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tobyfreefoot

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About tobyfreefoot

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    oklahoma
  • Loss Type
    28-year-old son
  • Angel Date
    july 3, 2011

Converted

  • Last Name
    evans
  • First Name
    gretchen
  • Zip
    74849
  • Country
    usa

Recent Profile Visitors

4,398 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thanks everyone i'll be back again soon. Dee I really hope Forest has found Erica. I know they would dance up a storm.
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Today is Forest's birthday.
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Susan I have been gone a long time and didn't know you were ill. Glad to hear you are on the mend! Dianne I also hate winter. Everything about it. Lesley what an emotional wallop. It was hard for me to read. His friend must really be left in a terrible spot, the boy that lived also. Such a heartbreaking tragedy. We all are thinking of you. Tina glad you came across your son's writing. My children are very therapy resistant. Even after 6 years I still worry. Leah hope you are doing ok. Glad you at least have custody of Sena. Louanne when is Kira's birthday? Forest's is Jan 30. I decided not to write a speech for the tournament but watch the clock and just say whatever comes to mind for 5 minutes. I am honored to be asked and pleased they want a talk about Forest. So much time has gone by my guess is most the gamers there now have no idea who he was. Btw for those that don't know Forest was a tournament organizer. His first really big nationwide tournament was to be in aug. He died in July. His partner with the help of many in the gaming community managed to hold it anyway in memorial. It had gamers from all over the country. I was shocked. I had no idea. Anyway they now hold it every year in his memory.
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    So I was asked to speak about forest at the upcoming tournament. I have plenty of time to think about it but at the moment I feel at a loss. He seems so distant and that life so long ago...
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    One of my best friends at work literally never spoke to me again after forest died. My boss put his hand over forest's picture a week after I returned to work (I got 2 weeks leave) and said "you need to get rid of this and move on with your life" people! So many people I feel are terrified it is going to happen to them that it causes them to shut you out. Hearthurt my husband (not forest's dad) and I have hung through 6.5 years but it has been hard and our relationship is not the same. Louanne the art is a collage made of cut up magazines though I have done some big glass pieces. If I can find a pic i'll post one. Laurie hope things are movingforward in a positive way. Tommy's mum I love to dig in the dirt too. I use to be a pretty good gardener but now between my back and the terrible soil around the house I now live in not so much but I still love it. Also I am not religious and unfortunately not even too spiritual. I do love nature and wish I had some kind of strong belief system... here is one of the glass pieces I did on a shower door of sheep on a mountain side at sunset. One of these days I will get them mounted in my yard as a wind break.
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    I know I have posted this pic before but it rolled up as a memory on my FB newsfeed and made me gasp aloud as it was so unexpected. I loved him so very much.
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Kate and Leah so sorry to see you are both under the weather. I wish you both speedy recoveries. It is hard on the spirit to be incapacitated by illness. Hearthurt my son died before any of my grandchildren were born. It is one of the many things that sadden me. He would have loved them so much and been such a fun uncle. I wear his picture in a locket with a few strands of hair that uncle forest can tickle them with. That may seem strange but I want them to have a loving connection. When they ask to look at his picture I always tell them how much he would have loved them. I hope that you have some stories you can repeat often to let your grandchildren feel they are growing up with him as part of their caring family. I am sorry you have been dealt this hand but glad you have found us and hope you can gain some comfort here.
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Well it is cold here and I hate it. Forest was cold natured too. We did get the ceiling of my studio insulated so I was able to finish the collage I was working on. Louanne my daughter Allison is next in line after Forest. She had my first grandbaby Madelyn 4.5 months after he died. Then she had my granddaughter Lyra then Preston. My next child is a son, Logan and my youngest son is Marshall. Forest death has been really hard on all of us and has changed our family dynamics so much. It doesn't have the cohesion and closeness it did before. When I say my beautiful family was shattered it truly feels like that. It is glued back together the best it can be but it just is never going to be the close family it was. Forest was such a major binding factor and there is just so much pain beneath. I don't know. I don't even want to talk about it. I am very glad I had them all together and life was beautiful once. More than many people get so I won't complain. I love my children it just is so different now. I have noticed lately I'm afraid something will happen to one of them. I don't even ask them to the house. It is a 60 mile drive down a dangerous highway and I am afraid. I don't know why this has happened suddenly. Here is the collage though.
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Leah glad you have Sena with you. Good for both of you. Cuddling up with her must feel really good. Working on a little art. Trying to keep my spirits up. Don't know why it is so hard. I have always been depressed but rarely felt lonely. Always had so much creative energy. Seems to not be as strong as it use to be. Spend a fair amount of time laying in bed doing nothing. Have to find some kind of purpose in life...
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    i do understand how an autopsy could be very helpful. i really don't know Forest's injuries. I was not allowed to see him for 3 days and then only with his face covered. i played many horrible scenarios through my mind. i just don't know why there are soo many of these csi ncis special unit shows. everyone of them shows bodies on slabs being autopsied. i don't think it is necessary but people love them. i really am not into the whole thing. i would rather watch something else but network tv is very limited and my husband always has it on with those shows running. bleah
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dee your poem was lovely. I only have network television and I swear every show on it is about murder and autopsies. My husband has asbergers and spends hours and hours in front of the television as he has trouble with real life relationships so I get subjected to lots of it. Those shows just seem unending. I'm pretty good at just blocking it out but someday it really gets under my skin. Luckily for me forest did not have an autopsy but Andrew, Joshua and ashlie did as many of your children did and it just bothers me that it is splashed all over the TV for entertainment. Ok didn't mean to complain but no one else understands my aversion to it. Night night guys-love you
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Colleen so sad to hear about the little girl. I wouldn't have been able to keep it together at all. I can't believe you are hitting 10 years. Ugh I am sorry. I know it doesn't make any difference really but Jan 3 was 6.5 years since forest left me. It is hard to imagine and I guess these milestones are just another day but still it sucks. Our family is getting it back together a little bit now too but like you said it just isn't the same. It is what it is i guess. I feel that my beautiful family was shattered and now we have pieced it back together the best we can. I am surviving and life goes on but under it all my heart is forever broken. Here is a picture of me with my youngest grandee Preston. Georgina your little grandbabies are precious!
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Brendonandjordi's mom-what a terrible trauma you've been through and what a loving remembrance you have shared with us. It brought up such sweet tender feelings. May you and your daughter feel love come down around you.
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Somersky I'm sorry to hear of your father's passing. It must have been a comfort to feel you there. Luanne 5 years after forest died I had a nervous break down and ended up in the psychiatric hospital. Since then I've been having something called neurotherapy. One thing I was diagnosed with was ptsd from being told he was dead. I still cannot really think of it. I told them absolutely no way could i re-live it over and over in order to become inured in therapy which is why they sent me to neurotherapy so I wouldn't have to and I am feeling so much better. I can really relate to where you are. I spent many years in that frozen space with so much grief I thought I would die. I thought without the grief I wouldn't have the same love. It is ok Luanne the love will be the same love you've always had. Our sweet children would be devastated to think they have inadvertently ruined our lives. I know forest who loved life wouldn't want that. So anyway I hope you can find a way soon to try to piece life back together. I still have moments (I was just bawling into a quilt yesterday) but that's ok too. I am always going to carry that grief but I am learning to live in spite of it or with it. I hope the new year brings you some peace somehow
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