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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About valfran54

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Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Dallas, TX
  • Loss Type
    spouse, mother, dad, sister
  • Angel Date
    5/25/2011, 10/1/2012, 12/23/1999, 1/27/2001


  • Occupation
    unemployed, looking for work
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  1. Dear IrishImg60: I am so sorry to hear about your mom's passing and that your sister, the Executrix, couldn't wait for you to be there to start the disposition of your mom's estate. If your mom left a will, your sister was obligated to read the will to all of the heirs before any distribution of your mom's property. If she did have a will, most wills provide an equal distribution of personal property of the deceased. I would suggest you check to see if this is true. It is nice to have a personal item from our loved ones in addition to our memories of our lives together. All the feelings and self doubts about your mom and your relationship is normal. My siblings and I all went through that when my mom passed away. Not when my dad died - we were never close to him, just mom. Your siblings and you will grieve differently from each other and they will do and say things that will up set you, whether they meant to or not. Grief is not pretty -- it either makes families get closer or drives them farther apart. I have the opposite problem with my mom's personal items. I have 6 surviving sibling, my youngest sister committed suicide in 2001, and none of them want to have my parents' personal property removed from their house or even to sell the house. They want to keep it like a shrine to my parents and, in particular, to my mom. I have noticed that a few things have disappeared here and there, but 90% of the stuff is still there. I only want a couple of things - an old punch bowl and a plate I bought for my parents when I visited St. Peter's in Rome. My siblings all argue who was my mom's favorite and the truth is - my oldest sister. It is hard to understand, but that is how she was raised - her mom and her grandmom - all had their favorites. It is a stupid and silly harmful thing that some parents do and I am sorry that you are suffering from this. I stopped that tradition with my kids - I love them the same and they are both my favorites. My husband passed away in May 2011 after 4 years of battling pancreatic cancer. I had to quit my job and take care of him for 2 1/2 years until his death. I have been looking for a job since then and have found only temporary jobs. Although he had health insurance, the 4 years of medical costs ruined us financially -- it was not enough to cover all the costs. We were the typical American working family - living in a 1950s house and raised our kids. Now, my kids and I are losing our home and are facing the daunting task of selling our belongings. After 32 years together, we had collected a bunch of stuff that now is a big giant burden. Sometimes I feel like burning it all or calling Salvation Army or The VETS to come get it. My kids don't want to give any of it away or sell it, but we don't have any money to keep any of it or to even store it. I am so paralyzed with fear. I try to keep focus on God and what his will is for me. He is the controller of all things and this is out of our hands. I have prayed for his intercession, for employment, to win the lotto, any kind of help and it hasn't happened. I try not to question any of this, but I am still grieving and mourning my husband's death and my mom's. I try not to get discouraged, but I am so, so tired of all of it. After working so hard all these years, just to see it all disappear.