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ElemmireAnini

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About ElemmireAnini

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

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  • AIM
    Elemmiire098

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States
  • Loss Type
    Fiance Suicide, Mother Cancer
  • Angel Date
    12 Jun 2012, 11 Dec 2013

Converted

  • Zip
    71602
  1. Similar problem here too. We were engaged and going to marry in a few months. I broke it off because of his untreated problems. He had voices telling him to kill me and himself (things got really bad). He killed himself the night I left him. His family hate me. They blame me. No one wants to talk about him. My family members even told me that I didn't really love him so I shouldn't even care. Freaking heartless in my opinion. A young man that I spent 4.5 years with dies and I'm not supposed to care? That makes no sense. I would suggest trying a different therapist. I went to 3 before I found the one I like. It's been almost 5 years now and things did get better. I started doing more arts and craft things to keep my hands moving and my brain quiet. Try to eat and sleep well. Don't be upset with yourself when you don't. Try to cut off the people who cannot empathize with your pain. It doesn't have to be entirely, but it will be better for you not to hear that kind of stuff. You need people around you who can help with grief, not push it away. I am so sorry for what happened to you. Please contact me if you would like to talk.
  2. Hi Carmen, Please know you are not alone. I know you feel alone. I understand the situation with your mother. Mine was the same. Always telling me that it was a phase, or how I should be happy because I wasn't this or that. I am sorry that your friend says she is busy, that is awful. But you are not alone. You are a human who has value. You deserve to live for a better time in life. You deserve to see how things can change for the better. Would you like to email me? I'm not a therapist. I am a 30 year old woman, who when I was a teenager wanted to die everyday. I had few friends. I'm mixed race, so people in school said hateful things to me. My parents denied my problems and made everything about themselves. Life is drama. But it feels less intense when you can safely share with someone.
  3. Research Paper

    1. How old was the loved one you lost? 25 2. What was your personal connection to them? We were engaged. Dated for 2 years. Engaged for 2.5 years. We lived together for 3 years. 3. What emotions did you feel after the suicide? Fear. I can't explain exactly why but I was afraid of absolutely everything. 4. How long did it take to accept the loss? It's been 2.5 years and I have not completely accepted it. 5. What steps did you take to overcome the loss? I took a lot of time off from work. I was in a masters program (still in it because of this) and stopped all my research. I continued to go to class so I wouldn't be alone all the time. I drank a lot, it was the only way I could talk about him. I tend to be very aggressive and can't stand being vulnerable. I traveled. I hated staying in one place too long. I wanted to meet as many new people as possible. I started dating almost immediately. I needed to know that there could still be love. 6. Was the person who committed suicide suffering from an illness? He had borderline personality disorder He had antisocial personality and was possibly a psychopath 7. How did the suicide effect the community? Our community mostly included those in our department. We were in the same masters program. Most people tended to be very quiet about it and very defensive of me. Fools were no suffered by this group. Insensitive new comers were frequently ignored. Despite the people in our community feeling bad for me and feeling like they needed to take care of me most people were to afraid of doing the wrong thing to ever help me in any real way. The rest of the college completely ignored the fact that a student died. The department help a memorial service and a few officials attended. But they never spoke to me. If they had to talk to me they looked like they might spit on me. My family was useless. My mother would never talk to me about it. My father said to me "You never loved him so why are you so upset". But of course I loved him. My brothers never talked about it except to ask what he looked like when he died. His family absolutely hate and blame me. They tell people that he killed himself because I was a whore. Which is laughable because he was the one sleeping with other woman AND telling his mother about it. I can get very angry about all of it. I developed heart problems because of the stress. People say terrible things to me when they hear part of the story. Other people tell me I'm strong and doing so well.
  4. Broken Inside

    You will. The visuals will slow down after a year or so. They will stop altogether eventually, unless you call them up again. Life will be different, a new kind of normal.
  5. I was abandoned by my "friends" even the boy who seemed to love me, after my fiance killed himself. Even parts of my family refused to acknowledge my grief and pain. I was very alone. It's taken 2 years to recover some of my friends. I makes me so angry that people can just leave you like that. It isn't fair and you are not overreacting. If they tell you that you are too emotional about it, then they just feel guilty. The truth is that your friends should be there for you, always.
  6. heartbroken

    Does he know how you suffer?
  7. 5 years a caregiver

    I'm a care taker right now. I'm new to it. Taking care of my mom for the last month. I know it's not nearly as long as you, but it's something.
  8. tired, sad, fed up with all this ****

  9. I so sorry about your brother. I'm glad you can forgive, I can't yet.
  10. It just gets harder with time

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to have to leave someone you love so much. My fiance had a personality disorder and would hit me when he was going through mood changes, so I told him to leave. To be called the ex girlfriend hurts so much. I was even told that I didn't really love him and should get over it. I've experienced similar things with people never speaking of it and just wanting to throw away the memories of a person because of suicide. I tend to be spiteful and bring it up all the time. Be angry, be hurt. You need to feel those things. Let yourself feel what ever it is that comes up, if you push it aside it will take longer to find your new normal. Just be careful not to take your anger out on anyone around you. I know it's difficult but you have to find new friends. Which also means grieving for the relationships you have lost because of this. It is a lot of loss to handle. When one person dies you lose more than you ever dreamed you could.
  11. Lost my boyfriend

    I'm sorry for your loss. I'm 26 and my fiance killed himself last year. The truth is that most of the time I only think of how he has screwed up my life. I often blame myself for what he did. But in the past year it has gotten better. I started to think of the better times we had, they vastly out weigh the last chapter of his life. Let yourself grieve and be angry at him, but keep in mind that it will change with time. Be angry, be mad as hell. I think it's the only way to let go of the anger, by actually feeling it. Then let it pass.
  12. Going to S.O.S and talking help because the people there will tell you that what you are feeling is normal. They feel it too. They will listen to everything you have to say, you don't have to hide anything like you do with friends and family. Saying these things out loud can also help you to understand how you really feel better. It's not your fault. No matter what you did, it's not your fault.
  13. Feeling like ending it all

    Please don't. Just don't. You're not alone. You have a baby to take care of. Lets talk about this because a choice like that can't be undone.
  14. It's been a year

    I told my councilor the truth. I told her that I think about suicide. It's in my dreams mostly. I just don't want to be put into a hospital. I'm not going to do it, but I do think about it a lot. I miss him so much. I need a vacation, there is too much stress. On another note, I think Gordon talked to me. He showed me what his last day was like. I don't know if it was real or not, but it felt real. It was a dream, but it wasn't a dream. It started out as a dream, but continued while I was awake and getting ready for work. Has anyone else talked to their dead partner?
  15. It's been a year

    I go to counseling, but it's difficult for me to open up. There's just a lot of back story and complications to all of it. I think I don't really trust anyone yet.
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