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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Jeff's Mom

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Everything posted by Jeff's Mom

  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    I believe that it was around the third year that the full impact of Jeff's death finally hit hard. The reality that he was gone and not coming back hit full force. Every special occasion was a nightmare as I tried to work my way through feeling his absence. I, too, feel that I need to take a step away as I can honestly say that I am now at peace with my son's death. I have learned that happiness can indeed find its way back into your life...a new but different kind of happiness that has grown since his death. What I have also learned is that there are no short cuts. You have to work at it really hard. At the end of the day when you log off you are left facing this loss on your own to deal with. The newer ones need to step forward and give back as the older ones have so kindly given. Showing that we are moving on in a positive way is not a sign of disrespect... but a healthy sign. Unfortunately as many are at different stages we can be misunderstood and tempers flare up. I don't want to deal with it any longer. I am tired. I have my own family to look after. My Jeff is DEAD and he is not coming back. He will always be with me in my heart. Every occasion he will celebrate with us... and I know he is at peace and I will see him again. Thanksgiving can also represent the wonderful gift that we had been given the joy for even just a short time of a very special child to parent. They were not ours to begin with. God has taken them back to Him. I am grateful to everyone that was there to help me over such a difficult time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I sincerely wish you peace again one day. Kate
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina, I agree with Dee. You could also buy a small box of very tiny white lights that do not weigh much. They are primarily used for wrapping around wreaths, etc. Using small tacks and gently draping them through the branches should do the trick. Dianne, do you have any special plans to honor Michael on his special day? We keep it very low keyed and quietly recognize the day. We usually walk into the bench and take some flowers. This year as it happens we will be working in the afternoon distributing toys for an organization in our area. Hopefully we will be able to place the flowers at the bench in the morning. Jean, I hope that this first holiday without your child will be filled with much love as you come to together with your family. Good for you for taking on the dinner. I will be thinking of you. Susan, I imagine you are up to your yin yang in preparation if I know you. Have a truly wonderful day with your family. Lesley, how is the garden coming along? I hope to be able to check it out in the next week or so.
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina, I am sorry to hear about your friend's son. How heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing the pic of your tree. You have quite an artistic flair. What type of branches do you use? The studio where I went for yoga was above an artist's studio. She made willow furniture. The aroma was wonderful as we went through our routine. It wafted up the stairs. The scent was so fresh and relaxing. Gretchen and you should get together to compare notes.
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    I am not sure about everyone else... but I always find my nerves are frayed as Jeff's Angel date approaches. I find that I am super sensitive and the slightest thing said I can easily misinterpret. Lesley, I understood exactly what you intended. We all know that you would not deliberately offend anyone. I also know that Dianne perhaps quickly read the post and as her angel date is fast approaching she only saw the part about the day. That is the trouble with messages on a computer. As we are not face to face we can not exactly explain our thoughts. I loved hearing about how supportive and close your children are. That is so nice to see in this day and age. Clearly you have done a wonderful job in raising them. Your idea of making a cactus garden is just the ticket. I was wondering what to take to our family doctor's office. His secretary does not have the time to water plants and I wanted to give her something along with some candy. I love that idea. I had a wonderful dream last night of Jeff. It has stayed with me all day and has helped to comfort me as the holidays approach. It is a true winter wonderland this afternoon. Dee, you would be in your glory! Large white flakes are softly falling creating a true winter wonderland. It really sets the scene for a magical holiday season. Anyway, I am sending love to ALL and hoping your day is a peaceful one. Kate
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Jean, I agree with the others. It is early days for you. I hope that today you were able to gather strength from the love of being surrounded by your family. I do know that the triggers will kick in for some time yet. Hold on with both hands! Dianne, the count down to the day is always held with trepidation...I hope that after it is met that you will begin to find some peace again. I feel much as you do. The 12th of December is fast approaching and it always sends me into a downward spiral. I have to wirk very hard to stay on top of things. I know it is not easy. Georgina, thanks for sharing your photos. How lovely everything looked at your Gathering. I am so pleased that you felt relaxed and able to share with others walking this most difficult path. Colleen, how nice to see a picture of your family enjoying a happy event. I realize that in your heart of hearts Brian will always be carried to every occasion and held close. Their absence is always so difficult at family gatherings for the parents. That dull ache of which I spoke previously will always kick in. But isn't it lovely to see how life continues on despite everything and the young ones are having a good time celebrating their special dates. We headed into the city yesterday and managed to get some Christmas shopping accomplished. Today they held the Santa Parade in Winnipeg and it turned out to be a really good day for it. We are holding our own and putting one foot in front of the other. I will admit to choking up a few times when I heard certain Christmas songs on the radio. So, off it went in a hurry. Can't be helped. Dee, glad that your meds are kicking in and you are seeing an improvement. These new meds can work wonders when you really need them. A relaxing day with a good book sounds like just the ticket. Becky, how is our friend Maurice doing these day? Laurie, Leah, LouAnn, Lesley, Sandy...thinking of all of you and hoping that your weekend will be a decent one. Kate p.s. TBear...I love your dog. He looks like a real charmer. Bet he loves the water. He must be a great companion to both you and your wife.
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    Lesley, I also feel so saddened to hear of your friends loss. I can not begin to imagine how hard it is for you as you had such a strong connection over the years with a strong bond and many memories associated along with your Tommy. Sending prayers for strength to continue along the difficult days ahead as his family tries to come to grips with his loss. Sandy, as always...thinking of you.
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Sherry, thinking of you today as you remember your darling baby girl.
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    Somersky, would it be helpful if you took Skylars medical records to a Doctor that could go over it with you and explain and answer your questions? We waited for what seemed an eternity to get the autopsy report. Our family Doctor called us in to review it with us. I do believe that I could not have handled it at that point if I had to see it full on. Unfortunately at the end he sadly added his own personal opinion. That has stayed with me each and every day for the past almost eight years. He looked at us and told us that there was no medical reason that our son had to die. We were and still are crushed. We can read books about grief, attend meetings, etc. At the end of the day it is about putting one foot in front of the other and finding a way to carry on despite their absence. Finally facing that they are gone is the most painful thing we will have to face. Once that happens we then begin the very difficult job of rebuilding our lives. It is a long and slow process and we will be forever changed because of what has happened. But take heart that slowly the initial raw grief will lift and the searing pain will be replaced by a dull ache. One that somehow you learn to carry. And life continues.
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Ted, I have always loved the name Olivia. How precious can she be? I love the pictures that you shared. Who is the dog? Your Granddaughter's? I really hope that you are able to spend a lot of time with your kids. I'm sorry that your wife is still struggling so. I know that tomorrow is a special...oh so special day in your heart. We are holding you close. Dee, thanks...typical... I knew I had heard it somewhere. I loved hearing about the skating lesson. Sounds as if you may have a future Olympian in your family. So glad to hear you took a day to self care. Hope it made a significant difference. Off to watch The Voice. Love to ALL, Kate
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hey TBear...Ross and I were just talking the other day about some of the Dad's from the past few years. I have thought of you and how you worked so hard to restore your sons motorcycle. It was pretty awesome when you were done. How is your wife doing? I know she was so ill and you had so much on your plate to deal with along with losing Nick. Too much for anyone to have to handle to be honest. How are you? I will be thinking of you this week and sending prayers for support as you approach another angel date. Your granddaughter is just adorable. Those wide big eyes would melt a heart for sure. How old is she now? Somersky, such a difficult time you are going through. I liked seeing your pictures of Paris. We had several visits over the years, but my most precious was the time we took the boys. We stayed in the Madeleine district not far from The Louvre. Montmarte was always a favourite place of ours to tour. I hope that your prayers will be answered. I pray that you will find the peace you so need. I'm glad you stood up to that Doctor. Like all professions there are those that are good and some that need to find another path in life. Tina, how are you doing this weekend? Jean, when you feel ready please tell us about your child. I wanted to add something about the genetic issue. My own husband was diagnosed with the same colon cancer very shortly after his Mom died of it. They sent the tests to the labs in British Colombia and we were notified that he definitely did get this from his Mom. Here is the good news...it was strongly advised that our other son go for a colonoscopy and followups on regular visits. As he was too young to show any signs of a problem he did not even think it necessary. Well after reviewing the oncologists findings his own Doctor realized how vital it was to have that test done. They found a very large polyp that would most definitely have turned cancerous in time. Because of that finding he now goes regularly to have them stay on top and by doing so it prevents anything nasty from developing. And so there are positives to knowing that you have or may carry this gene and it can most definitely help to save your life as you are given a chance to stay on top of it. Dee, we need updates on the little ones skating progress. How did it go yesterday? Hope you are feeling a tad better today. Sandy, thinking of you. How is your friend's daughter doing? Laurie, how are things in your neck of the woods? I know you have much on your plate to deal with. Sherry, we have an very irritating pilliated woodpecker that has once again resurfaced to have a go at one of our trees. If I get my hands on that little perisher I'll murderize him. Is murderize a word? Ha. We walked along the trail to the bench yesterday and placed some Christmas greenery by Jeff's bench. We were followed along the path by a flock of the cutest chickadees. How lovely. Love to All, Kate
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    When you go home Tell them of Us and Say For your tomorrow We gave our today I feel it is so important that we recognize not just today but every day that our service people put their lives at risk in order for us to enjoy our freedom and way of life. We need to push our governments for better mental health care and facilities for those returning suffering from PTSD. Those who carry the wounds of their battle that can not be seen outwardly. They don't just go away because they have returned home. They have witnessed and experienced events that are both horrific and so traumatic that they will live with this horror for the rest of their lives. These are OUR FAMILY. They are our brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, etc. It is a life long struggle that never goes away. We are seeing the increase in suicides due to those that have been thrown under the bus so to speak. There is an epidemic of homeless veterans that do not have proper health care or shelter. How can this be? We need to treat them as the respected heroes they are and see that their best interest is being met in all areas. Today, while we shop the malls preparing for the upcoming holidays we must remember that it is a privilege and not an entitlement. At what cost to someone else? Is this how we treat family?
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    LEST WE FORGET Today we pay tribute to those past and present Who served our country with courage and compassion. Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream By Ed McCurdy Last night I had the strangest dream I've ever dreamed before I dreamed I saw a mighty room filled with men and women And the paper they were signing said they would never fight again And when the paper was all signed and a million copies made They all joined hands and bowed their heads and grateful prayers were prayed And the people in the streets below were dancing round and round While swords and guns and uniforms were scattered on the ground Last night I had the strangest dream I'd ever dreamed before I dreamed the world had all agree to put an end to war. McCurdy, was a folk singer and wrote this poem in 1949.
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Jean, I echo everything that Dianne and Dee stated so well in their posts. I, too, am so very sorry for your loss. We can honestly say that you will know in your heart that nobody means it more than we do! Please share your son with us when you are ready. Tina, hold on. Dee is so right. The layers of grief are lifting and it is important for you to know that we are here to help you through this most difficult period. Georgina, how did the Compassionate Friends retreat go? How is your recovery coming along? Gretchen, if you are reading...I have been thinking of you. Leah, same thing on this end. Let us know if there are any changes. Hold on with both hands.
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dee and Dianne, how are the patients today? It is good that the weekend is upon us and you can take the opportunity to get some much needed rest. We have broken a record this past few days for the lowest night time temps. Last year we broke a record for the highest for this time of the year! Go figure. We had about four inches of snow last Saturday and it looks as if it is going to stay. Lesley, I do know about gingers. I am also a red headed person. My family and my husband's family have red haired colouring along with the pale skin and freckles. In the Orient a red haired person is considered blessed by the Gods. When Ross and Jamie were in Thailand and Hong Kong years ago older people that passed James touched him on the head for good luck. Did you also know that we feel pain more acutely? That we require a larger dose of anesthetic for surgeries? It has been proven in research. Susan, what a great looking young man and how nice that he has become so close to your family. I hope that you had a wonderful visit with him and a really great birthday! I spent a good deal of time yesterday afternoon baking my shortbread and trying to get some baking organized for my kids out west. Today I bake my cake and it has been soaking in brandy and rum for the week. Young people today for the most part do not like fruit cake. Jeff told me I could use it for a foot stool for all he cared. I have an old recipe from Scotland that my MIL gave to me and it has never failed me to date. Thinking of everyone and hoping your day is a peaceful one. Stay healthy and warm. Kate
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Susan, is this your birthday today? Many happy returns. How could we have known at the time that our child handed us those cards that they would be one of the only tangible things left that we could actually hold in our hand. Our memories are precious of each and every special occasion. John David clearly loved you very much. Dee, how goes the cold? Were you able to catch that nap after school today? How are the others in your class getting along? Self care this evening and take it easy. Lesley, you must be so proud of your Tommy. What a good looking young man he was. Do your other children resemble him at all?
  16. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dee, I hope you are feeling somewhat better this morning after a good sleep last night. This time of the year always seems to bring the flu and colds sweeping through the schools. Take care. Susan, that picture of Veto is precious. His smile is captivating. Lesley, Tommy has the exact same colouring as my James! I will say he is a little vain about his hair. Somewhat like Sam Malone from Cheers years ago. He looks in the mirror to comb it and just walks away satisfied with the way it looks already. LouAnn, it has turned into a full winter mode in our neck of the woods. We just returned from a brisk walk and found the wind quite cool. I will say it gets the heart pumping. We also had our flu shots as they were strongly recommended by our doctor. Such a sensible and safe practice to avoid the worst of it if it hits. And the fact that it is offered to everyone for free should entice more people to go that route. Did you know they offer a free pneumonia shot to everyone over 65? Laurie, I am so glad that you shared your special news with us regarding that women and how she approached your sister. It gives such comfort to everyone to know that we are indeed separated by a thin veil. We are five miles from Gimli. It is an hour drive to Winnipeg from here and we find the trip to the city quite relaxing. Not all that much traffic compared to larger cities. Jeff's date is quickly approaching and as Susan has mentioned in an earlier post it is a good idea for some to offer how they manage to work their way through the holidays. For me...it is the Xmas Carols that bring me to a complete stand still. Silent Night, White Christmas, Hark the Herald Angels Singing, etc. We purchased a complete new set of lights for the tree at the hospital and hope that they shine even more brightly this year. Shopping for those that could do with a little lift is always a good way to lift your spirits. Any way you look at it...everything has changed and it will never be the same again. So, we have tried to make as positive a change as we can and bring Jeff along with us through this very difficult time. Thinking of everyone and wishing you all a gentle and peaceful day. Kate
  17. Loss of an Adult Child

    Good morning, ALL, We had a busy day yesterday. A blizzard came through our Interlake from the Riding Mountain, Dauphin area. The wet snow fell all day leaving the roads in treacherous driving conditions. We came as close as we ever have to being killed yesterday on our way to Gimli. Some young hot shot driving a truck for a furniture company decided to pass a couple of cars that he must have felt were driving too slow. As it was almost a whiteout... he in his stupidity took a chance that there was nobody coming the other way. Well guess what? We were. It was a split hair from hitting the ditch, or a full head on. The air was blue with the language my hubby was spewing and thank heaven he waited until we got home to call the store and vent. You may ask why we went out in that kind of condition. We are used to driving winter roads and take every precaution and drive very slowly. I had an appt. for my mammogram at the Mobile Breast Clinic that comes every year to our area. I guess I should have cancelled and gone into Winnipeg at a later date. My date to meet with our son was not yesterday.... but it sure was close. We slept in due to the time change and sat having a cup of coffee and croissant from a french bakery in St. Boniface. I needed that fix of caffeine for sure this morning. It was a dark roasted Indonesian coffee called Kopi (coffee) Pulau ( Other side of the Island). This morning the property is filled with deer tracks in the freshly fallen snow that made their way through during the night to our feeders looking for oiled sunflower seeds. We sat in bed looking out the windows at the trees filled with goldfinch and pine sisken. So pretty. Now it is time to get cracking and start the business of clearing the decks of snow. I remember how our black lab loved to run in circles and eat the freshly fallen snow after the first time. It is so fluffy and white. Dee, it sounded as if you have your hands full with the little ones. Such fun! I bet you are having the time of your life. Treasure every moment, as they grow so quickly. Dianne and Sandy...thinking of you both. This time of the year can cause us to sink into a funk. I was so sorry to hear about your friends daughter. How sad. I will keep them all in my prayers. Dianne, what a lovely and comforting memory of Michael. LouAnn, our son went to the football game on Friday night. They sat in temps that were frigid. He is an avid Bomber fan and catches every game he can. The weather in Alberta has been awful. They had hoped to head to the mountains to go skiing yesterday, but the roads were too icy. Laurie, I am still absorbing the story from the other day. It give you the chills doesn't it? How beautiful. Lesley, thank you for sharing that story with us. Clearly they were meant to meet. Tina, hang in there. I know this is a really difficult time for you. We are here to offer our support. Take care of yourself! Georgina, here's hoping you are starting to feel a bit better as the days pass. Becky, I am still chuckling thinking about your parrot. Have a day filled with peace everyone.
  18. Loss of an Adult Child

    Becky, it did my heart good to read your post. I love Camilla Jade and I can imagine she gives you hours of enjoyment. If I lived in your household I would be walking around muttering to myself for fear of her picking up everything I was saying. Margo, I was so happy to see that you are moving forward along with your husband. So pleased that your surgery was a success and you are able to throw yourself back into your art full time. I love the pictures of the pottery that you showed us yesterday. I particularly loved the bowl with the leaves. Just lovely. We live on Lake Winnipeg outside of the town of Gimli. We have a thriving artists' community in the Interlake. Each season we hold what is called The Artists' Wave Studio Tour. Many people that create pottery, jewellery, quilts, paintings, etc. open their studios to the public. We even have a man that makes fabulous personalized guitars. What a craftsman, and so skilled in his work. His wife and he are also musicians. Dee, I hope you were able to get a decent sleep last night and woke up feeling refreshed. Lesley, to me...Thanksgiving and the full turkey dinner is what it is all about. Pumpkin pie is a must in our household. I have some friends that shifted over to pumpkin cheescake... but as nice as it is...it is not traditional. Tina, I agree with Susan...after a period of time you will become used to the comments of others. Some you will just shrug your shoulders at and walk away. it does get easier with time. I'm sorry that you have so much on your plate to deal with right now. I hope that you get a satisfactory answer back from the States Attorney. Georgina, let us know how your retreat goes with Compassionate Friends. Wishing everyone a good day. Kate
  19. Loss of an Adult Child

    Laurie, I got the chills when I read your post. God does indeed work in mysterious ways. What a beautiful experience and how comforting for his mother. You know what I thought of when I read it. Dee, I always love reading your posts as you recall those special times with your girl. Just love the smelly feet story. Typical teenage thing to do! Did you have many children at your door last night? How did the grandies get along? Susan, your home looks so inviting when you decorate it so nicely. Wyatt John looks like a real sweetheart that was really into the whole event. Georgina, I am glad to hear that the worst is behind you and now the healing begins. Take extra special care of yourself. The CF meeting should be a great comfort for you. I am sure that it will be so supportive to be with others that will let you just be yourself. Not long after Jeff died I had a woman rap on my door that invited me to join their group in the city. She had lost both of her children due to a genetic illness. They were in their twenties and it was heartbreaking for her I know. One had just graduated from medical school. Just starting out as a freshly minted doctor. Five years later the other son also died. I, unfortunately...declined. I was so new to this at the time and I only wanted to cocoon and be left to try to understand what had happened. Had a little more time elapsed I most likely would have accepted. Lou Ann, the girls had an awesome time last night. However it was a mixture of rain mixed with snow pellets in Calgary and so it was a quick trip down the street. One went out as a reindeer and the other was dressed as a caribou. The look of excitement and glee on their faces said it all! One is six and the other is eight. They are my pride and joy. We were set up for any kids showing up... but as we are in a fairly remote and private area we did not have any kids come to the door. It was a very cool and damp night. We always buy candy and stuff that we give away in the end. Ross likes to dig into the cache himself from time to time during the evening. Lesley, I remember when our son lived in Dublin he told us that there were a few occasions that were not celebrated in Britain. The first year he was there he asked me to send a couple of large tins of pumpkin over to make a couple of pies. He decided to put on a traditional North American Thanksgiving for all of his neighbours. The meal was a hit with the exception of the pies. I gather it is an acquired taste. One that I have come to appreciate. Unfortunately! Sherry, have you had any snow yet? Do you usually host Thanksgiving at your home? Tina, how are things with you. Leah, as always...sending my love. Sandy and Dianne, thinking of you. Sending warm wishes to ALL for a night filled with peace and comfort. Kate
  20. Loss of an Adult Child

    Lou Ann, the snow was just a dusting... but it is cold for this time of the year. Looks as if we are going to get more of the white stuff during the week. Such a shame as it makes it hard for the little ones tonight. I am looking forward to hearing about my little ones in Calgary this evening. Can't wait to see their costumes. I was looking through the obits many years ago and cut out an obit of a person that I knew. I turned over the piece of paper and saw that written on the back. Despite the years that have passed and the fact that the paper is yellowed with age and torn around the edges the sentiments are the same. My heart reaches out to the families of those killed today in New York. May they rest in peace and their families take comfort in the support of those around them. Leah, sending warm wishes and prayers for good resolution to your situation. Georgina, how have you been doing? Becky how are your eyes?
  21. Loss of an Adult Child

    Real Life Angels Build bridges instead of walls Don't play hide and seek with the truth and they don't have hidden agendas. Tend to be the only ones who know what you are going through If they sense you are hurting they do whatever they can to help you. Understand difficulties and always give the benefit of the doubt. Don't hold others up to standards they can't live by themselves. Are what "inner beauty" is all about. Don't hold things against you, The only thing they hold ,,,is you. Take your hand in theirs when you could use a little assurance. Walk beside you when you could do with a little guidance and direction in your life. Support you in your attempts to do what is right. Multiply your smiles and add to your integrity. Make you feel like "Hey, I really am somebody who matters." Then they quietly prove to you how beautiful and true that feeling really is.
  22. Loss of an Adult Child

    Leah, holding you close as you struggle with your situation. I read every day... and while I may not always post... my heart and thoughts are with you all. Laurie, what a lovely picture and my eyes were of course drawn to the flowers. I agree that we can take part in celebrating the special events with our friends and families. Jeff went through a period of soul searching. At one point he started to visit a Buddhist Temple. He encouraged some of his friends to join him. I do know that that period of his life was very important to him. The weather outside is frightful and the snow is NOT delightful! Old man winter arrived with a vengeance last night. We woke up this morning to stiff winds from the north and snow covering everything. Not too great for the little ones tomorrow night. I mean...how do you get a costume over a snow parka? They are actually calling for -8C on Wednesday. Wishing you all peace as you start another week. Kate
  23. Loss of an Adult Child

    Lou Ann, I think you should do what you feel most comfortable in doing. I'm sure the thrift shop was very pleased to receive your donation. This time of year you can be sure that it will be most appreciated. Thanks for asking after Ross. He is doing as always. Business as usual. Nothing seems to keep him down. Yesterday we headed outside to take advantage of the day and finished putting up our Xmas lights. Because we live in the country the nights get so dark now and the smaller fruit trees all lit up send a sense of warmth and cheer to see. I do not like anything overdecorated, but I always enjoy dressing up the place for a special occasion. I started a collection some years back of Dickens Village pieces. I bought them from a year round Xmas store called Humbugs. I only wanted enough to cover the mantlepiece . I bought all of the little figures and trees, etc. The buildings light up. It really is so pretty along with the lit garland around the edge. I, too, have decided to give them to my grandaughters... as they love to see the magic of it all and I hope it will invoke happy memories of their childhood when they grow up. Dee, it warmed my heart to read your post of your little sweetie enjoying her first skate. I could picture the little cutie shuffling along hesitantly at first and then building more confidence as she started to get the hang of it. Terrific memories to hold close. Just wait until you take her tobogganing! Dianne, I know this time is difficult for you. I think of you and many others on the site daily. It is difficult for a sibling to accept the loss of their family member. My older son still has not been to Jeff's bench. He tells me that there is not a day that goes by that he does not think of him. He simply is a very quiet person and keeps his feelings locked inside. I get it but sometimes worry that he would like to share but just can't. Susan, thanks for posting that. What a perfect description from a hurting heart. Again, I have to say that those kiddos of yours are precious. Just wait another year or so and he will be so excited about the holiday season. How do you feel about having Thanksgiving so close to Christmas? I understand that it sort of just runs into one another as they are so close together. It must be hard on those that have to do all of the planning and work. Sending love to ALL for a peaceful and restful Sunday. Kate
  24. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dee, what a beautiful way to celebrate the holidays with your kids. You are experiencing the true meaning of Christmas by sharing the joy of selfless giving. I do understand about the tree. I know many that have not lost a child that no longer put up a Christmas tree but only their decorations around their home. They feel it has become too much work. Lesley, I am so on board with your way of handling the season. I do know how tough those first couple of years can be. I also know that our other kids need to be able to celebrate the season as it was meant to be. Good for you in keeping up with your traditions. Changing things up a bit also can be a huge help. The carols have always been the one really difficult challenge for me to face. LouAnn, I agree that the stores being as materialistic as they are push each and every occasion far to soon. When I was kid the stores did not put out holiday things until December. And what is with selling eggnog in October? Scandalous. At any rate we get through it as best as we can in our own way.
  25. Loss of an Adult Child

    Susan, I can not believe how much he has grown. They are positively glowing and he is obviously thriving with the love and attention. A real cuddle bunny! I agree about the Xmas tree. We always put the homemade ornaments by the boys at school on the lower branches of the tree. When the little ones come to visit they always go straight to the tree to gaze at the decorations. It warms my heart. Lou Ann, I guess we all go about getting through the special events in our own way. As for me...I am going at it full tilt. I don't want to miss out on one minute of life. My sons spirit shines through as Ross and I try to continue on as positively as we can. We have the hockey game on right now. The game is tied right now. We had a real taste of winter today. Quite the wind blowing off of the lake. Sending love to everyone tonight. Kate