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Jeff's Mom

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About Jeff's Mom

  • Rank
    Advanced Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Canada
  • Interests
    Family, nature walks, travelling, music, theatre, reading, gardening, cooking
  • Loss Type
    28 year old Adult Son
  • Angel Date
    December 12, 2009

Converted

  • Occupation
    Retired

Recent Profile Visitors

11,654 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Well I wish you would send some of that warm weather our way Dee. This has been one very long and cold winter. Today the high was only -13C. It seems odd as the sun is at a different angle in the sky and things are so bright as they should be for this time of the year. We have not had much snow but still experiencing cold temps. How I envy all of you. LouAnn, it did indeed sound like a white knuckle drive from your sons home. The 401 can become really congested when the weather is bad. Our weather comes from the west primarily. I see that Saskatchewan and Alberta is still having much the same conditions as we are. I am hoping that I will wake up very soon to my first sighting of a robin. Ross and I have a yearly contest to see who will spot the first one. He usually wins. Lesley, I bet it will feel great to get that cast off tomorrow. Your parents sound like gems and I bet they will miss you when you leave. However you must be looking forward to getting back into your own home and sleeping in your own bed. The visit with your daughter will be something to look forward too! I listen to a classical radio station from England and I get the weather report on the hour. I sound like Mrs. Bale from As Time Goes By when I tell my husband what it is in various areas. We were in England at Easter one year with the boys. I remember the fields were filled with cheery yellow daffodils and baby lambs were happily running around. The boys and I got a real kick out of seeing them. Susan, I see the temps have warmed up your way. You definitely had some chilly weather for you last week. Have you started any painting yet? Have the temps impacted the fruit crops? We had some grapefruit the other day and they were smaller than usual. I'm not too sure what our farmers are going to face this year in our area. We definitely are going to need more moisture for the fields. Tina, how are things going this week at work? Will your son soon be on spring break? Is he involved in any activities at school? Peggy, let it out whenever you feel the need to cry. I remember walking into the site where we have a bench overlooking the lake. There was not a person anywhere in site. I yelled blue murder at one point asking Jeff where he was and why it had to happen. Everyone has given you such good advice. You will manage to get through this difficult stage with support and perseverance. Hope everyone has a decent evening. Love to ALL, Kate
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Glad you stood your ground with the family member Leah. You have shown all of the new members how with time we can regroup and find a new way to deal with our loss. Glad to hear you are slowly on the mend. Take it easy... and one day at a time! JaBoa is definitely looking down and beaming with pride at her loving and devoted Grandmother. I hope that today you are filled with memories that make your heart smile. Remember what I always say...Love never dies. Colleen, hope that today you are feeling a bit better after a day of rest. Just taking a step back to regroup sometimes is all it takes to resurge our batteries. We spent the evening watching the Olympic figure skating. I have to say that they were all wonderful to me. Oh, to be able to skate like that. Wishing you all a peaceful day. Kate
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Colleen, it was Winston Churchill that first used this sign as a sign of victory during the war. It later became know as a sign for peace. Dianne, do not get me started on those days. How I loved the British Invasion era. My sister who is older was more into Neil Diamond and the Supremes at the time. My brother was more into CCR and others. We were all varied in our tastes. Did you know that American Woman was penned by The Guess Who from Winnipeg? in 1970 they sold more albums than any other band including the Beatles and The Doors. We were a political family and as a young girl I bought a massive poster of Pierre Elliot Trudeau that I taped to our mantle piece just before my parents held a cocktail party. My parents were busy doing one thing or another and did not go into the living room to see it. Once the guests arrived it sparked much discussion. Especially as many of hem supported the Conservatives. I often remembered how my parents would discuss things just before leaving to attend some event or another. My father told my mom if she brought up politics or religion any more he was going to leave and go home. She was very interested in the events of the day. Yes, it is always nice to take that trip back in time. Susan, wishing you luck this week and hoping all is well. Leah...same for you. Kate
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    LouAnn...love the kitty. Any particular flavour he likes? Oops, I see it is onion. Dianne, wow...was that ever a trip down memory lane. I was a girl in her young teens and I was actually more of a Beatles fan at the time. It was definitely the hippie era. Long hair and the peace sign. I must have thought of the song as we are about to legalize weed and it will be readily available in specialty stores throughout the country. The times they are a changing... as Bob would say.
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thanks Dianne. Much appreciated.
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    LouAnn...I know that the news you are hearing on the radio and TV is very depressing and it can bring you down. I would love you to do me a huge favour. Please do try to get outside and not focus as much on death. Have you considered volunteering at a shelter or something that will keep you so occupied and busy that you will be completely absorbed even if only for a short time. Perhaps a part time job at a greenhouse where you could help with the upcoming preparations for the planting season. I know it has been a long winter... but it is almost behind us. We headed out today and the warmth of the sun on our face was pure bliss! The days are lengthening and spring is not far off. You sound as if you have been really busy getting things in order. Not a bad idea at all. It is always good to keep one step ahead and by making sure your house is in order it will help your family down the road. I have done the same thing. I bet you were a girl guide. Ok, today I have had a song in my head all day that I can't get rid of. This really dates me but it was by Jackie DeShannon in the late sixties. Put A Little Love in Your Heart. Could someone that is more computer savvy please post it for me. Thanks in advance.
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thank you, Dee. Written from the heart. Tina, thank you for giving us your perspective on guns. I agree about the need to increase help for the mentally ill. Your health care system and gun laws need changing. I am really sorry that you are in such a place that you feel people are not empathetic to the pain of others. That may be true to a point but there are many out there who truly care and will do whatever they can to be of support. When I first found this site it was shortly after my Jeff died. It was the first site that came up. I read for a bit and then joined. I did not stay at first. I was in too much pain and could not talk about it. I came back some time later. By reading the views of others further along I came to see that they had somehow worked to get to a point of finding a degree of happiness in their lives again. I needed to see that. It gave me hope. I knew it would not be easy, but with the help and support of those further along I found the strength to face the ups and downs of this awful place I was in. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for staying. When that young man reached out to me at that time the timing was perfect. I almost felt as if my boy had sent him to me to focus on doing something positive that helped and did not allow me to dwell on his death. That young man got back to me a year later with the nicest message. He had found his way back in a healthy way. No drugs, etc. He had found employment in London and a new residence. His life was back on track. What a lovely young man he was. It felt good to know I had offered an ear to listen to him at a difficult time. We never know who is reading and what they are processing while doing so. The people on this site come from various places and hold different views on many subjects. We try to listen and learn. When I offered my viewpoint yesterday it was out of concern. We had witnessed yet another loss of life that was beyond difficult to fathom. I was horrified. If only your parties would join together and work on these issues together for the greater good of all people there. Not divided down the middle and arguing about who is right and who is wrong all the time. Use the energy to find a solution to these problems so that your most precious and valued children and their teachers who you leave in their care daily will be safe. Use your voices to demand a change. You do have control. Work together and not use the energy to divide yourselves. You may not agree on the gun issue, but you do agree that your kids need to be safe. Find a way to do it. Demand health care changes that will provide for the mentally ill. Peggy....hang on with both hands. You will find the strength to continue. These are early days for you as it is for many others. Know that you are surrounded by those that understand and care. Susan, and Leah...hope you are doing ok. Kate
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina, you stay. It is I that should leave. I am not from your country. I will never understand your culture as hard as I try. I can leave my home without locking my door and not fear for my safety or that my home will be broken into. I am not comparing my country to yours... but offering a view of how it works for us without the use of guns. I will always care about the well being of others. That is how I am. I have spent almost eight years on this site. I remember vividly spending an entire week with a young man from England that first Xmas of my grieving that was suicidal. I stayed and walked alongside him during that entire holiday period because I was concerned for him. I have given what I can... but in all honesty? I do not have the desire or heart to do this any longer. Work it out yourselves. It is your problem. I was not attacking your constitution.... but explaining to another member that it is written that you have the right to carry arms. We are talking about automatic weapons that take multiple lives and not hunting rifles. People here hunt as well. I am so glad that I was born where I was. I will always be proud to be a Canadian! Oh, and just out of curiosity...can you name any of our provinces? Any Prime Ministers? I doubt it. There is life beyond the States. Show some respect.
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina, I agree with some of the things that the teacher stated. Our kids are subjected to so much gratuitous violence. They begin to lose touch with reality. Truly the bottom line is this...we often say that if it isn't broken then why fix it? In this case it is no longer working and it needs to be changed very quickly. Talking about the gun deaths is no different than talking about deaths due to drugs, etc. We need to get it out into the open and deal with it before another mass shooting takes place. And it will take place. In 2017 there was a total of 15, 591 shooting deaths in the States . In Canada it was 225. If you take the population difference of the States compared to Canada and multiply by ten there are seven times more deaths by gunshot in the States. In 2017 the number of kids from 0-11 that were injured and killed were 732. 12-17 injured or killed 3,234. Ten a day! And mass killings are considered two or more were 346 in 2017... due to gun violence. LouAnn these numbers are staggering. We studied American History for the entire year in tenth grade. British History in Grade Eleven. We knew all of the States and their Constitution. And it is written into the Constitution about the right to carry firearms. We respect the rights but it isn't working any longer. Changes need to take place NOW.
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dee, we can't bring back the lives of those lost the other day...but we can sure as heck work together to make it as hard as we can to ensure that it doesn't happen again! There have been far too many. It must stop. How can we not as grieving parents recognize the agony that these parents are suffering? We need to speak up loud and clear that we need to feel safe in our environment. This will not go away unless it is dealt with properly.
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Well, I always tend to put my head in a noose when I speak my mind... but some things have to be said ....and sitting on my hands is not the way to get things accomplished. Dee, I am behind you 100%. This has got to stop. Clearly owning guns has not proven to make anyone safe from what I have seen. In fact it is just the opposite. How a young person could get his hands on an automatic AR 15 rifle is beyond me. Quite frankly I also take offence at Mr. Trump automatically assuming that all gun deaths are caused by people suffering from mental health issues. And if that is truly the case how the heck did they get the guns to begin with? Yes, it has happened. There are also some truly rotten to the core people that are just plain bad that have no conscience. Taking a life is of no consequence to them whatsoever. Are you implying that it is not safe to live in or visit the States unless you are armed? Well it didn't work the other day did it? Changes need to be implemented at once. I say at once.... and not a moment sooner. This can not be allowed to continue. And it will continue unless people step up and put a stop to it. Explain that to the parents of those kids that are dead that it is ok to own a gun. If any of you are reading on this site looking for comfort and support that lost a child that day you most definitely have mine. I will not rest until I do whatever is possible to ensure that there will be no more loss of innocent lives such as your precious child. No explanation could ever satisfy us as to the right to carry firearms when I see such loss of life. You most definitely have my sympathy. Kate Guess I'll get kicked off the site for this...so be it.
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Mr. President...we don't need condolences and prayers. We need action to stop this now! My heart goes out to the families and young people that lost their lives in this deplorable act.
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Peggy, hold on with both hands. This is a terrible period you are facing. You are still in shock and the raw pain of your loss is still unbelievable. What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. You honestly have not had time to really adjust to what has happened. People are only trying to help in the only way they know how. They do not really understand... but are acting out of the kindness of their hearts. You need time to cocoon and find a private space to just breathe. Tell them this in a kind way. That you appreciate their concern but you need to be alone for this period to try to sort out what has happened. I can guarantee you that this pain you are feeling will one day soften to a dull ache. We have all gone through this. It takes time and patience. Find comfort in whatever way you can by reading books on grieving, attending a group therapy... or one on one session. Let your heart slowly lead the way. Don't be forced into doing what others feel is best for you. When you want to get more involved just let them know. It will get easier... but not just yet. We are here for you.
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Colleen, I understand your thoughts as to celebrating a life well lived. I honestly do not think that it is easy at any age to lose someone that we have come to love and that has played an important part in our lives. Our interaction has been cut short and we miss the connection. Whether they be ten or a hundred. I truly loved it when funerals took a turn years ago. The idea of a Celebration of Life really appeals to me. Recalling the good times and happier moments of that persons life is essential to a healthier way of coping with their loss. We held a Celebration of Life for Jeff. It was far from the normal by traditional standards. I planned his memorial for a few months. We decided to hold it in the summer at his birthday time. A time where we could all gather in a beautiful place overlooking the water and really enjoy our memories of him. No doom and gloom for us. There was music, great food, and wonderful stories shared. Many I had never heard before. It did our heart good to see him so fondly thought of. There was a sadness in his loss... but also a sense of happiness that he had been a part of their lives. He touched many in such a good way. One of the nicest and finest men I have ever know was a man that lived to his late nineties. He had the right idea about his approach to life. Don't sweat the small stuff. And he didn't. He told me one time that the hardest part of living to is age was the fact that most of his good friends were now gone. He missed them terribly. He had the ability to live each day as it came and take the good as it was presented to him. His funeral was more traditional and yet there really was no sadness. There was the understanding that he had lived a long and very full life. It was simply his time to go. The age old question as to why a young person is called will never be answered in our life. How we wish we knew the answer to that. I can only HOPE that as they were taken at such a young age they had completed whatever they needed to do and were called back to a wonderful place. While we are still here living with the trials and tribulations of this life they have been given freedom to enjoy a wonderful existence that we can't begin to imagine. I'm sure their hope for us to gather ourselves together and let the anger and sadness go as they watch how we are dealing with their loss. They would most definitely want us to be happy as we want that for them. Love is like that isn't it? It never dies.
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hope is indeed everything Dee. When I first found this site it was about all that I was able to cling too. The hope that this horrible nightmare would somehow be understood by others that were walking the same path. I loved what Susan said in an earlier post about Mother Nature and Father Time. Oh, so true! The loss always remains and the ache. Yet with patience and hard work we start to lift ourselves up and begin to find a new path towards living life with happiness again. It will be forever changed...however it will still enter our lives again... IF we allow it. I am so sorry to see so many new people... but I am glad that you are able to reach out as we did to find that understanding and comfort. You never have to go through this alone. Hope is what it is all about. We hope for a better day. We hope that we will see our child again. If I did not have hope I honestly do not think I could have survived this loss. Those that are further along discuss their daily lives to give hope that one day even the little interests we once had will once again be of some importance. Life continues even after such a tragic loss. And it does take shape again...but it takes time. I am sending wishes to everyone for improved health if you are suffering from illness. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love to All, Kate
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