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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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barb124

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About barb124

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  1. I'm hoping to gather some advice to help my daughter-in-law through a very difficult time. Her father was found dead in his home yesterday (I'm not sure who found him, but don't think it was family.) She is only 21 and this is the first death she has had in her life. She was raised Catholic, but does not practice any longer, at least not formally. Her dad was a drug addict and alcoholic and I think she had a romantic notion that someday they would have a healthy relationship. Her parents divorced (due to his alcoholism) when she was young and she grew up in the homes of various family members, including her dad's for a time when she was a young teenager. She rarely saw her dad, visiting only twice that I am aware of since the birth of my grandchild two and a half years ago. My son tells me that she did talk with her dad three days ago. Today she went with her brother and my son to make arrangements -- she couldn't stand to think of his body being burned, so made arrangements for burial, but then when she went to see the site, it was rainy and cold and she didn't want him to "be cold all the time", so decided against that and - at this point - plans to make cremation arrangements tomorrow. As an ex-hospice worker, I know the things to say and not say, but I have to admit I'm really hurting here ... there are so many elements to tackle in this death and in the grieving that she will have to do that I don't know where to start. I saw her this morning and offered to keep my eldest granddaughter with me while she and my son travelled to make arrangments, but she wanted to keep her with her ... she says she brings her comfort. I understand this, but worry a little about the child ... at 2-1/2 she is extremely empathetic and will undoubtedly pick up on all the sadness. Still, I trust that will work itself out with the guidance of my son and daughter-in-law. She is a wonderful mother and daugher-in-law, but her upbringing has not taught her how to verbalize her feelings, so she tends to bottle things up or talk only to my son (who is a little out of his depths on this one ...) I just wish we could talk about this as I know how much that tends to help. I have my own personal beliefs of life after death and they bring me comfort, but I know how hard-earned they were for me and I don't expect to be able to pass them on like a pack of kleenex. I found out tonight that they will be having a viewing on Monday -- I truly don't know what my daughter-in-law will do when she sees him in a casket, and I'm afraid for her. Thanks in advance for any guidance you may be able to offer me. I truly appreciate anything you all can provide. Sincerely, Barb
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