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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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About Silva85

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  1. Hi everyone, I havent been on this forum for almost 6 months... I thank you all very much for your support and help!!! I lost my partner 6 months ago, he was only 32... it happened very suddenly and its been very hard since he passed away. It also makes it difficult to visit his family and friends cause we had a long distance relationship. I am not able to visit his city much often. I visited his house last october and I want to return to see his family and friends again but its also very intens and painfull. His friends are asking me if I will come to a New Years Eve party... the thing is its kinda expensive to go ( with a 2 hour flight cause its holiday season) and although its good to see them I dont know If I can do it emotionally.... I really would like to see them again but i am planning to go in february and then seeing some of his friends. I am not that party type of person for New Years Eve, and it will be the first without him so I am really doubting if I should go to see his friends or wait until february. On the other hand I feel like I am missing out if I dont go and maybe it will do me very good. I just dont know whats wise to do.... Waiting until february or celebrating the New Year with his friends.... The practical problem is that I maybe have to rent a house or stay in a hotel cause my partners house is still there but the family started making the house empthy and cleaning out. They have no idea how long they will keep the house but I dont really feel like sleeping in his house cause his family took some furniture so it makes me sad to come there and it would make it very hard emotionally. His family doesent live is the same city so I would either have to sleep at his friends house or rent a house/go to a hotel to get a good night sleep.... Thats also whats making me doubting to go....I wanted to stay home and give myself some rest but I am also thinking maybe I should push myself and then i would feel good and share memories with his friends.... If anyone could give me advice i would be really happy!
  2. sudden death boyfriend

    Thank you all very much for your replies!! it really helps I dont feel alone anymore. I am so very sorry for all of you who also lost their partner. Thanks for your reply, I am also very sorry for you losing your boyfriend at such a young age.... It must have been very shocking to hear the news that he had an accident.. I understand" the what if you stayed until monday cause he asked you twice" You can think about the monday he asked you to stay, but that will only keep you focused on that one day....... cherish all the moments you had with him and know that you did everything you could. We never know whats gonna happen the next day, thats part of live and we can not prevent things from happening. It was his time for some reason just as it was my boyfriends time. I know i will struggle with this 'what if' question or 'why didnt I ' but i think by time it will heal and I remember all the good things. I will go to his house but the family told me because its a month ago the rent will stop in about two weeks so they already took al lot of furniture out of the house... . Now I have some things that I want to pick up but I think I will only stay several days cause seeing the house so empthy will only make me more sad and its not the same as before anymore.
  3. sudden death boyfriend

    Hi everyone, Only 4 weeks ago I lost my boyfriend due to a cardiac arrest... I found him laying on the ground. I feel guilty cause he wasent feeling good that morning, but I thought that if he would sleep he would feel good again. I left to go shopping at the supermarket but because i couldent find everything i wanted there i went to another store as well ,I was away for like 1,5 hour and then I found him. Ik keep thinking, why did I go that morning to 2 supermarkets and why didnt I return earlier and could have saved him.... Its really hard to cope with. He was only 32 years old.... We didnt live together cause of long distance, but we saw each other very much, it was a 5 hours drive. I will return to his house in one week, I havent been there since the funeral. I think its good for me to spend some time alone in his house and grieve and see his stuff. Anyone else any advice about spending time alone in the house of a deceased loved one when you didnt live together? The family of him also lives nearby so I can visit them, but sleeping in his house alone for several nights can maybe be difficult, On the other hand I think its good for the grieving proces to see his house again and to really feel it..
  4. I lost my mother 2 months ago on cancer. She was only 52 years old and fighted the disease or almost a year, unfortunely she could not win the battle.Only a few months before my mother was diagnosed my boyfriend broke up with me, we were together for 5 years and lived together. From that moment everything seems like a rush, like a complete change in my life. It had to deal with the loss of our relationship and short after that my mother. I never understood life could be so cold and lonely and it felt like surviving all the time, i guess life is sometimes soft and sometimes very hard on us. It turned everything upside down for me. I cried a lot about my ex bf, and then i was shocked to hear my mother was going to die. It felt like surviving this last year, i kept working, going out with friends a bit, going on holiday to a sunny place, but even there it seemed like my mother came to visit me in my dreams more often then at home and i wanted to escape to a tropical place and thought it was all going to appear different and light there, like everyhting would be different on another place. But i learned its what inside you, you cant run away from it. my ex mailed me a few times to ask me how i am doing and he heard the bad news about my mother. Even now after a year i cant mail with him cause i still grieve about us not being together anymore, he has a new girlfriend, so for him its different i guess he moved on.he was asking how i am doing and wrote me somethig about his work, but i wrote him back its better for me to have no contact now, cause i am trying to built up my own life.Although i want friendship cause i miss him, but i think it would be painfull now and will not help to heal. Cause i want him back and he wants just friendship.I try to move on, and my mother also told me not to spend time thinking about my ex, cause i was to good for that and i should meet new people and stop thinking he is the only person in the world i could be with. So i try to listen to her. It all seems so quiet, so silence, like everything in life stopped and i am getting old, now i can imagine how it must feel like when you are 80 and everything in life is gone, heavenly i am not that old yet. Before all this happened it was so different, life was soft in a way for me, ofcorse dead is always close, and now i realise, but i sometimes dont know how to cope with all this lost in one year. I mean saying goodby to 2 very important people in my life in a short time. I know life is about changes, about transformation, everyhting changes nothing stays the same, but sometimes it changes very fast in a short time and it stayes the same for a long time. I wish everybody the best with there lost and there own grieving. Remember you are not alone with this feelings, everybody has his own pain.i am so sorry for the people here who have lost more family members in a short time!!! I hope life will be soft in other ways and they will find happiness again and piece with it.