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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About whitedove2

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  • Birthday 05/30/1972
  1. into your hands

  2. prayer

    [user=15510]mofirefly[/user] wrote: I am pretty sure it was mothers day, cause i do know it was on a sunday and it was may 9,1988. mom passed may,6 1988 and was buried on the 9 th.. i think that is what hurts the most kind of, it is like i cant just let it go... that plus, about 2000 i met up with a minister and his wife and got baptized in 2000, that was a good thing to do was turn my life over to the lord and the strange thing about it all is the minister has the same b-day as my mom, April, 24 and his wife is the same b-day as my dad, sept, 15.. i took up with them so much, especially the minister and the reason i did i think was because he shared the same b-day as my mom.. but they did not want that and somehow accused me of being to obsessiones with them, you know being obsessed with them and now they cant even talk with me.. that hurts and that is what brought me here to this sight, well to a death site, cause i want to die.. i have cancer and going to die soon anyhow, so why not help speed things along.. its not like he would even care and no one would really.. of course he will turn around and say that he did all he could for me and that is BS. ignoring me does not in any way help ease my pain. in fact it adds to it..
  3. prayer

    [user=18883]sheela[/user] wrote: Hugs to you too hun.. i am sorry you just lost your mom..
  4. prayer

    [user=19088]aurora[/user] wrote: Yeah, call that number and get put in a nut house again for another 1 week or 2 or whatever?? I guess i would rather die. Do not like those stupid nut houses, people there are really crazy some of them are, when i was put in there this dang army guy ( been in the army ) and all he did while i was there was shout outload about marching and getting in line, day and night he did that for the whole 3 dang days i was there, i dont think he even slept... then there was this one lady who carried a baby doll around with her and keep asking me if i was her momma... lol.. then there was this one lady who could sang really good but i think she kept hearing voices cause she kept asking me if i heard them and i was like no... i dont hear voices, i just want to die... so no i do not want to go back to a place like that when i need to just talk with someone like a minister?? that is if i could ever find one i could trust but now that my trust has been broken with 2 ministers i cant even trust them anymore.. to me.. they care about one thing and one thing obnly and that is MONEY.. they dont care about your soul, your life, to help you spiritually, all they care about is what you can give them in money wise.. politics and money, power and money... it is so downright disgracing in front of Gods eyes but it happens to be happening today... the forum that put me on mod preview first is a suicide forum. it is for people who post their suicide thinking and all, etc... i am not talking bad about them, cause they are great people there but to take away even pms, which by the way has saved my life by getting a pm from a few friends, was taken away then to me my support was taken away.. i think the admin.. needs to re-think about that and when one does something to get mod preview to post online they should at least keep the pms???? cause sometimes that is the only contact that can keep one alive!! with no pms. i have no contact. i am BACKED INTO A CORNER.. Rather they want to believe that or not..
  5. prayer

    [user=15510]mofirefly[/user] wrote: i do not mind that anyone might not be able to reply, cause there are some posts i just dont know what to say to help others either. i know that on mothers day in 1988 i did not cry at the funeral home, nor at the ride to the graveyard but right after they did the services at the graveyard, we all walked back to the cars and i looked back and when i seen them lower her casket into the ground, i lost it. i cryed so hard at that moment i guess it was the thought of knowing that she was now gone?? I dont think i can ever get over that really... One thing gets to me some about that though, and that is why in the world the funeral home could not wait until the day after mothers day to bury her :? but i guess they were just too busy or something.. yep, i might be a survivor but for how long??? i am not doing too well emotionally and have attempted to take my own life several times in the past.. thank you for you kind words.
  6. Yea, this one cancerlor MRS. Smith was a ..... to me. And she was weird too. used to wear all kinds of different clothes, like light green pants with a light blue shirt and yellow socks, etc.. really weird she was and mean.. i know it is / was not my fault but i cant seem to forgive myself for it. it is if it was my fault cause i did not talk her into going to the doctor sooner and then it is like it was my fault cause i made her go and she died 2 weeks later.. its hard not to blame myself.. i have blamed myself, blamed God a few times, blamed the doctors, etc.. that is why i asked if anyone has felt that way. like maybe we could have done something to save her you know??
  7. I was just wondering if anyone here has felt like it was your fault that your parent is gone? Reason i ask that is because i feel like i killed my mom. i am now 36 years old and she passed away when i was 15 just 2 weeks from my 16 th birthday and was buried on mothers day in 1988. for 2 weeks before she died and even up to 3 months before she died i held her head up while she threw up night after night, while she suffered i stayed in the bedroom with her, then i finally made her ( yes i made her go to the doctor cause she was always afraid of the doctors and never went ) so i basically told her that if she did not go that when i got home from school that i would drag here to the doctor, when i got home that day dad told me they had put her in the hospital. so i went to see here for every day for one week, then on a saturday when we had went to see her the doc said that friday night she had suffered a stroke and was paralized on her left side, he also said that her stomack was eat up with cancer and that it had spread so much that there was nothing they could do about it or for her, so all that next week i stayed by the hospital by her bed, i did not go to school - of course it was like the finale week of school so it did not matter, then the night i went home to get some sleep and take a bath and get a change of clothes the police came to my door about 3 am and took me, my younger brother, and my dad back to the hospital. my mom had had another stroke this time paraluizing her right side and was clinicly brain dead. The machine was the only thing keeping her alive. then my older brother came in and while i was at the school picking up my report cards ( and the stupid cancerler of the school had done put in the report that me and my brother had quit school , i told her i did not quit and was at the hospital with my mom and her exact words to me were well if she dies she dies but you need to be here in school so i got mad and just left / was already upset. well while i was at the school getting that my older brother had the doctor pull the plug on mom and she passed away. i never got to say good-bye to her.. now i feel like it is my fault. if i had made her go to the doctor earlierr then they could have found the cancer on here sooner and could have done something to save her, then i think about if i had not have made her go to the doctor then she still would be here with us. i keep blaming myself for her death. i cant seem to get past that.. so i was wondering if anyone has ever felt this way?
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  9. So Many Roads

    This one flash movie inspired me to take on the name white dove a long time ago because of the beautiful white dove that is at the end of this movie. This is another short flash movie called * SO MANY ROADS * http://www.andiesisle.com/somanyroads.html
  10. prayer

    [user=18883]sheela[/user] wrote: i feel the same way hun i lost mother last year and hurt so bad !! hugsHun, i am sorry you lost your mom.. I lost mine when i was 15 years old. i had to quit school and take care of my younger brother and disabilied dad, She passed away may 6, 1988 and was buried on may 9, 1988 it was mothers day. that was the hardest thing i ever had to do was knowing it was mothers day and here i was at a graveyard watching them bury my mom. it still hurts to this day and i just turned 36 2 days ago.. So sorry you lost her. I will pray for you and that God gives you the comfort you need.
  11. prayer

    [user=15510]mofirefly[/user] wrote: Thank you. Each day is a challange for me and i feel so alone in this. it is like i am just so unloved cause i have something wrong with me. To me it feels like if i was healthy then others would love me but now i am just left alone. I was posting on a suixcide forum for a long time but then i got drunk one night and peoiple said things that hurt me so i got mad because i was hurt and posted several curse words online, 2 days later i start to post how i am feeling and find out it has to be pre-viewd by a mod before it gets posted, which means it will be from 3 hours up to 2 days before it gets posted. that hurts because sometimes one needs an answer or a friend right then not later. but then i found out they also took away my pms. that was my only contact there, they took away my contact, they took away my support, they have backed me into a corner and i have been to many suicide web-sites, i have seen over and over how often some are backed into a corner and then they attempt again and succeed in it. Heck the reason i went there in the first place was to find a reason to stay, to fight, but now i am backed into a corner then i found this site by searching death on google.. Death is are final destination. I love those people at that other site. i got to know several of them there and i could always log on and pm and several times they stopped me from taking pills but now the admin has taken that from me. now i have no one.. so what happens now when i get so upset and have several bottles of pills beside me, if i go there i cant post or pm quick enough. oh well enough of my life has been posted online enough now.. more then it should be i guess. i guess i need to just break away from everyone, just be like a hermit and not around anyone.. really i dont think it would even matter. i have not been at that site for over 1 month and i can almost bet that they have already forgotten me. well enough about me. thank you for your kind reply
  12. Arms of your love

    I sometimes actually very often stumble to realize the love of God. This is a short flash movie that shows us just what it is to be in his arms of love. I chose the name white dove cause i am like a white dove that now has a broken wing. But one day that broken wing will be fixed, my pain will go away, and i will be safe in the arms of his love. when you click the link just click your download speed DSL or Dial up wait for it to load then click play. It is well worth the few minute wait. http://www.andiesisle.com/ArmsOfYourLove.html given in love, White Dove
  13. prayer

    Thank you both for the kind replies i was kind of drinking when i posted that. i still feel unloved a lot of the time. it is like i am all alone in this whole thing,
  14. Suicide

    [user=19088]aurora[/user] wrote: Thank you for your reply also.. I will do a search and see what i can do but to me it is hopless because you cant win.. it is going to beat me no matter what. i was 15 just 2 weeks shy of my 16 birthday and watched my mom who had stomach cancer suffer and die and seeing her that way scares the hell out of me, cause i dont want to go through that and i vowed that before i get that way i will stop it before it gets me that way. The law should allow one to do just that, heck they dont let an animal suffer they kill it, are we not much more then them? we all have blood, we all cry, dogs and cats hurt just like we do, so why do they want us to suffer??? just dont make sence to me..
  15. Suicide

    [user=19938]survivor22[/user] wrote: Thank you for the kind reply. I have liver cancer, it is not operatble, Tried chemo and radiation therapy a time or two but cant deal with it. The pain is just way to much of that. it is liver cancer and spread to my overies, left kidney, gallbladder, etc. Doctor is amased i am still living seeing as how he gave me to last christmas to live and yet here it is the end of may and i am still around :?. With no insurance, i drink to kill and numb the pain. it is not the best thing to do i know but if you were hurting like me then you might do the same thing. So you might ask if i have no insurance then how can i afford internet?? well the internet is my one and only way of income. i do surveys online for about 500 per month income. i cant work at a regular job because i am sick, and plus been in a nut house for attempting my life, and when you got to eat or get your pain meds, you choose to eat or well i do anyways, cant rightly afford a 5000 per month medicine anyway, beer is much cheaper and does the job most the time..