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About ericasmom

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
  • Loss Type
    lost my daughter when an AMTRAK hit her car at a broken crossing in Kalamazoo, Michigan
  • Angel Date
    July 14, 2003


  • Occupation
  • Interests
    taking long walks, reading, writing
  • Last Name
  • First Name
  • Country

Recent Profile Visitors

9,931 profile views
  1. Loss of an Adult Child

    Back from the Women's March in Chicago...300,000 strong. What an amazing thing, to be one drop in an ocean of 300,000 all gathered under similar beliefs, similar hopes, and such positive energy. I feel so lucky, and I felt my little Erica with me, and standing there with my cousins and one niece and one sister, united in a glorious way. May we find equity in this lifetime Ladies and Gentlemen, so that our children and grandies and their own children can stand in the light of justice and equality. Hearthurt, hope you and your wife take it easy and just stay home until you are better...plenty of fluids and rest galore. Those Newer here, the Siblings of our Lost Ones suffer great sadness as they are known to have lost the witness to their lives, and put that way, shows us the enormity of the hole in their lives. My Son lost his witness, the sister who he laughed and plotted with and against and who he taught and lived with adn shared friends with...he lost his snowboard partner, his partner in crime, his confidant. We must allow them time to grieve but also watch to make sure they know that they can grieve, and perhaps leave a few books about sibling grief for them.
  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Good for you Gretchen, talk from the heart, you will have some help from your Son, sitting there with that grin, that knock-out grin. And it is quite an honor and tribute to One who has made a difference in the lives of his community. Peace out.
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina, of course you don't know where you are with your grief, why should you, and this may be the best thing for your Boy to know, that grief is pretty huge when it is for a sister, a daughter...that there is unfinished legal crap that does not help your process...perhaps if the two of you started therapy together and then let him have some times alone with the therapist or the two of you continue sharing the time...grieving is never easy, but one day will be different than now...I think your Son was hoping perhaps, that you would see his words...letting him know that many adults do the same, we say we are fine when in fact we are not, but one of the reasons we do this is because we know that nobody can help change our situation and that it feels like help cannot happen...but it can, and your Boy may be very receptive to it.
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    I forgot that you home-school. What does he do during the time that you are at work? I would think that at 10 mnths since you lost your Girl, his Sis, it may be that the shock piece is worn off and he is feeling it all more than ever and with a med change, it could be hard to adjust. But kids his age simply do not know how to talk about grief, and kids often wait until they deem their parents on better footing before they allow their own grief, often needing guidance to steer through it but in no way know how to go about asking for help for it, nor do they always accept help for it. He also may be feeling a good deal of anger, which goes hand in hand with sudden deaths. I am sending hope Tina.
  5. Loss of an Adult Child

    I do like winter when winter is what it is supposed to be...but it isn't, the temperatures are up and way way down, then up to mid 40's which is 12 degrees warmer than average winter days in January in Chicago...and then way down, they up, and so germs thrive and are bolstered by this warmth...some may die in the cold cold but a lot of germs are thriving, I can tell you that the school is seething with them. I found some of my older journals as I mentioned last week, and in them I am worrying about climate change, way back in 2004 I was worrying about the increased temperatures and mixed up seasons. ARGH! Dianne, no, the school I am in is a high tax area in a suburb just west of Chicago, we border chicago. No way should this be going on in this town. It is sad. It certainly is not the stellar district that it used to be.
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina, while it is good to know you are out there, so good, it is so worrisome to think of what you and your Son are going through...has anyone from his school helped him with his grief?School social work is a start, but they should also be able to refer you to an outside source and if sliding scale is needed, to point you in that direction as well. I am so sorry that you are in this position of great worry. I so hope that your Son can find ways to hold on to you, to his Dad, to his friends so that he gets through this rough time. I am sending prayers/hope/energy your way and will continue to do so. Have you been able to go to work? How is your new job?
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

    Oh Glorious Day to know you are healing Susan, we missed you and were very worried about you. I don't think that I knew you had such a serious issue until your post before going back into the hospital...wow! Your family must be super relieved to have you home again...on the mend. What are your next steps? Must you do chemo or anything like that? I know that the smile on your Tay's pretty face is the same smile she has knowing that her Grandmom is home now. Heal and don't worry about reading so many days of posts, suffice it to know that we have all found our way to today...and that we have two new members. Oh Lesley, what a shock to the whole system/ spirit/ soul/ heart/ and the balance you have worked so hard to strike. I cried when I read this, and while the tribute is so honorable, so from his sweet friends' heart, it is so so hard I would think, to hear your Boy after this time and know that his moments in his short life have been recorded. Whoa! I am just holding your hand knowing that this would throw me as well. So torn between the beauty of the tribute, the beauty of your Red-Haired-Boy, and the tragedy of the split second. Hugs Girl. Tommy is digging that song I am sure, and hugging his friend for the notoriety.
  8. Loss of an Adult Child

    Lesley, I agree with you: Sherry, your words were so helpful to those whose marriages have changed due to the loss of thier CHILD, how could marriages stay the same when the world changed for you? So to give the hope you did about your own marriage and experience is like a piece of gold, and I tip my hat and raise my coffee cup to you. Colleen, it is okay to be grieving anew right now...for whatever reason, whether it being a benchmark like 10 years or other factors in your spirit/life, you need to do just as you are, letting it come through and find and discover its properties. I am at 14.5 years, as is Sherry, we still have these times of big blues, sadtimes that curb us for a while, it just is what this loss is. Our love is lifelong, so is our grief, not always in this shape and weight, but for now, it is, so let it be but if it becomes more cumbersome or makes living happily for more than a month or so, you may want to seek a bit of assistance. I swear by therapy, when I go down like this, I re-up with my therapist and do some meetings with her to find new tools. We change as we age, and as we age, we handle things differently and our nervous system changes...mind/body is inseperable. (can't spell). Leah, super news that you will have surgery, it is time to start feeling better everyday.
  9. Loss of an Adult Child

    Niques, I have heard of it, but you are so early on in your grief, I would say that some of the reliving is part of the process. I may be wrong but processes, even when so hard as this, are the necessary piece of moving forward...I am not saying you should not do EDMR...just wondering if it isn't mighty early in the grief process to do so. I have heard positive things about this and some who have not felt it did help, but either way, I almost feel that simply being with your grief is most important for the first several months. You will not forget the good moments even in these reliving of the saddest ones. I remember finding that I needed to change my physical self when the reliving became habitual...so I would get on my bike, ( it was summer) or call a friend or sister to make myself tune into some other topic to take me out of the reliving of the worst moments...until I could finally use these strategies to bolster myself against the PTSD I was experiencing. Again, if you choose to use this method, let us know how it is going and if it is something good for your journey.
  10. Loss of an Adult Child

    Colleen, the tears still flow for me as well, not as often but weekly I'd say, that weekly I get weepy or feel the sting of tears on the ready. I just figure that this is going to always be so. Lesley, no, the district will not ask for the money from parents, I reimbursed the fund with my money...and they don't seem to want to reimburse me. It is not the district it used to be that is for sure.
  11. Loss of an Adult Child

    Gretchen, weirdly, I looked at a journal I wrote in a bit less than a year after Erica died, it brought so many thoughts back to front and center...not that any have been forgotton, but less front and center, the ache and the counting each day...I know that if you decide to speak, you will use your heart to help you choose your words. Niques I am sorry to welcome you as we have our newest other patron...I am sad for you, my girl was 19 when she was killed in a car accident, train hit her car...this was 14.5 years ago. I stay because I feel that this is a place in which I can offer hope and because it becomes a bit of a family of parents who get what it is to grieve. We would love to know about your Girl and your life...when you are ready.
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    Good day to all, I am getting ready for a nice snowy walk...finally a decent covering of snow. I look forward to footsteps leading me one way and back again. Like grief, we find our way back again, while never the same, some things will remain a constant, the love in our hearts. Constant.
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Sandy, so good to know that you had time with the Grandies and that you are well...i know you take care of so many, I am glad for your energy and ability. I know that your friend is walking in the footfalls you left her, and that she will have to grieve as you did, as we all have had to do. How are her children doing? I agree, I wish it would just stay cold, mid twenties-30 would be good for a good month solid so that we can get rid of germs and allow our bodies to adjust to a temperature. I don't do well with the vast fluctuation. No, we are getting a light snow now, but had no snow last week, just that odd warmth after sub zero, and I hated that...now it is slippery out due to the snow falling. Our school had a water main break during winter break and so when we returned to school, all of our furniture was in the middle of the room and nobody there to help us move it and no delay to start the day after break...so I had to move all of my furniture and it sure did feel like disrespect that our district could not figure out a way to help all of us mostly women, move our furniture that morning. They would not let us come in prior to 7:00 am even though we knew we needed time to put things together...I also had over a hundred dollars of parent money for a field trip stolen from a locked drawer at school as did several other teachers...so i am a bit let down with my district right now. I feel that there were so many ways to handle this differently, but oh well. You drive carefully on the snowy roads. thanks for checking in. Hearthurt, sounds like the two of you just really need to acknowledge your pain and how it manifests...it will take time and effort, but heck, one never knows...I am older than you by several years, I am 61, so the movie you watched the other night is one I have seen many times and tonight, I watched THe Ghost and Mrs. Muir. Wonderful film.
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Sleep Laurie sleep, regain some of the energy that you have been spending in taking care of so many in your family. May you have a dream visit tonight.
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Gretchen, this is gorgeous. Will it be safe outdoors with the high winds that affect your area each spring? Hearthurt, I am sad for you, for your wife, for this new life...it is very hard. Like Gretchen said, marriages inevitably change because we inevitably change. How could we not? Perhaps you and your wife can find ways to read about grief and grieving and come together after you each read two chapters to confer...do we see each other in these examples? She sounds like she can't handle your not being the person she depends upon, but honestly, you need to grieve. Read some Elizabeth Kubler Ross or have her read some to better accept the stages (which are not at all linear)of grief. We go back and forth between them, learning along the way, the process is long and does hold goodness in it...it has to, because the Boy of your Heart is involved and he is the goodness, the siblings and the union you and your wife created to create these kids are the goodness. A respite from one another might be good for several reasons, but it also may make it hard to ever come together on the topic of grief. Having the way your grieve outside of her vision and perview is okay as long as she can see you in grief later on down the road. It is not neat and tidy, it does not get shoved under the rug...it is ugly and awful and sorrowful and it is depleting and it is also an amazing force when we begin to find our broken pieces and find new life in our old bones. Your spirit needs time and I hope that you can honor that. Are any of the other kids living at home? Dianne, I hate that this cousin took out her anger/frustration on you. I think that it has to do with jealousy, hers. I think because she never had the relationship with her Son, that you had with Michael, she begrudges you, even begrudges the times you feel his presence. I think that she can't relate and is angry. It is not okay to treat you like this, and you can let her know this either in a note, a phone conversation, or not at all. That she gave you a gift card to Home Depot for your help kind of says it all...utilitarian/no emotions involved. She keeps it all covered up which is quite sad really. You cannot change her and Lord knows, you should not try to make it okay for her to behave this way. If you leave it alone, will it plague you? If yes, then write her a letter and send it, give the gift card to someone in need and you will have let some of your discomfort go. I am holding your hand and your heart.