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jordansproudmom

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About jordansproudmom

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  • Birthday 07/14/1970
  1. Loss of a Teenager

    It's only been 2 and half months for me and sometimes I can hardly believe Jordan is gone too. I ran into a few people this week that I hadn't seen in a long time. Two of them didn't know about Jordan's death. It was hard to tell them. Not because it effected them a lot but because it was hard for me to verbalize without crying. But I swallowed the lump and moved on. I was given poster boards that kids wrote messages on at the memorial. I had not read them yet. I pulled them out last night. They were so sweet. The kids said that Jordan was a great guy and I should be proud to be his mom. And that I did a good job raising him. That made me feel good. Just like the girl telling you that Jerrod loved you and spoke of you often. It's those little messages that keep me going. I hope this email finds you with a little more peace then yesterday. [user=16928]jjrmom[/user] wrote:
  2. Found a picture of Joshua

    Well, I always had straight hair growing up and when I was 12, I got curls! And when my hair is long it's super, super curly! I love the curls. You son is precious! Jordan was 6'2 when he died. A big boy! I remember very vividly the last time I hugged Jordan was in front of his dad's house in the street after I had just told him no one else in the world loved him more then I did. I remember my head being on his chest and I looked up and thought to myself..wow he is the size of a man! This is like hugging a boyfriend! I miss him. I miss those amazing hugs. But, I savor the memories. Those are all I have left.
  3. questions of faith...

    Claudia, It's amazing that simple words posted on a website, written by someone I have never met can immediately hit to the core of my being. I too am I believer. My son Jordan's Heaven date is 10/20/07. I am just 2 months into my grief and loss. It's been an interesting ride to say the least. Jordan loved the Lord from an early age. He was 4 when he accepted Jesus and he began ministering when he was 5 lol! He tried to lead my ex-husband's mother to the Lord when he was 5 years old. She has yet to accept Jesus but I am working on her. She remembers the day he asked her to accept Jesus. She thought I told him to say it and I did not. He asked me one night why Grammy didn't bow her head when we prayed at dinner and I told him simply that she did not know Jesus. The very next day he started working on her lol. I told her last week that Jordan wanted her to go to Heaven then and he still wants that for her now. We raised our boys in church almost up until the 6 months prior to their father leaving us. But, Jordan was a typical teen. He still talked about the Lord but he was living outside of church and the Lord's will. That had nothing to do with his death. However the girl who got drunk and took my son on an ATV was directly related to the Lord. She was a stranger to Jordan but come to find out she was raised in church. She knew the Lord and had strayed. I walked away from church when my ex left the boys and I. Taking God and putting him in my pocket and taking him out when I really felt I needed to. I consider the past 5 years my wandering in Egypt. God kept telling me...Simone the promised land is not the way you're traveling but I continued to wander in the desert. Two weeks before Jordan was killed I prayed (which is not something I did often) and I said Lord...I have no idea how I am going to get back to you. I fell flat on my face the day Jordan died. I have since come back to Him. But not easily at times. I could tell you a 100 spiritual marker stories from my life. And I know God is merciful to me in a lot of ways. Including allowing Jordan and I, a 2 hour talk 2 days before he went to Heaven. Even Jordan's death and how quick and painless it was. I love Jesus, Claudia. And after reading your post I was thinking wow...here is a woman I have never met and yes we share the loss of our sons but we have a deeper connection then that. We are both daughters of the King. I immediately connected with your post. It is one of those little pushes I need from God to let me know He's right here. Because lately...I have the enemy on my back...telling me lies...making me feel like I am never going to see Jordan again and that my faith is just some fairytale. But, if you are across the world and I don't even know you and I am reading your post and I immediately relate to it and I agree with everything you said. Why? because it's here in my heart. Since you've lost Joey did you ever question God? Or have you just kept your faith from the moment he went to Heaven? I am just curious. Having a mentor at this time would be a HUGE blessing. I hope this finds you having a better day today! Love, Simone
  4. Found a picture of Joshua

    He's a cutie! He looks like he was very happy! Love his curly, wavy hair!
  5. It's been over 4 years since I lost my only child...

    I am so sorry for your loss. I also know how it feels to have your child taken from you at the hands of another. My story is different then yours. My son was 17 and was riding on an ATV with a girl who was extremly drunk. She rolled the vehicle killing Jordan instantly. From what I hear she is called a "kid killer" on a daily basis by the corectional officers. We are in the trial process. We are hoping she will do prison time. But, it may not happen since she has no priors and she is only 21 years old. Prison is not easy on people who kill children. When a fellow prisoner that is a mother or father hears what our childrens killers did it will not be good. As bad as this sounds I hope they both suffer horribly! I pray for as much justice for both of our children that is possible on this earth. I often remember " Vengence is mine" says the Lord. His vengence is worse then any of us could dream of. If you ever need to talk...I am here! Hope this email finds you having as peaceful of a day as you can.
  6. Coping with the Holidays

    The past couple of days have been okay. Sometimes I feel numb. It's not that I don't miss Jordan...it just seems that I can't cry or break. But all of the sudden I will have a moment and cry and mourn. Tomorrow (Jan. 2nd) is Jordan's birthday. I can hardly believe he isn't here for his own birthday. It's surreal. I have plans to bake a cake with his best friend and to place balloons and birthday candles on his grave. She also brought some sand back from Hawaii for him. I need to find a new box for letters for him. I placed one there but it's very Christmas like. I have missed all of you. I am so thankful for this site. You all truly know my pain and I never feel alone after I visit here. I hope this finds everyone looking towards a new year and healing for us all. My love, Simone
  7. Coping with the Holidays

    Today sucked. Very bad. I just felt down from the moment I got up. There was 3 hours out of the day that didn't suck. I spent some time with Logan (15). I took him to get his first pedicure lol. He actually liked it. But, will not be telling his dad lol! Then we went to lunch, did some shopping. We always have fun. We have our little inside jokes. He is fun to be around. Then I went to Walmart. Honestly, that is almost like therapy. I don't know the people walking around and it just keeps my mind busy. I just took my sleeping pill. It's only 10:30. Oh well, I have church in the morning. I might as well get a good nights sleep. That is an amazing story about the dog! I agree with you. Justin sent him. The day we were picking out Jordan's plot...three geese flew over our heads. No one else noticed them but me. I knew Jordan was there with me. Just that day I had picked the song "Three little birds" by Bob Marley as my song to Jordan at the funeral. I used to see little signs but I didn't always share them because I didn't want people to think I was crazy. I am waiting for Jordan's grave marker to come in too. Funny...it's black granite with gold flecks in it. It's beautiful. He would love it. We can't have headstones. I wish we could. They are so pretty. I have a couple of videos of Jordan but he isn't talking. He is just being silly. In one he is lip sinking and dancing. It's so funny. Jordan always made people laugh. Well, I am going to get to sleep. I hope you're sleeping well. Dreaming of your boy. with love, Simone
  8. Coping with the Holidays

    Today sucked. Very bad. I just felt down from the moment I got up. There was 3 hours out of the day that didn't suck. I spent some time with Logan (15). I took him to get his first pedicure lol. He actually liked it. But, will not be telling his dad lol! Then we went to lunch, did some shopping. We always have fun. We have our little inside jokes. He is fun to be around. Then I went to Walmart. Honestly, that is almost like therapy. I don't know the people walking around and it just keeps my mind busy. I just took my sleeping pill. It's only 10:30. Oh well, I have church in the morning. I might as well get a good nights sleep. That is an amazing story about the dog! I agree with you. Justin sent him. The day we were picking out Jordan's plot...three geese flew over our heads. No one else noticed them but me. I knew Jordan was there with me. Just that day I had picked the song "Three little birds" by Bob Marley as my song to Jordan at the funeral. I used to see little signs but I didn't always share them because I didn't want people to think I was crazy. I am waiting for Jordan's grave marker to come in too. Funny...it's black granite with gold flecks in it. It's beautiful. He would love it. We can't have headstones. I wish we could. They are so pretty. I have a couple of videos of Jordan but he isn't talking. He is just being silly. In one he is lip sinking and dancing. It's so funny. Jordan always made people laugh. Well, I am going to get to sleep. I hope you're sleeping well. Dreaming of your boy. with love, Simone
  9. Coping with the Holidays

    Hey sweetie! I am doing ok. I am going to hang out with Logan today. I am tired and fighting that feeling of just wanting to stay in bed all day. I think going to see your friends baby isn't a bad idea. Just try to focus on the happiness of a new baby. I hope your day goes well. I don't have AIM but I have YIM. Simone
  10. venting

    Sweetie you are very long suffering. My own faith is what keeps me going. I have the promise of seeing Jordan again. I am looking forward to the day! You have all of the love that David left for you and he took all of your love with him to Heaven. Hope you're trying to get some rest! Love, Simone [user=19011]lisaloring[/user] wrote:
  11. Coping with the Holidays

    Logan is on the right lol! Okay maybe I am more tired then I thought. I am going to know attach Jordan and Kristin.
  12. Coping with the Holidays

    The pic is Logan my 15 yr old with his friend Sean. The funny thing is I just noticed that I labled it Jordan and Sean. It shows you Jordan is always on my mind.
  13. Coping with the Holidays

    Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....I want to punch your teacher. People are so effing insensitive. They have no clue how we feel. How our hearts have been ripped out and torn in half. Sometimes the pain is so bad I want to just be with Jordan already. I do have another child. His name is Logan he is 15. He is adorable but we have such a different relationship then Jordan and I did. Jordan was my best friend...Logan tends to be more stand offish. We love eachother and try to spend time with eachother as much as possible. Logan lives with his dad. Which is good for him because he would be a mess if he lived with me. His dad and his uncle are up his ass. They want him to succeed. I think he will. I just don't want him to drowned his sorrows. Or smoke them away is more like it. He was there when Jordan died. I know it's killing him inside but he won't get counseling. He bottles his feelings up. I've been so worried about him. But I need to focus on my own healing. All I can do is pray for him. And be there when he needs me. You know you could have told your teacher you didn't want to change the subject. A grade is a grade and she needs to look at it objectivly and keep her mouth shut. Okay I know...I jump around lol! ADD gets the best of me lol! I think you going to nursing school is great! I would be super proud of you! And of course you know that your mom will be too. My mom was VERY hard on me. We did nothing but fight for years. I mean there were a few good times but for the most part it was hard. My mom is a perfectionist. I still get upset with her. The difference is I voice my opinion and stand up for myself now. I know she loves me and I love her. I am glad because I am who I am because of her. It sounds like you are glad for your mom raising you the way she did. Today wasn't bad. It just felt like my tears were going to come out at any moment. I had to hold back at work a little. I went to Walmart after work. I swear that is my therapy lol. I don't know most of the people and I can just walk around and keep my mind off of my sadness. Of course tonight people were irratating me. They just stand there while you're trying to pass. As if they are the only one that matters. I find Target to be a little more enjoyable. I guess the clientile is different. Slightly upscale. I sound snobby! Anyway it's 12:30 am. I am wide awake...waiting for my sleeping pills to kick in. I am in California by the way. What about you? I would LOVE to meet you in person someday too! Hope you're sleeping well and having sweet dreams! Love, Simone The pic is Jordan with my close friend Kristin [user=18056]stephysteph13[/user] wrote:
  14. Coping with the Holidays

    Everytime I look at Justin's page I see that pic with your dog at the grave. I need to take my dog Harley to Jordan's too. We are still waiting for his headstone to come in. Taking forever! It's weird...I can go out to the cemetary once a week but I can't bear to drive past it. I hope you're having a good day. [user=18188]loveyoujustin[/user] wrote:
  15. Coping with the Holidays

    Hi Steph, Today we went to court again. Only to have it postponed once more! It just keeps getting dragged out. Ugh! No one can tell you how to grieve sweetie. And there is no time limit as to when you will feel better. You are taking the right steps. Counseling is huge! I have only been to one session but I know it's going to help. There might be some type of grief group in your area geared towards teens. Maybe do a web search. People say the stupidest things. They have no clue what we're going through. If it happens to them they would have a different prespective. My boss basically told me to stop talking about Jordan so much last week. I wanted to choke her. It hurt my feelings so bad. I like talking about him! It helps me feel better. In fact tell me about your mom Steph. What was she like? What were her favorite things? Favorite memory of you and her together. When you're ready to post pics that's good too. I would love to see her. It's hard not to get stuck in your sadness. But Jordan would want us to move forward...never forgeting but LIVING in honor of him. The same goes for your mom...I am sure. Steph...we're going to be happy again someday. I promise. Hope you're doing well today. with love, Simone [user=18056]stephysteph13[/user] wrote:
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