Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

ericasmom

Members
  • Content count

    8,596
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    3

About ericasmom

  • Rank
    Erica's Mom, Dee
  • Birthday 04/20/1956

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Illinois
  • Loss Type
    lost my daughter when an AMTRAK hit her car at a broken crossing in Kalamazoo, Michigan
  • Angel Date
    July 14, 2003

Converted

  • Occupation
    teacher
  • Interests
    taking long walks, reading, writing
  • Last Name
    conmy
  • First Name
    diane
  • Country
    usa

Recent Profile Visitors

9,583 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Leah, as the others have said, there is nothing you haven't done to help your family through the hardest of times...you did not cause your Daughter to become an addict, it is not your fault and yte it keeps falling on you because you care so deeply for her Children. They have a real nurturer in youand who could blame them for wanting more time with you? But hey, I get what you are saying, comes a time when we get old enough to know that perhaps we can't keep being the caretaker. You are going to need to take care of yourself, to nurture YOU for now and the system will have to work through the placement of the kids. I do so hope that they keep them together and that Sena can continue to have a lot of contact with you...I am so sorry that you have to feel the pain of anger and sadness with your Daughter again. Prayers and hope for you and the family. May you feel the rush of angel wings around you today.
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina, the 6 month mark found me in quite a pool of tears. I remember that I had all of Erica's friends over for dinner, they were still home from college, and that day a gift arrived, it was from my former SIL, Erica's godmom...a lovely silver disk with Beautiful Daughter written in Chinese, and hanging on chain.So there I was that day, surrounded by lovely girls/women, who came to make a mark on the 6 month anniversary and a gift from Eri's Godmom. I was touched and grateful for the outpouring and I count myself as lucky to have it. I still wear the necklace at all times, day and night and I still talk with Erica's friends on a fairly regular basis. It sounds to me that your people don't know how to discuss the loss and how it has affected their lives and hearts, but that they are making ways to acknowledge the Girl that they miss. Having Kiona's signature for the wedding sounds like a lovely way to have her cousin with her in the wedding. So I see that your Girl is being thought of and remembered...and I know that I have expressed this to others many years ago, but folks that are young like your niece and Kiona's friends, live in a different place...they live in a world that moves to a different pace and grief is something that looks and feels different than on those even 10 years older. They will one day be able to speak to how this sadness affected their lives, but often times, Kids/Young Adults, cannot express themselves on grief as they have not yet processed it. Hang on my friend, this new life is filled with little parts that cause you to react in ways you may never have reacted. It is all part of the new normal that you will find. Be easy on yourself for now...the way Kiona would want for her Mom.
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Oh I love winter, like Kate, the season offers so much beauty...I don't like giving up the daylight that comes with it, but I love the cold and the snow, I only hope that Chicago has an old fashioned winter as we used to have.
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dianne, those photos are precious...so adorable. Your handsome husband has eyes like your Son it seems. AND that BABY-GIRL? Pure beauty and goodness. Thanks for sharing on this miserably hot day. It is 100 in my classroom, we are going to go downstairs to a cooler hallway and do math. Wish us luck. Sherry, the heat is so terrible...isthe school your Daughter works at air conditioned? Susan, let me know what is still needed for folks in Texas...I will let the student council know if they raise funds where to send them. In the meantime, we have some letters kids wrtoe to send to Irma survivors (kids)...any address you know that would be cheered by this?
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    Prayers for all those in the wake of Hurricane Maria and for the sudden horrid loss of life in Mexico yesterday. Our Angels are busy helping out...
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wendy, God Bless as you faced another birthday...and God Bless Ricky and all the folks he loves...nobody can take that away. Happy Heavenly Birthday Ricky. I am glad that your family came together in his name.
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Susan, I like that screen shot of protecting ones heart. Indeed. Autumn begins this Friday at 3:02, but it will be nearly 90 degrees outside... holy crap! My classroom is hot on a cool day so this week is kind of hard, today manageable, but tomorrow and Thursday and Friday...less so since this room is 10 degrees warmer than the outdoors. After many days of heat, it really is bad. Oh well, at least we had a nice cool start to the school year, one week of heat is far less than what we usually have. Lesley, the lack of light gets to me as well. The third graders record the sunrise and sunset each day so that we see how much sunlight we lose and then gain again. It really helps them understand the seasons and the angle of the Earth's rotation. Tinay, fingers crossed that you and your Son can move to the nice place with the big yard. I so hope so. As far as sleep...heaven knows that the first year was a crap-shoot as far as sleep, some nights yes, many nights not so much...the second year was similar but a bit better...I have always had bouts of insomnia in my life, but it definitely got a lot worse when we lost Erica. I always have a good book on my nightstand and read and read to immerse myself in someone elses' story when I can't sleep.
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    Lesley, wonderful sign of Tommy helping out his Mum and Sis. I love that you felt his message. Sweet Boy. I wish us all deep sleep tonight, the kind that allows some repair.
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dianne, I love the feather information...so sweet of you to look into that. Laurie, I hope that your trip to Holy Hill fuels your hearts. Susan, what a lovely song, I hope that we all can join in on such a song, on such a meaning. Love the photo of you and John David. Tina, I hope that you and your Son can move if that offers a better place for you both. Remember that you are still new on this road, you and your Boy, so be kind to yourselves and reach out whenever you can for the assistance needed. I wish you some rest. Lesley, good to see you here too, reaching out and helping wherever possible. Kate, your story about looking at life from a new angle is important, thanks for sharing it. Today i took the Grandies to the local Nature Museum, where there was a gathering about monarch migration. There were many little areas of interest, caterpillars to look at and all sorts of things to see and do. We had fun. It was hot and muggy and I felt wiped out by the time we got home. I will try to remember some wise words that an author I was reading wrote about anger after we lose someone...she said it well, something saying that when we get angry, we have something that we feel we can control. Becky, Shannon, Sandy, Leah, Gretchen, and all the wonderful Parents and Grandparents we don't see often, we are thinking of you.
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thanks Susan, I do so agree, the stories need to be shared again and again, our written history for those whose stories are just beginning. Dianne, so so well said. Very beautifully put...one more loss makes the first loss even more difficult to deal with...
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Louanne, I am so sorry for the lack of sleep. My belief of God does not make him/her to be the one to take our Kids, but rather the one-ONE that provides a space where the energies can be, to gather and always be. Always. God did not put my Daughter on the train tracks at a broken crossing when an Amtrak was rounding the corner...God did not make the hurricane hit some and not others, or cause terrorists to make their horrid plans, or tsunamis to wipe out whole civilizations, rather these are acts of nature and human actions. My Daughter did not look to her right that night, the broken light caused by a blown fuse was due to someone not doing his job. HUMAN conditions. But I do feel her energy and her love and I try very hard to live my life in ways that make her proud. We do lose all control when we lose a Child or when a Hurricane destroys our lives or anything that makes us realize that we really never had control to begin with. It causes some of us to say, OH, all I have is this moment and so i am going to try to live it well and strong and with hope...we never had control. It leaves us feeling very vulnerable doesn't it, but really, it also can allow you to find what is good in a day and make small celebrations for those little good things. When we let go of thinking we have or had control of our Kids' lives, we realize that we are parents whose hearts are broken because something bad occurred but it wasn't within my control to change it, to make it different, it was in fact, our of my hands, our hands, it was never what we wanted or desired, it was instead, the saddest thing in the world and if we could change it we would, but alas, all we can do in the light of our Children, is live on this earth a life of goodness and service and love. Kate, that story from years ago is such a wonderful one, so glad taht you shared it again...it offers so much hope for folks. Laurie, I think that Carol from Massachusetts also had a similar phone contact like you had. I think that it is astoundingly wonderful. What a great communicator that Boy of yours is. Somersky, same with my husband but the night Eri died, six days after she was struck, my husband, (stepfather to my kids) saw the cloud that looked like ERICA, he saw the sun set through her big wonderful cloud body in the sky and turn this amazing shape of her bright pink as her big hands, (she had big hands) reached out for this other big cloud formation, and as it formed more and more, it was a big mans' face smiling. She was reaching heaven, she was letting us know with the color of the skies and the shape of her with her dreadlocks all around her head, that she was reaching heaven. We stood in the parking lot of a motel in Kalamazoo, Michigan, (I did not want to leave that town the same day she died, I felt I needed to stay in the town she loved so much before going home. She and My Son had lived together with friends at a house they rented.) My husband and I cried and watched and I would not go inside until the last of the pink was out of the sky...my phone rang and it was my sisters and nieces, they were driving home after leaving the hospital the day Eri died, back to Chicago area, crying and saying that they were in Indiana and saw ERica in the sky. So ERica let us know, and when I went into the hotel room the tv news was on and the first thing I heard? Hurricane Erica is a storm out in the Pacific. There she was again, letting me know. And one of her favorite songs...mine too, You are like a hurricane, there's a storm in your eye...Neil Young. Oh my Girl lets' me know.
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Sommersky, i love the telephone sign...it is awesome. We had a member here a long while ago that also got the telephone signal with their dear Child's phone number showing up...how wonderful. I do believe it helps us remember that our Babies are just beyond a thin veil. THat our Babies are with us as we move forward, and that they are celebrating our going forward. LOVE IT. Susan, wow to that about the feathers. I too would take that as a sign from your Sweet Son. Sometimes, we are right where we aer supposed to be. I am glad that the schools are opening but yes, those giant districts will have to pull thier resources and figure out how to deliver education to kids who are stunned by what happened, that can't be easy. Let me know if you know any third grade classrooms that can use a pen pal classroom.
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    OH Sandy, I am so sorry for the fear that struck your family when Rachael got ill...so very glad that it was not a stroke or a bigger event. What kind of migraine does such a thing. Prayers and relief for you All. And your brother, such sadness. Yes, I hate caner too, it has taken so many good humans from the world. Prayers for your Brother and you All as you face his leaving.
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    I hope that they miss too Kate...we talked today about how animals get placed on the endangered species list, and how sometimes the government takes animals off too soon, or wait until it is almost too late to place an animal on the list but how grateful that there is the list and what happens once an animal is on it. Good talk with 3rd graders, they are passionate protectors of the world. Fierce. I am glad that you are getting some well deserved rain. We are heating up now too, after some very cool and early autumn weather. I prefer the early autumn weather. However it will not get beastly hot so that is good, 83 on the weekend. We need rain as well. Have had very little. Divianz, thanks for your sweet words too. How are you? Oh thanks for the well wishes, it is the passing of time sometimes, the signal for migration soon for many of our winged friends, the crisp sounds of leaves rustling...today I had Annie Lenox playing...NO MORE I LOVE YOU...that one just pulls my tears right from me. I don't mind having those easy to cry days, it often helps relieve the anxiety that holds up inside. I welcome my tears as a way that allows and honors those whose love we carry for all of time. Forever my Erica. So I just now pulled a cherry pie from the oven...won't have time tomorrow to make it so I made it tonight for my Son's birthday tomorrow. It is his favorite dessert. I love pie, and I love making pie, rolling out the dough and smelling it as it bakes. Lovely. We will pick up the Grandies tomorrow at their daycare and bring them here to make some birthday cards for Daddy, and in thte mean time, their Mom and Dad will be at the CUBS game for his birthday. They will come here then after the game for dinner and pie. Hooray.
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Dianne, the men are healing...thank you. Tomorrow, my Son turns 36 which brings tears because I can't believe that it was that long ago and that I remember the moments of his coming ot me in crystal clear images, sounds, all. Just as I do in remembering my Girl, who today I am feeling all around me and I have ready tears, hard to hide. Some days are like this. A song tips off my spout of salt water and that is it... Hope and Love to All,
×