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irishlmg60

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About irishlmg60

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  • Birthday 11/10/1960
  1. so alone and afraid now without her

    when my mom was alive.. the last 16 months of her life.. she just went further and further down.. losing weight... not eating.. having diareha... no kidney function... loss of her toes... then her left leg... her vision in one eye from a stroke... her pain.. i remember so... she was so strong though.. i wish now i could be strong.. but the pain is too great... i am so afraid without her.. and so alone.. mom died just 4 days later after this picture...
  2. so alone and afraid now without her

    when i do cry.. it is a cry i have never experianced before.. there is so much inside me.. that i can't seem to let it out.. i don't know how.. i want to but it doesn't happen.
  3. so alone and afraid now without her

    i am so sad... nobody i know seems to understand the saddness i feel. tonight i just came totally unglued... the loss of a mother - one of the sadest things to happen to a person especially a daughter.... one of the deepest loves a person could ever experiance is the love between a mother and a daughter... doesn't help when those 2 are so similar in so many ways... i miss my mom so much... when seh first died... my husbands family barely mentioned it... i received 2 cards from them.. they seem to avoid the subject of my mom.. when i need to talk about her... to share the memories i have... tonight well - i finally told my sister in law that she hurt me by not acknowledging my mothers death. my husband.. well he just defends her... so i finally said enough! and i let it out.. i wonder if i will regret it... i didn't do it to hurt her... but i know it did.. i did it to let the hurt out of me. i hurt constantly and nobody seems to care.
  4. so alone and afraid now without her

    p.s. your mom is lovely
  5. so alone and afraid now without her

    hi sheela - just hope you are feeling better.. know that you have a place in my heart... thanks for reading my posts.... yesterday was feb 14 - mom and dad were susposed to have been married on that day back in 1949 but mom was stuck in a snow storm on the way to california and they got married 2 days later instead (2/16) my first marriage i traveled to long beach ca and was married in the same church mom and dad were married in.... i miss her so much.. last night/early this a.m. i had a dream.. that i was at mom's funeral and i just couldn't let her go... i held on to her and just cried.... i miss her so very much... i sometimes feel that i just loved her more than anyone else... and the reason is because she is such a great part of me... and i knew her better than anyone else did... as she knew me better than anyone else... which again is because i am just like her.. and she was just like me.... odd huh. so i hope this note finds you with some sort of peace in your heart that you have touched a heart of a stranger.. which she thanks you. hugs
  6. Tomorrow will be one month

    thanks teresa... it does help when someone can identify with the lose.. my husband.. well he still has both parents and yet now i am an orphan so to say.... can you believe i work at 2 different offices and only one girl gave me a condolence card.. i don't understand people... one of the offices i work at well we had 3 close family deaths within it.. and i sent cards.. and contributed to flowers.... i know they feel bad for me... and they like me good enough too... but they couldn't trouble themselves.... it does amaze me... even my husbands sister... she didn't say anything to me about it on Christmas.. and has never sent a card.. i understand people maybe don't know what to say... is that it... that they don't know what to say... ????? i am so sad inside... and i don't feel like anybody could possibly understand it unless they too have been there.... losing a mother - what pain it brings. you know i have 2 beautiful children.. and a great husband.. but the love between my mom and i.. well it was so unique - special - unconditional - unending... mom accepted me for who i am.. something people don't do so easy in my life. my mom i just can't imagine my life without her.... i want to be with her -
  7. my mom

    thank you so much for this beautiful poem.. i will read it often.. for it truely is a work of art... thank you
  8. My loved one is going to die

    [user=11876]daughterrachael[/user] i pray for peace for your dad - i know how hard it is to watch and wait - it often made me wonder why.... oh why do they have to suffer.... may you have God's peace.
  9. so alone and afraid now without her

    i know what you mean.. i am so afraid without my mom... and yes alone like i have never been before.... she was always there for me. .. so now.. what do we do?
  10. forgetting

    i lost my dad 27 years ago.. i still remember him... or maybe it is me i remember... who know's.. so many times i see a gentleman.. with blue eyes... and he will remind me of my father... with my mom just passing on 1 month ago today... i can't say what will happen .. i could not imagine not having the memory(s).. even though she was so different once she got sick.. she was still somehow the same... i look at my mom's picture often.. and hold on to various things she gave me.. i am sure all things will fall into a normal field.. because really WHAT IS NORMAL? make it what you will... and may God's tender mercy refill your mind with the memories of your loved one.
  11. i don't want to be part of "that" family that remains.. they all were so jealous of me when i would return home which was 800 miles.. i made that trip almost 15 times in the last 16 months.. and one time i stayed for 4.5 months.. how could my siblings be so ugly to me.... all i did was love mom with all my heart. it makes me wonder.. maybe i didn't know mom like i thought.. maybe i wasn't as close to her as i thought.. maybe i wasn't really her favorite... but all along.. i really thought so.. so how could these people take her things as they are.. and just giving them away.. without any regard to my feelings....???? my sister.. "excutor" started giving things away before 24 hours even passed... i accepted it.. but didn't find any comfort in it.... i know everyone has to deal with their grief their own way... it's not that i want things.. but to have any of her things gives me some comfort of her being around me... but everything is just given away.... and being 800 miles away.. nothing i can do about it.. don't get me wrong i have things from mom while she was living... but now that she has passed... really nothing... well i have one thing a scooter.. which mom really didn't use... only got it because my mother in law needs it... and everyone else got a big ticket item.. but the little things.. like a silly little plastic sugar bowl.. a coffee scoop...... family heirlooms.... i am not considered.... so i have to wonder.. why didn't mom do things differently???? is it because i didn't really see things the way they were?? i thought... think... i was most like mom.. i gave mom probably the most.. we were so similar.... in humor.. in talent.. in ideas... in likes.... OR WERE WE?? i didn't think anyone could take those things away.. now i am not so sure.. someone out there... is this to be expected?? help me understand how to hold on to what i always believed was real.... please i miss her so much. so many things i wish i would of talked about.... now all i have are my memories. where does the doubt come from??? is it normal???
  12. i don't want to be part of "that" family that remains.. they all were so jealous of me when i would return home which was 800 miles.. i made that trip almost 15 times in the last 16 months.. and one time i stayed for 4.5 months.. how could my siblings be so ugly to me.... all i did was love mom with all my heart. it makes me wonder.. maybe i didn't know mom like i thought.. maybe i wasn't as close to her as i thought.. maybe i wasn't really her favorite... but all along.. i really thought so.. so how could these people take her things as they are.. and just giving them away.. without any regard to my feelings....???? my sister.. "excutor" started giving things away before 24 hours even passed... i accepted it.. but didn't find any comfort in it.... i know everyone has to deal with their grief their own way... but the lack of respect is just too great..... i still associate jealousy with it all... i was most like mom.. i gave mom probably the most.. she would come to see me every year... we were so similar... i miss her so much. so many things i wish i would of talked about.... now all i have are my memories. where does the doubt come from??? is it normal???
  13. Tomorrow will be one month

    today is 1 month for me... i seem to be doing ok most of the time.. but when i am not busy and am allowed the time to sit and think.... and remember... i cry... i miss my mom so much.. i wasn't the perfect daughter.... but before she got sick... gosh we were such wonderful "friends" so similar in so many ways... looks... humor... talents... she was such an incredible teacher.. mother... at first when she passed.. i felt her so around me.. she was in the air i breathed... now.. i don't always feel that same feeling... i need her still and as an adult.. i feel like such a baby.. but i miss my mom so much. i don't want her to be gone. my husband doesn't seem to understand.. and my kids.. well they don't either. people just say... blah blah blah .. she was sick.. blah blah.. she's in a better place... blah blah... why did she have to suffer as she did? why does God allow that to happen?? I trust God completely.. but need to understand these things in my heart
  14. My loved one is going to die

    it has been just a month now since we buried my mom.... our family has definately unraveled.. i live 800 miles away and have -0- controll over what "they" do... i have accepted this and am ready to let it all go... since my mom is gone from this earth... "they" no longer can hurt me with the things they do.. the things they say.... i want to be healthy with my mom's passing... does any one know of any good books to help thru this time????? my mom was sick for 16 months.. some neglect i think from her doctor.... she lost function of kidneys, vision in one eye, use of her right arm, amputated leg.. massive weight lose <80 pounds> the saddness that fills me is that she suffered.. hense i suffer... i pain... my whole body cries...and i am having such a hard time with it.... my heart still breaks when i remember her pain.. she was a wonderful person in my life.. and i just miss her... i want the hurt to stop.... maybe someone could suggest some good reading material to help me acheive and go on. thank you
  15. my mom

    thank you all for the kind and caring words you have sent to me... i am blessed to have the memories of my mom as i do... she and i were so similair in so many ways... the tribute at her funeral was the most beautiful i could imagine - she looked like an angel - she had arranged everything 3 years ago - they released 7 white doves at the graveside service to the song by Josh Groban "to where you are" - it has left such a warm feeling within me with certainty that my mom is in Heaven and she will live forever - i do still miss her beyond any words.... but i feel her prescence with every breath i take and every move i make - more than i have ever felt in my life with anything. for she always said "you live as long as you are remembered" so i know she will live forever.. for i will always remember her.
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