Mermaid Tears

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About Mermaid Tears

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Brenham, Texas
  • Interests
    Artist
  • Loss Type
    lost adult son
  • Angel Date
    August 3, 2012

Converted

  • Occupation
    Self Employed
  • Last Name
    Stavinoha
  • First Name
    Susan
  • Zip
    77833

Recent Profile Visitors

8,285 profile views
  1. Mileykid6.....what a nightmare for parents, family and friends...my granddaughter has gone to 2 funerals in the last 2 months...both overdoses. There were alarms going off many years ago....and Doctors do have a responsibility in this. Now we have a whole generation and more of people who think a pill can fix everything. We are simply parents that have lost a child...some have lost 2 on this site...and none of us are therapist or counselors...we come here to have understanding...for there is nothing on this earth that can prepare you for the loss of a child. I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child...and the parents on this site reached out to me....in 2012.....with caring hearts and I do believe that is 'why' I am able to survive this. I found out I wasn't going crazy...I was just in deep mourning. Please tell us how you are doing....tell us about your girl. We are here to hear you.
  2. Somersky....I can only hope....as with Lou Ann....that in telling your story...that inner anguish and that crippling guilt...that in telling...it is now in the light...in the light..darkness and despair are wisps....and can be dealt with...and managed.
  3. Lesley....such peace at that place...also...comfort in that your daughter wanted to be with you....
  4. motherof an angel....please go to 'Loss of Adult child' and post your story....there are many active parents on that site and I know of three parents that have also lost a baby and later lost an adult child....you will find many on that site that can relate to your grief with their experience. Please do not torture yourself in thinking you had any responsibility in his passing....as Lesley stated above...it does sound like SIDS...and sadly....there is still nothing that can predict that health issue. Please take care and be very kind and gentle with yourself....let others in your circle console you and his Dad....hold on to each other. I have learned that many times...there is simply no answers to questions....no reasoning or straight forward answers. We are simply beyond sad for you. Stay in Peace...Stay in Grace.
  5. Our cable went out...so...no computer...no phones...no TV...back on again.. Devianz....all the parents on this site know how 'this day' can knock you to your knees....a date that has always been celebrated in your home...the day that miracle was placed in your arms and heart. There are few words that we can write to make it less sad....but we can let you know that we do know what you are experiencing. Be very gentle and kind to yourself... Lesley....we are thinking of you and your boy....these marker dates can play havoc with our physical and emotional persona....we hope this day will be gentle and kind with you....I so loved you telling 'his story'....Mother Love in each word.
  6. Kinder75.....am so sorry for your loss.....but very proud of you for stepping up to the plate...in wanting to understand how you may help your Aunt...right now...remember that 'Love is a verb'....just be there for her.....look around...are people bringing food to the home ? Make sure someone or you write down 'who' brought the dishes...and 'what they were'....this will help your Aunt when it comes time to write Thank you notes....Tidy Up....this doesn't mean to do a Spring Cleaning or a floor to ceiling clean up.....wash dirty dishes...rinse and dry and put them up....clean out the refrigerator...this will make room for all the food brought over. Sweep or vacuum. Clean bathrooms...keep a Swifter handy for light dusting. Does the yard need mowing ? Keep a list of things needed...grocery shopping..dry cleaners..gas the car up...get the mail...etc.....all these things are really behind the scenes chores...not glamorous...but these are the thoughtful chores. These are things which keep the motor going...the household running smooth. Just be there for her. When words fail....when tears fall....give real big hugs. If she asks for advice...and you don't have an answer....be upfront and tell her you don't know but will ask someone who does. Ask her 'what she thinks needs doing'...and then...do it. Your Aunt will wear a 'shock suit' for about the first 3 years...but for now...all she really needs is the care..compassion...love and support from her family and friends. Please let us hear from you and how you are doing and your Aunt. Stay in Peace...Stay in Grace.
  7. Thank you, Kate....I think your and Lou Ann's situation/circumstances surrounding your child leaving this earth home are very similar...and you can relate in ways that many of us can't....I hope that Lou Ann will read your words twice...and many times...and she will see that you wrestled with the same questions. I do believe that if there were any tools in the Devil/Evil tool kit it would be 'guilt...shame...remorse...regret'.....those emotions/thoughts can keep a person down all their life...just when they can see daylight...they appear in that little movie that seems to run in the back of our minds ...over and over. It takes a strong leap of faith and determination to rise....and put the past back in the past. Let it stay there. One can never undo what has been done...but one can let it be. One day I was working in my yard and this came to me...I came back in the house to write it down.... When there is no cure in the medicine bag to bring them healing...When there is no magic pill on this earth home to relieve their pain and suffering...When there are no human hands to mend their broken bodies and make them whole again...God/Mother/Father of the Universe comes and takes our child to their first home. We simply do not have that kind of super human control. Control is only an illusion. We only have Super Human love for our child/children. Lou Ann...thank you for sharing what has been in your thoughts and heart all these years. As a parent....I always think....if I had turned left...if I had been there...if I had had my arms around him...could I have saved him? That was my crazy thinking in the first 3 years...and each of us has been in those guilt shoes...it is like beating a dead horse to death...everyday. Intelligent reasoning and thinking will rise to the front...
  8. I forgot to post the most valuable lesson I have learned...and that is 'SELF CARE'.....no one is going to knock on your front door and give you insight into what all you need to do to take care of your health...your emotional..physical..mental health. The three are all connected....your grief can cause many health issues...your body can break down....from your emotional, physical and mental breakdown that you will experience when you lose a child. I think all parents have a breakdown...because we are all unique...it will be manifested in many unique ways....but believe me....it is a breakdown that can have great consequences on your physical health down the line. Thanks to all the parents on this site that gave me warnings...and gave me a wake up call...my insomnia was so bad...and so hard to deal with....I finally put a treadmill in my guest bedroom and walk 3/4 miles a day....it does not cure it...but it helps...and I will take all the help I can muster. Lots of fruit and vegetables are also needed...at least by me....to give me energy.
  9. It has been busy since our return from Port 'A'...will post some photos...I still have to gather what photos others took when I did not have my phone/camera...it was a beautiful day at the beach...and for our boat ride to Lydia Ann Channel and Lighthouse...we were all feeling blessed to have each other...share memories and laughter...and those moments of 'I miss John David'....we had family that came on the 3rd...then a round of family and friends that came on the 4th...and then...some friends came on the 5th....just to spend one night with all of us. I am grateful for my circle of family and friends...especially when I know many parents on this site has little or no support from their family and friends. We do have a large family....we have Randa..our only daughter who is the oldest...then came John David..Jason...Aaron...Jesse and Jeremy. With all their family and all their friends...who knew John David...that is a big reason we have such a huge gathering on his Angel Date. I wanted to share some things I have learned since I have been on my grief journey. August 3, 2017 started my 5th year on this journey. I can say with utmost truth that if I had not had the help and support from all the parents on this site I don't think I would be as 'healthy' as I am now. I can truthfully say that I know I will never be the same person I was before losing John David...and I have had to work to get comfortable with 'the new Susan normal' that I am....I am still a work in progress. The first 3 years were emotionally...mentally....physically crippling. I then understood what it feels to feel your heart 'break'....I wore a 'shock suit' that fit very tight the first 3 years...and my body felt it....I did not have the wherewithal to pull a dead cat out of the house...I had such thick...icky mind fog...I was drained of all energy....grief is so exhausting and heavy and dark. I learned that I was not rare...or an exception...since the beginning of human existence...parents lost small and adult children. On this site...I was given a gift in that I could communicate with other parents...and learn that I wasn't going crazy...I was simply in deep mourning. I learned that there is nothing in the movies or a book that can prepare you for this kind of grief. I learned that it was a slippery slope in not turning into a bitter and bleak Mother but in learning how to help lead my family out of this family tragedy...knowing they could not cure my grief...knowing they were grieving in their deepest personas for their brother. I learned I should not make John David into a 'God of Grief'...but....try and find a way to honor our loved one that passed...and letting life be for the living...and learn to thrive instead of survive. I have learned that Control is an Illusion.....it has been a humbling lesson to learn that I am only human...and have only super human love for my family...I never had super human control. I learned to have a layer of compassion that was never there before....it is true....not to sweat the small stuff....to be honest...this has given my soul and spirit a lot of freedom. I will never figure out all the answers to all my questions...but I do know for sure...that John David does not walk this earth home...but he is 'somewhere' and he is 'ok'....I will post my visitation dream later....after that dream...I know he lives on...
  10. We returned from Port A.....will write more about it later.....loved that story and poem Laurie.....love Doris Day....have you seen the movie 'Giant'....?? Still one of my favorites....
  11. take care of yourself....first....
  12. Ok....have met myself coming and going...we are off to Port Aransas to 'celebrate' John David....tomorrow is his Angel Date....the day he left for his first home...and the Lord came with strong arms...and took him at sunrise.... John David passed at 6:43.....I looked it up...and the sun rose at 6:42.....how like him to wait til the sun rays were shining...my SONshine boy... We will have a huge gathering tomorrow...giving a dinner for family and friends...have been cooking...shopping...organizing...for a very large crowd...we will go on the boat cruise to the Lydia Ann lighthouse on Friday morning...I am ok....Jeremy is with us...he has returned to Texas...for good. So happy about that. He said he could not take all the street people and homeless....in Portland, Oregon anymore...and the roads were getting worse and worse. All my boys have the same 'voice'....my Mom and family and friends would always say....'I never know which boy answers the phone...they all sound alike'...thankful for the sacred strand of DNA.....but none are more like John David than Hunter Bear. Sending new photos of our two 'new boys'....to give the parents on here a smile...that I consider dear friends...these two little boys bring a layer of healing to me...it will be Veto's first trip to Port Aransas....he will be our new beach baby.... Love to all of you....thank you for your care and compassion...will come back with lots of photos...
  13. Lesley....we are so on the same page...when it comes to wishing a child Happy Birthday ...you use to hold him in your arms..now you hold him in your heart...
  14. Somersky...I am thankful that you have such a circle of caring and compassionate friends....to show their deep empathy. We find that when we get on this kind of grief journey....we can not jump over it...get over it...run around it...we simply have to get through it...and no one can grieve for us....or really know 'how or what to do'.....but the simple gifts of kindness let us know we are thought of. I simply treasure what they did for you and your boy. Sherry....I think only the parents on this site will truly understand how I needed that little one to hold on to while I watched the video....there is a lot of healing in those tiny hands...
  15. Sending out a song from me and Willie...and Texas....to all the parents on this Sunday morning...all things get easier...except missing you....