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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

RunXRun

Members
  • Content count

    6
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About RunXRun

  • Rank
    Newbie
  • Birthday 10/23/1992

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Canada
  • Loss Type
    Mother

Converted

  • First Name
    Shelby
  • Zip
    L8P1S4
  1. My mother died on December the 6th, and she wasn't the person who gave birth to me. The woman that died was my biological grandma but to me she was my mother, my real mother. I lost my mother and my best friend when she passed away and it's still really hard to deal with it. Yesterday my cousin got into a fight with me over nothing, or over a reason only he knows, and he said: And that hurt me a lot. His mother, my aunt, is my mom's biological daughter. I don't know why he'd bring it up, or what it had to do with anything because I never once said that my pain was more than hers, or that their grief wasn't important - I haven't mentioned my grief to anyone but this forum and my pupa. I just want to stop hurting and for those words to stop ringing in my head because every time I heard "She wasn't your real mother" I start crying because it's really not fair for them, or anyone, to bring that up or mention it. What should I do about this? How do I stop this from hurting so much?
  2. I feel guilty?

    I lost my mom on the 6th and today I decided that we (My brother, my dad and I) should put up Christmas decorations..just the outside, window and little figures my mom always put up because tomorrow my aunt and cousins are coming over to do the tree. As I was looking for all the things to put outside I started to get really sad and teared up. I don't think i'll be able to do the Christmas tree this year and every time I mention it my dad gets angry at me and tells me to change my attitude... my attitude by the way is upset and negative. I dislike how he's telling me to change it... my mom just died, I think i'm entitled to be upset about it and not be in the Christmas spirit. Anyways, on top of this I'm sick and I keep hoping that it kills me.. and then there's a part that hopes it doesn't and I tried to tell my dad it feels like my heart is breaking (I have a pain in my chest..probably from the cold) and he got mad and upset with me. I know it's because he's worried but like, I always told my mom about this stuff and now she's gone and I figured I could tell him about it and I can't. So..like, what do I do? I feel guilty because I know I'm hurting my dad with these thoughts and feelings and I know he wants me to be happy but I can't act happy. The worst part is tomorrow when we do the tree the time will come to put the turtle doves up and I don't have my mom to do that wit. ..I guess what I'm asking is should I just pretend to be okay so I don't upset my dad? And should I just put the tree up even though it feels like it'll kill me?
  3. No where else to turn?

    I'm honestly not sure where I stand anymore.. one minute I'm there and the next I'm not sure if I can go on. I feel awful for having to tell my dad that I don't think I can make it because I know he worries but I really don't see things getting easier, although I've heard they do.
  4. No where else to turn?

    Hi Konnie.. thank you for the reply. I went to identify her today and I'm not sure if it was easier or harder than I had pictured.. I cried off and on before I went, and when I got there we waited for my biological mother to show up and when she didn't, we went in alone (We as in my dad and myself)... My dad took it really hard and we both got what we wanted to say out.. I had to run back in because I forgot to tell my mom something... and then my biological mom showed up (That would by my moms daughter) and then we left (My dad and me) On the ride home I realized that I had to run back into a room to tell my mom something because after I leave that room..that's it. I'll never by able to tell my moms physical body anything and that really, really hurt but I know she's with me in spirit..It may sound silly but I'm thinking of going to a medium.. hearing someone tell me my mom is okay is needed.. especially since I found out she didn't die peacefully.. that hurts too. I feel like I'm disrespecting my mom because her other daughter and granddaughter are here right now looking through my moms crystals and I feel like it's too early..? I have no problem with them taking somethings that belonged to my mom but I feel like my mom would be upset that we're doing it so fast.. and that I'm getting rid of my mom. They asked me what I'd like to keep and I can't pick because it hurts too much to know that I have to do something like this.
  5. I'm really glad I came across this post. Lately I feel really jealous when I see people with their mothers..I'm avoiding TV shows and movies that involved families. It's gotten to the point where I'll see an older woman and be jealous of her too. There's no hatred towards anyone just jealousy and a lot of longing. I was starting to feel like I was a bad person for it. I really do hope the feelings pass but I think that seeing someone with their mother is always going to hurt on some level, even if it's a small throb.
  6. I lost my mom on December 6th, so it hasn't been long at all.. her cremation is happening on Monday and we (My dad and I) go to identify her tomorrow.. and I'm having a really hard time with everything. My mom was the most important person in my life and the knowledge that I'm only 20 and have to live the rest of my life without her hurts and I keep thinking about how nothing will ever be the same again. My father is all that my brother and I have now and he's 72 and his health isn't the best so I keep thinking about what happens if he dies and whenever he coughs my heart stops. A part of me just wants to stop living because I want to see her again but I can't do that because she wouldn't want that and my brother needs me. This may be in the wrong place or I might be posting something I'm not suppose to post and if that's the case I'm sorry, but I've tried grieving hotlines and the two that I got through to aren't opened because it's Saturday. I'm currently in the spot where I don't think things will ever get better and I guess I need reassurance that they will be.
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