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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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chicagogina

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About chicagogina

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  • Birthday 07/04/1957
  1. Thanks, butterfly13. Ah yes ... the car ... one of my fave places to have a meltdown! AMAZING I haven't been in a crash!!! THANKFUL today for friends who came over and took me out for ice cream and a nice visit last night. Feeling MUCH BETTER today. Sometimes the little things like that can make the HUGEST difference in how I feel! Bless you, all. Also, today would have been the 47th birthday of one of my best friends, Betty. I lost her to cancer the year after I lost my beloved Mother. 2007-2008 were my WORST YEARS EVER! So, in tribute to both Mom AND Betty ... I leave this post ... and ALL MY LOVE ...
  2. Well, here I am, almost 3 years after losing my beloved Mother and Best Friend and I wonder sometimes if I have grown AT ALL! I mean, I KNOW I have ... but then days like this come along and sucker punch me right in the gut and I feel as if I just lost Mom yesterday. Does that ever happen to any of you??
  3. I imagine it would help a lot to have someone around to talk with, share your feelings, and just get a gentle hug and "I love you" once in a while. Being totally alone TRULY BITES. But, that's the way it is for me right now. So, I figure I can either wallow in it, or make the best of it. I wallowed for a good LONG time -- BELIEVE ME -- And I'm NOT knocking that AT ALL! We ALL need to do things in OUR OWN time and no one else's!! I've just found that, at least for me, the time to move forward has come. So, while I miss my beloved Mother EVERY SINGLE DAY and I KNOW I ALWAYS will, it does me no good to stop my life ... and I know she would not want me to. So, onward I go -- I'm looking at knee replacement surgery this year and then possibly downsizing out of the house Mom and I shared all of my life and moving into a condo. We'll see what 2010 brings!
  4. That's how I found it, too -- Most of my friends haven't lost ONE parent yet, let alone BOTH of them! Also, most are married with families and not alone, like I am. Like you, I had to TELL them what I needed from them ... Sometimes just a listening ear and to just LET ME CRY without trying to give any advice!! They were (and still are) VERY cool and appreciated my being able to be frank and honest with them and "wear my heart on my sleeve". I hope when they do lose their loved ones, they will know they can turn to me.
  5. Lafayette - Grief Groups are GREAT!! I was able to take advantage of two of them (1st year and 2nd year support groups) via the Hospice where my sweet Mother passed away in 2007. They were IMMENSELY beneficial and I still get together monthly with one of the ladies I met in my first grief group. She lost her Mother, too, and we go to dinner every month and just talk about how we're doing and what we're feeling. She has become a dear, DEAR friend! I hope you are able to make similar connections as you attend your grief support group. Our Mothers sound SO similar, as does the way we were both raised. I pray the day comes when we can both look back, thankful for our Mothers and the way we were raised, and smile with happy memories of them and their unconditional love for us. Take care and be good to yourself!
  6. Hi Lafayette -- I lost my Beloved Mother and Best Friend, with whom I lived my entire life in the house I still currently live in. That was in September of 2007. Each day gets a LITTLE better, but I also miss her TERRIBLY EVERY SINGLE DAY. I lost my Father when I was only 13. Unlike you, I am not married, so I don't even have the comfort of a spouse! My big sisters are wonderful, but busy with their own lives and the people in them. I have INCREDIBLE friends and a GREAT support group at my Church. And, while I TRULY feel I am doing WAY BETTER than I was back in 2007 when Mom died, there are still VERY RAW and VERY LONELY moments. I guess that's normal, whatever "normal" is! So, just know that you are not alone. Most days are OK, but sometimes grief just comes outta nowhere and sucker punches ya in the gut and there's not much you can do about it except accept it and let yourself feel what you feel and be who you are. Take care ... Gina
  7. still in mourning

    I am glad to hear you have started counseling, imanisworld. I did 2 different grief groups through the hospice unit where my Mother died and they were immensely helpful. I'm also glad to hear you have your religious beliefs to cling to. Mine have been my anchor this past year or so. I remember well the deep, DEEP feelings of anguish, loss, grief, pain, etc ... at the beginning. Words cannot describe those feelings. Just know that there are others here who felt them and feel them all the time, and that you are not alone. May God wrap you in the arms of His tender mercies ...
  8. still in mourning

    imanisworld, I, too, always took off October 10th for my Mother's birthday, and I still do. I always will. I have made it a habit of getting together with my sisters on that date and going out for Chinese food (Mom's favorite) as sort of a remembrance of and tribute to one of the most fantastic Mothers God ever created! Do what makes YOU feel best. That is what is most important. Take care and be gentle with yourself.
  9. still in mourning

    My first Mother's Day without my Mom (last year) was pure hell, butterfly13, so I understand where you are coming from; trust me. My suggestion? Do whatever YOU feel like doing. If you feel better staying home and being alone, do that. If you feel better surrounded by people, make plans and do that. If you feel like visiting your Mother at the cemetery, do that. If not, don't. Just do whatever will make YOU feel the least pain and the most comfort on that day. For me, it is being with my sisters. Take care and God bless as we try to heal from our losses.
  10. still in mourning

    Since my Father died when I was only 13, and I am WAY OLDER than that now, time has pretty much healed that wound, although I still get a twinge of jealousy as I watch my friends and the people at Church celebrating Father's Day. But MOTHER's Day -- FORGET about it! Having lost my Beloved Mother and Best Friend less than 2 years ago AND never having had children of my own, I pretty much bury myself that day. I usually go to the cemetery, talk to Mom for a while, cry a lot, and then head out to my big sister's house and spend some time with her talking about Mom, and celebrating the day with her, since she is the Mother of my nephews and niece. Still ... a VERY, VERY HARD DAY!!!
  11. still in mourning

    Thanks for your kind words, butterfly13. I do the SAME thing ... Mom had her favorite recliner in our livingroom and sometimes I find myself looking over at it, expecting her to be there, and so sad that she isn't. I keep thinking, like you, that maybe if I close my eyes and then open them up again, it will all have been just one big, bad dream. But, alas, it isn't. She is gone and I miss her terribly, but must somehow move on with my life, for I KNOW that is what she wants me to do ... even though my heart hurts, too ... just like yours ... God bless us and strengthen us all ...
  12. still in mourning

    Thanks, Regina! We had a GREAT relationship ... one most children and parents might envy. That gives me LOTS to be thankful for and also makes the grieving that much harder. You are right -- We need to draw from the strengths our parents instilled within us. Before she died, my dear Mother had already lost 2 husbands, a son and a grandson. I'll never know how she endured all that she did. She was one STRONG woman, for sure ... and I have to continually remind myself that I AM HER CHILD ... So I can get through it, too. Prayers from me to you as well, Regina. Take care, Gina
  13. still in mourning

    I hear you LOUD AND CLEAR, Regina! I lost my Mother 17 months ago. We were BEST FRIENDS! I lived with her my ENTIRE life ... never married ... never had children. We traveled together, went to concerts together, visited the relatives together ... You name it; we were ALWAYS there for each other! While time has LESSENED the pain of losing her A BIT, I KNOW in my heart that that pain and anguish over losing her will never COMPLETELY go away. And, frankly, I wouldn't want it to. She meant too much to me. I will never stop missing her, at least on SOME level. I just had a good cry on the way to work this morning because, of course, with our economy, life continues to get harder and harder and harder ... And I just MISS her hugs and her smiles and her wisdom and the comfort she always gave me. When she said, "It'll all work out, honey," somehow I KNEW it would! Now? Not so much anymore! I REALLY miss her smile and her friendship and her unconditional Motherly Love. NOTHING will EVER replace that! I feel better today than I did just a few months ago. But, rest assured that I KNOW that the journey is LONG ... and sometimes I really feel inside my heart that my "journey of grief" really won't be over until it is MY turn to leave this earth and be reunited with my sweet Mother and my beloved Father (who died when I was 13). Then, and only then, will I be truly COMPLETELY whole again. Till that time ... it's like a band-aid on a gaping wound that keeps opening every now and again ... May you find some peace in your journey ... This was the last photo taken of my Mother and I together -- It was the day after my 50th birthday in 2007. Three months later; she was gone. STILL blows my mind.
  14. Loss of a Mother

    Another cold, lonely, winter day in Chicago without Mom ... Oh, how I MISS her warm hugs on days like this! My stupid sciatic is acting up again; she used to let me lay on the couch, then rub my lower back with BenGay, and go make me a nice, warm dinner. Now, I'm all on my own ... and I HURT!!! Physically AND emotionally ...
  15. Coping with the Holidays

    You are blessed to have your children. After my Father, Brother and little Nephew all died, I once asked Mom how she coped with it all and she always told me, "I always had you, honey," and I knew she meant it by the way she always treated me and the relationship we had. That's why losing her has been so hard on me. She was my everything and now there is no one ... Just get me through this cold, lonely, dark Winter, Dear God, and bring me to the warmth of SPRING and new life!
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