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About ashleysmom

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 10/22/2063
  1. My daughter

    My daughter Ashley 18, died in 2004 in a single car crash. She left behind her sister and best friend, Crystal who was 21 at the time. Crystal ran from her grief, married, started a family and now, almost 5yrs later, is really having a hard time. I wonder if anyone here can help me help her. She is reaching out to me, but I don't know what it is like to be in her shoes, only my own. Any help would be greatly appreciated, Thank you, Dottie
  2. Lost my 14 year old son Ethan on 27 October 2008

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Your Ethan is precious. My heart aches thinking of those first few weeks after my Ashley died and what you are going through. I found this message board about 3 weeks after Ashley's accident and it was my lifeline, you have come to the right place. It has been 4+ years for me. A part of me did die along with Ashley, but there is joy in my life now, bittersweet, but joy nonetheless. There is always someone here who can offer much needed support. My love and prayers to you, Dottie
  3. Thanksgiving

    I wish you all peace today. Love, Dottie
  4. Loss of a Teenager

    Kirksdad, You will be in my heart Sunday. I can't imagine the day gets any easier, just different. Thank you for the inspirational post.
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Mommabert, May you have peace today, Love, Dottie
  6. Death of a Pet

    My 6 1/2yr old boxer, Gunther died on April 23rd. He was such a love. The comfort that big boy brought to my family has been immeasurable. He was there to absorb and lick the tears from our faces as we grieved the loss of our daughter, Ashley. It feels as if another link to Ashley has gone. I like to believe that Ashley met Gunther at rainbow bridge and we'll all be together again someday. This loss has been excrutiating. My husband asked the other day, "why us, what have we done to deserve all of this pain" I had no answer.
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Guest, I am so glad you have come here for advice. Many people in my life have said "I don't know what to say" so they say nothing. I had many people say if you need something, call. As Carol said, we won't call. We can't call. I didn't even know what I needed, other than Ashley back here with me. There were so many things that went unattended that first year. All I could think about was Ashley. Carol, your advice was perfect. I wish I had had that kind of support. You truly have very special friends. My family doesn't even call. Ashley's birthday is the 21st of this month and I already know who I will hear from, a couple of my closest friends. My Mom, of course, but that's it. There are so many people in my life, but very few true friends. Losing my precious Ashley has made my world very small. Most of that is because I can't handle the heartache that comes with stupid comments..."what's wrong?", "are you okay?", "you have to move on" Sorry, I'm already spiraling as her birthday approaches. It would have been her 21st! We already had plans to celebrate, imagine that! She was only 18, but already knew what she wanted to do for her 21st! I feel so blessed that those plans included me! I actually dreamt of Ashley last night. Only the second time since she left. Just a quick glimpse, the shy smile, the "hi!" and she was gone. I have only dreamt of her one other time. The night before my grandaughter was born. It was so nice to see her! I wish you all peace, Love, Dottie
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    However long any of us has been on this horrendous journey, it's all unbearably hard at different times. There are times I feel as if I can't breathe still. The blessed thing about the first year for me was the shock, I can't really remember much of anything. I know it was bad, I know I didn't want to live without Ashley here with me, but I can't remember specifics. I do know that each month that passes is another one without Ashley, another month away from her and sometimes that is a killer. 33mos is a long time not to have seen or talked to or hugged your daughter. At the same time someone here once shared that I can look at it another way, 33mos closer to seeing her again! It's all too much. On April 21st, Ashley will (would have been?) be 21yrs old. Always too much...can't write without crying..I just miss her so much. Anyway.. I hope all had a peaceful Easter, love, Dottie
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    To all, I wish you all a peaceful Easter. Love, Dottie
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Jo, I agree, the days approaching birthdays and "angel dates" are really tough. I start to panic a month in advance. I'm already in the anticipation mode of Ashley's coming birthday. She would have been 21 this year, 21 on the 21st, my other daughter calls that her golden birthday. Your poem says it all, very nice. I'm out of work, feeling sorry for myself, which I know I shouldn't be, but it gets so hard to motivate myself when I don't have work to go to. I broke my foot two weeks ago, so I can't be on it for long periods of time. I have read too many books and haven't gotten much done. I want everyone to know that even if I have not been here for a while, I am still praying for peace for all of us, Love, Dottie
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Joyce, I will be praying for you and your family tomorrow on your son Darryl's birthday. May you have peace, love, Dottie
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Debbie, My heart is with you today, your son's one year "angel date", the day the angels took him home. May you have peace in the memories you have. Karen, I understand your anxiety. As Lynda said, nothing is minor after such a devastating loss. My daughter was pregnant last year and I worried the full nine months, then she had to have a c-section and I was panicked! All was well but I still worried. To all.....peace today, Love, Dottie
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Karenb, I am so sorry for the loss of your son Jason, yet I am glad you have found this site. I am also very sorry for the loss of your Dad. My Dad died two years before Ashley. It was hard, but nothing compares to losing Ashley. I remember thinking, how shocked my Dad must have been to see Ashley called home. Ashley was 18 and had graduated from high school just three weeks before her accident. She had just started her life. It is so much harder because our children are our futures. Even though it is difficult to lose our parents, they are our past. It is the natural order of things that our parents will go before us and then in turn we go before our children. To have our children go first just doesn't make sense. We have two boxers and Ashleys kitty. They are our lifesavers. They are always here, ready to love us when we are down. I don't know what we would do without them. I recently had to put my older dog, Molly, down. It was really difficult to say goodbye. It felt like another part of Ashley's life was gone. Everything's changing and she's not here. I am glad you were able to get Zoe and she has been so comforting. I wish you peace, Dottie
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Vikki, My thoughts are with you today on Janeen's 35th birthday. May she have a happy birthday in Heaven. May you have peace. Messenger, I'm sorry I missed your son's birthday. I hope you had some peace in your son's memories. Rhonda, I am thinking of you during this tough time. I pray Richard will be with you and bring you peace. Dottie
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    To all, When I couldn't get out of my own way, (not that I'm real motivated now), a friend of mine said, try to accomplish one thing in your day. Sometimes it was only getting dressed. When I did that consistantly, I then set the goal for two things, etc. It sounds simple to most people, but it really wasn't. These things eventually became routine again, but it was in babysteps. Bonnie, Ashley died one year before on July 4, 2004. I don't remember much about the last two and a half years. I keep thinking I'm going to remember better now, but I don't. I have filled my memory to overflowing with Ashley and most of the time, I don't cry thinking of her. It still breaks my heart when I think of big life events (babies, weddings, etc.) I do have to tell you, it is softer sometimes. Sometimes it hurts so much I don't think it will stop, that's still scary. I've learned to just go with it and feel what I need to feel and then I'm able to function again. I wish you all peace, Dottie