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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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starleaf

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About starleaf

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  • Birthday 05/14/1962
  1. Am I the only who feels this way?

    I just lost my father suddenly on February 26th. He was 81 years old. We buried him 2 days ago, March 3rd. We were not close since my parents were divorced when I was 15 years old. My mother is 64 years old, she married him when she was 14 years old. Yes, he robbed the cradle literally! I am now 45, and really didn't know him well. But I still cared for him and had feelings for him. I cared for him in the nursing home in which I worked at for the past 3 years. He didn't have a terminal illness so this sudden! He became ill with a simple cough and loss of appetite. Of course there was no alarming signs so the doctors didn't do much for him. Then 3 days later he was having diffuculty breathing. So off to the emergency room we go. Only to be hooked up to a machine that assisted him in getting oxygen to his lungs. He had a DNR so I couldn't have him hooked up to any life-support machines. He was diagnosed with the worst case of pneumonia they had seen in years along with the fact that the nursing home had let his blood sugar rise to over 600. So basically he was doomed. He went quickly, I was told with little to next to no suffering. I am thankful to God that was the case. He looked great in his coffin and yet at peace. I howevet have only cried once and for a few seconds. I had promised him that I would not cry at his funeral or for his loss, this was his request about 2 years ago. Now I am feeling extremely depressed and tired. I don't know that I have come to terms with his loss completely. In fact this morning I awoke and started to get dressed so that I could go visit with him at the nursing home only to be reminded by my husband that I couldn't do that because he had passed. I feel lost and yet confused. Anyone have any suggestions as to how I might handle this? Thanks for reading and letting me get this off my chest. Bless you all.
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