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Rms1977

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  • Content count

    100
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About Rms1977

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Jackson, MO
  • Loss Type
    My Dearest Mama
  • Angel Date
    9-18-12

Converted

  • Occupation
    Advertising Executive
  • Last Name
    Sterling
  • First Name
    Ronda
  • Zip
    63755
  1. My best friend my MOM...

    Debi, I am terribly sorry for your loss. It is definetely written with much saddness, and emotion. I would say "welcome to the group", but I think we can all agree, this is not a group we would prefer to be members of. For your loss, there are no words I can say, in which will make you feel any peace, comfort, or closure. I know this from experience. You will soon realize (if you haven't already), people who have not experienced loss of their loved ones, will have no idea what to say, nor do, to make you feel better. In some sense, it is as if they are very insensitive, or even un-sympathetic. I don't even know that they intend on making us feel this way, it's just a lack of knowledge, or experience. I learned the hard way, not everyone understands. It is a very overwhelming thing, to lose our parents. The only pain I think could even come close, would be the loss of a child. Neither one, did I, nor DO I ever wish to experience. I lost my mother on September 18, last year, a month before her 59th birthday. It too, was a very traumatic death, and I was with her for the 11 hours, before she finally passed. I watched her lifeless body windle away into nothing.. I will never forget the images, the smell, the interior of the room, the noises, etc.. it's as if life as I knew it had stopped!! Here I am, exactly one week away from her 60th Birthday, and just past a month from her 1 year death anniversary. The sting is STILL very painful, but it does get "easier to deal". Don't get me wrong, I still have moments of complete denial, frustration, lonliness, abandonment, sadness, pissed off, sad, etc........ but I have learned to smile, and talk to her alot. Some would swear I am out of my mind, but I do have a beautiful butterfly that chases me ALOT.... I smile, and say "Hey Mama"..........I pray that you find peace, and please reach out to us all here, when you feel as if you have noone. Someone here, knows exactly how sad you are feeling. Much love, and hugs- from SEMO (Southeast Missouri)
  2. I commend you, for being able to do so!! If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be able to do it (I actually refuse to do it for my father now) I am praying, and hugging you from far away!
  3. Kaycee, Thank you very much sweetie. That certainly wasn't my intent, to make any one feel sorry for me. I don't dare want to steal this feed for my pity. Yesterday was just a very bad day for me, and I could totally relate to Miss U Momma.... I pray for peace for each and every one of us! HUGS!
  4. I can't really say I thought my father would die first, but I always ALWAYS find myself saying "Why in the hell didn't he go, and Mom live?????? My father was/is a child molestor. He molested my sister, and I, when I was 3, she was 8. My sister at the age of 8 years old, testitfied against him. He admitted it in court, and in the end, only served 2 years, of a nine years sentence. He was not only a child molestor, but an alcoholic, and a VERY abusive man, physically to my Mom, and us kids. Mom raised us the best she could, as a single mom. For years, she hid out with us kids, to keep dad from finding us. The same day he got out of prison, he had sex with a 15 yr old (he was 38), and her mother found out he was a convicted molestor, and told him "Marry her, or I am sending you back to prison"...that's exactly what he did. So my stepmom is literally only 6 years older than my sister. They gave us hell growing up...mean, very mean man. I have heard from this woman he married, for the past 20 years, that he is dying, and I should "APPOLOGIZE" to my father, and build a relationship with this evil man, because he is dying!!!!!!!!!!! That is horrible, to say the least. We are the victims, and I owe this man no apology, and my 3 kids weren't going any where near him!! Anyways.........yes, I do find myself so pissed off that this scum of a human is still alive, while my mother, who protected her children, while getting her head smashed in, is now gone....its so unfair! As a mother myself, I cannot imagine the pain she must have endured, realizing the father of her kids, and her husband, had molested THEIR own children, then about killed her while trying to get out...I can only hope and pray, that God had a grand world waiting for her.. Lord knows she already lived hell here on earth. I Will NEVER forgive my father!!
  5. That sounds beautiful! I know how you feel about planning your wedding, as well. I was lucky enough, for mom to have been there when I got engaged last July. She was soooooooo excited, but then passed away 2 months later. We were set to get married August of this year, but I have postponed, until further notice. I just cannot stand the thought of knowing Mom will not be there. I pray we both find strength!
  6. My mom passed away 6 months ago. September 18. Her birthday was October 17, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas...something every month, for 3 mths straight. It was the hardest thing in my life. I got through it, by taking her gift money, and making nice things for her grave. Does your mom have a grave? If not, maybe make a special gift, and place it in your home, as like a shrine? I have a table displaying all things I got mom. This will also be the first mothers Day. I'm scared too...but I will try to cherish and talk about how great my mother was. So sorry we are goin through this. Hugs!!
  7. Lost my father 28/12/12

    Hi Mark, It's me again! I hoped all was getting well with both of us, but as I can see, and feel, it's not. That's a really unfortunate thing. I can definetely tell you, I am dealing with the anger that you are describing now. I have dealt with it for at least 4 months now. The first two months were that "fog", disbelief, then it was complete ANGER. I have completely stopped my upcomming wedding in August, as my partner, and bestfriend can no longer relate. It's as if he was very insensitive to my feelings, or the whole process. While on one hand I hate him for that, the other, I tell myself he doesn't know how to deal either. We don't understand grief, until we've been there, and he has not. Tuesday was a very rough day for me. It marked the 6 months, that mom passed away on my chest. As funny as it may seem, this was the HARDEST for me. Even harder than her birthday (a month after she passed), Thanksgiving 2 months later, and Christmas 3 months later....the only way I could describe it to any one, was that it was A HALF A YEAR...it was SOO hard! I ended up tearing up at my desk at work (I am in Media) and a co-worker asked me "what's wrong" I explain "I am just a little sad, it's been 6 months today"...she laughs, and responds "you're a big'ole' crybaby".. I could NOT believe this response! Every one here at work are wonderful people. They are family, my family away from family...so I could only assume she didn't realize the hurtful thing she said to me.... So yesterday, complete breaking point!!!! I had a crisis over a television commercial that is suppose to air on March Madness NCAA tournaments... I get an email saying the lines will be suspended, because they can't find the commercials in our system...even though I have given them to our encoder, and he said he put them in our system........ make the story short, I went OFF on EVERY ONE involved! I told them to get their heads out of their A$$, WTF were they thinking, this is a 200k account they are screwing..blah blah............. Even though I was completely right, this was their mistake, this was not my characater to act this way... It didn't help that the people I went off on were EXTREMELY HIGH POWERED... even above my boss... So my boss tells me "I know you're right, but wow, what a ballsy move...to speak to such higher power in this manner".... If they had been there, I could have punched them in their faces. I am a complete morbid shell............ I have even thrown my diamond ring my fiance' got me, at him........ I hope we can learn to get apassed this, as I don't want my Mothers death to become who I am.... as this new me, is a "negative" "horrible" person, my Mother wouldn't have liked.. Stay Strong, Hugs- Ronda
  8. It's been 6 months today since I lost my mom. I have the perfect fiancé, who is my best friend. We've never had one argument in 3 yrs, prior to mom passing. In this 6 months, he has seemed SOOOO unsupportive!!! We have foughtto the point f me throwing my 4 carat ring in his face, cutting him.. Then I realized, this is GRIEF! It's reared it's ugly self, into my life! I blamed him for everything. And even when he wasn't being rude, I accused him of it. I had to pray, and realize, not all are aware how to "speak" or act to a grieving person. I hav apologized, and take a deep breath now, and for him that "look", so he can realize when he's hurting my feelings. This has helped us so much, and we are back on track, and happy again. Communication is key- talk to him about your feelings. Never say you married the wrong person...for you married him for a reason if things were bad before hand, that's a different story! But if you're like me, and they were great, then take a look at this thing called grief! Hugs to you!! Ronda
  9. Losteithoutmum, So much of what you're sayin hits home to me tonight. Tonight is 6 months, that's half a year!! I am never going to understand why you and I felt so guilty. My story is so similar to yours,.. Even getting engaged! My fiancé proposed to me while mom was here, after her surgery. She was soooo happy, and excited, she had never been to the beach!! Being a single mom, we grew up with not a lot of money. Mom never had a vacation 2 months later, we buried her. I was suppose to marry this year, but have pushed it back Til next year. What is suppose to be the happiest day f my life, will now be a sad day... Had I known when mom complained of the "soreness" and foul smell, she wouldn't have gotten staph. Or we could have stopped it.. Coulda, shoulda, woulda!!! I do think in the end, it was simply their time to go. We can't stop fate. Hugs to you!!!
  10. I like you, cared for Mama in my house. Everything reminded me of her, and I grieved even more. It's been 6 months today.. I decided it was time to change, and moved. It was scary, but a very good decision. BUT, it didn't make the memories go away. I still think of her, and all of them places we went to, even if I cannot see them now. I am still grieving, just in a different place. Guess what I am trying to say, is if you're running from grief, moving wont help. If youre wanting to better your life, and relocating would make that happen, I think it would be a great decision. We all want better lives for ourselves, and our mothers would smile, knowing we did! No matter what decision, good luck! Hugs, Ronda
  11. I am so sorry for all of your losses! I feel te pain in each and every one of your post. My mom has been gone 6 mths, and I hurt so deep. Like you, I am so angry at people who talk about their Mothera Day plans around me. This will also be my first. I know this day will be even more difficult than what tomorrow, or yesterday was. I am so lonely. I pray for peace, strength, and guidance as we all deal with our losses. Hugs
  12. Too young to lose my mom :(

    First, let me say I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 6 months ago, and she was only a week away from her 59th birthday. I can tell you from experience, no matter how old you are, it never feels ok. I am 35, and it hurts so bad. I wish I had some words of encouragement for you, but unfortunately I don't. The only thing I can tell you, is to keep writing here, cling to the ones who love you, and talk to your mother daily. That is what is getting me through. Maybe together, we will all get through this. Hugs, Ronda
  13. Dear Mcp_sb Another dear friend on here, who also lost her mother around the same time I lost mine (September 18) told me to come and read your story. It is heartbreaking, reading your story, as I can feel your pain all the way in my chest, even as far as Missouri. I too, lost my beautiful Mama, and am only 35. I was/still am, devastated. I am so sorry of the pain you are feeling inside. Words cannot express just how frustrating it is, to feel like you're dying, while the rest of the world has moved on. You want to scream "STOP, why aren't you grieving her with me???" I get it, and so does my dear friend on here..who sent me to your post. We both have helped each other grieve so much, and have even become very good friends on facebook, helping cope... I wanted to invite you to add me as a friend there, too.. Ronda Sterling-Martin I really wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but unfortunately, I have none. I will just tell you this: Do NOT let anyone rush your grief. It certainly is a "Disease" that has NO time limit, and we ALL heal differently. Do NOT let anyone "tell you it's okay", when in your heart, it is not. Do NOT feel as if your mother is gone, because honestly, in your heart and memories, she is NOT gone. (It took me a couple of months to realize, she really isn't gone. Trust me, I know how it feels she is, because we can't see her...but I promise, she's in everything you do- including the blood running through your body........) Do NOT feel guilty, that you haven't moved on, while the rest of the world has... Remember to always do this: I have found it easier to write to my Mama. I have written her several letters, poetry...I have posted it for the rest to enjoy. I pretend she read it... I try to talk to my mother on a daily basis...Even though I don't get an answer back, I do believe she hears me Try to find things that remind you of her, and instead of being angry, smile, because you got that time....the list goes on and on. If you want/need to scream, cry, throw something..etc...DO IT!! It doesn't mean that you've gone off your "deep-end", it means you are releasing that pain. I know this, because I did this myself. I understand how empty you feel, that you are carrying her grandchild, you will never let her see... I had a milestone too...I am marrying this year, and Mama was so excited, because she had never been to the beach. I will cry the entire wedding, as we're doing it on the beach. I will be so empty, yet happy to have finally married him...I am so scared of this day, that I have postponed my wedding until next year..... Please know that there are people on here that not only feel your pain, but want to be here for you too. I have never been a fan of "online" friendships, as I didn't "get it". How can you have a friendship with someone online? But TRUST ME...this site has been my God-Send, and I have met some of the greatest group of friends here, who like I said, has now even became facebook friends, and I LOVE THEM DEARLY. If you're like me, only people who have lost their parents, would make you feel good to talk to. You KNEW they knew your pain. Please keep your chin up, and know that we are here for you. You can scream on here, cuss on here, cry, share good moments, the bad moments, the ugly moments, the weak moments..........it's endless, and very therapudic. Big, Huge Hugs to you from Missouri- Ronda-
  14. My dad died...

    I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad. I lost my mother/bestfriend on September 18, 2012. I like you, am having a hard time coping. I had wonderful co-workers when mom passed. I too, was in my first year. They were/are still great. I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Stay on this site, as you'll find a lot of people feeling what you feel. It's a journey for us all, and you're not alone. Anytime you need to vent, or cry, I am here. God Bless, Ronda
  15. My mother had her kidney removed on 07/05/12 to rid the "cancer". She rode the 3 hours home with me after, so I could care for her. Two weeks after the surgery, she still wasn't recovering. She had puss, odor, and pain in the incision site. We called the urologist who performed the surgery, and he instructed her to see her MD. I took her home, she followed up with her MD, who confirmed she had staph, and have her antibiotics. She then received a phone call 3 weeks after surgery, to tell her the test showed no "cancer" in the kidney they removed... Eight weeks after surgery, my mother was gone. She passed from septic shock, heart attack, bowl obstruction, an stroke. I do know staph causes septic shock, as it is a blood infection. that then shuts down the vital organs, causing bowl obstruction, heart attack, stroke...all a domino effect!! , I feel the hospital is responsible. She would be here today without the staph, (wouldnt have staph without them performing un necessary surgery) due to them..what do I do???
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