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About ericasmom

  • Rank
    Erica's Mom, Dee
  • Birthday 04/20/1956

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
  • Loss Type
    lost my daughter when an AMTRAK hit her car at a broken crossing in Kalamazoo, Michigan
  • Angel Date
    July 14, 2003


  • Occupation
  • Interests
    taking long walks, reading, writing
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  1. MamaDukes, it is exactly why it hurts more now, the full reality of losing your Boy has hit, you knew it all along of course, but shock kept you going, kept you off the full mark of time. And now, that time will feel like a ball and chain as you find your way through. We are here to hold your hand and your heart as you struggle not be afraid to grieve here, that is why we exist here, to be able to tell our stories, cry if need be, listen to others, and grieve. Tell us about your Son when you are ready. Amyann, it occurs to me that perhaps you have not been able to grieve due to taking care of the Girls. Did you take on the care of your three Girls as soon as your Daughter died? It really could be dear, that the very best thing for you is to cry, is to have time and space to weep and fall apart some. I promise you, you will get up again, but when we put off grief for all the reasons folks do: taking care of young ones being the top one...we find we can't move forward much because our grief needs addressing.
  2. Amyanne, please talk to us about your Girl, and with hope, you will one day be able to share photos with your Grandgirls and let them see their Momma, let them see how much she may look like you and how much they may look like her. Keep talking, we are listening. Tell us more about your Girl, how she lived and who she was/is. She will always live on in you, so share her and bring her spirit to the front of the line here.
  3. Kate, may the check up go well...prayers for Ross' health. Laurie, so funny that my name was there on your phone, I was sitting with you. Love that story you told about the lady in the store...yes, we are there in the world able to assist others when they sense our energy, our open hearts/arms/spirits. This has happened to me too, and each time, I feel grateful to have been able to be present for others....One time, long time ago, my husband and I were at Erica's old old man was tending to a grave several yards away, and suddenly he looked up and yelled to us, " this young girl died when a train hit her..." I said, " so did my Daughter!" We walked over to him and he was crying over a young teen who died from a train hitting her in a town nearby.I asked if he was related to her, he said no, but met the family at the cemetery, he was tending to his wife's grave. We spent some time with him, listened to his story and he listened to ours and together we wondered about the little teen who recently had been struck by a train. Another day, I met the girl's twin sitting at the grave, and I went to her and hugged her, we cried together. Sadly, that twin actually killed herself a few years later...but I have been in the presence of others whose lives have been forever changed, and I can't help but wonder if we were somehow led to be near one another. Here is a sweet story that reminds us the grace of our angels. My niece Laura called yesterday and told me that she had ordered a gift for her boyfriend early in April, and on April 4th, Erica's birthday, she checked the tracking number of the gift she ordered: it was in Kalmazoo, Michigan where Erica lived for a year, and died. Random? I think not. Laura said she laughed and cried all in one, that her sweet cousin was letting her know she is around, not far. Becky, I am so glad that day went smoothly, peacefully, and that Jared played music for you all. Sweet boy. I am saying prayers for your friends and thier loved ones lost to the water. Susan, that baby has the cheeks we grammy's love to kiss and cuddle.
  4. Happy Heavenly Birthday JARED, you beautiful Boy. May there be plenty of music to fill your ever-loving soul and may all of our Babies surround you in a joyous celebration of who you are and who you will always be.
  6. Sandy, thinking of you. You okay? Sherry? It is soon Baby Lisa's birthday, how are you doing?
  7. Lou ann and Bob, I had a marvelous therapist who never lost a child but understood loss and its affects on one's life/lives. She worked to help me discuss every aspect of Erica's life and death and worked on the whole guilt thing too. I don't think that all folks that 'get us' have to have lost someone too. I guess I have been lucky in that though I have had a lot of bad crap in my life like many of us here and everywhere. I was sexually abused by my father all of my life, and a few times by my big brother who was 9 years older than me. my parents disowned me when I finally spoke up which was when I gave birth to a girl...This is why kids rarely tell, we know that we will be let go of, I was let go of at 28...luckily I have my sisters and have since let go of my two unstable brothers. As far as perfect lives Lou ann...I do not believe anyone has that, there are always elements of folks lives that are uncomfortable or disheartening, maybe not as horrid as what we here have had to face, but nobody has a perfect life. If we were privy to those who maybe turned their backs to us, we may see that our problems emphasize their issues and make it very hard for them to balance their lives. I am not giving anyone a free card to step on us or our hearts but I think for many, they simply don't know how to talk about our loss or how to feel at all helpful or whole when near us. It does not mean it is okay, but we have a role in this too, we need to reach out to those we still want to have a relationship with and say what we are feeling. We need to make clear to those uncomfortable that we are changed the minute we have a child so of course we are changed by their deaths. We can never go back to who we were before having a child, we become parents and all of our reactions and actions have been transformed and so this is also true when we lose someone. If we are anxious and paranoid...well sure, that makes sense. But that does not mean we are not still US, we still are those people you hung out with that we raised our kids next to yours, If my using my Child's name in many conversations, how is that different than my friends talking about their kids??? We sometimes and I know it doesn't seem fair, it is not fair, but we sometimes have to teach our friends and family how to be with us still by learning to accept our changes. I walked away from some of my old friends just because I could not take the petty **** that they felt was so important, but it was a hard thing to do...knowing that they would never understand that life is more than your affair you are having, or more than how much you spent on your shoes. As far as finding something to do: I think it is a great idea to volunteer somewhere whose purpose touches something in you: a food pantry, a dog shelter, a soup kitchen. Getting out and finding purpose gives shape to your lives, gives shape and energy to your days and we all need to feel we serve a purpose. I wish you goodness. I lost Erica when I was 47, it was summer, and went back to work when the summer was over, so after 5 weeks of grief went back to teaching, so I was lucky to have that job to return to, but I was unsure if I could still do that job, I was changed by a LOT, but that basic me was still in there, the person who loved to teach and loved to be part of a larger purpose. I am 61 now, and looking toward retirement in a couple of years, and hope to be able to volunteer in some capacity in a situation that is important in my realm. We have choices in life still, even though all of the control was taken from us when our child died, we have choices in how we manage this moment or the next, not a lot, but enough. WE can decide if and what we do with our day, and if we are lucky, we will keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. Bob, I know the VA is not able to serve folks like they should with all the restrictions due to all of the crazy opiate addictions. I just don't want you to hurt yourself and of course am glad to know you are not laying in the middle of the road doing what dogs do. I got a chuckle out of that. I have lost so many friends to drugs however, and alcohol, that I just worry to hear you taking drugs that can harm you. I grew up taking drugs at a very young age, along with all the messed up kids I hung out with, lost many in my teens but later on, when I was grown and a responsible parent and teacher, some of my friends just could not shake their need for self medicating, which I get, but they are gone now.
  8. Bob, alone tonight but not forever. I agree, your friend should have said no, she has other plans, but a lot of folks don't know what to say half the time...No more dog pills. Please go to the doctor to get some help with your pain and your tension. Have you ever had an intensive therapeutic hurts but it gets to the crux of the issue. Yes, you balance but we get off kilter in grief, your health matters. I would like to think that Little Dude Grandson, will get to know you one day, and it would be nice if you were in good shape and healthy...good for you both.
  9. Rainie, I have not met you yet, that I remember anyhow. There are however, a few days a month that I may not visit and perhaps you have posted and I missed you. I have been here nearly 14 years, my Daughter was killed in Kalamazoo, Michigan when an Amtrak hit her car at a broken crossing. It will be 14 years this July. I see beneath your name that you have lost two children...goodness knows that your heart has been busted up too much. We have several other parents here who have lost two kids over the years. I am truly sorry.
  10. Becky, I am so sorry for your friends, to have lost their boy that way is just too terrible. We know what they must endure now. To witness that loss is just too sad and too painful. I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers. As for you, I remember when you were able to get that speed changed in your area, and we celebrate that change because you fought long and hard to secure it. How are you feeling? Kate, glad that it is sunny and warm at your home, today we are much chillier than it has been, high 40's right now and cloudy Tomorrow, it will be a bit warmer and then Sunday back to the 60's which I adore. Enjoy the springtime delights. Sherry, you probably won't get this chilly from this weather pattern because you are further south than we are. I hope your flowers are springing up and the birds are busy.
  11. Bob, there are some bugs that need to be run out of town, pneumonia is one of them, I needed the meds and it still took a long while to feel good. I wish you healing. Laurie, the photo you posted is amazing. I think that your Jesse had one hell of a sense of humor and obviously, creative in his endeavors. What fun. Wow, that drink you had sounds like it was hard to drink, but probably will knock any bugs out of the system. I am sorry that you are blue, but I sure do get it.
  12. WHOO-HOO to Lady Gaga as well, yes, the talk is finally happening, and these folks who are young and have been affected by mental illness are leading the way to helping the world know that it is OKAY to need help to get through hard times, or a rough life. I agree 100% Kate.
  13. Gretchen, that protrait is gorgeous and wow, so glad to hear that the angel-lady continues to be a piece of your healing. Wonderful. Good to know that you are out there Girl. Bob, so your Son Jake was not always on the up and up, your heart still holds him as it always did. I think sometimes when we see some truths that are less than pretty, less than what pictures we painted, we feel cheated, angry. Anger is part of losses like ours. We get angry at the many aspects of their lives and subsequent loss. Its okay though, in fact it is normal in this new world that feels anything but normal. Try drinking your lemonaid without the vodka until you are finished with your antibiotics...allows the antibiotics to have their full strength. As far as your ex and older Son and all the aggravation, time may help this too, maybe. It may be that you have to clear the air with them, but it also may be that not answering their calls is message enough.
  14. Wendy, why in heaven's name would you know how to grieve both your Son and your Mom at the same time???We don't know how to do this thing, this act of grief, we just do what we do, we find ourselves scratching our stories into the rock and mortar around us, our stories are a part of us, we have changed, we are still named who we have always been, but we have changed by the births and by the losses...You are doing it Wendy, as best you can right now. Love the video of your Sweet Dear Son. Sherry, hope that Easter was peaceful and brought some of your loved ones home. Lot's of fluids Bob, rest and fluids, listen to the doctor on this one. I had pneumonia when I was much younger but still, I remember it as the worst I have ever felt...took me 5 weeks to fully recover, 10 days off of work. Weak as a newborn puppy. Body and Soul Folks, they are connected, when one is over-doing it, the other suffers too. Mary Ellen, I am glad that you were able to get out and do a few things on Easter.One day at a time Dear.
  15. Bob, I hope that you take extra good care of yourself now. You need to take your physical health seriously and get the rest and nutrients you need. I wish you enough...and peace one day, certainly not now, too soon, too much undone. But maybe one day. And if you can keep one day as a goal, you will provide yourself HOPE.