Mermaid Tears

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About Mermaid Tears

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Brenham, Texas
  • Interests
    Artist
  • Loss Type
    lost adult son
  • Angel Date
    August 3, 2012

Converted

  • Occupation
    Self Employed
  • Last Name
    Stavinoha
  • First Name
    Susan
  • Zip
    77833

Recent Profile Visitors

8,197 profile views
  1. Laurie....we had some computer trouble...in fact our whole cable went down....but....thinking of you....it doesn't matter if your child died in the womb...lived 2 hours...2 years...10 years...50 years...they are still your child. Loved the photos....and love seeing all the love is in place. Most of all...seeing you have so much support from your family that can circle you with care and compassion.
  2. Many thanks for the kind words....Veto is my Great grandson...his Mom..my granddaughter is the one in the photo...his Dad is in the other photo...there is lots of healing in those small hands...I do believe this boy smiles more than any baby I have ever had...and he started sleeping all night at 2 months...never had a diaper rash...eats baby food (some)...and has a first tooth coming in...he only fusses if he is hungry or sleepy...we cherish and adore our children and fill them to the tip top with love...and then it spills over to the next generation. Georgina...so happy to hear your daughter is now home...I think healing comes better in the home...hospitals are so noisy. I do believe a hospital vigil is so hard...I always feel like I have been 'beat' when I have to stand vigil for a loved one...and I wonder because all I do is sit and sit...I guess it is the anxiety. I am sure is moving slowly for she was very , very sick. I do believe you do have many blessings....with those lovely grandchildren and family. Don't let the words others say to you get you down....for they really don't understand. I hope in the days ahead you can get some rest and get a good balance....you and your daughter can recover together. Tinay....it is much too soon on your grief journey to try and figure anything out...your heart is shattered...and just take things one day at a time.
  3. Father's Day.....and our new little man....I think he is certainly a Merman...
  4. Carol...good to hear from you....you were here when I joined this site...I remember the 'hearts'...your journey. Laurie...thanks for sharing....we need all the sign stories from everyone....it gives me such joy...such hope...I think as the 'shock suit' doesn't fit as tight and as we slowly start to see a bright little star....some sunshine...we open up a little more...slow...so slow....but then we become more aware of the signs that come to us. Kate....your walks sound so very peaceful...I wish I could be with you and hear the lapping of the water on the lake... Tinay....many are in the same place as you are....they do not have much wiggle room when it comes to taking off of work. Many on this site will tell you the same...they had no choice in when they had to return to work. I look at it in that you are providing a roof over your head..food on the table...transportation...utilities...the 'gears' that make a life and a living. Also...if you have other children...you are setting an amazing example of how to face tragedy without folding up and giving up all responsibility. You do have your days off...and that is when you can rest and give yourself some extra care. Don't try and look too far ahead....or reach back too far for now. Just take this grief journey one day at a time...take lots of deep breaths...and take some time to be outside. I read every book I could find by Kathryn Kubler Ross....I so needed to read her words. Dee....thinking of you and husband....fingers crossed that results will be positive.
  5. Colleen...I wanted to send you a message....my business phone has been ringing off the wall....have people, people people coming and going...and my precious Pibby is now 14...and she and her friends gather at my house...they jump in the pool and play...then go to the guest bedroom and 'binge watch Netflix'....and I have to have a supply of their favorites...salsa and chips.....my bedroom now smells like a Frito.... When I joined this site....you were there for me....I and many feel as if we have been on the Brian journey with you....the ups and downs...good and bad days...sad and sadder days....I think you have accomplished the most important challenge in that you and your family is intact...facing your grief together. Holding on to each other.
  6. Allen....there comes a time on the grief journey when one stops asking 'Why' and ask 'How'.....
  7. Louanne....you and your daughter are total look a-likes....we only have words to share on this site...but each of us can relate to the Angel Date...sending our compassion, prayers and care your way...
  8. It doesn't have to be Father's Day for me to think and remember my Daddy....this was Father's Day in 1994...when my parents died...I felt as if I was tied to the earth with one string....after losing John David...I so needed him and his wisdom....but now I know....he and my other loved ones were there when he went to his first home...
  9. Father's Day is upon us....and I am reminding all the parents on this site to pay some extra care to the men in your life. Men and women grieve in different ways...do not make the mistake that they carry their grief better....or that they don't grieve deeply.
  10. Becky...our Warrior Mom....ouch !! That dental work/surgery will get better with time. I hope with time/healing your eyes will get better. You have carried a very heavy load for so long...and now your body is slowly regaining some strength...with baby steps for sure. Just remain patient and hopeful and let Mother Nature and Father Time do their magic on you. Be sure NOT to fall again !! When my Aunt's eyesight was getting to the point where she could not read she used the book tapes from her local library...she loved them. Take care.
  11. Sherry....this site brings parents together who understand....and we 'understand' the Angel Dates that can make the brightest day have many dark clouds. Today we are sending prayers and care for you and your Davey boy. I don't think even death can separate a Mother from her child.
  12. Thank you, Dee.....a great article....for those that has not lost a child...this absence of a word will mean nothing. I can only think that there is such physical pain and shattered hearts...we don't have the energy to look for a word to describe 'us'....and then when Mother Nature and Father Time has worked their healing on us...we find we have no word to describe 'who' we are. When I meet new people...and I meet many at gatherings...I have no problem in saying I have 6 children, 14 grandchildren and one great grandchild. John David is still my child whether he walks the earth home...or he is walking his first home. I do not tell new people I have lost a child....that makes them uncomfortable...(and it is not their fault they don't know)....and I have such a huge circle of people around me that know John David passed...I don't need any more attention...and frankly....I don't feel comfortable discussing his passing in a social gathering for it is human nature for people that don't know will ask for details...'how did your son die'? I do love the fact that some parent 'out there' has finally searched for a word...for us to give and honor ourselves.
  13. Tinay.....listen to your instincts...grief is VERY exhausting....this kind of grief is dark and heavy....and this is the time for you to put yourself 'first' on the list to be very gentle and kind to yourself. I 'cocooned' ...I cancelled every civic and social event/responsibility....but I did attend any event that related to my grandchildren. I had to reserve what energy I had to attend to my husband...family...myself. It seemed like I was feeling my way in the dark. I think you are doing what you know is the best FOR YOU. I am happy that there are many in your circle that are reaching out to you...just let them know how grateful you are to have them in your life...and simply say..'I will take a raincheck...and when I feel more balanced...I will let you know'. There is no right or wrong way to grieve deeply...or a time table to mark the progression of your grief journey. You are the 'star' of your movie...your life. Take all the time you want. The first two years my grief was raw and ragged and very painful and I found myself feeling like I was paralyzed....didn't have the energy or wherewithal to drag a dead cat out of the house. Just breathe and be.
  14. Louanne....thank you for sharing those amazing photos...I see a very handsome son...and a very pretty proud Mama !! Yes...a day to celebrate. One does not see the midnight hours spent in study..tests..and classroom hours...but he deserves all the praise. I hope in the days ahead...with all of us on this site...that you may part those dark curtains and let/allow some sunshine in your life. You say you suffer from poor self-esteem....maybe the grief has been shrouding your intelligence and kindness and loving heart. The amount of..hours..days..weeks..months we grieve does not mean we love more or less for our child. Sandy....I think you are already doing exactly what you should be doing for your granddaughters. In this hyped up world we live in...it seems as if it should be some sort of travesty if one is sad..unhappy...having a down day. They think they should be Miss/Mr Merry Sunshine all the time...and if they aren't..there is a pill for that. We should let/allow our child/children to have those sad days...(especially children that has lost a parent/sibling)...and you are doing the right thing in allowing them to talk about it...listen without judgement...and give comfort and understanding. They will know you are always there with understanding and a listening ear and warm and open heart. That only allows trust to form. There is simply no control in wiping it all away....but there is hope that you and they will always have each other and that is the blessing.
  15. I remember the first weeks and months following John David leaving this earth home....I searched for guidance from my family...my loved ones who had passed on...looking for their footprints left to give me a map in how to travel this dark journey I had been placed on. My parents...aunts..uncles and Grandparents had not lost a child....I found this site...and because of the caring parents on this site...the 'spirit guides who had been on here for years...and the new parents are the ones that helped me find my balance...my sanity...and I can truthfully say that I would not be 'as healthy' as I am today if not for them. I am fine physically...as long as I adhere to my regime that I worked out to keep the stress from impacting my physical body. I remember that first Christmas I made the statement that I didn't think I would put up a tree...and my daughter said...'Mom...we didn't die'....and that brought me around ...and of course...I still had my family...and family is the most cherished thing on this earth to have...and there were traditions to be carried on...and happy memories to make for my grandchildren. It was HARD....the hardest thing I have ever...ever had to do....grieve deeply and carry on. My son said...'we knew if Mom could make it...so could we'....and that is why I think it is so important to know that life is for the living. We simply cannot bury the child that died...and then bury the ones that live with our grief. I know my spirit walks with a limp....and my soul has a whimper...and always will have.