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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

hikinmike

Members
  • Content count

    4
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About hikinmike

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Pensacola, FL
  • Interests
    right now, just sitting
  • Loss Type
    wife
  • Angel Date
    11/11/1111

Converted

  • Occupation
    retired
  • Interests
    none at present
  • Last Name
    Foley
  • First Name
    Mike
  • Zip
    32506
  • Country
    USA
  1. Screeching Halt

    For about three years i was sole caregiver as my wife's illness progressed and she deteriorated more and more. Family and friends were in touch by phone and Facebook, but all had their own concerns, and the care-giving was mine, supplemented by occasional home health care checkup visits. Then one day she wound up in ICU on a ventilator, and within a month was dead in a hospice bed. Years of focus, duties, support, maintenance, etc. all came to a screeching halt. That was July of 2011, and I'm still having some difficulty adjusting to a life without all those demand. At times i was overwhelmed by the demands (especially having rheumatoid arthritis and hurting all the time myself). But now that intense demand is gone and I'm often at loose ends. Strange days, those of the first year.
  2. My Cat was taken so violently

    So sorry to hear of your cat's fate. I lost a very naiive and curious cat in November. My wife died in July, but somedays it seems I miss the cat (Mr Bocce) more than I do my wife. So often Bocce was the only one of who made any sense.
  3. Hard Stage In Grieving

    Thanks for the response. I am beginning to realize how twisted my thinking gets the more I isolate. So far this mix of grief, anger, lethargy, etc. at least makes me realize just how deep and real my feelings for my wife were (are). Damn she could be a pain in the butt, yet I did enjoy our time together...and miss it.
  4. Hard Stage In Grieving

    My wife died 6 July 2011. Feels a lot more recent. I was sole caregiver for almost 3 years, liver failure, transplant, failure of transplant, hospital-caused infections, horrible final stage. I'm all over the spectrum. Lately very angry with her for abusive drinking after being to;d the severity of her disease (retired GI, picked up hepatitis, didn't know she had it until a VA exam resulted in her being told her viral count was high). She shortened her life by drinking after undergoing Interferon treatment. She was arrogant, always landed on her feet like a cat...except this last time. Then I'm angry with myself. She also had COPD and her final days in the hospice were horrid to witness. I didn't ,have the courage to lean in with a pillow and end her terrible ordeal. Having a difficult time holding an interest in anything. Have finally gotten health insurance on my own, after coverage through her former employer stopped. Damn, COBRA is expensive. Hope to start seeing a shrink again. It seems I need some of the meds I took for a while. Truth be, I wouldn't mind if a gator snatched me.<br style="border-color: black; color: black; text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-color: transparent;"><br style="border-color: black; color: black; text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-color: transparent;">So odd to be this affected. My parents died young, family caregivers died along the way. My first two kids died 18 months apart (1970s). No stranger to death. Final straw came in November. Our cat came up missing. I've shared life with a few of those critters, but he was my Main Man, especially during my wife's prolonged demise. I think I actually miss him more than I do my wife. <br style="border-color: black; color: black; text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-color: transparent;"><br style="border-color: black; color: black; text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-color: transparent;">Have a family of believers who assure me of some reunion in the hereafter. Attended a Jesuit University, have read LOTS. But I'm a non-theist. Have tried to accept, open up and be filled...but no Creation Myths grab me. Got a very bleak landscape. I envy those of you who have faith.<br style="border-color: black; color: black; text-decoration: none; background-image: none; background-color: transparent;"> What's with the funky editing in the post...no paragraphs where I put them.
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