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About mikesmomrs

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  • Birthday 02/07/1945

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  • Gender
  • Location
    New Hampshire
  • Interests
    Spending time with my wonderful husband, being with my kids, grandkids. My interests are varied...I love to read, I love the ocean...life's soother...i treasure watching Red Sox baseball games with my husband and going to them with my daughter, and I love visits from my older daughter...and I love to talk (which is no surprise to those who know me)...and I love to help people, and to learn new things. Each day is a new gift, sprinkled with blessings and sometimes trials, and lived in faith that each is part of the fabric of my life.
  • Loss Type
    My only son, Mike, when he was 31, from brain cancer
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  1. Hello everyone...have been thinking of you all and wanted to come by and say hello and send wishes for joyful, comforting memories to fill your heart today. You all are in my heart and always will be. I found such love and comfort here when we lost our son, Mike, and you all helped me build a foundation on which to build healing and growth and a new path through my life. As we all know, our healing is a personal journey, different for each of us...different timelines even, but yet the same, as we try to move forward and live our lives in honor of our beloved child. It will be 10 years this October for me and the words just explode in my brain...ten years....impossible. In two months Mike's two older boys will be 20 and 19 and his "baby" is 11 1/2. Just so hard to keep up with the thought that they are no longer "little boys." Mike's middle son, Kameron, has lived with me for almost two years now. He is great company and oh my, a carbon copy of his dad...such a wonderful gift in our daily lives. So much sorrow and joy has been shared on these pages over the years..many besides myself have found much comfort here. Thank you to all here for all you share and give to all of us. May your day be threaded throughout with the sweetest of memories of Mother's days gone by, and may you feel your sweet child close by you. Sherry, your sweet baby girl, Lisa, is with you always, and Betty, your Stephen sits with you at your bagel and coffee times, smiling and watching his beautiful mother living her life. My love to all, Carol, mikesmomrs
  2. Hello to all my dear friends here. I have not been by in such a long time, but please know that you are never far from my heart. The grieving process continues, as we all know, and the adjustment of living without my soul mate, Michael, had added tremendously to the journey I was already on after the loss of our son, Mike. It has been, of course, a roller coaster that we are all acquainted with, but I have made some progress as to my daily journey, and while there are meltdowns that still occur, I am seeing more clearly and adjusting as best as I can to this new road of traveling alone on this earthly plane, accompanied by the ongoing love of my son and husband to keep me going. I know that this time of year can add stress to our journey, and we can only do the best we can to move through the days that hold so many memories. We find the strength, somehow, to eventually make new memories, and in the process find ourselves actually living the hours that are given to us with each new sunrise. So many new faces since last I posted, which of course is a reminder that no parent is immune to the fact of why we are here...the loss of our precious child, and our efforts to find a way through what is remaining of our life and finding ways to keep our memories and love constant, despite the insistence of many "outsiders" who feel we need to "forget it all and move on." I am so very sorry for your loss, and am glad that you found your way here to this site...truly a soft landing place, where you will find comfort, wisdom, and true understanding. I send my love to all, and continue to hold all of you in my prayers. Carol Mikesmomrs
  3. Hello Everyone: it has been a very long time since I posted, but please know it is not because I have forgotten. I do have you all in my heart and my prayers, always. I hope that everyone is doing okay during this Christmas season...I know it can be very difficult, no matter how long it has been that you have been traveling this road of losing your beloved child. I've read over a couple of pages of recent posts and see that there are many new members posting. I am so very sorry for your loss, but am very glad that you have found your way to this site. There is much love and understanding here, and you will always find comfort. It has been 8 years this past October since we lost our only son, Mike, to brain cancer. Like all of you, the time element seems unreal most times...sometimes it seems much longer, and sometimes it seems like a week ago. The missing never ends, as we all know, but over time we do find our breath more easily, we find more comfort from our memories (most of the time), and we are better able to process sour grief, rather than just live "in" it, we learn to live "through" it, and move forward with our lives, as we all know that our loved one would want us to. DEE:: was so glad to read that you had a wonderful day with Jon, Shannon and the beautiful babies you all have been blessed with. I love what you wrote about the signs that we see being the "gifts that are the magic of our angels, the ways that they let us know that they are near, that they are always rooting for us." For me, these signs provide a strengthening of my resolve to live my life as best I can, and are food for my heart. I wish strength and love for all who travel this road, and especially during this season that sometimes wrings our heart out and reminds us of what is no longer here in our daily lives. The memories we have are our treasures, and though they can truly be so very bittersweet, they do give us strength to go through each day. Love to all, and wishes for peace and comfort to you this Christmas season. Carol
  4. Hello everyone....it seems it has been a very long time since I was on, but for some weird reason, my computer would not allow me access. Kept telling me that the site is "dangerous" to my computer and blocked me out completely. things have been pretty hectic here the last couple of months, so I didn't have time to try to track down the problem. I was sitting here just now and thought I would give it a try again. I got right in! I still can't use some of the features (can't change colors...have to continue with whatever one I start out with...if I try to change color, then my cursor automatically goes back to the very beginning. So, anyway, I am on, and that is good news. I am sitting here with muscle spasms in my neck and waiting for the medicine I took a bit ago to kick in. It's my first time taking it, so I only took a half dose, as muscle relaxants generally do me in completely for a pretty good while and make me so groggy. I have had these spasms since yesterday, though, and perhaps in lala land is where I need to be...so very painful. I will come back tomorrow and read back a few pages to "catch up" on what I can. Right now, my eyes are drooping like crazy. Just because I couldn't get online here, sure doesn't mean that I haven't thought of you all. Every day, in my mind and in my heart. This is a crazy month for me...just like August, only reverse....in August young Mike's bday was the 20th and hubby's angelversary was the 30th. In October, hubby's bday is October 12th, and young Mike's angelversary is the 14th. It is so hard to believe so much time has gone by without seeing either of them, but of course, Mike's being gone EIGHT years is just surreal. I hope all are doing well, and as I wrote above, I will come back on tomorrow and read for some catch up. Love to you all. Carol
  5. Came on to give you all thanks for your support; some have pm'd me, the rest of you have posted your love and support here, and I am so grateful for your good thoughts and prayers. The comfort that is wrapped about me from this is priceless and immeasurable, especially coming from all of you, who are all grieving and dealing with life's daily challenges as well. You are all so very special to me. DEE: How very, very wonderful, and what an angel, adorable, adorable boy, this new life, this new Michael in the world. Named after his granddaddy, I am assuming? Your Jon is a heart's treasure for you, and his beautiful bride, Shannon, as well, now there are two of these wonderful little grandies to fill your heart up even more. Thank you for sharing and giving us part of your joy to treasure, as well. BETSY: So nice to see your post and that smiling face and flaming red hair of your angel, Rich. As I read of your visits to the cemetery, I recall how my husband used to love to drive on over to the "old" part of the cemetery where young Mike's memorial is, and drive by the older sites, musing aloud on their lives and times in history. Many of these, I am sure, no longer have family here...many of the dates begin in the early to mid 1800's, and some even earlier. When he was visiting his birthplace in October of 2011, he went to visit the site where his mom and dad are buried, and went around and visited each family member's site, recalling events for those he knew, and wondering aloud about the rest. It is kind of you to visit and walk among these memorials. Today was interesting...had to do a follow-up visit for a fall I'd had outside a few weeks ago where I severely bruised my hip and arm. Am doing much better, and bruises, while lingering, are no longer bothersome and tender. However, I had stumbled in the middle of the night earlier this week, and twisted my foot badly, with increasing pain and swelling all this week, each day of walking becoming more challenging. Come to discover, I had broken my foot! I actually walked all over the store yesterday, with daughter Cathi and her youngest, doing last minute school clothes shopping. Painful and very difficult, but I just kept plugging along with the aid of a cane and frequent stops. No more of that, for a while. Booted and off my feet now, can't drive of course. Young Mike's middle boy Kameron, who has been in VA visiting his other grandmother, is returning early, arriving this Saturday, to stay with me and help out. I am grateful for his presence and I know he will be a big help; he is a good kid, with a big heart. Daughter Kim, on hearing of my broken foot, says perhaps this is a direct order for me to slow down and do that "self-care" I am always talking to her about! Ha, likely true! My thoughts are with each of you tonight, and holding you close in my heart. here are some of the pictures of my granddaughters and I on their visit, along with a shot of Damon, at the airport, doing his best "Spidey web throw shot"...sweet memories...
  6. When we live our lives, the one constant is our home...be it the one we've created in our adult lives, or if our childhood was filled with the love and care that a childhood should have, then that may be the one we sometimes wander to in our minds and our hearts, seeking the comfort of familiarity and love freely given. I have been blessed to have had both in my life. Very blessed. I have also been blessed to have this "home" in my life...BI. I feel I can return here, to offer comfort when able, and to find comfort when needed. I apologize that these last few visits have been more to receive than to give. My two granddaughters have been up these past two weeks from Virginia. This is the first time they've ever flown alone and the first time they've visited alone. They were really excited to be here, and it was a good two weeks, overall. We had some close, good time and some very good fun time. This was very hard work for me, as my grandson Davis has gotten completely out of control, and the bulk of the destruction has occurred during these past two weeks. I have tried so hard to keep this away from the girls, to not allow this turmoil and drama to spoil their time here. They live a life that is filled with the love of their mother, but have very few of those "little luxuries" we like to find in our days once in a while. I wanted to possibly grant them just a few of those little luxuries while here (a movie, dinner out, a ferry ride, a day at the beach, a visit to an old Army Fort, back to school shopping, baking cookies, everything on a slow, easy level, were some of the things we were able to manage). However, the drama and self-destruction that Davis has been involved in this past month spilled over into our days every single day, one way or another. In the past three weeks, he has lost his job, is in the process of losing his truck, (He'd been living in his truck since he left rehab on July 22nd and the people he was staying with told him when he left to attend the rehab that he could only come back if he completed the 30 days of inpatient rehab, which he did not, leaving after only 6 days.) He has had 3 DWI's in three weeks, and it should have been 4, except the police officer who answered the call for the second one said that "my hands are tied, because I did not actually SEE him driving, so I can't charge him with DWI." All this despite the fact that when the officer gave DAvis the field sobriety test (on my insistence because Davis was saying that was "going to drive to work now" even though he could barely stand) Davis was unable to even follow the pen being held in front of him, as the officer moved it back and forth and told Davis to follow it with only his eyes and not by moving his head. the officer actually had to poke Davis sharply on the shoulder to get his attention and told him "Hey, focus!" By the time the officer got on the scene of the second accident (which occurred the very next day), Davis was out of the vehicle, and even though the car he hit was totaled (thankfully, no one was hurt), they "couldn't charge him with anything" because the officer didn't "see Davis actually driving." Davis now, sadly and heartbreakingly, (but fortunate for those in the city where he would be driving) is in jail. ( SHANNON: I was reading a few of the back posts, and saw that you are having some very similar problems with your husband, and I am so very sorry this is happening in your life. Your grief and healing process is tough enough to walk through, without all of this added worry and heartache, and I pray you find relief soon. I hope and pray also that you are able to be relieved of any financial responsibility incurred by your husband's behavior.) I have come to learn that In the weeks before Davis's finally being arrested last Saturday night, he opened a number of credit accounts and charged items that he then sold to acquire drugs. So, now he owes a lot of money, along with everything else. He is likely going to lose his license for at least five years, if not permanently. And, when he went for the arraignment on Monday for his arrest from Saturday night resulting from being reported to the police as weaving "all over the road" by a witness, the judge REDUCED his bail so that he could get out of jail. I honestly don't understand the judicial system. I know they have their rules, etc. But, I have told each officer involved in each of these occasions that something needs to be done before he kills someone, and have been told by the police "My hands are tied" more times than I like to remember. Davis is begging me to "help bail him out" as he may have to come up with the full bail that was reduced from $10,000 to $5,000. I have told him in no uncertain terms that I will not do this, and that as far as I can see, he and the people who live in this town are better off with him incarcerated, where he cannot possibly kill someone with his recklessness, and maybe he may be able to get the help he needs to straighten his life out. He has been in rehab three different times and left each time, now having no more recourse for that assistance. I am afraid this is going to become one of those instances where someone does indeed get seriously hurt or even killed, and when the media comes around, it will be discussed "how could he still be on the road after getting 3 DWI's in three weeks?" And no one will have the answer. I ask that you please keep our family in your prayers, that somehow there will be no innocent victims to his reckless behavior and that the courts will realize that they must perhaps overlook their "to the letter of the law" rules for arrests and DWI charges, and keep Davis off the street by holding him in jail until he can get the help he needs. I apologize for the rant, but I do not have anyone I can talk to about this and just needed to vent...Davis's mom is just as devastated by all of this, and is supportive to me, but also feels "hogtied" when it comes to what Davis is doing to his life and possibly to the life of others. We wonder just how many times the police will say "our hands are tied" before someone comes up with a way to end this madness, hopefully before someone becomes an innocent victim and others will have to walk the sorrow-filled journey of losing a loved one. I feel so very, very ashamed that this is happening, and feel so very helpless to prevent any further chaos. All of this is coming painfully on the heels of this being the last week that hubby was alive, just two years ago...this Saturday, the 30th, being his 2nd year of being gone from this earthly plane. It seems just impossible that it is that long since I have seen his face. I am so sorry to lay this all at your feet, but it does help to have an outlet where you know that people care enough to listen. Sending love to all of you. And of course, keeping you all in my prayers as we all walk this journey of healing.
  7. Hello to all...it has been probably the longest time I've ever gone for not posting here. I apologize for that. I miss you all, writing to you, reading your posts, and I think of all of you often, and as always, you are all in my prayers. Life has been pretty tough over the past couple-three months, and I have found myself "cocooning" somewhat as I try to cope with the new challenges that come my way every day. Davis has not been doing well. I had to ask him to leave the house a couple months ago...may have already told you that. Watching your grandson going through what he is going through, knowing they have nowhere to lay their head that is comfortable and safe, is heartbreaking. I have had to do and say things in the past few months that have taken every bit of strength I could wrangle out of myself to accomplish. Going to the store to buy fresh food; going to a movie, going out to eat, going to a ball game; all come with a goodly amount of guilt when I engage in them, thinking of course, that he is miserable and here I am, enjoying myself as best I can. He got into a LOT of trouble a couple of weeks ago and soon will lose his license, perhaps for up to three years. (His actions, thankfully, did not involve anyone besides himself.) I have no idea what he is going to do. We don't live in a large city and transportation is very scarce. We do have a bus run, but very sparse in the summer, and just not enough through the winter. Getting to and from a job is a job in itself. I have told him repeatedly that I cannot provide answers for him, that he needs to go to meetings, where he may meet up with people who have been in this same boat themselves, and perhaps they can direct him to where he needs to go for help. I have tried to be supportive of any effort he makes, but it is so very hard with all the lies and manipulation that accompanies the actions of an addict, even when they are trying to help themselves. All I can do now is pray. I have told him I would never see him go hungry, and have helped him with some meals. He does come to visit, but more often than not, it is a couple of hours of stress until he leaves again. I wish I could "fix" it, but of course, as I've told him, HE is the only one who can fix it. And, he has to WANT to more than he wants to stay broken. Meantime, of course, life goes along. Yesterday would have been Mike's 39th birthday. We (HOW can he possibly be gone these EIGHT years!) did all gather at a Red Sox game in celebration, just as he asked us to do, almost 8 years ago. It was a good day/night, and even though his two oldest boys were not there this time (Chandler had to work and Kameron is in Virginia, visiting his other grandmother), Damon was there and thoroughly enjoyed himself. Cathi, myself, Mike's friend Denis, Kim's (who has been doing very well) two daughters (who are here for two weeks), Davis, and Damon were there. Around the fifth inning, one of the Red Sox "ambassadors" came over to our seats to give Damon a gift bag from the Red Sox. ( I had spoken with them earlier in the day to ask about the parking for the night's game, as they offered "duck boat" rides from a downtown parking garage to the park, with the purchase of the tickets for the game that night.) While talking to the person helping me, I mentioned that we were all going for Mike's birthday celebration, etc. He asked what Mike's boy's names were, and said they would like to bring them a gift bag. Learning that the two older boys would not be there, he asked for their address and is going to mail theirs to them. When Damon was presented with his gift bag (a complete surprise as I had not told him about it), he was SO surprised and when I told him that it was in honor of his daddy's birthday, he put his hands up to his face and covered his eyes and the tears just pounced out between his fingers. He was so overjoyed about it all. When he saw the things in the bag, especially the new baseball cap that we had just discussed that afternoon that he needed a new one as the he'd outgrown the one he had, he just could not stop smiling. There was a "bobble head figure" in the bag as well, and it just happened to be one of his very favorite player. He was just so thrilled and excited. There was also a little packet of "Fenway Dirt" in the bag, and they had mistakenly put in two of them. Damon said "I am going to give this to my friend from school. He likes baseball but doesn't get to go to games." Every now and then, as he held that bag on his lap for the rest of the game, he would look over at me, look at the bag, and just shake his head in disbelief and then smile and hug the bag even closer. It was SO enjoyable to see his joy. Today we went to the beach (Damon, the girls and I) and had a really good time. Went to an early supper at this quaint restaurant there at the beach, has been there over 100 years). They also make salt water taffy, which I always buy a few pieces when there. Damon dozed off while waiting for our dinner. He had been boogie boarding in the ocean for over two hours! I've read over quite a few of your posts. My heart is with each of you. As we all move forward on this journey, we each find different ways of coping and in sharing those ways, we of course help each other to navigate the crooked path set out before us. No matter how our children left this earthly plane, the loss is just the same...we are broken. Trying to put the pieces together, we wind up with a few missing, and thus the new "picture" we create is different. And why wouldn't it be...a very important piece is missing, never to be there again, not in this world. The hope is what fills in that piece...the hope of seeing them again. But sometimes it is difficult to see and hold on to that hope; many times it is quite a while before that piece is molded to just the right shape to fit into the whole picture, and sometimes it never is. And that is all okay. This is our journey, each of us, to walk in our own way, with the support of each other as we move forward, a step at a time. I've attached a couple of pics from last night and today... mike's (and his dad's) message board Damon's surprise Heart for Damon on ceiling of duck boat (right next to heart is the "Kilroy is here" sign. Hubby used to always sign his letters/notes with that drawing. Damon and Nana on duck boat Damon at Goldenrods...stayed too long at the beach... Bekah, Rachel and Damon outside Goldenrods Restaurant
  8. Happy heavenly birthday, Wayne. May all of our wonderful angels surround you today. Wanda, you are in my heart and bought today. These days can be so difficult, but when they happen especially their birthday, I try to think of all the wonderful, loving joy that was brought to me on this day so many years ago. I hope you are able to find comfort today in those memories of yours that will live forever in your heart.
  9. STEVE....STEVEN....STEVE...Saying your name and hoping you had a wonderful birthday celebration with all of our angels. I hope too that you were able to make your mom feel surrounded by your sweet spirit. Mary Ann...holding you on this day..
  10. KATE; So very sorry I missed JEFF's birthday. I pray he surrounded you with his wonderful spirit...turning the TV on? Likely. I am so sorry to hear of the garden falling into the lake, but you have a good attitude toward it. I am glad you are having the bench moved back. To all: I have been so busy with life these last few weeks, from good things to bad things to in-between things, but managing to wake up each day with hope for more of the good. Davis has committed himself into detox and rehab...first time on his own. Hope springs in my heart that this time he will make it. However, he called me on Monday evening to tell me that he had two more days of detox, and then, instead of staying on for the 28 day inpatient treatment, he was coming home, had it all planned out, outpatient treatment, etc., blah, blah blah. My heart sank. I just told him that I hoped he was doing the right thing for himself. Then, yesterday, Tuesday, I saw a medium that I had been on her wait list for almost three months to see, and one of the things she mentioned was that my husband was "saying" that "one of our grandchildren is having problems; substance problems," and that my husband (who was a dad to Davis) "is holding him close, asking for prayers for him, and that Davis has touched the bottom, finally, and is on his way through this and seeing things differently." My heart was heavy with the conversation I'd had with Davis the previous evening, about leaving treatment. A few hours after I got home from the meeting with the medium, Davis called, in tears, to tell me that he was going into the 28 day program to "finish this" and "turn my life around." I believe. And I hope, continuously. And I pray, fervently. I send my love and prayers to all of you...and so very sorry to see yet more new parents here, so very sadly steeped in the loss of your child. My heart aches for you, and my mind prays for you; for comfort, strength, and hope. It sounds odd to say "I wish you hope" when you've just had the most devastating of losses...that of your child. And yet, as others here will tell you, there is indeed hope...hope for joy again, hope for the day when a memory will bring less tears and more smiles. This will happen. It may seem like a far-off, if not impossible, fantasy, but it will come. There will come the day when you are thinking more of their LIFE than of the day they left this earth. That is what they want us to do...to allow our heart to fill with the good memories that bring the smiles to our lips...there will always be tears...but that joy will become more evident and this will make our children very happy to see this. Dee has said in the past "Come, walk in the footprints of those of us who have gone before you..." Those of us here longer do this...leave our footprints of our journey for you to follow in... Trudi, who lost her beautiful son Micheal, once wrote "I want his life to be more than the day that he died." This is the goal of all of us, and we will reach it; we will. Love to all...always in my prayers. this is a picture of Davis:
  11. WADE: So very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. A strange shift in our foundation occurs when our parent passes beyond that thin veil...no matter our age at the time...we find ourselves suddenly in a place that likely never occurred to us before...that of being the "older members of the family," with the younger ones coming along behind us, but the older ones have left this earth for their eternal joy. Hugs and prayers for strength and comfort for you, Wade.
  12. Have not posted in a while, but have been reading when I can, and as usual, keeping you all in my prayers. Kim left here on June 11, and I have been pretty much nonstop since. Chandler and Kameron graduated high school in the same weekend. "Bittersweet" has not held such meaning as it did for those two days! Mike wanted SO much to be here for their graduation, as well as their "growing up." I know that he was with them, he is always with them. It seems as though time rides on a rocket...how can they be out of high school already? They aren't sure yet what they are going to do...,Chandler was originally headed for the Navy, but says he is thinking about waiting a year. Kameron is just "thinking." Damon switches school to secondary elementary in September, 3rd grade, and will be his first time riding the bus. I don't like school buses, the atmosphere is not always something you would want your child in, and sometimes there can be trouble, especially when older kids ride with the younger ones. I guess I will have to do some heavy-duty praying... Gosh, DEE, I hope he lands a teacher like yourself. It would take me a long time to "catch up," so I am going to begin anew. Except for a few readings I particularly remember: SHANNON, the story of your finding where to go for vacation...so very, very heaven/Trista sent. Oh my, I can still feel the goosebumps from reading it. Thank you so much for sharing. I know some of you have been experiencing some pretty wild weather...I do hope everyone stays safe. It does seem to be a rather wild summer, weather-wise. It has been really hot and dry here with a couple of days of humidity, and tonight we are having some pretty loud and bright thunderstorms. Poor Lucy needs to go out, but I know the thunder and lightening will scare her, so I hope it lets up soon, even for a while. KATE: So good to hear that Ross is doing better. It is nice to be able to get out and about in this nice weather...I saw your pictures you posted of Jeff's area, and it is just beautiful. Was that Ross down by the water? And was that where you found the bucket of water that day that it seemed the younger people must have left? DEE: I know you are having some truly reflective days right now, and I am glad you've been able to get out and do some bike riding, as well as to spend time with your sweet little grandie. As you travel through the days of this month, I know that her presence in your life will be even more comfort to you than usual. Sorry to read that much of your garden (John's garden?) is under water...hopefully it will recede enough for the flowers to come back in a while. LEAH: So good to see your post and read of some updates. Thinking of you. Mike's youngest, Damon, is leaving tomorrow with his mom and other grandmom to travel to upstate New York for vacation. She really deserves to get away for a bit, and they are visiting family, so they will be pampered, which is great. He is still such a great, sweet kid...love having him around. When they get back, we will be into "summer mode," where he has camp adventures 3 days a week and I will have him for one or both of the other week days. Can't wait. Some news...Davis has moved out. (at my request.) Things weren't going well, and it had to come to that, sadly. He still comes over sometimes for supper, or to watch tv, etc., but he is now living with some friends. It broke my heart to tell him to leave, but it had to be. Unfortunately, he hasn't made it easy since, but I keep trying to establish boundaries. It was a little easier, when Kim was here, because she helped me a lot with strength. After she left, Kameron started staying with me, as he was having a horrendous time with his mom's family. He has lived with his other grandparents all of his life, but his grandmother left a couple of years ago, and since then his grandfather has changed drastically, including letting a new girlfriend and her non-working adult children and their children move in and basically take over. Kameron and his mom finally left. His mom is staying with her sister, pending finding an apartment, and Kam originally went to stay with Cathi (Mike's older sister) but is now staying here, with visits to Cathi's. He and Jamie (Cathi's youngest) have been best friends all their life and spend a lot of time together in the summer, so he stays over there for a couple of days a week, and sometimes Jamie comes here for a day or two. Kam is leaving the end of this month to spend August with his grandmother (the one who left) who now lives in Virginia. Kim is doing better...went to her regular doctor this week and he said that while the wound is deep, it is healing and she is doing fine with everything else. She also has just this week started working, which pleases her greatly. She got a job where she worked before she had the girls...Kroger's supermarket. She really liked it and as she is very social and sweet to people, I know she will do well. Her goal is to assist with teaching kindergarten in the elementary school the girls went to, but she has to take some classes to finish and be qualified. She intends to try that this fall. She did teacher's assistance as part of her FHA classes in high school and she was very good at it. Rachel is going again this summer to College of William and Mary for their summer science camp; a two week adventure that she attended last year, staying in their dorms. The class was involved in building a Lego robot, and this year it will be more into astronomy. Rebekah will be a senior and only has three classes.. they are all AP classes, so she is looking forward to them. She is planning on going into the Navy so that she can then go to college to become a police officer in Boston eventually. (I have no idea where that plan came from, but I pray she holds onto that dream.) If her strength and determination are any factors in it, it will come true. Same with Rachel...she is planning on the Army, and is striving for West Point. She is working hard for scholarship offers and has a good head start. William and Mary asked her to take SAT's last spring, (she's only 13!) and she did very well on them. Perhaps they are "grooming her?" Wouldn't that be wonderful? They've had such a hard time since the horrific incident with their dad, and it's been a rough ride for them since. I would love to see them follow their dreams. I have been spending more time this summer in the garden. I didn't do anything the year hubby was sick, and the following year, there was only enough will/strength to do some, so he would know I was at least trying. So, this year, I've done more, and it does look nice. I love having flowers around, and am trying to get more perennials in so I don't have to work so hard getting annuals in. I did get a peony in last month, and it did well. Also finally got some morning glories in, as I just love them. Have them on a trellis in front of the house, and they are about 3 feet high now. (I know they are not perennials, but I do love them.) I will post some pictures of the boys' graduation, as well as some from my garden...though the garden ones are from a couple of weeks ago, and there has been some growing since....The last pic, of the yard, is of the area where I am creating the garden for Mike and his dad. I don't have all the heart-shaped rocks that we've found over time in there yet...need to decide how to place them. There is one plant towards the back that is a hibiscus, not bloomed yet, but many buds are on it. Oh, and one last picture, taken today...a phone call, came in today, showing our own home phone number as the calling number, and you can see who it says it's from. Now, our home phone is still listed in hubby's name, but I know that if I called myself on this phone, I would just get a busy signal. This is the second time this has happened...just rings, his name and the date show up, and I hold that connection in my heart, with all the others. Sweet. Thinking of all of you...and your sweet angels...Sherry, DAVID & LISA; SUSAN, JOHN DAVID; LAURIE, JESSE DAVID; MARY ANN, STEVE; WADE, BROOKS; (hope you are enjoying Alaska) LORA, CARA; KATE, JEFF; DEBBIE, SAM; JENN, BRIANNA; WANDA, LANE; SANDY, SARAH; CHERRY, KYLIE; TED,M NICK; and any others I've not mentioned...always in my prayers. PS: Just to mention, those of us "Indigos" who are on FB have been discussing the possibility of a gathering/reunion in 2015. Boy, wouldn't that be great!!! Don't know how many of you would be interested or able, but we sure would like to have a "meet and greet" that would be just wonderful!
  13. GRETCHEN...Thinking of you today...sending wishes for comfort and soft memories to give you strength... FOREST...A WONDERFUL HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY....I hope you were able to take a moment to surround your mom with your sweet spirit, to whisper in her ear of your watching over her.
  14. TRISTA...TRISTA...TRISTA...sweet girl, beautiful angel...rest in your mother's heart today and let her feel your blessed spirit surrounding her. SHANNON: My heart holds you close today...many of us here have been through this "first" and want you to know that we are able to survive...and I truly believe that it is because that is what our beloved child wants for us...to not only survive, but to find joy again. It may be a long while, but for now, just keep that thought in your mind and don't let it go...we are here, we are helping you to walk this journey, all of us, helping each other. Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of your angel girl...I shared WADE's beautiful slide show and music with my daughter...our hearts were filled with joy as the tears fell.
  15. KELLY: I also am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet son, Tre. You have found a good place to be...a "soft place to land" when everything seems so hard and callous, and when your tears are coming on and even when they are not. Do share your Tre with us, when you are ready. Things have been so busy with Kim coming home from the hospital....a few more trips back to the doctor for checking on things not seeming to go right. He has assured her that while she does need to keep a very cautious eye for possible infection, that otherwise, the healing, while slow, is going as anticipated. She has been resting here and is planning on returning to Virginia next Friday. She will be flying home (though she does not like flying) as she does not feel ready for a 12 hour car trip. Even though he is very caring towards her, her fiancé nonetheless will not be likely to "stop every couple of hours" to allow resting time. He is a "get in and drive til you are there" type. Sometimes they will stop for a view of something pretty or peaceful, but not for long and it's back on the road again. So, flying this time is the best option. Thank you all again, so very much for your prayers and support. It has indeed been a trying time. I get so afraid when one of them is so seriously ill, and it just eats up my strength and courage, which I know that I need to show them while they are so vulnerable. And all the while, they are trying to hold me up! WADE, I love the scoreboard posting for Brooks, especially with the pictures...they don't do the pictures at Fenway, but we always have Mike's birthday announced, and a few words of how he is missed, or that he is with us. I know he is beaming when it is shown. I wish so much I had done it while he was still here, but sometimes our brain just isn't working when we are in that position. SHANNON:, you mentioned in your post a ways back: "I was in this place before and now I'm here again and searching even harder, looking even deeper. I never fully left that place before, and now I think that I will always live in that place in between." Those words have been living in my heart since my husband left this earth, and only now, reading your writing of them, have they "come together" to make sense to me of how I am feeling. Unlike you, I did have two in my family who had lost their spouse...my sister and my sister-in-law (my dad and mom had been gone for some time). However, they did not ever speak of their loss, and let it be known that they did not wish to, nor to speak of anyone else's losing their spouse. Being "in this place before" for me is the reverse from what it was for you...I lost my child first, and had my husband to walk this journey with those first years...now that my husband is gone, I do not have that child to help see me through this profound loss of my soul mate. I am so very grateful for my daughters who have been so very supportive. And though different in chronology, I know that with this "double loss," you understand how my journey is filled with setbacks more so than I had ever imagined. I think the time you lived away for a while, in the barn, was a healing time for you...I am so glad that you were able to do that, and to find it a valuable time for you. "...Sun warming my skin, the winds soft caress..."..."and it all makes sense..." "...today it's cold. Today it's grey..."..."The sun won't shine and the music won't play..."Today I'm lost and I don't understand..."...nothing makes any sense." COLLEEN: I too have learned to keep that "box" at bay, but sometimes it just spills out and off the shelf...unbidden, but not unnoticed. Other times, I am able to keep it locked away...for a while. GRETCHEN...your posting of the song by Bruce Springsteen, speaks so loudly to me right now...the "missing" is a huge part of my days and nights...changing of the season generally puts me in this place, and now that my husband is not here either, the days are difficult very often to adjust to. I do relish the winter being gone, of course, but all of the missing that comes with this delight sometimes makes it hard to fully enjoy the warmth of the sun. We've not had much of it, anyway...most days have been cold, rainy, damp...but the occasional sun and warmth are good despite my overlay of sorrow. BECKY: The wedding picture is beautiful...I wish them many happy years together. thank you for sharing such joy. KATE: I too, have lost all sense of time since young Mike died, and even more so since his dad died. It is coming up on two years since his dad left, (impossible, both my mind and my heart scream) and it will be SIX years in October since young Mike died...(not only impossible, but unimaginable, they scream) and yet the days and nights are a blur, and sometimes it seems like I haven't seen them in decades. I too am glad Ross got the tree in, and you are now able to walk to Jeff's site, without hazard of mud or snow. It is better now here also to go to the cemetery and not see young Mike's and his dad's stone buried under the ice. DEE: So glad to know that the ending of the school year is close for you. I know that you love your days at school with the kids, but I know that you also dearly treasure those warm summer days on your porch with a good read at hand. As well, now you have the beautiful little pink princess to spend time with, so those days are richer, I'm sure! CHERRY: So glad you were able to have those good days away...I pray the sense of peace you felt will stay with you. LORA: I too am a "sky watcher." My neighbors likely wonder about the state of my mind, as I walk with Lucy with my head tilted up most of the time, my camera at the ready for unique cloud streaks across the sky, and of course, cloud formations as well. It just captures my mind and holds it in a steady place, instead of the usual wandering and loose thinking that seems sometimes to ramble to many places at once. The ocean is even better for such a "capturing" of my thoughts and holding me in a steady place of peace. DEBBIE: I am so sorry for all of the troubles you have faced and are facing. However, please don't think that you are a "downer" talking about them...that is why we are here, to bounce things off each other, to allow each other to vent when there is no place else we can go that will understand the need for us to do this. I too, like DEE, and so sorry for all of the mean things that your husband has said to you. I can't imagine how difficult this is, with your being in such close proximity all the time and unable to find a release place while on the road. SHERRY: You and your husband must be busy getting in all the plants for the growing season. Do you have any large fields of vegetables? I think at one point I remember your mentioning fields of corn...is that right? Are you planning days with your grandchildren this summer while they are out of school? Wanda, Maryann, Susan, Lorrie, Sandy (so glad you received your signs from your Sarah, and they brought peace to you in such a special place for you both), and any I have not mentioned, I carry all here to prayer each day, for peace and some new moment of joy to find their way into your hearts, even if only for a bit of time...over time, those moments become longer, and this is what we hope and live for, for now, in honor of those who have gone ahead of us...