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LoriElsa

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  • Content count

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About LoriElsa

  • Rank
    Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Loss Type
    Death

Converted

  • Last Name
    Elsa
  • First Name
    Lori
  • Zip
    97424
  • Country
    USA
  1. Can't attend my nieces services

    Some families hold a memorial service scheduled months after someone dies for anyone who could not attend the funeral. It works out well. Some families have also put the funeral on Skype so people who are out of town can listen in. This post should offer an important lesson about non-transferrable purchases. I don't think things like this should even exist and I try to keep away from them. Your cousin should be helping you find alternatives instead of berating you for not being able to go to the funeral. .
  2. I'm sometimes afraid of my significant other dying because of health issues. I have a good feeling knowing that I might have saved his life by asking him to see the doctor. I think if I stay prayerful that this might help with guilt and remorse later on.
  3. To answer that question, there were people who adamantly sided with that one relative and they had to lie to protect her. I think there is a special place in hell for them. A few family members came to my defense. There was one sibling I had who was close to my brother and who was able to see the real issues, such as that I could not possibly know he was going to die. As a result of that relative who was twisting the truth, there were rumors that went around among people who never knew me or my family. One of their lies was that he was in our house when he shot himself and that I "did not go to investigate." Someone also went and saw my brother's grave and told a lie that "he died from an overdose of drugs." They were making insinuations about his (and my) mentality when I was tongue-tied. This makes me sound like an idiot and on some level they must know this has to be a lie. Some relatives were beside themselves after I went through therapy and I started to find my voice. They told me that I was acting like a junior high girl and trivialize the abuse that I take.
  4. To answer that question, there were people who adamantly sided with that one relative and they had to lie to protect her. I think there is a special place in hell for them. A few family members came to my defense. There was one sibling I had who was close to my brother and who was able to see the real issues, such as that I could not possibly know he was going to die. As a result of that relative who was twisting the truth, there were rumors that went around among people who never knew me or my family. One of their lies was that he was in our house when he shot himself and that I "did not go to investigate." Someone also went and saw my brother's grave and told a lie that "he died from an overdose of drugs." They were making insinuations about his (and my) mentality when I was tongue-tied. This makes me sound like an idiot and on some level they must know this has to be a lie. Some relatives were beside themselves after I went through therapy and I started to find my voice. They told me that I was acting like a junior high girl and trivialize the abuse that I take.
  5. How do I delete my posts?

    I have discussions I don't like and which are not a thread but just my own posts. I could not find anyway to delete them.
  6. One day last year, I had an intense thought about someone I cared for who I had not seen in years. A few weeks later, I had a dream that told me my friend was dead. I did a reality check and found out my dream was right. I learned that my friend had died around the same time that I wanted to make contact again.
  7. Beyond ANGER

    When I read this, it reminded me of my own family. When one of our aunts died they kept it a secret from me. Around the month she died, I was told they were going to the town our relatives live in but not that she died. When my brother died, at least one relative (who was not old enough to make adult decisions) was convinced that I should have been made to stay with the neighbors like an incompetant little child and not be allowed to go to the funeral. I was old enough to know what was going on and I can't believe that our family would put up with the nerve and audacity she had to get in the middle of it. Later on there was another older relative who died after a long illness. He was terminally ill for months and they all kept it a secret from me until the week he passed away as if it served me right. The family member selected to tell me was one who had been bullying me and getting into my business. It took some time for the rage I have to surface. After my cousin was dead, I started experiencing flashbacks and had repressed memories come back from when he abused me. I am still experiencing rage from this and I am still overwhelmed that our family could scapegoat me both for the abuse I took from my cousin and for my brother dying.
  8. When my brother killed himself I was still in grade school. I felt insignificant when he decided he wanted to die. It affirmed all my fears. One relative tried to blame it on me and claimed that I should not have been allowed to go to the funeral. I was shocked that my family would condone her behavior. She claimed that I knew he was going to die and that I, "didn't lift a finger to stop him." I was not old enough to know anything about people ending their lives. After he died, I had low self-esteem and I felt helpless. I still wonder what it would be like to have him around now.
  9. I lost touch with someone who I took care of who was terminally ill. I cared about him the same as if he was one of my own family members. Some of his relatives used to tell me I was like a regular part of their family. We corresponded for more than 12 years after I moved out of state. I always worried about things that might happen to him, but he reassured me that he was well taken care of. One year, he did not write to me over the holidays and when I called to find out why, he said he had lost my address. Later that year, I was badly traumatized by the death of a blood relative and again over the holidays, my friend did not contact me and we lost touch. Then I had a dream that I was with my freind again and witnessed him having a fatal accident. In this dream, we were out on the sidewalk and people who were walking by started to gather around him. In the dream, I was going to phone for help and then I woke up and was wide awake around 5:20 in the morning, about two hours before I usually wake up. I checked this out on the web and found that he had died several weeks earlier. I feel helpless. I wanted to talk on the phone to him one last time. I wanted to go see him one last time. I found the death announcement on an insensitive and financially motivated website called Tributes.com. I wanted an obit, not just an announcement of the birth and death dates. This death announcement with no details and no explanation brings to mind, a time when I was 12 and two babysitters at my brother's house told me the cat died. I asked, "What happened to her," meaning how did she die, and one of them stepped on my foot and said, "It died," and would not tell me the reason. Tributes.com stepped on my foot the same way as that girl who told me the cat died. His choice to have no funeral and no obit left me traumatized. I don't know why I could not anticipate this. I needed to give it some thought before he was gone. He told me, "Just remember, you always have a place here." In my mind, I stand outside the house and the doors are locked forever.
  10. About 5 and a half years before my mother died, I was thinking about her. I was living thousands of miles away and only talked to her by letter and phone. I heard a voice telling me my mother would die in six years. A few years later, I moved back near my mother and was at her house when she passed away in the night.
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