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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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shorty16

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About shorty16

  • Rank
    Brian Scott Jackson (16)
  • Birthday 07/12/1991

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Menomonee Falls WI
  • Loss Type
    16 year old son, Brian
  • Angel Date
    6-19-2008

Contact Methods

  • Yahoo
    sc5jackson@sbcglobal.net

Converted

  • Last Name
    Jackson
  • First Name
    Colleen
  • Zip
    53051
  • Country
    USA

Recent Profile Visitors

6,865 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Margarett, Your suggestion to Jeremy is right on. He does not want to talk about it with others. Each of us is different. I could not stop talking about my Brian. Right now, you are just trying to survive one day,one minute, one breath. As time goes on you will learn life skills. One thing I learned that may help Jeremy is the following "I have a choice on who I include in my life struggles and who I do not." This served me well when I was asked "How many children do you have?" For people who I will never see again, I say " 3 children" and change the subject or ask them a question (some people will love to talk about themselves). If these people will be part of my life, I will expand to 2 living children and an Angel with our Lord. For Jeremy, he has no obligation to tell anyone how he feels. He can say "ok" and move on. We have more power over our situations than we think. This is a skill that allows you to blow-people-off, but still be nice about it. Many more of those to come, as I think of them. It seems my life has turned into the use of life-skills to survive. Colleen, Brian's Mom forever
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Lesley Thanks for setting me straight about the peace sign and finger wagging....I will make sure to never invert and wiggle my peace sign when in the UK. I took a mental health day from work today. Did some reading and exercised. It is raining outside in Wisconsin. Watching a feel-good movie and snuggling with my kitties. Colleen, Brian's Mom forever
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    I am sorry to post something so silly, but I am asking our United Kingdom friends, oR others knowledgeable in communication. My husband told me giving the peace sign means something different in the U.K. (pointer and middle finger in a "V" shape). Is he pulling my leg? Colleen, Brian's Mom forever
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thanks Samantha, To all newbies, Those little beams of light you are feeling will become longer and longer and the breakdowns will become less frequent. This takes a lone time. Different with each person. we will never be the same. But we do have a choice in who we become. We can be angry and bitter or we can become a more compassionate person. This choice does not just happen one day. We have to make this choice over and over again. But after a while, the choice will become a way of life. We will always have times of sorrow. I am finding that out as the 10 year mark approaches. I started on this site approx 2 weeks after Brian died. I knew I needed help. I need each one of you in a unique way. Colleen, Brian's Mom forever
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello my friends, I have typed and erased several times. This lack-of-sunlight is tough on me. I hope all can find some peace today. Colleen, Brian's mom forever
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    Peggy, we get it. I still say, I never knew this depth of pain existed. This deep, horrible pain will not last forever. Over time, the pain changes or morphs to something tolerable. I wish I could come over and sit with you. Crying is ok. For me, it was a pressure-valve release. I returned to work 5 weeks after Brians death. One thing I learned is I had to teach people how to interact with me. Like, when I cry, they did not make me cry, Brian's death does that. Say his name. I love hearing Brian's name. Especially now, so many years later. My husbands family does not talk about Brian. My sister does and that is nice. The physical pain you feel now will not last forever. The time line is different for each of us. Hang on, my friends. love to you Colleen, Brian's Mom forever
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello my friends, I had a difficult day yesterday and came here to talk to my friends. We went to a funeral of a 78 year old man. He is the grandfather of our son Aaron's gf. While I understand the sadness, I really wanted to stand up and say "Why are you not celebrating a life..some never make it this long. We should be happy" I do realize laughing at a funeral is frowned upon, but WHY. Death is different now. I want to be happy for people who live to an old age. We were robbed of so many years. He died at 16. Am I going crazy Colleen Brian's Mom forever
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    So many new people. A club with the highest membership dues and you can never leave. Samantha Flores Guajardo - You should be proud of yourself that you were able to crawl out of bed and face the day. That in itself is an accomplishment. The pain we feel is equal to the love we had for them. I am coming up on the 10 year mark and that number seems to be very difficult. I hope you find at least one thing to smile about each day. That one thing may turn into two things and so on. That is how I try to find happiness again. After ten years, my family has found happiness again, it is just different. Rebekahs Mom we seem to have many Canadian friends on this site. I am sorry you have a reason to find us. I think I read that you are in Alberta and your daughter in Nova Scotia. Was she in school? I have no words to take your pain to away. If I did, I would have shouted them from the mountain tops. Please tell us about your baby if you can. Peggy, a sad Mom - yup, I get that. This is a deep sadness that only someone who has experienced it can understand. We are here to share experiences that both worked and did not work. I stay on this site, because I think I can help new parents to understand they are not going crazy, just grieving. Margeetx ...We have our sons ashes and have decided to spread small amounts in each place we visit. The first and second Christmases after Brian died, we ran away to Miami Beach, Atlantic Ocean, and second Christmas California, Pacific Ocean. My daughter took some of her brothers ashes to Punta Cana. Our Brian is all over the world. This is what works for us. Hope this helps Motherhip so sorry for the death of Ian. A heartbreak that we are here to help you understand. This heartbreak does not heal, but changes to become tolerable. We really learn who our friends are. I am hoping you have a good support system. We hope to hold your hand as you walk this journey. Niques Mom, Welcome to a place none of us want to be. We just want our babies back, but that is not going to happen so we talk and help each other. Tina's..Eleven months is both an eternity and a blip in our timeline, Time is different now. Some days, it seem like Brian has been gone for a very long time. Other days, just yesterday. hugs to all Colleen, Brians Mom forever
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Louann I absolutely love this quote. I am printing this and will read for strength. Thanks so so much Louann. I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received. Stop planting flowers in peoples yards who aren’t going to water them. Colleen, Brians Mom forever
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Gone too soon, thank you for sharing your story about your beautiful son. we are hear to listen. Each one of us has taken different roads to get to the same place. A life without the physical presence of our child is difficult, to say the least. I have been on this journey for almost 10 years. The pain softens and becomes more tolerable. welcome, my friend. Colleen, Brians Mom forever
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Louann, Sorry for missing Kira's Birthday, Jan 21... right? hang on my friend. This day is a day that brings the joy of their birth with the sorrow of their death. Be kind to yourself. Colleen, Brians Mom forever
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Well friends, Here I sit on my couch with a robe on. It is Wednesday morning and I should be at work. Just not feelin it. This lack of sun, new year, and the unbelievable length of time I have lived without Brian is just kicking my butt. Leah - stay warm and take care of yourself. No need to apologize for not commenting. Sometimes, reading and contemplating is just as good. Lou - I agree with Louann, you are a true joy on this site. Here, we share experiences that have worked or not worked for us. This way, each chooses their own path. Niques - I too re-lived the accident scene, my Brian convulsing on the ground and the sound of the flight-for-life helicopter. The police saying to me "We think he was ON the car?" And me asking the other boy, "Was Brian on the car?" And he shook his head...yes. These flashbacks became panic attacks. For me, this lasted several months. I was able to return to work, which helped force me to think of something else (did not always work). Be kind to yourself. Let us know if the EDMR works for you. Hope each of you find one reason to smile today. Colleen, Brian's Mom forever
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Laurie, Thank you for the link. I read the blog and it seems I will carry this grief forever. I guess I was told that and said it, but the reality of forever (as long as I breath). Thanks Colleen, Brians Mom forever
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    wow, lots of talk on here. Hi Lou, I believe! I believe that we are of mortal-mind and cannot and will not understand all the workings of our Lord. I found this site shortly after Brian died. My Brian decided to climb on the outside hood of a car, with another boy. They drove around our neighborhood. The driver applied the brake at 68 mph. My Brian hit the ground and died within minutes. The other boy had no injuries. The driver was convicted of homicide by negligent use of a motor vehicle. I know I am living a nightmare. But my friends here and my 2 surviving children and loving husband help me live each day. This is not an easy journey. Louann - you are too funny. Yes, we live by Genoa City, Wisconsin. The actual town is really, really small. Also, I believe. You are here, because you can give and receive help from those that know. Gretchen. Love the artwork. Really beautiful. The 10 year mark is really kicking my butt. Has anyone else dealt with the 10 year mark? I thought I was past this. Even now, the tears flow. Reality is a tough pill to swallow. love you all Colleen, Brian's Mom forever
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Weather is 54 F in Wisconsin. Wow. Mother Nature is teasing us. This weekend back below freezing. In the 20's. Colleen, Brian's Mom forever
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