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JD's Mom, Becky

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About JD's Mom, Becky

  • Rank
    Forever in our hearts...

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Loss Type
    My 15 year old son, Jared (J.D.) killed (IMO) by an inattentive/impaired driver.
  • Angel Date
    Born to Earth: April 23rd, 1996 ~ Reborn to Heaven: October 3rd, 2011

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  • First Name
    Becky

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5,485 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thank you my friends, Louann, Sherry, Diane, Dee, Laurie, Georgina, Susan, for remembering my son. I hope I didn't forget anyone. My eyesight is not good at all, my right eye is 20/200 and my left is 20/60. Add to that all the spots and cloudiness, and I am struggling. I'm at a new eye doctor and all they do is retina issues, so I am hoping they can help me. The thing is that my diabetes is in good control. Yet my vision. Is steadily worse as well as my balance issues and Neuropathy. Did more blood tests today,so we shall see. I will try to write more later, very very tired right now. Much love to all...
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thank you so much, dear ones, for remembering my baby boy, Jared Daniel with me today, on this day when he was taken from us 6 years ago today. We visited the cemetery and cleaned things up a bit and put some October decor there, then this evening, we went down the road where he was hit and killed, and we sat there in our car through the time it happened, again asking questions of the universe that remain unanswered. I think I am drawn back there because I so regret not being able to be there with him, to comfort him. About two weeks ago I discovered that there were still people commenting on the comments section of a news blog, still debating what happened. I feel like the next to last poster, who claims to be a relative of the driver, may be her son, who was only 9 at the time, so would now be 15, the same age as Jared when he was killed. Here is a link to that blog, http://sbynews.blogspot.com/2011/10/delmar-teen-dies-in-traffic-accident.html?m=1
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    So glad to have recorded this when I did, as now with the loss of teeth due to osteoporosis, I don't know if I will ever be able to sing again. My thoughts and prayers to all those in Texas affected by the storm.
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wow! I wrote a long post and my phone died and post was gone! I'm still having health issues with sight, IBS, and nueropathy, and trying to get used to my new upper denture. But not liking it at all. Hubby soon goes back to his job as elementary school counselor, and I will sure miss him. He's been busy with taking care of yard, trimming and such, which I have tried to help with, but I am not the healthy strong girl of yesteryear. We have a new wild kitten that is now living on our front porch and I have enjoyed taming her. She now let's me pick her up and cuddle her and even jumps up in my lap on her own. I will try to post some pics. Here are some pics I took around the yard on the day of the eclipse, which was not really viewable here in Delaware. This catfish has been in the pond for I think about eight years. Jared named hm Yow-Ming, after a Chinese basketball player that was like six foot seven. Front yard looking from my porch. The kids playset we bought in 2000 and had restored last year. Our fish pond, dug by me and the kids in 2000. The new sign that we put on the 4x4 billboard out on the front corner of our property. The old one disintgrated with the sun. I hope this one fares better! I'm so sorry to see new parents here. It will be six years in October since I lost my fifteen year old son, Jared, when he was hit from behind as he skateboarded by ( IMO) an inattentive driver, for which we have never received any justice. Our state does not have an open container law and did not charge her with cellphone phone use even though it's apparent from her phone records that she received a text from her boyfriend moments before hitting and killing my son. A private investigator on our behalf, concluded that she crossed the centerline and hit him in the other lane on our narrow country road, but he was a retired Maryland State Police Officer and the crash happened in DE, and handled by DE police, just a quarter a mile from the state line, where our house is. I will never understand why they couldn't have held her accountable. I still wake up everyday with thoughts of that night on my mind. I miss my baby boy, Jared, so so much. I know he's in heaven, and that's about the only thing that gives me any comfort. My husband, daughter and I talk very openly with each other, because friends and even family have fallen by the wayside. Just more hurt. It makes me happy for all those here who have found ways to honor their children, and to move forward. My love to all of you! Kate, I love the flowers! Susan, and others that have posted family pics, they are beautiful! Dee, thinking of you as you start another school year.
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Happy Heavenly Birthday, BRIAN!! Touch your mama today and let her feel your presence!! Thinking of you today, Colleen.
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    Therefore I will tell it every chance I get!
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    To all facing court dates for justice, I pray for resolution that will help ease your pain. We battled against the system for two years to no avail, and ended filing a civil suit for wrongful death, in which we prevailed. There is less in the way of required proof in a civil matter, and here the police and states attorney just didn't think they had enough on the driver to successfully win a criminal case, so they simply don't bother, but I did get my day to speak my piece of mind to them, and at least we were heard, and I knew Jared was listening and was proud that we stood up for him. Afterwards is when I got so sick and ended up in ICU for a week. I nearly died. I had pancreititis, and a blood sugar of almost 1600. My husband came home and found me passed out and called the ambulance. Since then my health has been a rollercoaster of issues, all related to diabetes, and stress. Take care of yourselves, please! I spent those two years up til all hours of the night pouring over reports, etc., and was at that time actively involved with the popwarner football and cheer programs here. We got involved when Jared was playing, from 8-12 years old, then stayed on after he moved to high school ball. The folks in the program were so good to us when we lost Jared, that I just didn't feel we could leave them high and dry, so we stayed another year while I trained someone to do my job as president, and Jerry passed along his knowledge in coaching. By the time that two year statute of limitations rolled around in 2013, I was just completely exhausted. Lou Ann, Thanks for asking, Jasmine is excelling at her new job. It's a 45 minute drive from here through all the beachbound traffic, but she loves the job as their "Arch Expert" for Ulta Beauty. Jennifer, I am so sorry about your loss of your precious son, Julian. Such a beautiful boy! I hope you'll continue to share your journey with us. Georgina, so good to hear from you and that your daughter is with you!
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello all! Yesterday, I spent a very trying day back and forth through emails trying to get the details down for a vinyl overlay for my four by four billboard out front. The one that was there was almost completely disintgrated from the sun! Although I can't see well enough to create new images, I had some I did a few years ago on a flash drive, so I used one of those. Tedious and frustrating, but I got it to the size and resolution they needed to print it. It worked my nerves enough that my IBS woke me in the middle of the night! They came and installed it this morning! The old sign had the " slow down " warnings on it, which traffic pretty much ignores, so I decided, along with my husband and daughter to put up something we knew Jared would like and will give us a smile everytime we come or go! Happy Heavenly Birthday Taylor! Thinking of you today, Laurie! Thank you for asking about me, Louann. I still mostly go outside when someone is here, as my balance and vision are still not right. My gums are healing and feeling better, but the denture is going to take some getting used to! I try to read your posts daily, but posting is still a struggle for me. I think of all of you, and pray for you all the time. Susan, love that baby boy! So precious! Dee, I had a vertebrae and two discs replaced with a "cage" and some space age materials about nine months after losing Jared. I had been in a head on collision years before and the damage to that area of my neck, C5,6,7, were enough to cause my arms and hands to go numb and much pain in my neck all the time. The surgery was major, but the numbness was immediately better and neck pain was gone! Prayers for your son. Love to all, Becky
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello all! I am sorry not to have been here in a while. I had the rest of my top teeth extracted about three weeks ago, and been absolutely miserable and in a lot of pain. I haven't been able to tolerate the denture in my mouth as of yet, but my gums are beginning to heal and swelling is down, but still have a ways to go. I had stitches in to close the sockets where it was necessary to remove roots and leftover dental work from previous root canals, etc. In between this, I have continued to receive inhections in both eyes to try to reduce swelling of my retinas causing extremely blurry vision. I see no difference yet, but can only remain hopeful. My daughter got a job at Ulta Beauty. In Ocean City, Md. Which is a 45 min drive from here, which worries me, but she is doing great and making good money! So n happy she has found a place where she can grow and have her talents recognized and appreciated. My husband mounted a bird feeder just off the corner of my front porch, which I can view from my recliner! I can't see it clearly, but am beginning to be able to tell which birds are there by their shapes and movement. The colors are very hard to see. There is a small red cardinal that visits nearly every day, and I feel Jared is trying to tell me to hang on and to try to smile. I don't go outside unless someone is with me for fear if falling. I do feel like my balance is somewhat improved. Locally, we have lost two to cancer this past week, one 12 year old girl who had battled it for eight years, bravely and cheerfully, and the other, a 30 year old woman, who died in her parents home after the doctors had stated there was no more they could do. Both were brain tumors. I am so happy to see many new parents here who are bravely walking their paths of grief, bringing honor to the memory of their child, now their angels. Sherry, almost 14 years, oh my goodness, thank you for remaining here and encouraging those of us coming behind you, trying to find our way. I am always amazed at the levels of encouragement one to another here on this site. It's a beautiful thing. My husband has about another week and he'll be out of school where he is a guidance counselor, and hopefully I'll be able to get outside more often. Much love to all!
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dee, I am praying for your husband that he will heal quickly and completely. There are so many new folks here, it breaks my heart. Here is a poem I wrote early in my grief.
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Well, thanks friends for letting me vent about seeing the car that killed my boy. We went today to the car lot and talked with the owner. He thought we were interested in buying it, so I asked if they had a "car fax" on it, and he said no, so I asked if he knew how many owners it had or where it came from. He told us that his son had bought it about two years ago and was now selling it and buying a bigger vehicle as he now had two children to transport. Oh dear God, we asked for the name of the seller and it turned out to be a guy that Jasmine went to school with, and so she realized at that moment that he also would have known my son, Jared. So I took the plunge and told the lot owner who was the first owner of this vehicle had been and what she did with it. He looked mortified! He wanted to know when and where that had happened, and we told him and Jasmine showed him the matching vin number on her phone, plus the pictures of the vehicle from the scene if the crash. No pics of my son, just the car. Again, mortified. He promised to tell his son, who he felt would be most upset to know he'd been driving that vehicle for the last two years. Evidently even if they had gotten a car fax it would only tell you about damage, but not anything about a fatality. I just think that is messed up. I also told him how evil the first owner that killed my son had been towards us. He seemed genuinely sorry and said so, which is more than we ever got from her. I requested he try and sell it to someone far away, but who knows what will happen with that. I just really don't want to see it again. That was so hard, and I came home and felt like crap all day. Thank you, Susan, Laurie, Tommy's mom, and Kate for your concern. I'm trying g to guard my health but sometimes I feel like she might as well have killed me too. I don't think she has a clue what she has done to my family, or that she cares in the least. I do not understand that kind of meaness.
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Friends, I'm hurting today and I am not sure how to proceed or even if I should take any action, but yesterday, Mother's Day, after having a pleasant day with my husband and my daughter Jasmine, having put new baskets of flowers on my front porch, my Jasmine made me a beautiful cake, and I watched my hubby plant new butterfly bushes in our yard, and tired from just walking, came in and reclined to rest and my angelboy, Jared played some music for me from his photobox which hasn't worked for several years, and for that hour which his music played, I relaxed and thought of my 15 years with him. Later in the evening, my daughter rode into town, about 3 miles away, and saw the damned vehicle that hit and killed my son on a used car lot for sale! She took a picture of the VIN number and came home and compared it to the police report, and sure enough it's the same vehicle!!! I know the lot owner is not to blame in anyway, but you can imagine what it will feel like for us until the damned thing is sold, and we no longer have to look at it! It was bad enough the driver was never charged, even though she had alcohol and prescription drugs onboard ( no open container law here) but she spent the first three years speeding past our home in that vehicle like nothing ever happened. Finally this last year we haven't heard anything from her after she tried to charge Jasmine with assault because they saw each other out publicly and Jasmine got upset and started crying. She wasn't successful in her attempt to cause more problems, as Jasmine was found not guilty. Now this! What the hell?? Thoughts, please. I wouldn't want to be the innocent person buying this car not knowing, but I have a feeling there isn't anything to let them know! Probably only the parts that were replaced, etc. Poor Jasmine went to bed in tears, once again. We have tried to rely on God to handle vengeance, but it gets harder and harder.
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    http://sta.cr/2MiQ1 Beautiful, soothing song, but my heart still aches everyday. Dee, my vision is about the same, scheduled to return for another injection on the 28th. I had to cancel my appointment last week as I had an attack of IBS on my way to the appointment, and Jasmine had to turn around and bring me back home. I think I was so stressed because of the previous injection, it's a vicious circle. My next dental appointment is on the 22nd, to pull the last of my remaining teeth on top and they will give me the denture to replace all my top teeth. All if that because of a combination of stress and osteoporosis which was causing my teeth to break right at the gumline. There were no cavities, etc involved at all. I know my rapid decline in health was a direct result of complicated grief, suffering the loss of my youngest child at only 15, and trying to fight for justice at the same time. It was an uphill and nearly impossible fight, as police had dug down, in not charging the driver because of lack of laws to support a charge. She had both alcohol and prescription drugs onboard, but without the open container law, they felt their hands were tied. We have also been working with our representatives to try to change that, but so far they don't seem to have enough reps or senators willing to back a bill to create the law. When the statute of limitations ran out for bringing any kind of criminal charge,(two years) my body just began to fall apart. I was full tilt for all of that time trying to find witnesses or facts about the driver, etc, and teetered between the ups and downs of that; we found so much incriminating evidence of her drug use and loose lifestyle, which proved useful as leverage in the civil wrongful death suit, but couldn't be used criminally. I also located a witness by studying the highly redacted police report, which was like 30 pages long, when I noticed they forgot to redact one name, and I was able to locate that witness, however even though we and our civil attorney convinced the police to question this witness, for whatever reason, they did not believe her testimony. This witness told them that when she and her boyfriend turned onto our road that it was light enough for them to see the driver's car in the middle of the road and the driver out running around her vehicle. She also told police that the driver stated that she'd just hit a kid. The police either chose not to believe her or I don't know what. They never really told us why they didn't consider this as proof that the driver should have seen and avoided hitting and killing my child. Months later, after no charges were filed, I followed up with this witness to ask what happened in her interview and she told me they acted like they didn't believe her, not even when she told them that she had given the same facts the night of the crash! She told them which officer had interviewed her, but for whatever reason, none if her testimony ever made it to any report! There was a second witness, who lived very near where the crash took place, and she tearfully told us that she witnessed the driver cross the centerline of our rural narrow road and hit something in the other lane, then saw the driver when she got the car stopped, as she ran around in the road around her vehicle like she was crazy, and she stated that her impression was that she was high on something. She told the police none of that. Only said she had seen the woman around her vehicle and saw ems arrive. I don't know how she lives with herself. I feel like the police could have gotten the truth from both the driver and the witnesses, but were not motivated to do so. At any rate, it's a cautionary tale as the result is the decline of my health, while the driver has continued with her life as if nothing happened. Susan, I always smile when you refer to me as "warrior mom" because you recognize the fight we put up as well as the physical and emotional price paid for that undertaking! I wish we had achieved justice for my boy, but at least we know the truth.
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Love to all who are standing with me, this immensely strong group of parents that have faced the unimaginable and survived.
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wanted to share my poem with you, as writing in the first two years of grieving my son gave me some peace. I'm sorry to see the stress exhibited here lately. This site has meant so much to me, a soft place to land and share without fear of criticism, only loving hearts that helped me along my journey. This was about five months after losing my Jared. Hang on! Time does soften the harsh edges. Much love to all here.
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