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About jeeenah

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  • Birthday 11/12/1962

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  1. My Sweet Papa

    So sorry for your loss, I feel your pain. I lost my father in 2004, he was my rock, loved us kids, and family meant everything. He too was a musician. He played in the Detroit area in the jazz circuit. Was very difficult to know He wouldn't sit at the piano and play anymore more. I have a bunch of his recordings. I can tell you it does get better but it takes time. At some point you will be able to hold him so close in your heart and remember all the good times, and just carry him with you without the severe grief that you are now feeling. It will get better. I also lost my father-in-law year prior to my dad. And my mom when I was 22 and my grandparents were all gone by the time I was in my early 30s Lost one of my best friends and a helicopter crash in 2007. I'm trying to remind myself of this fact that it will get better but unfortunately I am dealing with the loss of my husband who died of an overdose on Jan 29. Dealing with/devastated and paralyzed by the sudden loss at 48 years old. Death is difficult enuf is difficult enough, but to find out your loved one when was addicted to drugs and you didn't even know it is worse. He was found on the floor in a hotel room hours after he was already dead. Nobody even knows if anyone was there when he died. All I can say is If you have faith, hang onto it pray, get support, and keep hope. I had to take a short term disability leave. People try to tell us that are grieving that we need to MoveOn and give us some sort of time limit. Make sure you don't let anyone do that to you. There's also another site if you're interested that offers grief counseling via Skype and online and via phone for a nominal fee if you're interested I can give that to you. Sometimes it just helps to share your story and know that others are going through and you are not alone. Peace to you
  2. Was married 10 years to my bubby; got divorced in 2008 due to some issues-- drinking problems, we had a sexless marriage, he blamed me because I wanted to give up sex before marriage and he claims that I rejected him. That was the beginning of his cyber cheating. We got back together 2010. He betrayed me again with cyber cheating, going out and drinking. I kicked him out. Two years later he claimed to change again moved back in only to get drunk driving, three days before my cancer surgery. Long story short he betrayed me. Two more years went by this time I really believed he changed he was going to church and everything all my dreams come true. He talked about God at the forefront of his life was praying, giving me peaceful advice we are planning to get remarried and moving back in. January 30 he was found in a hotel room on the floor, from what the tox report would later reveal was a Fentynal laced crack overdose.. I didn't know he was addicted to crack cocaine. His earlier shenanigans in our relationship was always about drinking. And the cyber cheating. However I did know that he was going to strip clubs at one point. That's probably where it started. Long story short, I am grieving the terrible loss, and I am grieving the reality that I thought was there and it really wasn't. He was two different people, as his emails and text message would later reveal. I don't know who this other person was. I'm doing everything I can, going to group meetings, personal counseling, church, praying, talking to my priests, getting all the support I can. But I feel dark, dismal disconnected, and cut off emotionally from everyone and everything. I am on short-term disability he from work because I could not cope with my workload because my mom was so distraught. Some other family problems within the years probably have brought me down with this. Lots of stress and I finally broke. Looking for anyone that may have suffered something similar so they can share their story of hope that I will see the sunrise someday. my priest to show me that I would and actually talked about a girl who lost the love of her life. At mass yesterday and they played my ex-husband's favorite hymn.. I am stricken with grief and I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless and I'm talking to God all the time. I know he is with me I just can't feel it through the grief. I am just looking for some hope.
  3. I am so sorry for what you and your mom are going through. I'm going to give you the short answer. Having gone through the loss of both of my parents my mother at a very young age, lost my father-in-law with any year of my dad, lost my grandmother at 12 and my uncle too much later and I was close to both of them, and I just lost my ex-husband suddenly and tragically, and we were planning on getting remarried. So the short of it is, and this is coming from a place of someone who is suffering a severe tecent terrible loss. Just listen to her. You will not force her to do anything she wants to do or believe your Waze no matter how right you think you are. However, she has to get her own help you cannot save the world-- and I would suggest you might go to an Al-Anon meeting, or some therapy yourself to learn (which I am doing) also to that YOU can't fix it. you can only fix yourself and the way you deal with it and put your boundaries up and you may need help doing that. It's a longer story than I'm able to type on here but I hope you're getting the gist of what I'm trying to help you with. Good luck in your endeavors --life can really hurt sometimes. I wish you the best in coping and dealing with this trial and I hope that you will look out for your self and perhaps get yourself some help as well to gain strength in realizing what you can and cannot do For someone else. Peace.
  4. My beautiful Dad

    So very sorry for your loss. I too, lost my father at 67 years old back in 2004. I just lost the love of my life on January 29 unexpectedly. I lost my mother at 22 years old she was 47. I lost my dear friend in 2007 in a helicopter crash. Lost all my grandparents and my sweet grandmother at a very early age which was devastating. I do understand your grief. I also understand the people and the stupid things they say-- I too, have had the most insensitive things said to me about my beloved Kevin. Who just passed. One person seven days later said that I am dwelling on it . Another person said, you talk about it morning noon and night but you say you want to heal. Same here, no calls no messages from any of my extended family except my aunt and uncle. I am very sorry for your suffering, I know how painful the loss can be. And I realize the insensitivity of others makes it even worse. I am seeking counseling for the death of my Kevin, and I went through it with my dad also. In fact I have old posts on here from his death. I would highly recommend that you get into some kind of grief counseling perhaps at the funeral home or your church. It really does help to talk to others that can relate Some people just don't know what to say, but to that I say, you must have to be an idiot not to know that the thing you were saying is insensitive. And the things people have said to you are ridiculous. Most likely they are people that maybe have never suffered loss. Although even some of the people that have said the stupid things to me have suffered loss so I'm not sure if they just lost their marbles for a minute or what. Facing the pain of your loss shows them the fragility of life. And that is hard for some people to face. It's easier for them to brush it under the rug and wish you well, that way they don't have to think about how fragile life really is and that they could lose someone also My counselor told me to only talk about this in a safe environment and to people that I feel safe with their responses. Which makes sense. I'm just the kind of person that needs to air everything in order to process it. I hope you find some peace and people that you are able to talk to you. I am very sorry you are suffering not only the loss but the ignorant people on top of it. Wishing you healing I know how difficult it is
  5. Been there. Lost my mom at 22 suddenly and my grandfather four months later. Lost my grandmother at 13 and my uncle two months later. After my mother died it was very difficult to watch my dad sufferer. Years later I lost my father-in-law in 203 and my dad in 2004. While my dad was dying my sister was ill and in and out of The hospital. My husband was working a temporary job. I could not take off work and was stuck at work while my dad was dying and my sister was ill. I didn't end up getting a raise because of it so I was treated at work like crap too. It was one of the worst times in my life, sitting at work with my dad calling me crying no I couldn't leave because I couldn't afford to lose my job and then I would really be in trouble although I look back now and should've just said screw them in that worried about it but I didn't know what else to do because I wouldn't of been able to support myself if something happened to my dad because I wouldn't have him to go back home to. I've been lost one of my best friends in a helicopter crash into thousand seven suddenly and was devastated by that for a very long time as well. Ironically he was at my dads funeral. My sister has been hospitalized in the hospital for 13 years. It's been very difficult All I can tell you is to take one day at a time and if you have faith to use God and ask him for strength every single day. And know that this too shall pass. It doesn't help with the pain right then but time will help and time will heal and taking it day by day and realizing that you have no control of anything but yourself I have since lost my ex-husband, under devastating unexpected circumstances, soon to be my husband again. I don't know what to do without him. I am no novice to death and suffering and going through things. I lost him suddenly on January 29. I am on short-term disability from work because I cannot cope. It is the most devastating loss I've ever faced. I am seeking intense therapy under my insurance, and short-term disability to help me cope because I was having difficulty concentrating at work, using my face, going to church, talking to my priest, and trying to realize that I can only get through each day one moment at a time. Having been through similar situations in the fact that you are suffering multiple tragedies and situations, I can tell you in the past I have gotten through it. And been able to live a normal life. However I am grieving terribly right now due to the loss of my ex-husband and I'm having a very difficult time but I know that I will get past this someday too I just can't feel it right now. This too shall pass, it's such a cliché but time will help heal. You have to find ways to do things for yourself. Otherwise you are just concentrating on the loss, that's what my counselor told me today. And she was right. But it's very difficult. I've also attended many grief groups and sessions. There are also many good websites on grief as well. I hope you find relief I'm happy to talk to you if you want my private email or whatever just let me know. Wishing you peace and healing I know how rough it is. You wonder why some people have it so difficult, yet if you look around it could be worse, and I'm trying to look at the things I have to be blessed for because I wouldn't want it to be any worse than it is. That may sound stupid but things will get better for both of us we just can't see it right now. Our hearts don't know it yet Wishing u peace.
  6. Loss of a Father

    Everyday I have to live without my dad is a day my heart grows more empty. I hate how this world operates, I hate how people are gone in a second, I hate the pain we all suffer. I lost my mom at 22, my dad in December 04, my sister was suicidal and psychotic during my dad's illness with cancer, my father-in-law died in 2003, my 35 year old brother had a heart attack....I mean where does it end? I am afraid to live for fear of loss. Thank GOD for my wonderful husband.
  7. Loss of a Father

    Heather, You are welcome!
  8. Loss of a Father

    Hi Heather.... Here it is... From the Catechism of the Catholic Church 2116: Quote: All forms of divination are to be rejected: recourse to Satan or demons, conjuring up the dead or other practices falsely supposed to "unveil" the future. Consulting horoscopes, astrology, palm reading, interpretation of omens and lots, the phenomena of clairvoyance, and recourse to mediums all conceal a desire for power over time, history, and, in the last analysis, other human beings, as well as a wish to conciliate hidden powers. They contradict the honor, respect, and loving fear that we owe to God alone.
  9. Loss of a Father

    To all of you asked for the website to guideposts and to ROBINRENEE: Here is the website...I found it today........... http://shopguideposts.com/search.asp?7=Comfort+from+Beyond Keep in mind, it is a series of books, and the first one is about married people losing each other, but more are sent. It looks like a good book, I have skimmed through and there are many many stories in there. It it easy reading also. Robinrenee, What you have on your site and your emails to me HAVE been very comforting. My religion (Catholic), does not allow us to practice that which Is why i won't, but I do take much comfort in your teachings and I think others will to.
  10. Loss of a Father

    Lauraa, Mari and I were talking about people acting as if nothing is wrong. I mean, geez, EXCUSE ME, but we are grieving! Get a clue people! Be sensitive to the fact that we lost our love one(s). I know how hard that is and I am glad to have found this site. I went to my second grief group last night, and let me tell you, it is a Godsend. I recommend it to anyone who is thinking of it. We had a girl like you first time last night, lost her husband and mother within 6 months of each other. She was sooooo grief-stricken, we could SEE the pain. She needed so badly to vent and she talked and talked and talked. I also have two sites (you may think they are weird, but like you said, if you didn't look up info on the afterlife, you would go crazy and i feel the same.....i spent COUNTLESS hours on the internet...searching). They are: www.near-death.com (stories of afterlife) www.spirit-sanctuary.org (this one I wouldn' dare practice, but it is comforting what she says......) Also, I ordered from "GUIDEPOSTS" magazine: A book series called "COMFORT FROM BEYOND" The first book is about partners losing each other and stories of them hearing from their partner from beyond. I haven't read it yet, but I would be glad to let you borrow it if you wanted, I could mail it to you. Or you could go to the guidepost website and see if it is there. Email me if you want to borrow it. I hope these sites/books give you some comfort, and I highly recommend the grief group. God Bless.
  11. Loss of a Father

    LAURA, I feel so bad for you, I said a prayer especially for strength for you and a very strong faith. How painful it must be for you; I can not imagine losing my husband, and you should be proud of how you are handling your loss. Through your grief shines strength, and I suspect your husband is helping you along. My father lost his love.....my mother, who now are both gone....but watching him grief stricken with her loss must have been the most painful I have ever seen. They were high school sweethearts, and she died at 47...he was 48. They had a son together that we met in 1986 after her death, we didn't know he existed (well him and mom did!)...but my dad survived and he was miserable for a very long time. We all believe that he slowly died inside too. There we happy times, don't get me wrong, but it took him dying inside to live again. You seem to have an inner strength that is carrying you through; I can sense it in your writing. I hope each day gets easier for you instead of harder, and that you will feel the presence of your loved ones surrounding you. More and more I believe they are near...I didnt'at first, because i was in that stage of greif...abandoned, an orphan. But I know how blessed I am, when i read your story. I am so sorry for your losses, and I hope God will strengthen you every day. May God Bless you. Jeeenah
  12. Loss of a Father

    To everyone here....we all are sharing the same grief, the same feeling. I read all of these posts and see myself in all of them. Marina's post especially hits home, down to her daddy crying (which mine did) which has to be the most painful....and the fear of never seeing her dad again, I too, felt the same way....down to fearing losing others, like I too have feared since the loss of my mother/grandfather in 1985, loss of my grandmother in 1976, dad's stroke, heart attack, my sister's suicide attempts....my father-in-laws death in 2003.... Kim, I feel the same way you do....I am in grief counseling. It helps to talk to others that are in the same boat as you, it is relieving. I went to my first group last month, and the next meeting is tonight. It really helped the first time, and I recommend it to all. And Laura is right, there is something about a daddy and his little girl. I have been through a lot in the past 2 years, but I have made it through. I too, felt like Mallie, the stage of greif where I was sure my dad was GONE forever and I would never see him again. It felt sick. But now I am over that and have really dived into my faith, and know that he is somewhere in a differnet dimension. I don't say "he died," I, too, say he passed. We will all get through, and someday know the mystery of life and death. God Bless everyone here, and I share your grief.
  13. ADC's, Visions & Dreams

    hmtod73, It's very possible that your husband could have an underlying fear that his mom is going to die since your mom did, and it could have manifested in his subconscious as a dream, your mother telling him because he was thinking about it subconsiously and both his mother and your mother are involved in the through process... On the other hand, I had a dread that my brother had chest pains; he was only 35, and i called him and asked if he was ok. he wanted to know why i asked? i told him becuase he wouldn't let me off the hook unless i did. he said he didnt have any chest pains and laughed at me becuase i'm a worrier. 2 weeks later i got a call from my husband, telling me my brother was taken the hospital and was having a heart attack. this probalby doesn't help, but it could be either way. I would pray to God and ask him if it was a real sign. He will let you know in one way or another.
  14. Loss of a Father

    MY DAD'S EULOGY FOLLOWS, IT TELLS A STORY. Kim, I think your idea is wonderful. I enjoyed learning about your dad and your relationship with him...I could repeat exactly what you typed, and that is the same I felt for my dad....down to not letting him know I knew he was right, etc. My dad died on December 30, 2004, from a stroke related to the cancer he suffered. Fortunately, he didn't suffer bad with the cancer becuase the stroke took him first, but he was in a coma for 4 days before he died. He was 67. He was conscious for the first 1.5 days, but couldn't talk or move his right side. He couldnt say what he wanted, but we talked alot prior, and we told him we loved him and would heed his wishes to not prolong his suffering. Here is the eulogy, which tells who he was. I also lost my mother when she was 47, her name was Barbara. Thanks fo much for your idea, it is a wonderful one. "When we think of our father, we think of pure love. Our father taught us that the most important things in life weren't money, material things or status, but love and family. Without fail, whether at family dinners at his house or dinner at a restaurant, Dad would sit around the table and say: I'd like to say something! I just want to say that I am the luckiest man in the world to have my kids and grandkids with me. I'm the luckiest man in the world. If I were to leave this world, I would have had the most wonderful life because I have my family around me. He never missed a Christmas Eve with the Family until this year due to his illness. There was nothing more important to Dad than family. And so it is with us. He gave us the gift undying love for each other & for family. When we think of dad, we think of his beautiful music. His biological son Craig coined the phrase "he was the greatest unknown piano player that ever lived." Our dad's music was an expression of his inner self & a mirror into his soul. His music largely exposed his sorrow for the grief he experienced for loss of his one and only love, Barbara Jean; it portrayed his joy and love for his family and grandkids; it illustrated his fierce love for music. His dear friend Nick Canzano once said, "Vince was an artist in the true sense of the word. He didn't compromise his music for anyone." This meant that dad played what was in his heart, his soul and wouldn't compromise it to become famous or make money. He would play for hours on end !!..sometimes painfully! My grandmother would walk out and slam the door because he played scales 8 hours a day! But he wasn't going to compromise that for anyone, including her! The love he had for music burned from within. His music will live with us forever. And with it are attached his emotions, his dreams, and his soul, a gift that he left us greater than anything he could have & he will live on through his music and we can forever share him with everyone. We are thankful for that. Dad gave us many laughs -- there were his stories....oh the silly stories!!! Dad would always tell stories about being with Wyatt Erp and Doc Holiday. He loved the wild wild west. He religiously watched Gunsmoke every night! He always had a dry sense of humor too! He would always say, "I'm George Washington. Have you seen my wife Martha?" We would laugh, mostly because dad would repeat the same jokes over and over again, and he got a fresh kick out of each joke every time. What we wouldn't give to hear yet another one of those silly jokes. When we think of dad, we think of his stubbornness, so much so that it makes us laugh. Dad was stubborn during life, too stubborn to let go at death until he was ready, and we suspect he was stubborn when he met God. We're sure he had more than a few things to say to God. And dad wouldn't hold back for any reason! Dad sometimes didn't think of things the way other people did; in fact, Grandma used to say, "I don't know where he came from! I think he came from MARS!" We would all just chuckle and he would look at us innocently. One example that comes to mind is the day after his heart attack, the doctor said he could eat something. We said, dad, we'll go get you something from the cafeteria. His eyes lit up and he said, can you get me two jelly donuts and a coffee? Dad had a stubbornness and a way about him that most people could never get away with and still be loved at the same time. He was like a movie star. He had so much charisma that wherever he went, people were drawn to him and wanted to be around him. But somehow, his gentle loving side also came through. Man, was he was loved. Dad also had a true compassion for people, especially those who were suffering. He religiously gave to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. He cared for his daughter when she got ill. During my dad's battle with cancer, we spent many hours with him talking, consoling, caring for and loving him. During those conversations, he would tell us many times, "I can't believe all of these people care about me. All these cards, phone calls and visits from people! Why do they care about me so much?" And he would have tears in his eyes. We would say, "Dad, they love you because you are special, you have a sweet soul. And you have to find in yourself what we all see in you, and love yourself." And he would say, "maybe I am a good person then?" And we would say "yes dad, you are a very good person with a sweet soul and you are very loved." He often said "I have to believe there's something else after this life. Because if there isn't, what is this life? What is it?" And when I see Barbara, I'm going to kill her first, and then he'd smile with sweetness and softly say, "But boy am I going to kiss her and hug her like you wouldn't believe." He waited unconsciously until only his children were in the room with him when he smiled with his last breath while we held his hand when he journeyed from this life to the next. At that moment, he was met by loved ones, his questions were answered, his suffering ended, his sorrow was turned into pure joy, and he saw the FACE OF GOD. Our hearts are breaking because of the extreme sorrow we feel. We will miss our dad so very much that there aren't words to describe the grief we are now going to endure. There is so much to say, but so little time and this eulogy won't do him justice. Good-bye for now dad. Until we meet again. Watch over us, pray for us, and keep our love with you forever. We will hold you in our hearts and memories forever.
  15. ADC's, Visions & Dreams

    I have a question.........I lost my dad on 12/30/04; I have been searching for answers, etc., on afterlife. I am getting comfort from site talking about NDEs and such, but I have a question: all these people that die and come back, never talk about their loved ones crying and sobbing; they never say, "I saw my family mourning over me and it hurt me" or something to that effect. If they do see us mourning, do they hurt over it? Are they sorrowful, or do they just float around until they come back? My dad smiled when he took his last breath (he was unconscious), and I wonder what he was smiling about. He waited until only his 3 children were with him to breath his last. Do these people see their grieving families when they are "floating" around and passing? And, do you think my dad saw Jesus when he smiled? We all screamed at the same time, "Oh my God, he is smiling!" HELP PLEASE...I am in despair about these things.