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kellyk1969

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  • Content count

    26
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About kellyk1969

  • Rank
    Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Loss Type
    Father
  • Angel Date
    June 9,2011

Converted

  • Occupation
    Administrative Assistant
  • Last Name
    Helms
  • First Name
    Kelly
  • Zip
    28103
  • Country
    US
  1. I am so sorry to read of your loss. I really can't offer any advice except to say that some days will be better than others. My father committed suicide almost 1 year ago...June 9, 2011. I can still remember that day like it just happened! No one knew he was having those thoughts...my whole family was shocked, we still are! I keep trying to think back to the last time I spoke to him, June 6, 2011, did he say anything to me that I just didn't catch? Did he try to let me know in some way...the answer is always no! It was our normal weekly conversation. Why? Why did he do this to us, to me? No note, no text, no warning of any kind! I am heartbroken, some days are better than others...just when I think I can get through a day without thinking about him, there he is! I miss him terribly and always will. We have to move on, that is what my husband says, he doesn't understand the guilt, sorrow and pain that I feel...no one does. Good luck to you and your family, please try not to blame yourself. Kelly
  2. Maria, I lost my father very suddenly back in June 2011, I am still in shock to this day! I will tell you that life does go on, but I fear I will never be the same person I was before he passed. I too worry about losing my mother, she is my best friend. I walk into their house to this day and for some reason, I can't explain I look over to his chair and think (Maybe) but he is not there. I know he is gone, I helped plan the funeral although most of it is just a blur..I still can't grasp the fact that he is Gone..Forever! No warning, just gone! I started seeing a grief counselor in Nov. she helped a lot..I started taking meds. for panick attacks and depression which have helped but only mask what I am really going through on the inside! I pray that I will wake up one day and feel normal again, that I will accept what has happened and that everything will be ok, I pray that everyday. I will pray for you and your family, I hope that peace will find both of us someday. Kelly
  3. hi kelly..it was a rough week. i think his b'day on the 19th was a lot worse than the 1 year angelversary on the 21st. the thought of not talking to him or seeing him or even the simple things of not being able to pick out the perfect b'day card/gift just really got to me. it was a horrible week. the dream i had of him was awesome, tho'. that was of some comfort. let me know about r...

  4. hi kelly..it was a rough week. i think his b'day on the 19th was a lot worse than the 1 year angelversary on the 21st. the thought of not talking to him or seeing him or even the simple things of not being able to pick out the perfect b'day card/gift just really got to me. it was a horrible week. the dream i had of him was awesome, tho'. that was of some comfort. let me know about r...

  5. Hey Diane, I hope you are doing well..I know the 1st anniv. of your son's passing was not long ago. I hope you are filled with more peace as each day goes by my friend! Kelly

  6. Suicide of my Mummy Darling

    My Father committed suicide June 9, 2011..He had RA and was in pain all the time..he took a lot of meds. He was not a happy person and not someone any of us wanted to be around. Don't get me wrong, I loved my Father very much but he could be so hateful and mean..because of his Pain! He wasn't always like this but about the last year of his life it just got Worse! He shot himself! No one knew of his feelings, he left no note! My 21 yr. old nephew found him. We were all in shock from this..Not my father! This is not something he would do! 7 months later I am taking antidepressants and anxiety meds. just to get through the day! It is the not knowing..all the Questions that will never be answered, it will drive you crazy if you let it! I suggest talking to a grief counselor, I started and have come to terms with a lot of things..But I don't think I will ever be the same person I once was! WE are the innocent ones..we have nothing to feel guilty about! I am not angry with my father..he had his reasons and he is at peace..I truly believe that! Your mother is at peace now. Remember all the good times! Best of luck to you, Kelly
  7. I am so sorry for your situation, Your mother is so very lucky to have such a careing son. She has done a wonderful job raising you. I have been taking Klonopin for anxiety and panic attacks since last June, the medicine along with anti-depressants have really helped me. If your mother is not feeling better while taking this med. you guys should seek help, it is not for her! All meds. don't work the same for everybody..Klonopin helps me to relax and reduces the anxiety I feel daily Along with my celexa which also helps with anxiety and panic, together they make it possible for me to get through everyday without feeling constant grief. Please call someone about getting her meds. changed, maybe the Dr. who prescribed them will change them. I will be praying for your family, Kelly
  8. Still reeling after 4.5 months

    My Father died June 9, 2011..January 9th was the 7 month anniversary..at first it was completely unbearable!! So grief striken I could hardly breathe. This went on until last Nov. I started seeing a grief counselor and taking medication. I feel better..I can get through several days without crying, the meds. almost make it impossible to cry but sometimes the pain breaks through and it just covers me with anguish, Like he just passed yesterday..still hard for me to believe he is gone. When I first started on this forum a lot of people said it will take time to feel better, I didn't feel better until I started taking celexa. But I am still very moody, my husband and children bring this up to me all the time..I don't mean to be I have never known this kind of grief before, my Father and I weren't even very close until the last year of his life..I am grateful for that!
  9. I am so sorry,I hope that peace finds you soon Diane,you are in my prayers.Ryan has been having a hard time since the holidays he has almost become agoraphobic, never leaves his room except to go see his dr.or counselor.hasn't said anything more about harming himself but i have the fear in my mind. going to see neurologist next week,keeping fingers crossed they will get his meds. straight.

  10. Hey Diane, I wanted to see how everything is going with you.Still having ups and downs here.

  11. PTSD

    It was my couselor that suggested it to me. It was our first visit..honestly I never even thought about PTSD for anything other than someone who had been in a war! My counselor hit the nail on the head!! I read some articles on it for suicide survivors and it described me totally. I have been journaling since about two weeks after my father's death, it does help a lot but since I saw his autopsy report so many things have changed! I have visions and flashbacks!! I wish I had never read that report..didn't realize how graphic it would be! I had the mind set that after I read this report that it would give me some closure..I was so nieve! I hope that working with my counselor will help me get all of this out of my head..it is like an obsession, can't get past it!
  12. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, I was recently told that I have developed this since my father's suicide last June. Was just wondering if anyone else has been told this?
  13. Thank you Diane,it has been a tough few weeks for us,getting by the best we can! Ryan seems good today, he was playing his guitar earlier, that is always a good sign!wish everyday could be like this! I think of you often and what you are going through, I pray for you daily!Peace will find you again, It can't always be this way,well, that is what I keep telling myself anyway.

  14. hi kelly...how are you doing? have been thinking of you. hope things are getting better on your end..i always have ryan on my mind. just know you are close to my heart.

  15. hi kelly...how are you doing? have been thinking of you. hope things are getting better on your end..i always have ryan on my mind. just know you are close to my heart.

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