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val

Members
  • Content count

    141
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About val

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday January 22

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    penna.
  • Loss Type
    spouse
  • Angel Date
    7-5-2012

Converted

  • Last Name
    landis
  • First Name
    valerie
  • Zip
    19464
  • Country
    usa
  1. So alone

    Hello, my name is Val. I haven't been on the grief boards in a bit...thought i was handling things better. But my Jerry passed 8 months ago now, and this morning is just hell. His birthday is this Wednesday... and I miss him so much. I have last years birthday card right here hanging in front of him... i am so glad i told him how much i love him and how he means the world to me. I am sorry you are feeling so alone ... it has gotten a bit better for me by following advice on these boards. Stay around people. They won't always call you. Go to holiday functions, even though you'll cry (i did at least) work, if you work. it's a distraction. reach out. share with others about your loss, helping other has been a great help to me. PRAY I send you prayers and hugs, Val xoxo
  2. Just something that made me feel better....

    silver, so glad you got Tinker. I've toyed with the idea of getting a second cat, but this one is a hand full; glad you found something that made you feel better. Wishing i could. Seven months have passed, people and life move on, and i feel stuck. like right now, i've been up since 2.15 with bad dreams and on this computer for hours. time to get off my arse and do something. have a good day babe. val
  3. Merry Christmas to all

    Hi Kendi , thanks for starting this thread. Yes, everything last year was so different. So much has changed since my husband passed july 5 2012. But one thing that will never change is the love i hold for him in my heart. We would be running around doing last minute shopping , seeing friends and looking forward to dinner at Mom and Dad's. Getting dressed up for church. I guess when it comes down to it, i'm doing those things today, just doing them alone. If I could have my baby turtle back for just a minute I'd have so much to say to him. What i really want you to know Jerry is how much i love and continue to love you; i cherish my memories of us. You are the best man i could have ever asked for. I know this is your First Christmas in Heaven. Your pictures are all over the house and your things are just as you left them, so if you could ever come back to me, i'm ready. I love you so much baby turtle. I ordered a special ornament for the tree for you and it just came UPS . it's a beautiful red blown glass ornament with Santa sitting on top in the sand, on the beach and holding a baby turtle. I had your name put on it and 2012. I cried when I hung it on the tree. So lonely here without you babe. But I must trudge on alone, I wish you a holy, Christmas there in Heaven. I wish my fellow grievers a Happy Holiday here on earth. Go in peace. RIP JERRY PAUL GARD. Love you eternally, your vally
  4. Lost and all alone! So long!

    Dear Mike: Please don't go anywhere. We need you here. Hugs, Val
  5. New Here

    Dear Silver: I certainly notice a change in your perspective and am so happy you shared that with me last night in Chat. I have been struggling with allowing myself to feel good too because it made me feel guilty. So glad you brought that up. Trying to focus on the positives is hard for me but today because of your post and support from those around me, i iwll try it again. it is only 4.30 here but i got plenty of sleep, sorry i left chat abruptly. just felt ihad nothing to offer anyone. Glad you put up your tree and more. I am as ever grateful for your support. hugs and love, val
  6. New Here

    Dear Silver: I certainly notice a change in your perspective and am so happy you shared that with me last night in Chat. I have been struggling with allowing myself to feel good too because it made me feel guilty. So glad you brought that up. Trying to focus on the positives is hard for me but today because of your post and support from those around me, i iwll try it again. it is only 4.30 here but i got plenty of sleep, sorry i left chat abruptly. just felt ihad nothing to offer anyone. Glad you put up your tree and more. I am as ever grateful for your support. hugs and love, val
  7. We have lost one of our own

    oh my God. i had mandala's phone number and she consoled me so many times regarding Jerry. I simply cannot believe it. we have lost one of our own now. what next? what next dear God? i, valerie, can't take anymore losses. she was my phone friend. i am crying as i write this.... dear mandala, paula, RIP, you helped me so much. what do i do now? it is unfair, i can't take anymore.... val
  8. New Here

    Dear Lou: Well I tried the xmas shopping yesterday; i basically went to appease and pleasure my mother who is 80 and she wanted to go. it turned out pretty well, i took her out for chinese afterwards (dad hates chinese -he's 83) so he was not with us. It was very hard but i tried to be upbeat, faking it through. i lost it though when i was outside and saw a man in a wheelchair and the bell ringers and the man was giving him money. i too dumped all my change in the salvation army box and wished them a 'merry xmas' the first time i've been able to say that. i did as a dear friend suggested and gave my mother brilliant hugs and kisses when i saw her and told her i loved her. she walked around all day with my kissmark on her forehead. she didn't mind. anyway i am writng this to let you know you are not alone and there are many of us just trying to get through these holidays. At this point, i hope you no longer feel so new here. you have become one of the family Lou. It is a trying time for all of us, and through, chats, forums and some of us exchange phone calls, we are making it. the world will not come to a screeching halt as we may wish, for our grief. what i am trying to say is that i noticed life going on outside my bubble of pain yesterday and i tried to participate in it. My wish for you is to hold your head upright toward the sky and know you have an angel and the Lord watching over you. He will carry you when you feel you can't do so yourself. He has always been there. My best to you, Val
  9. Hello everyone, I thank everyone who participated and continues to participate in this thread. Your responses have helped me immensely. You have all made such good points and it has helped me very much. Please know that. I will continue re-reading these posts. I thank all of you who have helped with your words of wisdom. Things, this feeling of dishonor has lightened up a bit because of your very responses. With kindest regards, Valerie
  10. I would like to know how some others feel about this topic. Is getting better a betrayal to our deceased and oh so loved one? Today I went to my brother's house and helped them decorate for Christmas. Part of me felt guilty for getting a semi-smile on my face. That and other things have been making me smile lately. I feel I am moving forward but at the same time I feel guilty or like I am betraying my beloved Jerry who died July 5 2012. I just want some group conscience on this topic. I would appreciate posts back. God Bless You All, love and hugs, Val
  11. New Here

    I am sorry you don't feel right in your own home. I don't want to and will not move. All the memories, all the love jerry put into this house to make it my home..well i'm not going anywhere. don't want to; this is my sanctuary. why don't you come back to chat and join us? God Bless You Lou, val
  12. New Here

    Dear Lou - it is Val. i'm not gone ; i'm sorry i haven't written sooner to you. I too have had panic attacks where i had to leave the building i was in; it was while i was at work. terrible feeling. doctor put me on some meds. this xmas thing is looming over my head. but i finally think i can at least hang a wreath on my door. Jerry always wanted the house to look nice, so i will do it for him.. in his memory. i love him so .... he died july 5 2012 so all these first holidays are really hard. that's about all i know for now. licking my wounds quietly, i am, valerie God Bless You Lou through these holidays.
  13. New Here

    Hi Lou Q.... it is Val again. Yes, i've tried counseling, still am at it, but getting a different counselor , one that specializes in grief. I have my parents pretty close by, they supported me through Thanksgiving...other than th at it's just me and my cat. I know these first holidays will be hard. Keep posting and talking about it. my job helps keep me busy, but when i am there, somedays i feel i'd give anything to just leave for a while. i don't really know if i'm in the right line of work right now. I work as a case manager for a community mental health agency, so at least i work wth a bunch of doctors, therapists, counselors...they have been most supportive. God Bless You , Lou Q.... hugs, val
  14. New Here

    welcome Lou - my name is val. this is a very supportive group of people to post with and Chat with. I am sincerely sorry for your loss. it is so recent. My husband Jerry died july 5 2012 and this was my first holiday without him. it was hard. now comes Christmas. i'm not looking forward to it. anyway, keep coming back here; you'll find lots of support as you go through the grieving process. peace be with you and God Bless... val
  15. Milestones, Holidays, and emptiness....

    It is horrible for me right now. Jerry is gone but five months. I feel dead inside. I don't care about the holidays, that is selfish of me i know - that i can't even fake it for my family's sake, but i just can't, fake it that is. i will go there and heed the call. i'd rather just sleep through the whole thing. sorry, i have no words of inspiration at this point. i hate this.
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