it is going to take a long, long time to begin to heal. You will go through so many emotions. You will feel tremendous guilt. Why didn't I see the signs, was it something that I said or didn't say, didn't I let them know that I loved them enough, why did they abandon me? So many unanswered questions. Know that it wasn't your fault. The person that chooses this solution has a coping problem within themselves. Whether they were born with depression, have a alcohol, drug or medicine related issue, they still have a problem with coping. Your life has been turned upside down with this nightmare and your life will never be the same. Unless one experiences this type of death they won't understand. If a person dies from an accident or illness they didn't chose to leave you but a suicide they chose to leave you. Your whole perspective in life changes. It will be hard for you to focus and your mind wanders. I cried violently everyday for a solid year and often for 3 years. After the 4th year I still see the image fused in my brain finding my Mom from a self inflicted gun shot death, but I don't cry as often. Be good to yourself. Talk about it over and over to anyone that will listen. You have to get it out. See a counselor, work, volunteer, join a group that would understand. Get out of the house and most of all cry, pray, pray and pray until you are exhausted. Like I said your life has changed and you will have to find a new norm. Just think how strong you have had to be so far. We are stronger than we think we are. You will now be more compassionate to others that experience this tragedy. You will cherish life differently or become angry and bitter. Chose to cherish it. Continue to honor your son by living life to the fullest because he did not have the strength to. He was in such deep pain that God took him home to heal him and keep him safe and sound. Corey complete is journey here on earth and has now gone on to the next phase of his life. He will always be with you, beside you, watching over you. You will be together again one day. But now, you must be strong and continue your journey and learn from this hardship. May God wrap his arms around you, give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry.
  12. I am so sorry for your loss. I feel it is too soon. My Mom did the same thing with my Dad's things. Be sure and take what you want home. I wish I still had some of those things. God bless and comfort you.
  13. Dear Brittney, I am so sorry for your loss. Going through the death of a loved one due to a suicide is an absolute nightmare. It has only been 10 weeks so it is still so fresh. My Mother committed suicide 4 years ago and my daughter and I found her. She had shot herself and it is an image ingrained in our brains forever. I cried uncontrollably everyday for a solid year. It took about three years before I stopped crying as often. Your life changes forever and will never be the same. You feel tremendous guilt, your wonder why didn't I see the signs, was it something I said, did or didn't do. There are a million questions that can never be answered. When a loved one dies from illness or accident, they did not chose to leave you, but a suicide, they chose to leave you. So in a way you feel abandoned. Why didn't they love me enough to stay with us? To be there for us and our lives? You feel like you didn't really know the person you thought you knew. My Mom was always telling me to be positive, have faith, trust God, so I never in a million years thought she would do that. So it makes you sometime question what you were taught. Your husband will never be the same. His views on life have changed, his priorities have changed. You realize life is so short and you are not as tolerant for the petty things one has to deal with especially at work. Give your husband time. His nerves have been shattered into a million pieces and it is going to take a long time to begin to heal. He needs to rest, be good to himself, sleep, exercise, get out of the house, counseling, join a group, volunteer, help others going through the same thing, pray, pray and pray. Talk about his experience and feelings to anyone and everyone until he is tried of talking about it. Get it out of his system. He will have great difficulty focusing on anything for a good while and his mind will wander to his happy place often. Help him to realize it wasn't his fault. Like I said, we feel tremendous guilt. Everyone goes through problems in life. There are those that can cope, and those that can't cope. Those that can't make that choice. Whether they have, depression, a chemical imbalance, medication related or drug or alcohol related, the inability to cope is something within themselves and no one else's fault. His Father's journey in life was completed or perhaps he was in so much pain within that God took him home to be safe and at peace. Your husband will find he is so much stronger than he ever imagined. Just pray for him, have patience with him and reassure him that you will not abandon him as well. May God wrap his loving arms around you, your husband and your family and give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry.
  14. Dear Confused Father, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. As Modkonnie said, it is not your fault and has nothing to do with you. There was an inability within her to cope with life. Being left behind from a suicide is a nightmare. A death from an accident or illness is one where they did not choose to leave loved ones behind but a suicide, they chose to leave us. We feel tons of guilt and feel like what did I do or didn't do or say? We have a million questions that will never be answered. It sounds to me you have been a loving and responsible Father and are doing your best. I am not sure a 5 year old truly understands the gravity of suicide but I would let her take her time to open up with her questions. Even though she was probably sad and disappointed in her Mom's behavior, she will always love her Mom. Keep a picture of her and tell her the happy times you all have had as a family. She is going to feel, why did Mommy leave me? Did I do something wrong, didn't she love me enough, etc... She may always feel inadequate but just reassure her what a wonderful child she is and that adults have problems and don't always make the right decisions but that Mommy loved her very much, she just had problems. That's why it is important to talk to our family about our problems. She can always come talk to you about anything. Consistency is so important. Just let her know you love her and you will always be there for her and give her stability. She will ask questions when she is ready. May God bless you and your daughter. May he wrap his arms around you both and give you comfort and strength. Sincerely, Sherry
  15. Dear Carmen, I am so sorry that you are feeling depressed. I can understand because I have always suffered from it. Please realize that there is help out there. Talk to a counselor at school, or a minister at church. There are support groups out there or call the suicide hotline and they will help you. Life has it's ups and downs, it's good and bad. It's not the problems we encounter, it's how we handle them. God created you, unique in your own way for a special, specific purpose in life. We don't always know why but there is a reason. Your journey has just begun. Troubles don't last long. Everyday is a new day. Think about your children and grandchildren and great grandchildren in your future. Had I caved to my depression, I would have never known my beautiful children and grandchildren. My Mother committed suicide 4 years ago and it turned our lives upside down. We felt guilty, abandonment, the deepest unimaginable pain and despair. I don't think she had any idea what it would do to our family. We will never be the same. Regardless of how old one gets or how sad you are or how much pain we feel, we will always be needed by someone and they would be lost without us. Like I said life is hard but that's how we learn the lessons God wants us to learn is mostly through painful experiences. Diamonds are created through pressure, cutting and shaping, beautiful swords are created by hot fire, hammering and shaping. Such as our characters and wisdom. When you get sad and down, get out of the house, join a group, volunteer at an animal shelter or a nursing home, those that need you, exercise, call someone, get a pet, pray, pray and pray some more. Darkness is sometime scary, but the sun will always come out tomorrow. You can make your life anyway you want. It's your choice, your decisions. Please hold on. You are special, so treat yourself that way. No one can love you more than you can love yourself. Others may abandon you but you can always depend on yourself. God loves you and I love you. May he wrap his loving arms around you and give you comfort, peace, strength and courage. Happiness is just around the corner. Sincerely, Sherry