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About nola2atl

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  • Birthday 03/10/1979
  1. Here I am posting a little over a year after my very first post on Beyond Indigo. As I sit here and type, I am listening to Christmas tapes that were recorded when I was a child with my mom and dad while we opened Christmas gifts on Christmas Day. My heart is filled with so much joy of the happy memories. Just being able to hear my mother and father's voice full of joy and laughter is so special. I will forever treasure these tapes and I am so grateful that my mom decided to save our Christmas memories for me to enjoy as well as my future children and grandchildren to enjoy for years and years. I was so sad this past month thinking about everything, the holidays..the 2 year anniversary of my mother's passing, the absence of my father at my upcoming wedding....but listening to these tapes has made me feel so comforted. THANK YOU GOD for providing me two loving, thoughtful, generous, amazing parents. I am truly blessed Please treasure the memories everyone, whether they are tangible, in your mind or in your heart. Treasure them...our loved ones that we lost created those memories with us for this time in our lives when we can reflect. Yes, we will always miss them but the memories we have are so priceless and no one will ever take them from us.
  2. Thank you so much. I believe my sadness is a culmination of the holidays approaching as well. The very last time I saw and hugged my mom was during Christmas 2 years ago. As far as the wedding, we decided on a destination wedding, I would not have been able to handle a traditional wedding otherwise. I am happy and in love but hurt as well. My parents were a huge part of my life. When I try to express my hurt to other people, the sadness I see in their eyes and hear in their voice makes me want to keep things to myself....my fiance is wonderful. He tries his best to be supportive. Luckily he is blessed to still have both of his parents, who are both beautiful people as well. It will just take time. Christmas was a special time for me and my parents. It has been difficult these past few years trying to face this new reality. Some days are good, other times they're not. Everything reminds me of them. It hurts the most when I need to ask them for advice and I realize I will never be able to call them or talk to them again the way I used to. I know I will get through this, it just hasn't been a good month for me. I have so much to look forward to with the man that I love and that does give me some sort of peace at least. Thank so much for the hugs
  3. I just don't know where to begin.....I've posted on this site before and it helped me so much when I did. It has been over a year since my last post and since then I have become engaged to a wonderful man that I love with all of my heart. I should be happy..and I am...but my happiness is accompanied with heartbreak. I am in love with an amazing person that loves me to pieces. Yet here I am heartbroken because I must plan a wedding without the presence of my mom and dad. I never ever imagined that neither of them would not be here to witness their only child reach a significant milestone in her life... I feel sad, lonely.....no words can express the emptyness that I feel in my heart. It has been almost 2years since I lost my mother (she passed on New Years Eve of 2007) and in March, it will mark 4 years since I lost my father. I just pray that I can get through these very difficult weeks ahead with the holidays and these next few months until our wedding in April. I pray for all of you out there who are trying to cope with the loss of a loved one. It seems like the closer our wedding date nears, the more anxiety I feel. Weddings place so much focus on the bride and groom yet what we tend to forget is that planning a wedding is a very special time for mothers and daughters to bond as well. My mother would have LOVED going dress shopping with me and helping me comprise a guest list...picking our flowers and just being with me during a very special and memorable time in my life. My heart breaks that my mom will never get that opportunity nor will I ever get to see the joy on her face as her daughter walks down the aisle. I was also very close to my dad as well and how can I possibly walk down the aise in April without thinking of his absence by my side.....
  4. Sheela, I understand your feeling of guilt. I was with my mother for Christmas, we had a wonderful time together (December 2007) and as I was leaving to head back to Georgia (which is where I live), I noticed she was very tired. She started complaining that her heart was beating abnormally. I too urged her to go to the hospital but being the person she is, she did not like hospitals and she definitely did not want me or anyone else to be worried so she did nothing. She acutally fussed at me about trying to stay longer and eventually I drove back to Georgia. She died at home, alone 3days later. Me and my family never learned what actually happened b/c an autopsy was never performed. I beat myself up about that for a LONG time but...God does everything for a reason. Looking back, I had to thank God for allowing me to spend those last few special moments with her. Christmas was always our favorited time of the year and since my dad had pased the year before, we were finally beginning to come out of our own grief over him...then I lost her. Many never get that chance to spend with their loved one before they leave this earth. I talk to my parents all the time and they talk back. I usually get a very warm sensation all over and then a very strong, unexplained sense of comfort and reassurance. They NEVER leave you and are always only a thought away. My mother and I were so close, I was her only child and she promised me when she was alive that even in death she would never leave me and I know she is keeping that promise. I can't wait to see them both again!! Enjoy life, that is what they want most for us....to grieve and let go and remember what they instilled in us and remember those memories. They love and miss us too but they are never far away and they are still constantly involved in our lives. Be blessed and I will continue to pray for all of us who lost the closes things to us in this life.
  5. No more hugs from my Dad

    I share your same hurt. My dad passed in his sleep very unexpectedly on March 20, 2006. My mother passed December 31, 2007...unexpectedly as well. These past 11 months have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I lost both of my parents unexpectedly and I am an only child who has no one that can understand my pain. So much to bear in a short time so I understand. I know it sounds so cliche but time will ease some of the pain but it will never go away. So many things will remind you of him and sometimes you'll just try to live as if he's still here....just at work or out of town. It hurt me especially b/c after my dad passed, my mother and I refused to move any of his things...so for an entire year and a half..all of his personal belongings....old cigarette butts...shoes...were still exactly how he left them when he passed. The same for my mother when she passed. I just had to deal with the emotional task of cleaning out my parents' home. That was the hardes thing I ever had to do. Everything was sentimental to me an I couldn't bear to throw anything away so I donated most of their things. I still have to return to Ohio to clear out the rest of the house but I just have to try to get through the holidays first. My reality is like an ongoing nightmare. Some days I grieve for my mom, other days I grieve for my dad....it's like torture. Then....there are some days....I just want to die myself. I pray that you have strenght. It will be a long road ahead but you will get through. Please email me whenever you need to talk. Take care...
  6. Loss of a Mother

    You typed the very words that have been on my mind since the beginning of November. HOlidays will never be the same without my mom. I feel like I have nowhere to go and anywhere that I try to go will never be what I desperately miss which is being my mother during a time when most people are enjoying their family. I too wish I could just go to sleep tonight and wake up next year!!
  7. Loss of a Mother

    I know how you feel. One of my best friends lost her grandmother unexpectedly 2 weeks ago (the night before Thanksgiving). I also lost my mother unexpectedly on New Years Eve last year (2007) so I was at a total loss for words when my friend called me crying hysterically. I felt like I was re-living my own experience and overwhelming sadness all over again. Eventually you both will be the best support system you each have. There will always be that shared understanding of how devastating it is to lose a mother. I feel stronger in what I am going through knowing that I can help someone help my friend overcome the same debilitating grief I am still enduring over the loss of a mother AND a father. I pray you both have strength and continue to provide support for one another. God bless. K
  8. Thankyou for you kind words. Everyday is a struggle and as you know...some days are better than others. As Christmas and New Years gets closer...I am sure my spirits will fluctuate. I keep thinking every morning I wake up that WOW...last year around this time, my mother was still breathing, laughing and enjoying life. Such a hard and difficult pill to swallow. I wish and pray that you and your family have strength this holiday season as well.
  9. I too share all of your pain of losing my parents.... and what makes my situation so difficult and heartbreaking is that I am an only child. My father passed away in his sleep on March 20, 2006. He just went to sleep one night and never woke up. I could have never imagined that the same thing would happen to my mother. One minute we were laughing and enjoying each other's company during the Christmas holidays, I drove back to Atlanta a few days after Christmas and on December 31, 2007 I was unable to get in touch with my mother all day. I called her cell phone and house phone and my heart told me something was terribly wrong, so I sent a friend over to the house and her car was there. We had to call the police to have them break into the house and they found her in her bedroom. I believe she had been dead most of the day. Another heartbreaking, unexpected death of the one of the two closest people I had. I too believe that after 34 years of marriage, my mother was quietly grieving over the loss of my daddy. My world has been upside down ever since but trust me when I say that God gives you all the strength you'll ever need to get through anything. There is not a day that goes by in which I do not think of my mom and dad and people are still amazed that I can still laugh and find happiness in the midst of being and only child who unexpectedly lost both of her parents but I am a living testimony that you can get through it slowly but surely!!! It is very difficult to find anyone in my life that can truly understand myhurt. I am so grateful for this site. There are quite a few of us who feel alone in this world as only children who lose both parents. I had not had any children at the time of their deaths ( I still don't) and I am not married so that makes it especially difficult b/c you truly feel alone. New Years Eve will mark the 1-year anniversary of my mother's death. When everyone else in the world will be celebrating new beginnings, I will be reminded of a somber ending of the life of my best friend. I will make it through some how and I am praying daily that I can one day look at New Years Eve in a different way other than in sadness and dispair :-(