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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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  1. Come to Jesus - And Live

    To me, this is a prayer as much as a song. I love the lyrics to this - it reminds me that nothing can separate us from the love of God, not even death. It makes me think of my grandmother and her life and her strong faith, and it reminds me that those of us left behind will go on, too. I played organ in my grandmother's church, so music feels like a form of prayer and makes me feel closer to her. I hope you enjoy this too - it is a favorite source of comfort and just plain beautiful.
  2. Utterly Lost

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss. There is no good time for this to happen, but around the holidays is an added blow. I loved hearing about your relationship. How wonderful that you devoted that time to her, without the obligation that comes from being family - you gave freely and generously of yourself. I understand resentment toward family members who have been MIA and then suddenly arrive on the scene and act as martyrs once the actual event happens. My uncle and his wife chose to go on vacation the day my grandmother took a turn for the worse, then went on and on about having to cancel their poor vacation and were all "woe is me" and trying to hijack all the arrangements once they showed up (finally). These were the same people who wouldn't buy my grandma shoes or personal items she needed at the nursing home when she ran out, even though they lived in the next town and were supposed to be in charge of the finances - little did they know I knew and that the nursing home would just call my family next, because they knew we would get the things my grandmother needed the moment we learned of her needs. I was beyond furious at my uncle and his wife for their big fake public display of concern after the fact of my grandma's death, and remember one particular moment when my aunt was trying to arrange us all in some stupid processional at the funeral home for the visitation, and I said something like, "You do what you want, but I'm not standing in your damn line-up." I have to think my grandma would have chuckled a little at that and said something like, "Oh, you Welch girl!" Nonetheless, I am working on getting over my anger and trying to forgive them. Not there yet.... I had the good fortune of being able to speak at my grandma's funeral and share stories about her which was the greatest honor and privilege, almost as much as being there when she died. My dad did something incredibly neat but more private - he slipped a note into the casket at the funeral home so he could find some closure. I thought that was a beautiful gesture and I'll bet it's something you could do for your friend without offending the (better late than never) relatives. Another thought - maybe doing something special and pampering for her carers. They are often forgotten, and they have experienced an intense loss too. There is something about our aging loved ones - we lull ourselves into thinking they will go on forever. I think that is part of what makes it so very hard to let them go. We have been used to having them around for so very long that they become a fixture in our lives, and there is a great void when they are gone from us. Wishing you comfort in your loss.
  3. Grandfather's gone

    Thank you for sharing that heartwarming picture - what a wonderful photo to treasure! Your loss is so fresh and I am truly sorry for what a harrowing experience you've been through. You certainly do not have to apologize for the emotions you're feeling. Sharing your story may help you work through your feelings and make it feel more real for you - I'm sure it's still rather a shock and somewhat surreal for you. My grandmother died this summer and I felt in a stupor for a full month afterward. Please give yourself permission to grieve, especially with people you trust and who love you and understand. Find a safe place to fall apart, and as my grandma liked to say, "Be good to yourself first." I know that the holidays are likely to be difficult as we try to get used to the idea of being without our loved ones. Wishing you comfort and a growing sense of peace this holiday season. Love and hugs from the (broken) Heartland.
  4. My grandad died unexpectedly

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your granddad. Thank you for sharing your story about your granddad playing Santa. Do you suppose you could take on that role this year? It would be a way to carry on his legacy and I'm sure he would be very proud of you. I've also found that focusing on other people's troubles puts mine in perspective and just plain makes me feel better. My grandmother lived with us when I was an infant and our family had Sunday dinners around her table for twenty years. So I could really relate to what you said about how your granddad practically raised you and was the patriarch of your family. Grandma died this summer after battling Alzheimer's for nearly a decade (the fifth person in our family to get the disease, but the first to die from it). I thought that I was done grieving, but today I was hit with a wave of sadness that seemed to come out of nowhere. That quickly followed by feeling aggravated at myself for feeling sad. A quick text message to my brother, who was there with me and also holding her hand the day Grandma died, confirmed that he's been having the same struggles. I think something about the intensity of being the only two family members there when she died is making it harder for us to let go, though it gives me an odd sense of closure, too. I find myself resenting other family members who seem to be completely "over it," as if it's a sign that they didn't care enough or aren't feeling the loss as deeply as I am. My feelings seem to be up and down and I too have been wondering if this is normal. I have really been trying to hold it together, but I find myself crying when I'm alone in the shower or on the car ride home from work. Like I've bottled it up all day and when I'm alone is the only time I give myself permission to fall apart a bit. Really, whether it's been 4 or 7 months, that's not long at all to get used to the rest of our lives spent with only memories of our loved ones. And it's the first holiday without our favorite grandparent, which we had to know would be kind of hellish (I bawled my head off on what would have been my grandma's birthday, so there's one awful anniversary down). I think we need to cut ourselves some slack, especially over the holidays. I hope you can find joy and peace this holiday season, or at the very least, a "new normal." And I hope the wonderful memories of time spent with your granddad bring you comfort.