I lost my mother 2 months ago on cancer. She was only 52 years old and fighted the disease or almost a year, unfortunely she could not win the battle.Only a few months before my mother was diagnosed my boyfriend broke up with me, we were together for 5 years and lived together. From that moment everything seems like a rush, like a complete change in my life. It had to deal with the loss of our relationship and short after that my mother. I never understood life could be so cold and lonely and it felt like surviving all the time, i guess life is sometimes soft and sometimes very hard on us. It turned everything upside down for me. I cried a lot about my ex bf, and then i was shocked to hear my mother was going to die. It felt like surviving this last year, i kept working, going out with friends a bit, going on holiday to a sunny place, but even there it seemed like my mother came to visit me in my dreams more often then at home and i wanted to escape to a tropical place and thought it was all going to appear different and light there, like everyhting would be different on another place. But i learned its what inside you, you cant run away from it. my ex mailed me a few times to ask me how i am doing and he heard the bad news about my mother. Even now after a year i cant mail with him cause i still grieve about us not being together anymore, he has a new girlfriend, so for him its different i guess he moved on.he was asking how i am doing and wrote me somethig about his work, but i wrote him back its better for me to have no contact now, cause i am trying to built up my own life.Although i want friendship cause i miss him, but i think it would be painfull now and will not help to heal. Cause i want him back and he wants just friendship.I try to move on, and my mother also told me not to spend time thinking about my ex, cause i was to good for that and i should meet new people and stop thinking he is the only person in the world i could be with. So i try to listen to her. It all seems so quiet, so silence, like everything in life stopped and i am getting old, now i can imagine how it must feel like when you are 80 and everything in life is gone, heavenly i am not that old yet. Before all this happened it was so different, life was soft in a way for me, ofcorse dead is always close, and now i realise, but i sometimes dont know how to cope with all this lost in one year. I mean saying goodby to 2 very important people in my life in a short time. I know life is about changes, about transformation, everyhting changes nothing stays the same, but sometimes it changes very fast in a short time and it stayes the same for a long time. I wish everybody the best with there lost and there own grieving. Remember you are not alone with this feelings, everybody has his own pain.i am so sorry for the people here who have lost more family members in a short time!!! I hope life will be soft in other ways and they will find happiness again and piece with it.