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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About mavericks_goose

  • Rank
    Protected and Loved by My Guardian Angel
  • Birthday 12/02/1986

Contact Methods

  • MSN
  • Yahoo

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    North Dakota
  • Interests
    Right now I'm just trying to survive each breathing moment but I enjoy putting puzzles together, watching movies, do a lot of online gaming, reading (not as much as I use to), drawing (not as much as I use to), writing poetry(not as much as I use to).
  • Loss Type
    My fiance'
  • Angel Date
    July 3, 2012


  • Occupation
  • Country
  1. Strange ways of communicating

    That is wonderful news Mike and what a way for Mary to come through not only for your daughter but for you to! That is truly a blessing! Congrats on being a grandpa again, and remember Mary will always walk with you and your children she'll never leave your guys' sides. God gives them jobs to do and the first job is to look after us loved ones that got left behind. Happy Birthday Mary! Congratulations Mike on the new edition!
  2. We have lost one of our own

    I am devastated to hear of this sad news. She too, emailed me privately and we had very good discussions, I will miss her kind, caring, and thoughtful words. No more pain, no more sorrow, no more struggling, just peace and smiles as she's joined with her loved ones above. Rest in peace Paula! Always remembered, NEVER forgotten!
  3. Projected Wedding Date...How Do I Cope?!

    I wouldn't know where to go.
  4. Projected Wedding Date...How Do I Cope?!

    I was thinking of just getting all dolled up in my wedding dress and things but where would i go or what would i do in such an outfit on a day that would be projected as a normal day to the normal average person but would be a day that was suppose to be significant for me and him? I'm not sure what to do....I live in a small town not like we have clubs or anything here....I'm in the middle of the boondocks in the middle of nowhere......I'm just not sure what to do.
  5. He Told Me Lately That He Loved Me.....

    thank you kate!!!!!!!!!!
  6. 4 Months Today

    Thank you everyone. It was an okay day, tried to just keep my mind occupied but when 4p.m. rolled around (the time his life was taken) I felt my heart skip a beat and it was a hard moment to catch my breath---it's like that every month on that date I've come to realize. I've been having an okay week, with few break downs but still those break downs are heavy and big. Yesterday my sister underwent hernia surgery---she's fine....grumpy (which is normal for her to be the "get away from me grumpy" but this grumpy is the "i'm sick i hurt love me" kind of grumpy) so it's hard to see her going through this but she's a fighter and will be back to her normal self I'm sure within weeks. Had a very good night with her and my mom last night----was a very much much needed night with them two. We watched movies, ordered a take and bake pizza and just lounged around in our pajamas. Mom painted my sister's toe nails (as she's not allowed to bend over) and we just talked. For the first time since I lost Kyle, my sister and I had a good heart to heart---I shed a few tears but she was right there bringing my spirits back up again by reminding me of something good of him or a good time we all shared. It was nice beings when he was alive those two didn't see eye-to-eye very good and didn't get along the greatest but when he needed a good talking to she was there to talk to him and set him straight and help him see things from a view outside of his own....she was a good friend for him to have and it helped his and my relationship out a lot. Just wanted to say a thank you to everyone here on grieving.com as you have all helped me so much and continue to help me. I hope I bring as much comfort to you as you all have given me.
  7. Do I post too much or say the wrong things?

    Mike----- I, for one, definitely do NOT think you post too much. I enjoy reading your posts, comments, and chatting with you in the chat room. I've gained so much comfort in the things you have spoken. There's times where it's like what you have written is coming from my very own heart and struggle over my losing Kyle. You bring much comfort, encouragement, and even a slight bit of joy in others' lives. Please stay!
  8. 4 Months Today

    Its been 4 months today since you went away. My heart still aches and my soul still breaks. I love you still so much and miss so badly your loving touch. I know you are always with me no matter where I go for I see you in the signs you show. My world is lost without you beside me your were the one that made me complete. My heart maybe broken but I will never forget the love and the words that were shared and spoken. You were my world just as I will always remain your girl. You are my soulmate this much I know to be true life is just not the same without you. So I hope you hear me when I say I love you more than I did yesterday. You were my everything my one my all I still believe your promise that you will catch me if I ever fall. Forever and for always it will be Maverick & Goose through eternity. My heart is yours for always Kyle Ray it misses you more each day. Love you then love you still always have forever will. R.I.P. my sweet wonderful loving Kyle... Someday not just our hearts will be together but we will be forever.
  9. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a few voicemails of Kyle's and while I've only been able to listen to one of them and couldn't even listen to the full length of it without losing it completely and having to hang up I want to keep them. I have hundreds of letters written to me from him that I read often and save them in his fireproof/waterproof safe box. This pain does get sickening or at least it feels that way and in a way listening to their voice, reading emails/texts or letters, is a sense of healing and helping because it's their own personal words....not the words we remember them voicing in casual every day conversation but something that is save worthy of their choice of words they chose to put into a saving way. I have been trying to figure out how to download the 3 voicemails I have from Kyle (my fiance'). I know of others that have done this same thing, but I can't figure out how to get it from my cell phone to the computer.....if you have any ideas (it's not a smartphone) let me know.
  10. He Told Me Lately That He Loved Me.....

    I'm sure you weren't dreaming, last night (halloween) my front door opened all the way and when i went to turn the porch light off is when i had discovered it and also discovered my screen door was hooked (locked) which i NEVER touched the screen door all day/night yesterday.....i know I wasn't dreaming!
  11. My heart silently beats his name as my mind leads to the thoughts that draw the tears<3 I love and miss you Kyle Ray!

  12. A part of me died

    I know what you mean by a part of you died with your wife, a huge part of me died with Kyle.....I keep thinking of our wedding we had coming up on December 1st and the future we had planned on the children we had wanted......he wanted them so bad he even picked names out for all of them and they all started with the letter K. Now that wedding will never happen, and those names will go on without a face or a child to be put with them. It's so hard as I am just beginning to realize this and am not and haven't reached the point of acceptance of it. I don't know how to begin to accept that it won't happen...surely (I'm hoping) after the projected wedding date passes that I'll be able to finally have my heart wrap itself around the idea that those dreams Kyle and I had wanted to share together will never happen....my head has wrapped around that idea and has grasped that concept but it's like my heart hasn't been willing to acknowledge and process that information just yet. I open my closet and see my wedding gown hanging there as a constant reminder of what was to be and will never happen.
  13. Engagement Pictures

  14. My heart silently beats his name as my mind leads to the thoughts the draw the tears<3 I love and miss you Kyle Ray!

  15. Kyle passed away on July 3rd 2012, we were due to be married on December 1st, 2012 (the day before my birthday which is December 2). I have that whole ugly weekend to go through now knowing that our plans we had made are never going to happen and that December 1st will now represent an anniversary that was not allowed to be. I don't know what to do that weekend, I know I'm going to be a horrible wreck with it being that of our wedding weekend and my first birthday without him.....I don't know what to do but I know that if I don't come up with something to turn that weekend from what will be a projected ugly weekend into a weekend that I'll be able to honor in his memory somehow for the rest of my life, I know that I'll continue through this life looking at it in a negative way and I don't want to do that. Are there any thoughts or ideas of what I could potentially do to help make that weekend better to bear and easier to survive as well as marking it as close to as memorable as it was originally meant to be?