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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

StarbrightRuby

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About StarbrightRuby

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    Advanced Member

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    http://www.loving-transformation.com

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    UK
  • Loss Type
    Sibling and mother

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  • Last Name
    Ruby
  • First Name
    Starheart
  • Zip
    TQ11
  • Country
    UK
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello Indigos! There is a lot we can understand about a child’s death and some things that make no sense. The ‘Why’ question is one that is difficult to answer. My personal understanding is that we each come to earth to learn specific lessons and when those lessons are learned, it is time to return to spirit. So when a person dies from accident or illness it is because they had completed what they came to do. This is tough for us who are left behind and weren’t ready for them to go, and there is goodness that comes out of it. We learn that our family and friends are the most important elements in our lives and we also learn just how precious life is. Out of the chaos and learning that comes from losing a loved one, we may find it easier in the long term to connect with our purpose in life – what it is that we really want to spend our time doing. We can’t bring the children back into physical bodies, and they are there in spirit and they still love us. The grieving process will hopefully bring us all to a place of peace with what has happened. It takes time, it takes its own course for each of us and there is no rushing it. Rachel – So sorry to hear also of the loss of your son. I haven’t lost a child myself, but my sister died when she was 7 and I was 12 and the loss was unbearable for the whole family. The loss of a child is, as you are realising, a life changing event and I know that my life took on a different course from that point onwards. I recently read a book about what happens when someone dies and found it very informative and helpful. I’ll give you the details so that if you reach the point of wanting to read it, you will have them. The book was written by David Fontana and entitled ‘Life Beyond Death – what should we expect?’. The book is based on evidence provided by people who have had near death experiences, out of body experiences and from those who have died who have communicated via mediums. It explains about the different levels of the spirit world which each soul progresses on to. If you are concerned about your attachment to your son holding him back, then perhaps you would like to look at a couple of prayers I wrote just this week to help with just this: http://www.loving-transformation.com/2011/12/23/beautiful-death-prayers-for-children-who-have-died/ Dee – Thanks for your words of welcome! And happy anniversary - hope you have had a good time celebrating. By coincidence, a 9 year old boy died in a fire in Kilmarnock, Scotland last night. Two other children survived, but their mother is described as 'inconsolable'. Please include this family in your thoughts and prayers as well. With much love to each and every one of you Ruby
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Greetings to everyone here. Finding it time challenging to get here regularly and wanted to check in with everyone today especially and say you are all in my thoughts today and every other day. Love and blessings Ruby
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi again! Diane - I don't know if this will help: after my sister died I was really angry because noone was listening to how hurt I was, how sad I was. I was angry for many different reasons and all I needed was to be heard. My parents couldn't talk about my sister at all and it had a huge impact on me. I don't know the details of what is happening with your daughter, but it sounds like she is being angry with you because Nathan isn't there and she loves and trusts you to be there for her. She doesn't know what else to do. She doesn't know who to turn to with her anger. I think your plan to go and talk to her is great. If you go prepared for her anger, then you will be able to hold her and hopefully she will be able to begin to let go of what she is holding on to, and come to a place of reconciliation with you. She doesn't really want to hurt you - she is lost in the same way you are. Perhaps this will give you both what you need - a space to talk about Nathan. Nathan's loss is too painful for your family to deal with - that's why they can't talk about him with you. Find the people who are supportive and share Nathan with them - if there is noone in your physical life, then this community is here for you msnher - what a tragic thing to happen - one child dead and his best friend in jail. I hope the best friend will receive counselling. Will pray for both families. Rx
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello Indigos So sorry it has been such a long time since I was on here. I've been going through a difficult patch and just couldn't get here. I've seen so many new names appearing that I knew there would be so many losses and I couldn't comfort you from where I was. I hold all your stories so close to me, I end up crying nearly every time I'm here! And I knew I should come and share my sadness with you, but I just couldn't. After a lifetime of looking after myself emotionally it is hard to remember that it's ok to share with you all. Tyler's mom - I understand your pain. When everywhere we turn life is chaos, it is difficult to know that life will be ok again. My most difficult Christmas's and New Year's I spent quietly with friends who understood my need for comfort and that I just couldn't be over-exuberant and join in all the festivities. I hope that you are able to find such friends so that you are not alone (either physically or emotionally) during the festive period. Lots of love and blessing to everyone - you are often in my thoughts Ruby
  5. Some days I just can't believe its true

    Hi Cindy So sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I'm glad that you have found this supportive community and hope that you will visit often. As I read your post I really felt the sense of loss of yourself through his death and it feels like you don't know quite what to do, where to turn. I have a website which supports people in their grieving and on there is a free 5 step e-course which I think will help you to find your feet again. Take a look: http://www.loving-transformation.com/what-next/mini-ecourse-sign-up-overcoming-the-loss-of-a-child/ The course gives some straight forward, manageable steps to take which will help you to find yourself again. Thinking of you Love and blessings Ruby
  6. stillborn baby girl

    Dear Olivia's Mom and Rosevhuhwavho So sorry to hear of the loss of your babies. It comes as such a shock to lose a baby because there is all the anticipation of the life to come. Sending you both much love at this time. Many people support each other in the 'Loss of an Adult Child' thread, so please come and share with people there - it's open to anyone who has lost a child, not just those who have lost an adult child. Love and blessings Ruby
  7. Broken...................

    Hi Chad's Mom Sending you much love. This journey through grief is not easy and it is not one that can be measured in time. Healing will come, and it will come when you are ready. As ddefrain says, you will never be the person you were before your son died. The death of a child is a life changing experience, but that doesn't mean that it is bad. It means that you have experienced something deeper than most people experience - how can you not be changed by that. In time, you will feel stronger and more together,and it is great that you have found this supportive community of people who do understand what it is like to lose a child. Take one day at a time and find something to be grateful for every day - it may sound odd to say that, but by being aware of the good things that are still in your life (whether this is the colour of the autumn leaves, a good friend, or sunshine), then you will begin to find connection to the world outside of you again and know that not all is lost. You are in my thoughts. Love and blessings Ruby
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    Good afternoon Indigos Thinking of you all and sending much love. Ruby
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello Indigos! Christina - Congratulations on the job!!! Hope it works out well for you. And so sorry you had to experience your pain alone in the SS office. I wish one of them had come to give you a big hug. you are so brave. And yes, one step at a time is enough. Deepbluezz - Thank you for sharing about your son and how you are feeling. I know that happy face! It is so tragic because it is not how we feel inside, yet to share how we are can feel too excruciating. If your son is concerned about you, then that means he really loves you and maybe he can be there for you. He is probably hurting too, and if you are able to allow him in to how you are feeling, allow yourselves to be there for each other at this time, then it will bring you closer together and you won't feel so very alone. Of course, we are always here for you too. I find this relaxation technique really good for helping me to get to sleep. You may already know it, but I'll share it in case you don't: lie in bed and relax your body, focus your attention on where the tension is in your body and allow it to fade away. Then start with your feet, and put yout attention on your feet and allow them to fully relax. Do this for every part of your body, keeping your attention on where the tension is in that part of your body and allowing it to fade away: work up your calves, knees, thighs, buttocks, back, hands, arms, shoulder, neck and finally head. I am usually asleep before I complete this! Colleen - often in life when major changes happen we end up losing old friends because they can't meet us where we are. You have made a good decision in keeping your friend Georgia and accepting you can't talk about Brian with her. Lots of love to all of you. So glad you are all here Ruby
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello Everyone! Diane - Every day that passes you are a day nearer to finding your peace. It will take time and cannot be rushed. Allow yourself this grieving process because it is really important. It is natural that you have so many questions - perhaps if you focus on one question each day, sit with it calmly and allow yourself to listen to what answers come, this will help alleviate your sense of confusion. Finding time for yourself is really important right now. I found this link to a site which specifically supports survivors of suicide: they have a radio station and also some articles which may be of interest: http://www.sostucson.org/index.html Sending you much love today. Colleen - Thank you for your kind words. I have a 12 year old daughter and a while ago, when I was in deep depression and looking for reasons to be here, I imagined being separated from her and it was unbearable. I have made a commitment to be here for her and this commitment is one of unconditional love. Just imagining this separation felt so real and so having experienced the death of my sister, I can feel the connection that is torn apart by the sudden death of a child. My own experience in life has shown me the importance of people being allowed the space to grieve, and of being supported through that. The pain of grief can feel unbearable and just having someone to listen can make a huge difference. And that's why I'm here. Aaron is at such an exciting time in his life because he can choose anything! Don't believe that he needs formal qualifications to succeed. If he can follow his dreams, his passion, then he will be most contented in life. He could set up his own online business doing what he loves - there are no age limits in that arena! Just a thought Much love to all Ruby
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dear Diane Grieving is such a difficult journey and I hear what you are experiencing right now. This is probably the biggest challenge you will meet in your life and it is hugely tough. And you are here, you are sharing how you are feeling and we are here to listen and to understand your pain. There is nothing that can replace the loss of a child and that bond between mother and child is one of the strongest that exists, so it is natural that you miss him so much. And there is a family there who loves you - and that is why you wake up every day. That is why you are here. You know, perhaps Nathan hadn't really planned what he did - if he saw his therapist and she hadn't seen the stage he was at, then perhaps he just had a really bad day and just couldn't see a way out. Part of the reason for my depression last year was about being single and not finding someone to share my life with - it is really tough to be in this position, desiring a loving relationship and not finding it. I can understand how low he was if this was the main reason for how sad he was feeling. Depression and anger about what happened is also part of the grieving process, and you have your family around you, so I hope that you will all find a way to come through this together. Please know that what you are experiencing now won't last forever. Your physical problems could well be related to the grief and stress that you are feeling. I hope you are able to find some space to be gentle with yourself, to allow yourself the space you need because this is so important right now - you have done nothing wrong and you still deserve to be loved and to love yourself. On my website there is a free 5 step e-course which I have designed to help people through their grieving process. Please feel free to take a look and see if it may help you: http://www.loving-transformation.com. Sending you much love this evening, Diane Ruby
  12. LOSS OF MY SON

    Hi Terri (and Lorix!) Thank you for your post and glad you have found this site. I meant to say to Lorix earlier, so I will say it to both of you now - there is a a thread called Loss of an Adult Child where a lot of people meet and share together, so you are both welcome to come and join that thread - you will be welcomed by people who have also shared the loss of a child. Terri, I can't answer your questions about what happened at the moment your son died. Perhaps the information will come to you in some way in the future - who can tell - but your son was old enough not to need you there every moment of the day. As parents, however much we wish and desire it, we cannot be there protecting our children all the time. Sadly such accidents do happen, but this is no reflection upon your love and devotion to your son. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please come and join us in the thread I mentioned earlier. with love Ruby
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi everyone! I want to be here more than I am getting to be here because of life demands/work etc. It means I'm finding it hard to keep up with everyone, so apologies for that. When I read your open hearted posts I often don't have words to answer you with, so what I thought I would offer is some distance reiki. I will send reiki healing to anyone who would like it tomorrow evening (UK time). All I need to do this is the name and location of the person to send the reiki to - you can either PM me (I'm assuming this will work as I haven't tried it on here before) or leave a message by replying on this thread and I'll check in tomorrow (24 hours time from now) and pick up the names. Diane - thanks for your words of welcome which you posted nearly a week ago! Sorry I didn't get to read them sooner. Depression is such a difficult condition. My own experience with it has been to cover it up and make out that everything was ok. Yet behind the scenes the world can feel so empty and lonely - it's really difficult to reach out and tell people how you feel because your energy is so low you can't risk losing any more in case they don't understand and you end up feeling worse than before (I've had this happen too). So please, please know that your son was probably doing the same and the fact that you didn't see how he was feeling was because he was covering it up really well. The negative thoughts take over everything and it's difficult to believe that anyone can help you, which may be why he didn't reach out to you. Love and blessings Ruby
  14. LOSS OF MY SON

    Hi Lorix Welcome, sadly , to this site. You have found a very supportive community of people. I can feel your pain and the depth of your grief through your post. You are not losing your mind - your recent experience has been very stressful and probably unlike anything you have experienced before. We do not expect our children to die before we do, so the shock when this happens can be overwhelming. It will take time for the grief to subside and it is important for you to do what you feel you need to right now - whether that's finding friends or family to talk to, spending time on your own, seeking support from a counsellor or simply being here. Noone can predict what your journey will be like over the next few months, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. With love Ruby
  15. An Old Indian Prayer

    Such a lovely prayer, Ronna. Thank you for posting this
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