JD's Mom, Becky

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About JD's Mom, Becky

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    Forever in our hearts...

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Loss Type
    My 15 year old son, Jared (J.D.) killed (IMO) by an inattentive/impaired driver.
  • Angel Date
    Born to Earth: April 23rd, 1996 ~ Reborn to Heaven: October 3rd, 2011

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  • First Name
    Becky

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  1. Happy Heavenly Birthday, BRIAN!! Touch your mama today and let her feel your presence!! Thinking of you today, Colleen.
  2. Therefore I will tell it every chance I get!
  3. To all facing court dates for justice, I pray for resolution that will help ease your pain. We battled against the system for two years to no avail, and ended filing a civil suit for wrongful death, in which we prevailed. There is less in the way of required proof in a civil matter, and here the police and states attorney just didn't think they had enough on the driver to successfully win a criminal case, so they simply don't bother, but I did get my day to speak my piece of mind to them, and at least we were heard, and I knew Jared was listening and was proud that we stood up for him. Afterwards is when I got so sick and ended up in ICU for a week. I nearly died. I had pancreititis, and a blood sugar of almost 1600. My husband came home and found me passed out and called the ambulance. Since then my health has been a rollercoaster of issues, all related to diabetes, and stress. Take care of yourselves, please! I spent those two years up til all hours of the night pouring over reports, etc., and was at that time actively involved with the popwarner football and cheer programs here. We got involved when Jared was playing, from 8-12 years old, then stayed on after he moved to high school ball. The folks in the program were so good to us when we lost Jared, that I just didn't feel we could leave them high and dry, so we stayed another year while I trained someone to do my job as president, and Jerry passed along his knowledge in coaching. By the time that two year statute of limitations rolled around in 2013, I was just completely exhausted. Lou Ann, Thanks for asking, Jasmine is excelling at her new job. It's a 45 minute drive from here through all the beachbound traffic, but she loves the job as their "Arch Expert" for Ulta Beauty. Jennifer, I am so sorry about your loss of your precious son, Julian. Such a beautiful boy! I hope you'll continue to share your journey with us. Georgina, so good to hear from you and that your daughter is with you!
  4. Hello all! Yesterday, I spent a very trying day back and forth through emails trying to get the details down for a vinyl overlay for my four by four billboard out front. The one that was there was almost completely disintgrated from the sun! Although I can't see well enough to create new images, I had some I did a few years ago on a flash drive, so I used one of those. Tedious and frustrating, but I got it to the size and resolution they needed to print it. It worked my nerves enough that my IBS woke me in the middle of the night! They came and installed it this morning! The old sign had the " slow down " warnings on it, which traffic pretty much ignores, so I decided, along with my husband and daughter to put up something we knew Jared would like and will give us a smile everytime we come or go! Happy Heavenly Birthday Taylor! Thinking of you today, Laurie! Thank you for asking about me, Louann. I still mostly go outside when someone is here, as my balance and vision are still not right. My gums are healing and feeling better, but the denture is going to take some getting used to! I try to read your posts daily, but posting is still a struggle for me. I think of all of you, and pray for you all the time. Susan, love that baby boy! So precious! Dee, I had a vertebrae and two discs replaced with a "cage" and some space age materials about nine months after losing Jared. I had been in a head on collision years before and the damage to that area of my neck, C5,6,7, were enough to cause my arms and hands to go numb and much pain in my neck all the time. The surgery was major, but the numbness was immediately better and neck pain was gone! Prayers for your son. Love to all, Becky
  5. Hello all! I am sorry not to have been here in a while. I had the rest of my top teeth extracted about three weeks ago, and been absolutely miserable and in a lot of pain. I haven't been able to tolerate the denture in my mouth as of yet, but my gums are beginning to heal and swelling is down, but still have a ways to go. I had stitches in to close the sockets where it was necessary to remove roots and leftover dental work from previous root canals, etc. In between this, I have continued to receive inhections in both eyes to try to reduce swelling of my retinas causing extremely blurry vision. I see no difference yet, but can only remain hopeful. My daughter got a job at Ulta Beauty. In Ocean City, Md. Which is a 45 min drive from here, which worries me, but she is doing great and making good money! So n happy she has found a place where she can grow and have her talents recognized and appreciated. My husband mounted a bird feeder just off the corner of my front porch, which I can view from my recliner! I can't see it clearly, but am beginning to be able to tell which birds are there by their shapes and movement. The colors are very hard to see. There is a small red cardinal that visits nearly every day, and I feel Jared is trying to tell me to hang on and to try to smile. I don't go outside unless someone is with me for fear if falling. I do feel like my balance is somewhat improved. Locally, we have lost two to cancer this past week, one 12 year old girl who had battled it for eight years, bravely and cheerfully, and the other, a 30 year old woman, who died in her parents home after the doctors had stated there was no more they could do. Both were brain tumors. I am so happy to see many new parents here who are bravely walking their paths of grief, bringing honor to the memory of their child, now their angels. Sherry, almost 14 years, oh my goodness, thank you for remaining here and encouraging those of us coming behind you, trying to find our way. I am always amazed at the levels of encouragement one to another here on this site. It's a beautiful thing. My husband has about another week and he'll be out of school where he is a guidance counselor, and hopefully I'll be able to get outside more often. Much love to all!
  6. Dee, I am praying for your husband that he will heal quickly and completely. There are so many new folks here, it breaks my heart. Here is a poem I wrote early in my grief.
  7. Well, thanks friends for letting me vent about seeing the car that killed my boy. We went today to the car lot and talked with the owner. He thought we were interested in buying it, so I asked if they had a "car fax" on it, and he said no, so I asked if he knew how many owners it had or where it came from. He told us that his son had bought it about two years ago and was now selling it and buying a bigger vehicle as he now had two children to transport. Oh dear God, we asked for the name of the seller and it turned out to be a guy that Jasmine went to school with, and so she realized at that moment that he also would have known my son, Jared. So I took the plunge and told the lot owner who was the first owner of this vehicle had been and what she did with it. He looked mortified! He wanted to know when and where that had happened, and we told him and Jasmine showed him the matching vin number on her phone, plus the pictures of the vehicle from the scene if the crash. No pics of my son, just the car. Again, mortified. He promised to tell his son, who he felt would be most upset to know he'd been driving that vehicle for the last two years. Evidently even if they had gotten a car fax it would only tell you about damage, but not anything about a fatality. I just think that is messed up. I also told him how evil the first owner that killed my son had been towards us. He seemed genuinely sorry and said so, which is more than we ever got from her. I requested he try and sell it to someone far away, but who knows what will happen with that. I just really don't want to see it again. That was so hard, and I came home and felt like crap all day. Thank you, Susan, Laurie, Tommy's mom, and Kate for your concern. I'm trying g to guard my health but sometimes I feel like she might as well have killed me too. I don't think she has a clue what she has done to my family, or that she cares in the least. I do not understand that kind of meaness.
  8. Friends, I'm hurting today and I am not sure how to proceed or even if I should take any action, but yesterday, Mother's Day, after having a pleasant day with my husband and my daughter Jasmine, having put new baskets of flowers on my front porch, my Jasmine made me a beautiful cake, and I watched my hubby plant new butterfly bushes in our yard, and tired from just walking, came in and reclined to rest and my angelboy, Jared played some music for me from his photobox which hasn't worked for several years, and for that hour which his music played, I relaxed and thought of my 15 years with him. Later in the evening, my daughter rode into town, about 3 miles away, and saw the damned vehicle that hit and killed my son on a used car lot for sale! She took a picture of the VIN number and came home and compared it to the police report, and sure enough it's the same vehicle!!! I know the lot owner is not to blame in anyway, but you can imagine what it will feel like for us until the damned thing is sold, and we no longer have to look at it! It was bad enough the driver was never charged, even though she had alcohol and prescription drugs onboard ( no open container law here) but she spent the first three years speeding past our home in that vehicle like nothing ever happened. Finally this last year we haven't heard anything from her after she tried to charge Jasmine with assault because they saw each other out publicly and Jasmine got upset and started crying. She wasn't successful in her attempt to cause more problems, as Jasmine was found not guilty. Now this! What the hell?? Thoughts, please. I wouldn't want to be the innocent person buying this car not knowing, but I have a feeling there isn't anything to let them know! Probably only the parts that were replaced, etc. Poor Jasmine went to bed in tears, once again. We have tried to rely on God to handle vengeance, but it gets harder and harder.
  9. http://sta.cr/2MiQ1 Beautiful, soothing song, but my heart still aches everyday. Dee, my vision is about the same, scheduled to return for another injection on the 28th. I had to cancel my appointment last week as I had an attack of IBS on my way to the appointment, and Jasmine had to turn around and bring me back home. I think I was so stressed because of the previous injection, it's a vicious circle. My next dental appointment is on the 22nd, to pull the last of my remaining teeth on top and they will give me the denture to replace all my top teeth. All if that because of a combination of stress and osteoporosis which was causing my teeth to break right at the gumline. There were no cavities, etc involved at all. I know my rapid decline in health was a direct result of complicated grief, suffering the loss of my youngest child at only 15, and trying to fight for justice at the same time. It was an uphill and nearly impossible fight, as police had dug down, in not charging the driver because of lack of laws to support a charge. She had both alcohol and prescription drugs onboard, but without the open container law, they felt their hands were tied. We have also been working with our representatives to try to change that, but so far they don't seem to have enough reps or senators willing to back a bill to create the law. When the statute of limitations ran out for bringing any kind of criminal charge,(two years) my body just began to fall apart. I was full tilt for all of that time trying to find witnesses or facts about the driver, etc, and teetered between the ups and downs of that; we found so much incriminating evidence of her drug use and loose lifestyle, which proved useful as leverage in the civil wrongful death suit, but couldn't be used criminally. I also located a witness by studying the highly redacted police report, which was like 30 pages long, when I noticed they forgot to redact one name, and I was able to locate that witness, however even though we and our civil attorney convinced the police to question this witness, for whatever reason, they did not believe her testimony. This witness told them that when she and her boyfriend turned onto our road that it was light enough for them to see the driver's car in the middle of the road and the driver out running around her vehicle. She also told police that the driver stated that she'd just hit a kid. The police either chose not to believe her or I don't know what. They never really told us why they didn't consider this as proof that the driver should have seen and avoided hitting and killing my child. Months later, after no charges were filed, I followed up with this witness to ask what happened in her interview and she told me they acted like they didn't believe her, not even when she told them that she had given the same facts the night of the crash! She told them which officer had interviewed her, but for whatever reason, none if her testimony ever made it to any report! There was a second witness, who lived very near where the crash took place, and she tearfully told us that she witnessed the driver cross the centerline of our rural narrow road and hit something in the other lane, then saw the driver when she got the car stopped, as she ran around in the road around her vehicle like she was crazy, and she stated that her impression was that she was high on something. She told the police none of that. Only said she had seen the woman around her vehicle and saw ems arrive. I don't know how she lives with herself. I feel like the police could have gotten the truth from both the driver and the witnesses, but were not motivated to do so. At any rate, it's a cautionary tale as the result is the decline of my health, while the driver has continued with her life as if nothing happened. Susan, I always smile when you refer to me as "warrior mom" because you recognize the fight we put up as well as the physical and emotional price paid for that undertaking! I wish we had achieved justice for my boy, but at least we know the truth.
  10. Love to all who are standing with me, this immensely strong group of parents that have faced the unimaginable and survived.
  11. Wanted to share my poem with you, as writing in the first two years of grieving my son gave me some peace. I'm sorry to see the stress exhibited here lately. This site has meant so much to me, a soft place to land and share without fear of criticism, only loving hearts that helped me along my journey. This was about five months after losing my Jared. Hang on! Time does soften the harsh edges. Much love to all here.
  12. Thank you all so much for your birthday wishes for my son today. We did not invite anyone this year, decided to see how many, if any, would remember and either call us to ask what we were doing this year, or maybe just show up. Well many liked or commented on my early morning happy birthday post to my son, but only one person, one of Jared's best friends, messaged me to know what we were doing. He's going to stop by tomorrow. My daughter still did some decorations, and we bought a small veggie and fruit tray just in case, and bought a much smaller cake, less helium balloons, etc. And it was good. My angel Jared woke me up this morning with music from his photobox, which I just laid there in my recliner and enjoyed as nobody else was downstairs yet. My husband, daughter and I went to the cemetery and took a couple of balloons, then came home and began filling and decorating the helium balloons, then went outside to release them. We tried to sing Happy Birthday at the same time, and it sounded a bit pitiful, but it was fun. When we came back inside and sat down in the living room, Jared again played us music from his photobox! This was the first time my husband has been present when this happened, and he was amazed! After about a half hour, the music stopped! Then we had dinner and birthday cake. It's been a very emotional day, but good. Kate, thanks for asking about my health. I don't feel great as I had a moment of imbalance yesterday and fell and scraped up my shin, but I didn't break anything, so that is good! My eye feels much better, but doesn't see much better yet. I keep hoping! I go for another shot in my right eye this Friday, and I am nervous about it after the last time. Susan, that little Veto is so precious, I could almost hear his laughter looking at those pictures! So sweet! i want to tell you the sad update on the Tennessee family whose son fell at the creek within Grand Canyon National Park. The mom, named Julie, has returned to her home in Tennessee without her 14 year old son, Jackson. Her father-in-law, Randy, whose wife Lou- Ann, also fell into the creek, has returned to his home in Utah without her. They had both continued to search with a group of volunteers even after the park staff had abandoned the search. Bless Julie's heart, she saw a rainbow and thought it meant her son would be found. My niece in Tennessee, who is friends with Julie, wants to do all she can to help her, so I have tried to offer her help with that, from the prospective of a parent hat has lost a child to sudden death. I warned her if the pitfalls of grief, in that Julie will undoubtedly need a friend to lean on, and talk to, and she may have guilt to deal with. I also told my niece she didn't have to try to fix it for them, because she couldn't, but just to be there for the family. Julie has another child, a daughter who is 18, so again similar to my own situation as my daughter was six years older than my son. I don't know if it was because of Jared's 21st birthday being this week, or the fact that Julie's son was only a year younger than my son was when he died, but my heart just breaks for them, and I find myself wishing I could be there to help. 12345.3gp Click above for video.
  13. To my son in heaven; 21 years ago today, we were heading out to the hospital to await your birth! If I could wind back time and do it over again, I would, just to have you here with us. We are so thankful for the time we did have though; so many beautiful memories. Now we count each sunset as one day closer to seeing you again in heaven. Watch the sky today as we will be sending you some balloons!! We love and miss you so much Jared, our beautiful angel in heaven, forever 15. Happy Birthday !!
  14. Please pray for the Tennessee family that has had a 14 year old boy and his grandmother that fell into a fast flowing Creek in Grand Canyon national Park. They've called off the search today after searching since last Saturday. The mom of the 14 year old is a friend of my niece. I am just sick thinking of the poor mom of this boy who watched as her son and her mother in law slipped and fell. The mom and her father-in-law had made it across. How many times have I wished I could have been with my son when he died, and now I'm thinking that witnessing it and not being able to do anything about it would be another added layer of grief, and a memory that would haunt you forever. Thanks Kate and others for the skatepark suggestion, but there is already a skatepark in our town, where Jared often skated. He was not in habit of skating on our rural roadway, and I guess I'll have to wait for heaven to know why he did that night! What we have done was to fight DelDot to reduce our speed limit, which we were finally successful with after two years, and also undertook the Adopt a Highway program on our road, where we pick up trash every quarter and they put a sign at each end of our road with his name and the Adopt a Highway on them. I also made two 4 foot billboards and put them at each end our road to try to discourage speeding. Will try to find those pics to share.
  15. My daughter, Jasmine and I went to the cemetery the other day to clean and put things there with the Easter theme. Jared always loved Easter and I have so many memories of him just delighting in his Easter basket or running the yard to find the plastic eggs we always hid for he and Jasmine. We filled them with candies when they were really young, then later we used coins. I still get caught off guard sometimes wondering what he would be doing if he were here. His last birthday here was on April 23rd, 2011, so this will be the sixth one without him. He would have been 21 this year. Thank you to all who have asked about my eyes. The left is still bloodshot but not as much, good grief that injection was a week ago! I hope my vision gets better at some point. It's hard to be positive about it at this point, as it's been months now. I cut the grass today, which I enjoy if I can just get on and off the damned thing without falling. I still have a lot of problems with balance and with strength, also due to diabetes. I have been insulin dependent diabetic for thirty years now, and hadn't had any of these issues until losing my son. I have to agree with Susan, that at least I believe my health issues are a direct result of grief and stress from fighting for justice in a very unjust system. Never in my life would I have believed this could happen to our family. My husband is retired from the military, where he served in special forces for 22 years, and his regular vocation is as school counselor, which he is now close to retirement from. I am retired from Corrections, and both of us have worked tirelessly with youth sports programs in our community for over 20 years. We are good people, minding our own business, helping kids and families around us, other than that, pretty much home bodies, we don't drink or smoke, and have done nothing but raise our kids and try to be good Christian examples to our kids and to the community. I still don't understand why and how we get no justice and this person who killed our son and altered our lives forever can still be doing anything she wants to, having kids, getting high and drunk, no change in her lifestyle whatsoever. For those that are new here, my son Jared, was killed when he was 15, hit from behind by an IMO, distracted driver as he was skateboarding only 1/4 mile from our driveway. We know our son always walked or rode against traffic on our country road because the road is narrow with no shoulders at all. The driver said he was in her lane and she didn't see him at all. We had to hire a private investigator that was a retired state police accident reconstructionist, who told us he thought the police had not done a good job at all in trying to reconstruct the crash, and he believed,as do we, that she crossed the centerline and struck him from behind. She had received a text message only moments before hitting Jared. Regardless of his report the police in our state would not budge. They didn't charge her with anything at all, even though she was found with an open container of alcohol and five bottles of prescription meds spilled onto the floor. We don't have an open container law here. They didn't test her at all, and as far as the text, she simply told them she didn't read it, and they just let it go! Far above all of that for me, was the fact that she was a registered nurse, yet did not touch my child as he lay dying, not to pray for him, not to comfort him, and not even to take his pulse!! When she called 911, she cursed into the phone, saying she had fu__ing hit someone and they were so fu__ing dead. Laurie, I know what it is to deal with a liar, because that's all she has ever done. Bob, I hope and pray your son's case will be dealt with more fairly, and that justice will be done. It won't bring your son back to you, but I always felt it would help us, in that all of her friends, that don't know us, might know the truth. We know the truth, and we have had to put it in God's hands. I believe she will answer for what she has done, just hope I live long enough to see it. I haven't told that much of my journey for a long time, but did in the beginning. Maybe that's why all my 'friends' dropped off. This place was a lifesaver for me, because I could talk about anything and there was no judgement, only help and love. Much love to all here! Very tired...