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jscmom

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About jscmom

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  • Birthday 09/23/1957
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Isn't this amazing, it will be 2 years since John died and I find it isn't eaiser. As every passing day the void in my heart gets larger. Easier no way..harder yes. I pray that someday it will be tolarable..easier I do not think so. We are not supposed to die before our children it just isn't natural. Oct 10th Johns angel date so was his birthday so was John. I am so angry on this new life we have to live. All the advise from those who haven't lost their children or who don't even have them. The everyday things we continue to do as if we are robots. We try to remember as if we forgot and when we do the tears fall as they did when we first got that call. Memories make you cry since we won't add to them anymore. Missing our child is slowly killing us even knowing my faith tells me John is with precious Jesus. My son's death is my slow death one foot here on earth for my girls and one arm reaching for the heavens to hold Johns hand and meet him again. Yes I sound angry because I am. I am sorry if this post offends anyone just one more of those days... Thanks for letting me vent...whew. I needed that. I love you son...memory-of.com Corriea-Hartsell
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    I haven't posted in many months and it is so sad to read so many new posts. This ia all so UNFAIR we shouldn't be here!! Tonight makes 22 months since John's accident and it feels like it just happened. The nightmares of my beautiful son in ICU for 2 weeks not ever waking up, I can't seem to move on the pain as we all know is unlike anything we ever expected it is beyond pain. What are we supposed to do now without our child. I have tried so hard to learn how to live the new life without Johnny but it's impossible. He is supposed to walk in and say Hi Momma what's for dinner? The slience is unbearable. He will never wlak in here again... I am sorry for all of us... Johnny's mom 3-22-82 10-10-04
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello everone! I haven't been here for sometime now and now that I am here I am so sorry to see so many new friends. This morning I am writing as John's birthday is March 22 he would have been 24 years old. This is my 2nd year and it sure in the hell harder than the first year never thought that to be possible. Last year we had the balloon thing with friends and family did the same for his angel day 10/10/04 but this time around I don't think I can even go to his gravesite. I have been thinking about this so much and my heart can't take it. This 2nd year is so much harder than the first yes the numbness has worn off but the pain in my soul is still so raw. I just want my son back... Thanks for listening... Johnny's mom forever 22 memory-of.com John Correia Hartsell God bless all of you
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    For All of us Parents...this was sent to me from my sister-in-law who lost her son 23 named George 20 years ago this month... For All Parents I\'ll lend you foe a little time a sweet child of mine He said. For you to love while he lives and mourn when he is dead. It maybe three or seven years or twenty two or three. But will you, till I call him home take care of him for me? He\'ll bring his charms to gladden you and yet his stay will be beief, You\'ll have his lovely memories as solance for your grief. I cannot promise you he will stay, since all from Earth will return, But lessons taught down there I want this child to learn. I have looked the wide world over in My search for teacher true, And from the throngs that crowd life\'s lanes, I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain, Nor hate Me when I come to call and take him back again? I fancied that heard same say, Dear Lord Thy will be done, For all this joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we\'ll run. We\'ll shelter him with tenderness, we\'ll love him while we may; And for the happiness we\'ve known. will ever greatful stay. But shall the angels call for him much sooner then we planned, well brave the bitter grief taht comes and try to understand. I hope no one is ofended.. Johnnys mom forever 22 memory-of John S. Corriea-Hartsell
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    For Rose, I agree that this site my be a downer but isn't this why we are here? All of us who post here are in a down mood. My God our lives have changed forever, no of us a or will be completly happy or at least I know I won't. We didn't wanted to join this site Rose, but we are here because of our losses. I needed to know I wasn't going crazy expecting John to walk in and ask whts for dinner? I needed to know it was OK to hate the world and all the evil people in it. I needed to know that my thoughts of wanting to be with my son were normal. I needed to know that it still hurts years later and no one can are tell us to move on and be happy and we have to do it. I have met many very caring and understanding hurting mom's and dad's who tell me it is ok to feel like we do on different days. And yes most days for myself are bad but I find myself getting through it. My heartache will always be I know this we all know this, sometimes we just need to vent and a shoulder to cry on who KNOWS this pain without passing judgment. I am sorry you feel as you do about this site. I thank God there is some place I can go even if it is to reassure myself I am not losing it. I thank you all for helping me these last 14 months. God bless may we all find some peace Johnny's mom forever 22 03/22/82-10/10/04 Memory of.com John S Correia-Hartsell
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    To all who have birthdays and angel dates this month my prayers are with all of you. haven't been here for awhile as it seems to get harder as each day passes may all of us find strength in the coming days. Lucette, Johnny's mom forever 22
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hello everyone I found this the other day with a Christmas Ornament which read Merry Christmas Hello From Heaven I love you all so dearly, Now don't shed a tear I am spending my Christmas With Jesus this year. The card reads I still hear the songs, I still see the lights, I still feel your love on cold wintery nights I still share your hopes, and all of your cares I'll even remind you to please say your prayers I just want to tell you you still make me proud You stand haed and shoulders above all the crowd Keep tryimg each moment to stay in His grace I came here before you to help set you place You don't have to be perfect all of the time He forgives you the slip If you continue the climb To my family and friends please be thankful today I'm still close beside you In a new special way I love you all dearly now don't shed a tear Cause I'm spending my Christmas with Jesus this year. Johnny's mom forever 22 3/22/82 10/10/04 I love you "man" It has been 14 months today since our son left us, the pain is still deep, can't help to cry, I miss you so much son, my angel in the sky
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    Erma, I totally understand how you feel. Johnny was not my husbands son yet he was the only dad Johnny knew. In the beginning after all the calls stopped, I wanted to talk about my son and my husband was the only here to listen but he didn't. I would try this for months I was so angry and sad. Long story short once he went to counseling with me he told the counsler that he did not want to talk about John because it was too hard on me.. the truth was it was hard on him as well. The counsler got him to open up since we know speak of Johnny all the time. This helps me even if is hard on him. As we were told a mothers love for her child is different not to say dads don't hurt like hell. The months my husband shut down, I began to journal this did help me a lot. i hope you can find some peace with your husband. Rhonda68 and Kathy: I agree with you, I feel like I am drowning and some one is pressing their finger on my throat. I am not looking forward to the holidays yet I have a daughter and grandchildren who need me. My daughter doesn't want to have holidays either yet her daughters do. It has been just a little over a year and I know I will never get over it, one half of me died when John did. Doctor says it will take a lot of therapy and love for a long time not to accept this as I will never get over it. He doesn't agree that it will ever get easier he says it will get bearable. We will have a happiness again but a different kind. And how long all our changes will take everyone is different. My heart breaks for ll of us on this horrible new life, I just hope and pray the doctor is right. Johnnys mom
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Just another thought, as we picked out photos for John's DVD for his celebration of life my daughter decided to make a scrap book of of John's 22 years. So far it is two books, the 1st one is baby to preteen and the 2nd one moves forward from teen until 22. It was so hard to look at still is she isn't done it is how she is dealing with losing her little brother. The books are beautiful and she is so creative. What I can't look at is videos once I tried and there he was alive I never so bad wanted to ump into a TV and grab him out. I could not watch the entire tape and have not looked at any othes since. Not sure I will yet I am glad we had so many pictures. God bless all, Johnny's momma forever 22
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Kathy, I am sure this young girl has more going on with her personal life and is using Nate to get help. I agree her parents need to know where she is. My son's ex girlfriend still phones me she too has his pictures everywhere. When she calls I listen as tears roll down my eyes,she doesn't know I am crying but I can not stop her from expressing her thoughts and feelings. John still had a speical place in his heart for her when we spoke last he ask that I will always be there for her I made that promise and I will keep it. Her mom is 45 and dying of Huntingtons 3 of her sisters have already died from this already. So as I listen to her talk of my son and the time they shared 4 years I hear John tell me thank you mama. I do encourage her to move on as I do with Shannon, I know they both will some day so until that day I will listen. Just my thoughts Johnny's momma forever 22
  11. I Believe in God...

    Mark, WOOOOO HOOOOOO! Tace care, Lucette
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Rhonda68, Please listen to your doctor. I did and it helped. Melt downs, I still have them. I did quit working as my type of work required a lot of my attention and was very demanding 24/7. I know this has helped me some. I may go back to work later as for now I still have so much raw pain and sadness it is better I try to heal, deal, cope, and quit asking why. Take care
  13. I Am Dying...

    jd31, I respect your wishes and I will not intrude, however my offer is still open, you may email me at any time if you would like. I do not pass judgement on no one. No one needs to be alone or feel alone. I know what that feels like and if I can help I will. Ouestion for you jd, who do you know that their apron is snow white? Don\'t be hard on youself but I do understand. You take care of yourself, I did not mean to offend you, Lucette
  14. Young Widowhood

    My friend Mark, My experinces with ICU is attach yourself to a caring nurse, they will find a way to go over and beyond. i had this experince for myself when i was there and also for my son. Mary LOVES you so much Mark as I do my husband and that is what kept me going. You know we all be sending hugs and prayers to you and your beautiful wife. As far as lap tops go it is easy to modify a number if you can't do it the hotel people will help you. Know that you are not alone we all care for you and one another. I was a widow at 21, well kind of I was 6 weeks from being married to my first love and he was killed in a single car accident drinking and driving. You do as you tell all of us friend, eat, take care of yourself, rest, and do something for youself. All of our prayers are with you and Mary. And to the rest of you may God be with all of you, my prayers are with you, I am sorry i did not respond as it is late I will be back tomorrow.
  15. I Am Dying...

    jd13yrs Hi there, how are you doing? You know I had to giggle a little when you wrote I had excellent timing, i have been told that for years now, think that there might be something to it? Just kidding!!! Jd, hiv since 20, I am sorry. I know this well, a my brother in law has aids and has had it for aound 10 years now. You don't need to feel lonely I will be here for you. I am a good listner. People still do not understand hI and or Aids so they will keep away because of fear if nothing else. They need to be educated a little and love a lot. How can your friends be angry if you did not put them at risk? Sounds like a excuse to run, I am sorry if I sound so harsh but I have sen the reality of ignorance. You did not mention family? Where are they if any? I pray you are not totally alone in this world jd no one should be. My brother has aids because of his lifestyle of being gay and not being careful. What happened why do you have it? I feel you are a good person and some how you got a wrong deal. Pleasw don't feel alone I AM HERE FOR YOU. So my new friend write to me whenever you want to talk. Lucette
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