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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About vbvoice

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    Virginia Beach
  • Loss Type
  • Angel Date
    October 30th, 2009


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    United States
  1. Boyfriend committed suicide.

    Sweet Amy, You said you were seeking understanding. As most of us can tell you, that may not come for awhile, if ever at all, especially while you are experiencing some of the darkest moments of you life. Seeking counseling is the best decision you could make because not only are you having to deal with the natural grieving process of having such an unexpected tragedy occur in your life, but it's become complicated with the guilt he made you feel. You may have understanding of what has happened with your rational mind: that he had many demons in his life to battle, and one of the ways to deal with it was to take it out on you - it's what happens with people suffering from sever self-image and low self-esteem issues (my wife suffered from the same thing as well - she couldn't love herself and so felt undeserving of my love so she would lash out at me in order to give her reason to distance herself from me)... but you may have a more difficult time understanding it emotionally. Be patient with yourself. I remember my first visit with my counselor after the accident. I didn't have time to grieve - had kids to take care of, support and be there for. So I waked in, slammed my hand down on the table and said "Tell me the fastest way to get through this." I'll never forget what he said. "There's no way to make it go faster," he told me. "But there are things you can do to make it last longer than it has to." Let emotion flow when you are alone. Release, release, release. "You have to feel to heal" is what I always tell people. The hardest thing to overcome is avoidance. Don't avoid those events and situations, like holidays, or a movie theater, etc. that you used to do together. Thanksgiving was right around the corner and I wanted to just go out to eat as a family instead of the usual gathering at home. My counselor looked at me and asked, "...and what are you doing?" I dropped my head, "...avoiding...." So we did it. Thanksgiving as always. It was the worst EVER and I couldn't wait to go home, but we made it through. Face everything. Don't avoid it. Work closely with your counselor and follow their advice. And even if you never achieve "understanding," what you will achieve is peace. How lucky he was to have someone like you to love him unconditionally during his last days. Sending you peace, strength and courage (<3)
  2. The toughest part for me was telling my two young children on Halloween morning that their mommy died in a car accident after their Halloween party. My best friend who is a high school counselor recommended Comfort Zone Camp. It's a bereavement camp for kids 7 - 17 who have lost parents, guardians, siblings, etc. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for this organization, especially for how much it helped my son open up and express himself. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it. Please recommend families who have children in need of this kind of help to Comfort Zone Camp and please consider donating to help them serve more kids across the country since they are 100% supported by private donations.