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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Derry

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Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
  • Interests
    Cooking, Gardening, Sculpting, Critters, Health and Spirit
  • Loss Type
    sister and mother


  • Occupation
  • Interests
    same as the ones listed above?
  • Last Name
  • First Name
  • Zip
  • Country
    United States
  1. Edit profile

    Thank you sweetheart and thank you for fixing my profile. I have found some comfort......but not in the way I expected.
  2. Oh my.......I knew I should have stayed away from this forum. Now I'm sucked in and invested. *sigh* PLEASE do not feel that you gave up on your baby too soon. About 20 years ago I refused to give up on my 'Boomer'.........in hind site I was ashamed and felt so bad about putting him thru so much.....and then losing him. At the time the vet said it was "a disease much like human HIV" Six years ago I took 'Scooter' to the vet....although I had several other cats, Scooter was incredibly special to me (VERY long story) The vet returned to the exam room with the results of the blood tests.....in tears...."Oh Derry....I am so sorry." I was devasted....yet at that moment, I KNEW I had to say good bye to Scooter. We put him to sleep.....and YES, in my arms....it was the most horrible experience ever.....but I've had to do it 2 more times since then. It NEVER gets easier....and I STILL miss every one of them......I'm crying as I type. I've never adopted a cat. They come to me. People call me a cat magnet. It's not that much fun really.....but with the recent loss of my mother and sister they have been my salvation. Fur babies (I love that term, never heard it before) are very special....they depend on us for everything. Making life and death decisions for them is never easy. It's just one of those difficult problems in life that we must deal with.....and move on. We will always hold their memories dear to us....and we will continue to make NEW memories that are dear to us. The circle never ends.
  3. lost mom today 5 yrs ago

    I am so sorry that you are going thru this. My prayers are with you and your family. At first I read that your mom passed away 5 DAYS ago....but I'm a bit slow at times and finally realized what it said. This sounds a lot like the "syndrome" that our family when thru when my sister (age 42) died unexpectedly in 1981. She was the life and soul of our family. We all became a bit distant......especially my older sister. Although older sis lived right next door.....mother and I rarely saw her. She showed up last Christmas and then once this Spring.....always using silly excuses. We will never know why she was the way she was.....she overdosed on RX meds back in March. Our family was so disconnected. Know what happened? Our family suddenly got closer....what is left of it.....and just in time. Mother passed 2 weeks later. Now it's only my two brothers and myself. We are healing.....life is becoming normal again. We hug, kiss, tell each other how much we love and appreciate each other.....and stay in touch. The past few weeks HAVE BEEN HELL but there is a bright beacon ahead giving me strength. Finding someone to talk to is KEY to overcoming the emptiness. Even the words exchanged on forums and in chat will help.....BUT, a real, live, human being is much better. I've found that getting out and shopping, talking to strangers about the mundane and boring.....is therapeutic. Please share some more about your mother. It sounds like she was a rock. Derry
  4. Hey.....I'll comment....I'd love to!

    Since I can't seem to make any changes to my profile I'll just tell ya' here! How will that work??

    I'm 58

    Born in May

    Angel Date(s) would be March 30 and April 14

    (sister and mother)

  5. What's on my mind??? I have one of those???

  6. Lost mom a week ago

    My dear one~ I have discovered that it takes time for our minds, hearts and souls to finally come to grips with our new reality. My mother passed away on April 14. Some days it feels like it happend only yesterday and on other days it seems like it's been an eternity. At this very moment I am calm....actually very mellow and relaxed. This afternoon I feared for my life.....couldn't stop sobbing...it was horrible, even painful. At times I wondered if it was simply time to give up. My siblings offered NO help (physical or financial) during the 17 years I cared for mother....yet, they swept in and took over her funeral and the dispersal of her assets immediately upon her death....and once again they abandoned me. It sounds like I'm taking my mother's death a little too hard....but she was my family. We had been business partners for decades....friends forever....she had become my daughter in her last years. Seems that this thing called Death is always new to everyone...usually we are not prepared....not matter how much we THINK we are. Every story is unique and very special. Share your story...both the good and the bad....absorb it all. I've been told that it DOES get better....it seems that would be the only reasonable outcome.....guess it just takes time. My heart and prayers are with you.
  7. Multiple Losses

    Hello?????? Over 44,000 members and the place is so quiet? I hope everyone hasn't died.........talk about your Irony. Am I in the wrong forum? Anyone out there???
  8. Multiple Losses

    Hello Get ready for a HUGE Rant/Fret/Whine/Intro/Pep Talk I'm going to throw in a little introduction to start with. My name is Derry, 58, Arkansas I'm a retired....everything?? At one time my mother and I had a florist and bridal center, I then became a chef for 10 years, moved back to Arkansas and was an interior decorator. I combined all my talents to create my last job....Cake Decortor Extraordinaire!! *smile*....*cry* I moved back to Arkansas in 1995 when my father died and my mother was very sick at the time. She did not think she would be around much longer. (((SURPRISE!!))) She lived for 17 more....wonderful, joyful and happy years. We overcame diabetes, renal failure, heart attacks, bad knee replacements, high blood pressure and the demise of "As the World Turns" I was sooooo extremely blessed to be able to be with my mother those last years. My caregiving went into full time mode in 2009 when mother's lower back simply would not allow her to get around or even sit up for any length of time. Her mind, appetite and sense of humor stayed with her til the end. She passed away on April 14 of this year....at the age of 95....one of 10 girls! We had been in and out of the hospital several times in the previous months but on April 10 she said~ "Enough...no more bloodwork, no more medicine, no more transfusions......I'm ready to go." We were moved to the hospice ward.....beautiful room, peaceful....and had 3 days to soak it all in. She slowly drifted away. Her death and the following memorial service could not have been more beautiful or easy. AND ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE............... *sigh* Even before mother's funeral service my brothers were cutting down trees, burning everything in the storage shed (not realizing that the stuff belonged to ME...until after the fact) They called an auctioneer in to haul off all the furniture.....AGAIN, not realizing that it was MY home for 17 years and most of the stuff was MINE. The sale brought almost nothing. My brothers had been pretty much oblivious to our plight......younger brother stayed completely out of the picture for years and older brother argued with me constantly....trying to put mother in a nursing home. I had promised mother that she would NEVER go into a nursing home as long as she was alert, happy and WANTED to be in her home. I promised her and God that I would do my best.......and I am thrilled to say I was able to do it. BACK TO THE "ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE"............ With mother's death came the loss of income. We had been surviving on her (small) social security check and assistance from the Independent Choices Program. Over the years I lost everything. I've had to give up my medications, lost my car due to lack of maintenance, lost my driver's license because of my eyesight....and NOW I'm having to move within the next month. Utilities are being shut off and house is being sold (which will most likely take forever) Brother has promised to give me a portion of the proceeds from sale of the house..............but WHAT until then?? I'm just a mess of emotions. Nauseated all the time (at least I'm losing weight!!!!) Hot flashes when the thermostat is on 65 and Freezing when the thermostat is on 75! Days are half happy and half horrible....smiling one minute and sobbing the next. Life is pure Hell.............YET, that's just short term. I've never had it so rough....for soooo long. I can see a bright future......I really can. I'm excited...so much to do... Maybe I'll even have a chance to start that family I never had......unless you count the four legged kids. *sigh* yeah....I'm a mess......and ...... I'm exhausted. I just want time to rest and grieve in peace. Thanks for listening to my ramblings...... I truly appreciate the opportunity.
  9. Care Giver Blues

    I am saddened to see how few responses there are to the posts around here. ....and keep running into talk of a New Forum Is Indigo Blue the old one or the new one? Am I in the OLD forum? Confuddled
  10. Screeching Halt

    Thank you for sharing your story. My story has similarties and I wondered about that "screeching halt" feeling. I cared for my mother for 17 years......the last 3 years being full time around the clock...with no help I also had problems with arthritis and was in a wheel chair for 9 months....It's unbelievable what we can do when we must. Looking back at how stressful it was, I wonder if a "screeching halt" was the only GOOD way to stop?? I hope and pray that you are feeling a bit better and life is moving toward normal....a new normal....it will never be the same. Blessings, Derry
  11. Edit profile

    LOL!!!! I think I've found my kinda' folks!!! I've been going nuts trying to change MY profile as well....such as birthdate and other info The only thing it shows is the "technical" stuff and it tells me I MUST include Gender, State, and other info ....but where is THAT??? and what's an "Angel Date".......it sounds either very sad or very fun!....I fear the former. sorry if I sound flippant.....I'm....."on the edge" at the moment....and....well.....you understand Derry Sounds like ModKonnie is the one to see around here *smile*
  12. Hello My name is Derry and this is my first post. I joined just minutes ago and THIS message struck a chord with me. My care began in the Fall of 1994 when BOTH of my parents came home from the hospital on the SAME day. Mother had a knee replacement and Daddy was coming home from ReHab after a stroke. While my Dad's family was all deceased, my mother still had 7 sisters living....5 locally. It was strange. They would call...offer to help whenever I needed it.....but was ALWAYS busy when I really needed them. (while I ran errands, etc.) Dad died in Jan of 95....Mother's health was a roller coaster for about 12 years. I quit my job in fall of 2009 to care for her full time. My SISTER that lived next door was JEALOUS that mother had the "special" attention that SHE so longed for......and NEVER helped me with mother. I saw my sister 3 times in the last year....she lived next door....always an excuse to not come over. Sister passed away at end of March (age 75) Mother passed on April 14 (age 95). My 2 remaining brothers simply want to sell the house and divide the assets. I am now left without an income, no transportation, no health care for myself in over 5 years.....and must find a home by July 10. Abandoned? Yes.....I feel abandoned.....very much so....but I still have my Cat!!!.....and fragments of my humor.....and God's Love...yeah, that. *sigh* Well..........Howdy Everyone! Guess I needed to vent a little....so sorry....I promise to keep it shorter in the future. Love to All, Derry