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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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searchingsoul

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  1. loss of a child- loss, loss, loss.......

    Thank you for your reply. I have read my post and realize it is an invitation to a pity-party that no one really needs to have to attend. I guess I was at a very weak moment and overwhelmed with everything. I have read Don Piper's book, 90 Minutes, as well as several other books regarding life and death over these past three years. They have been a source of comfort and hope. I know the Bible is where I need to focus, and today, I am slowing reading from the beginning- to learn to love a God I cannot understand. My basic problem is my anger- and more specifically at God. It is time I realize that is futile- God is much bigger than my anger and I believe my pain and the ways I have been trying to cope has separated me from the comfort and healing I truly believe only He can give. I am finding my need to totally surrender to God, whom I don't understand, and learn to trust who He is and "lean not on my own understanding." I cannot understand why all this has happened in such a short time, nor could I offer any understanding for anyone else who experiences tragedy upon tragedy. I have a support system but won't let people really in- I sometimes wonder if I have this "my pain is more than your pain" hang-which is really crazy. I have been coping as best as I can, but am hitting a wall- one of the ones I have constructed through the years and since my child died. Perhaps it is these low times that God is able to best get out attention to tell us we are trying too hard on our own. Admittedly, my personal resourses are spent. My energy for life is low, my love of life has been quenched. But, I am hopeful that this will be a fruitful training ground- these dark days, and somehow, through it all...there will be a direction. I admire your website and wished I had started one when my child was killed. Your children all resemble one another- as mine do. I am searching hard- I know there is learn and share from all this pain. Take care- SS
  2. loss of a child- loss, loss, loss.......

    My child was killed in a car accident three years ago. A drugged driver ran her off the road. Her birthday is around Christmas. She would have been 23 years ago. Not long after she died, Hurricane Katrina took everything we had. Nothing left but a slab. Losing all possessions wasn't as bad as the loss of my daughter. My husband and I grieve differently. We are together, but are distant... We moved. We lost our support system. We have new friends, but - we are the sum total of our experiences. Not 4 months ago my sister lost her husband and her teenage son to yet another drug/drunk driver. The wounds are fresh, mine are for her, and have reopened. My life has been turned upside down and I am mad! I am so angry and counseling hasn't done much. I am on antidepressants and drink wine each night to mask the pain. It has been three years- it still hurts! I hate this life. I have always tried to live the Christian life- I don't know where God is- or do I need to suffer so much to learn something? I am so confused. My family (sisters and brothers) just judges- they want to understand but cannot. My prayers seem invane. Lord, protect the ones I love---------that did not happen. My faith is being tested- and I am failing. I put on an amazing front- no one knows the real pain I feel- until I get with extended family and it just surfaces...like a volcano of pent of emotion. Why????Why her? Why us? There are so many people out there who do not care about anything............why do those people just keep going- and the promising ones are taken. I am devastated. I pretend I am okay. I am not. I have searched literature, the Bible- I am so, so distraught. In counseling, I know what they are going to ask and why they are asking and the response they want. It is not effective for me. I even had a session I counseled my own therapist. I am miserable. You wouldn't know it. But I am.
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